Making Hope Happen: Create the Future You Want for Yourself and Others (14 page)

BOOK: Making Hope Happen: Create the Future You Want for Yourself and Others
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Recent research has found no consistent findings pointing to one racial or ethnic group being more hopeful than any other. No single group of people can claim it as theirs and theirs alone. So a wealthy African-American business owner and a middle-class Hispanic college student and a poor laborer of any race or ethnicity have equal chances of being hopeful.
Yet hope is not left to chance.
What makes the difference in whether someone’s hope is turned on or left inert? It depends on your mindset.

Finding the Necessary Energy in the Sweet Spot of Hope

When we’re in the sweet spot of hope, we know that our present does not determine our future. In the sweet spot we are able to evaluate our present circumstances, abilities, and resources realistically, without getting discouraged if they still need to be built up. We listen to our desires and dreams because they tell us who we are, and we notice innate talents that others might miss. (Remember, some class clowns do grow up to star on
Saturday Night Live
.) We also devote time and effort to the skills we need to develop our talents. In the sweet spot, we act as if the life script we are handed at birth can be edited and improved.

Hope is not a psychological silver spoon or an automatic by-product of IQ. Entitlement and passivity are hope killers. Our energy comes from excitement about what’s next and from the supporters we recruit.

Setting Your Mind to It

Imagine you’re back in sixth grade, and your teacher has seated all the children in the classroom in order of their IQ. She makes it clear that for her, intelligence is the final word on character and potential. What’s more, the children who have the highest IQs are the only ones who get to wash the blackboard or carry the flag during assembly. How would this affect your performance in her class? In the long term would it make you more or less hopeful?

Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck had that sixth-grade teacher. The experience sparked her career-long study of motivation, intelligence, and how we cope with failure. Although Dweck herself sat right at the front, she now believes that the effect on the kids at the top of the class was just as negative as it was for the kids at the bottom. As she recalls, “
It was an uncomfortable thing because you were only as good as your last test score. . . . So the students who had the best seats were always scared of taking another test and not being at the top anymore.”

Through her research, Dweck has defined two possible ways to think about intelligence and personality and how they relate to the future. “Mindset” is her word for these beliefs about ourselves. If you have a
fixed
mindset, you believe that your talents and abilities are set in stone—you have them or you don’t. If you have a fixed mindset, you are less hopeful about the future. You have an upper limit, and there’s nothing you can do to change it, so why try? (This was the belief of her sixth-grade teacher.) If you’re one of the “gifted,” you fear risk and failure because you might find out you’re less talented than you thought. You internal dialogue might be “These are the only resources I have or need to get to my goal.” You would start to miss cues about where you needed to make more effort or develop skills or resources to move ahead. On the other hand, if you have a
growth
mindset, you know that you can develop your talents and build your abilities. You have nothing to lose—and much to gain—if you try new ways to reach your goals.
Your inner voice tells you, “No matter what I start with, I can develop or find the resources I need as challenges pop up.”

In one New York City junior high school, Dweck and her colleagues taught practical study skills to a group of students, along with how they could learn to be smart. The brain is like a muscle, they told the kids, and it gets stronger with use. A second group of students learned only the study skills. In just two months, the students in the first group leaped ahead of the second in grades and study habits. “What was important was the motivation,” says Dweck. “The students were energized by the idea that they could have an impact on their mind.” She recalls one boy—a notorious troublemaker—who looked at her with tears in his eyes. “
You mean, I don’t have to be dumb?” he said.

David Yeager, one of Dweck’s former graduate students, now an assistant professor at the University of Texas, helped me make sense of that junior high boy’s question. “When those with more of a fixed mindset about their traits encounter an obstacle, they are more likely to predict that it will never get better, that their life will always be this way, that they’ll continue to be left out or excluded, and that their own deficient traits will cause their life to be less positive.” With more of a growth mindset, that young man will have a greater desire to learn and a tendency to seek challenges, rather than avoid them.

