Make My Heart Beat
Read Make My Heart Beat Online
Authors: Liz King
Make My Heart Beat
The Shameful Regret Series
Book Two
Liz King
Copyright © 2014 Make My Heartbeat (The Shameful Regret Series) by Liz King
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously and any resemblance to actual people, alive or dead, business, establishments, locations or events is entirely coincidental. Any reference to real events, business, organizations or locations is intended only to give the fiction a sense of realism and authenticity.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means (electronic, mechanical, photographic, recording or otherwise) without prior authorization in writing from the author.
Cover designed by S.K. Hartley
Formatting by Natalie Jane
Edited by Jenn Waterman, Modern Elektra Editing
To
Momma. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. I miss you every single day more and more. I can’t thank you enough for instilling in me the drive to go after my dreams and telling me that I can do whatever I want. You are my sunshine and I love you.
Connor
Five Months Ago…
I am so not feeling up to this shit tonight. Why the fuck did Marcus have to book us tonight and tomorrow night? I know he’s just trying to keep me busy, but really, all he has to do to keep me occupied right now is send someone ready and willing to suck or fuck me senseless. Looking around Metro, it doesn’t seem like I’ll have much trouble finding someone tonight. Wade is already off in the back with some hot little redhead.
Metro is packed. Everybody wants a piece of Shameful Regret. They want to hear us perform so they can say that they saw us before we became “somebody.” I have the voice, Marcus lays out the best guitar rift around, and with Wade on bass and Seth behind the drums, Shameful Regret only has to bide time before we get a deal. I am damn proud of my guys. Wade may be the only one I’m related to by blood, but they are all my family. They are my brothers.
I walk around the side of the stage so I can survey the options a little more. I’m not looking for anything serious. I just want to fuck this funk out of my system. Finding a good spot to lean against one of the amps gives me a great view of the entire room. I see a petite blonde leaning over the bar talking to Trey. Trey looks over her shoulder and gives me a nod. That’s his signal that I’m sure to like whoever it is he’s serving right now. He’ll keep tabs on her whereabouts so I can find her later tonight. That’s how we work. I watch her flirt with him shamelessly as her friend stands off the side barely moving. I will have to find a way to ditch her friend if I have any hopes of stealing Blondie away for an hour or so.
As I continue to check out the tight little package I intend on opening later, her friend turns around and my breath catches in my chest. My heart stops beating. I lock onto a set of melted caramel colored eyes that burn right through me. My eyes travel down from those perfect orbs to the most unbelievable and juicy pair of lips ever made. My exploration moves further still to the swell of her breasts beneath a tempting purple top that is begging for me to pull it off of her. Thanks to the damn crowd, I can’t see the rest of her body, but my dick twitches just thinking of what she’ll look like writhing under me.
My eyes reach hers again and I still feel like I can’t breathe. She looks like a frightened little mouse. Her friend turns around and is totally checking me out. Sure, Blondie is hot, but she pales in comparison to the woman that I need to get closer to like I need my next breath. I see their lips moving while they stare at me; the sweet thing starts shaking her head adamantly and pulls Blondie away towards the tables by the stage. Perfect. They will be close by so I can find her after the show. I need to see her. I need to touch her. I need to taste her. More than anything.
~
When I walk up to the microphone, the screams of the crowd invigorate me. I only feel alive when I’m on stage. They help drown out the voices in my head that keep telling me what a piece of shit I am, telling me that it is all my fault. My eyes take in the barely dressed girls clamoring for attention from all of us. I notice Blondie and another hottie front and center, but not the caramel-eyed beauty that I want. I finally spot the top of her head. She’s sitting alone at one of the tables, messing with her phone. There are a few guys circling closer to her, trying to get the courage to make a move. They need to back the fuck off. I am claiming that prize tonight. She will be coming home with me, or at least back to my car for an hour or two.
I open with one of our more popular covers. As I sing
Lips of an Angel
by Hinder, I look at the luscious lips to my left, dreaming about what they taste like and what they feel like. God, I’m sure they would be soft and warm, and I'm thinking about the way they could feel wrapped around my cock. My jeans are getting uncomfortably tight, and if I continue to watch her, I’ll blow my load just like a fucking teenager.
Look away, Connor. Look away.
Engaging the rest of the crowd is easy. I’m sexy as sin, and everybody on that floor wants me.
We finish the set and I quickly run backstage. Marcus, calling out to me, stops me in my steps. “Dude, where the hell are you off to in such a hurry?”
“Need to find someone,” I respond gruffly.
Wade comes in behind me, laughing and swearing. “Man, you see some of that ass out there? Dayum!” He wraps his arm around my shoulders. “There was one that was right at the front, holy shit! She was fine as fuck!”
I think he’s talking about Blondie’s hot friend, but I don’t really care at this moment. I need to find that sweet thing from earlier. “Catch you dumbfucks later, I need to find someone.”
I walk backstage and down the hall. My luck turns as I see the object of my desire headed right towards me. Her head is down and she’s not paying one damn
bit of attention to where she's going. I lean back against the wall and just watch her. She senses me staring at her, and her steps falter. Right as she’s about to fall, I reach out and pull her to me.
My life the last few years has been a sorry excuse for living. The moment I look deep into her eyes, my entire being starts humming. Jolts of electricity surge up my hands and arms from the mere contact of our skin and the look she gives me. Sweet mother, have mercy.
I get myself together and look down at her. “Hey there, sweetness, watch out. You don’t know who you can run into back here.”
Connor
“Connor?”
Relief floods through my system at the sound of her voice and the feel of her hand tightening around mine. I pull myself from the memories of the first night I saw Lynae. I jump forward, cupping her cheeks in my hands. “Lynae, baby. I’m so sorry. Thank God!” I hold her face and just stare at her. I completely forget that Dr. Greene and the ultrasound technician are in the room with us.
“What’s going on? Where am I?” Lynae asks, her voice low and raspy. She looks around the hospital room, taking in her surroundings.
Swoosh, swoosh, swoosh, swoosh.
The sound of our baby’s heartbeat echoes throughout the room as my own heartbeat is pounding in my ears. My sweetness is awake. She isn’t looking at me like she did the last time her eyes were on me. The pain and the hate are missing. In their place I see confusion and questions, but I’m sure that the anger will be coming back to light the fire in them again soon.
“Baby, you had an accident. You fell down the stairs.” I lean forward and press my lips to her forehead, breathing her in.
Dr. Greene interrupts us. “Lynae, I’m so glad you’re awake. I’m Dr. Greene. We need to take some vital signs and finish your ultrasound. Then you and Connor can talk some more.” He presses the call button for the nurse to come in, then turns back to Lynae. “Do you remember what happened?”
Lynae tries to push herself up in the bed, but quickly stops and leans back against her pillows. “Ah!”
“Rest, sweetness. Don’t try to move.” I scoot closer to her side. I’m practically in the bed with her at the moment, I don’t know how I could possibly get any closer, but I need to be with her.
She shakes her head, trying to clear her thoughts.
“Lynae, you need to rest. You have a few broken ribs, and you’ve been unconscious for two days,” Dr. Greene informs her, as the ultrasound technician moves her equipment out of the way. “Like Connor said, you had a nasty fall. You may not remember much, but it will come back.”
Lynae looks so tiny lying in the hospital bed. So frail and weak, not the strong woman I’ve come to know and love. I feel like I broke her. Hell, I did break her. I just hope what we have isn’t broken beyond repair. I need her more than I need air to breathe. “Whatever you need, babe, just let me know, I’ll get it for you. I’m not leaving your side.” I need her to know that I am here for her. I will always be here for her.
“Connor, if you don’t mind stepping back for a few minutes? I need to examine Lynae,” Dr. Greene asks.
I take a few steps back, but I refuse to leave the room. I don’t want to let her out of my sight. Lynae’s eyes dart from me back to Dr. Greene as he begins to ask her more questions. She answers in a quiet voice. He shines a light in both of her eyes and makes her squeeze his hands.
I watch as Dr. Greene pokes and presses around her abdomen and my breath catches. I hope that pushing on her like that won’t hurt the baby.
Fuck! The baby!
I think back to Lynae’s body bouncing down the stairs. I cringe thinking about what could have happened. How is Lynae going to handle this news? My mind swirls with worry and questions.
The sound of Dr. Greene’s shoes clicking on the tile floor draws my attention. “Connor, I’ll let you and Lynae talk some. Don’t get her too excited. She needs her rest.” He gives me a pointed look. “But first, I’d like to speak to you for a moment in the hallway.”
I get up and follow Dr. Greene outside the door after I kiss Lynae on the forehead and tell her I’ll be right back. I don’t want to leave her. Even for one second.
“What?” I know I sound short and rude, but I have to get back to my sweetness.
Dr. Greene pulls the door closed behind him. “Listen, Connor, I don’t know what happened, but I can sense from you and the rest of Lynae’s family that there is some tension between y’all. Right now, the pregnancy looks like it’s going fine, but it’s very early. I’ll have OB come and check her out too, but she needs rest. She needs to stay calm. Her head injury needs time to heal. I am going to wait to talk to Lynae about the baby until her father gets here as well.” He holds up his hand when I try to say something. “Son, just be there for her. Talk to her, listen to her.”
I don’t know how it seems that Dr. Greene can tell that there is an underlying current between Lynae and me, but I am getting a fatherly vibe from him. “Yes, sir. I understand. Can I get back in there now?” I ask.
Dr. Greene smiles and opens for me to go in. I immediately race to Lynae’s bedside chair again. In the mere minutes I was out in the hall, she has managed to get herself into a sitting position, and I see her grimacing as she tries to pull the covers back over her. “Babe, I told you just lie there.” I quickly help her adjust her blankets.
“Connor, my mind is foggy. I can’t tell what was a dream and what was real.” Lynae’s voice sounds a little stronger now that she’s sitting up, but she looks scared.
I know I need to tell her what happened, but I really don’t want to relive our fight. I hate myself for the horrible things I said to her. I want to kick my own ass. “Tell me what you do remember,” I gently suggest. I take her hand in mine again. I need to touch her.
“I, um, I remember coming upstairs. You and Wade were sitting in the living room...” Lynae’s voice trails off. She is staring deep into my eyes. I see a flash of pain cross her eyes. “You… you said…” Her voice cracks with emotion.
I move to sit on the side of the bed with Lynae. “Sweetness, I didn’t mean a word of it. You have to believe me.”
Lynae pulls her hand out of my grip. “I was praying it was a dream. I was didn’t think that you couldn’t have said those things.” Tears begin to well up in her eyes, and it is breaking my fucking heart even more. “I want you to leave.”
I can’t leave. She can’t push me away. I have to make her believe me. “Babe, please listen to me. I swear on my life that I didn’t mean a damn thing I said. I love you. I need you,” I implore. I reach out to cup her face in my hands, but she jerks her head away, wincing in pain at the sudden movement.
The tears start to spill over her red-rimmed eyes. Lynae pulls her bottom lip between her teeth in attempt to hold in the sob I hear bubbling up from deep within. She shakes her head. I can feel her withdrawing from me, like she did when we first met. “Get. Out,” she says through clenched teeth.
“No. Sweetness, I’m not leaving. I love you. I’m sorry. Please believe me.” I grab her wrists in my hands, pulling them away from her face.
“I don’t want to fucking hear it, Connor!” she cries. “You ripped my goddamn heart out! I was hoping it was all a really fucked up dream, but it wasn’t.” Lynae pulls away from me again.
I feel my like my heart is being ripped from my chest. “Baby, please. I—“
“Don’t ‘baby’ me! I said get out!” she screams.
Two nurses come running into the room at Lynae’s outburst. Lynae is shaking and crying in bed as I’m sitting here motionless. I can’t move. My life is sitting there hurting and I am powerless to fix it.
“Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to leave. Now,” one of the nurses says sternly, while the other attempts to calm Lynae down.
I don’t argue. I force myself into a standing position. I look back at the love of my life, the mother of my child, my reason for living. I will make her believe me. I will prove to her that even though I am not worthy of her, I need her more than I need the air to breathe.
~
I push my way through the waiting room door, causing it to bounce off the wall. “Shit!”
Seth and Marcus are sitting on one of the couches, but immediately jump up when I come in. They have been staying close by to try to keep me and Sly from getting into it again. I don’t see Sly anywhere, so he must have gone back to Lynae's or Michelle’s apartment. Gabbi and Michelle are both working today, and I haven’t seen them yet this morning, but I know that they will be coming by as soon as they hear Lynae is awake.
“Dude, what’s wrong?” Marcus’ concerned voice draws my attention. He places his hand on my tense shoulder. “Something happen?”
I shake my head and fall into the closest chair. “I’ve lost her.” I can barely get the words out. It feels like a knife is digging into my chest.
“What?” Seth growls.
“I’ve lost her! She won’t give me a chance to explain.” The walls feel like they are closing in.
Marcus squats down in front of me. “Connor, tell me what you’re talking about. Is Lynae awake?”
I nod my head. “She’s awake. She remembers what happened. She hates me.” I groan and slouch back more in the chair. I feel tears prick at my eyes, but I won’t let them fall.
Seth sits in the chair beside me. “Fuck, man, when you said you lost her, I thought… Damn, I can’t even say it.” He leans his head back against the headrest, turning to face me. I know the guys have all grown very attached to her, even though they were all quick to jump on my side of things when I thought she had been messing around. I was an idiot. They were idiots to believe me instead of telling me to get my head out of my ass. “Connor, don’t scare the shit of us like that.”
I know I need to call John to let him know that she’s awake. And I probably should walk up to the lab to tell Michelle and Gabbi too, but I don’t think I can face them. They don’t know what really happened, but I know that as soon as they see Lynae, and she tells them, they are gonna hate me too. Aside from my guys, those crazy ass girls have been the closest thing to family I’ve had in ages. And John… I certainly don’t want to be around when he finds out how I treated his daughter after he trusted me with her.
“I need her! God! I can’t live without her!” I lean forward, bracing my arms on my knees. With my head hanging down between my shoulders, I groan. “She looked so small in that bed. Doc said the baby was fine, but they need to—“
I’m cut off by Seth and Marcus both interjecting at the same time. “Baby?”
“I let her fall. I practically shoved her! I could have killed her and the baby!”
Marcus, still squatting in front of me, shoves my shoulders back. “Back up a minute, man. She’s pregnant?”
Again, all I can manage is nodding my head. My heart is constricting in my chest. It feels like the walls in this tiny as hell room are squeezing in even further. I should be there with her when she finds out. I should be there holding her hand, supporting her through this, not sitting here falling apart. Lynae is hurting, and I can’t do a fucking thing to make it right. I’m the reason she’s in so much pain.
“Talk to me, man,” Marcus urges.
I look into the eyes of my lead guitarist and take a deep breath. “Not two seconds before Lynae woke up, Dr. Greene was doing an ultrasound. She’s pregnant. It looks like the baby is fine, but they are gonna run some more tests. He hasn’t told her yet, he wanted to wait until John got here. I was going to talk to her, but she started remembering what happened and started crying. The nurses kicked me out. She doesn’t want to see me. She fucking hates me.”
“Well, hell.” Seth sighs.
Marcus climbs up into the chair next to me. “Connor, Nae doesn’t hate you. She loves you, I know it. She’s just confused right now. I know that when she finds out about the baby, and gets out of here, she’ll talk to you. I was a damn fool to let you think anything of seeing her and Sly in her window. You were drunk, pissed as hell at the shit you’re dealing with, and your emotions run high when it comes to her.”
I close my eyes and lean my head back. My eyes are stinging. I try to take deep breaths in and out. My body is itching to run out of this room and right back into hers. I want to pull her in my arms, hold her close and make her believe that nothing bad can ever touch her again. A frustrated growl leaves my chest. “Agghhhh! God!”
“Alright. Connor, get your ass up. I’m taking you home. You need to clean up, and rest. You aren’t going to be worth a damn if you don’t take care of yourself too. She’s gonna need you, even if she doesn’t know it right now.” Marcus stands up and tugs on my arm.