As Yeager’s comment suggests, mindset research has grown well beyond “smarts” to address all the labels we and others attach to ourselves. For example, he and his colleagues have shown that a growth mindset is key to reducing stress, depression, and aggression in adolescents who have suffered social rejection or bullying. Young teens easily think in fixed categories: They agree with statements like “Everyone is either a winner or a loser in life,” and they see people in black-and-white terms as “good” or “bad.” A teen who sees himself as a loser, or as someone who is just not likable, is stuck in his pain. Helpless and hopeless, he’s also more likely to seek revenge on the “bad” person who has humiliated him. Simple interventions that help teens see themselves and others as “works in progress” can jump-start the coping skills they
need in order to navigate high school—and give them hope for the people they will become.

In short, mindset influences every aspect of your life, from work to sports, from relationships to parenting. If you believe you can change and develop, you know you can move beyond your present limitations. This makes a growth mindset the natural companion of hope.

Messages That Neutralize Hope

Pursuing a meaningful goal is much harder when we face naysayers and devil’s advocates who cast doubt on our abilities. These hope neutralizers may actually believe they are well-intentioned and only want to save us from disappointment, but their messages typically do more harm than good. Sometimes they’re still echoing in our heads years after we first heard them. To stay in the sweet spot of hope, you have to put these messages to the test, use what is valid as meaningful feedback, and ignore the rest.

Beware of hope neutralizers like these: “Our kind of people just can’t do that.” “You’re not college material.” “You should be grateful for what you have.” “You were never really good at that.” “You have to be rich to make it.” They all reflect a fixed mindset, and reinforce the destructive notion that the world is permanently divided into “haves” and “have-nots.”

Maybe you’re hearing the message in your own voice: “I’m not smart enough for college.” “The economy is against me.” “I’m too old/too young.” “I don’t have the connections to get the job.” “People like me don’t get ahead.” If you recognize these thoughts, you have to carefully examine how much your view of your present circumstances keeps you right where you are.

Hopeful people are independent thinkers who crave autonomy. Paradoxically, this sometimes leads to workplace problems, especially when bosses and coworkers have fixed mindsets. Bosses who feel challenged by hopeful people may try to reinforce authority by discounting employee efforts and holding them
back. Colleagues may see initiative and energy as an attempt to show them up and send hope-neutralizing messages: “What makes you so special?” “Don’t be an overachiever.” “You’re making the rest of us look bad.” When this happens, unless there’s a major change in the organization, it’s probably time to look for another job.

Bottom line: Negative messages deplete you, sap your agency, and keep you stuck. Disputing these messages will help you reclaim your motivation for the goals that matter to you most.

A Desire to Learn and Grow

Young Tererai was blessed with determination, curiosity, and intelligence, but in her birthplace, a small village in Zimbabwe, she was destined for poverty, illiteracy, and unending labor. Her father refused to send her to school. Girls get married, he said; boys are breadwinners. But after she did her chores, she taught herself to read and write from her brother’s schoolbooks, and soon she was doing his homework for him every night. It didn’t take the teacher long to notice that the homework was much better than the boy’s work in class, and he pleaded with Tererai’s father to let her attend school. Her father’s response was to beat her for shaming the family.

The teacher didn’t give up, however, and finally Tererai entered the classroom she’d longed to attend, shoeless and wearing her father’s shirt as a dress. Her time there was short. After only a couple of terms, she was married off at age eleven to a man who beat her if he caught her reading—and for almost any other reason. By the time she was eighteen, she had three children.

Then in 1991, when Tererai was in her twenties, Jo Luck, the head of an aid group called Heifer International, came to her village. Heifer’s mission is reducing poverty by promoting self-reliance, and Jo Luck asked the village women a question that astonished them: “What are
your hopes and dreams?” Tererai still recalls that moment. “My name is Tererai,” she answered, “and I want to go to America to have an education, and I want to have a B.S. degree, I want to have a master’s, and I want to have a Ph.D.” (She’d heard of these degrees in stories of famous African men.) Jo Luck just looked at her and said, “If you desire those things, it is achievable.”

Tererai’s mother encouraged her to write her goals on a piece of paper, wrap the paper in plastic, and put it in an old tin: “If you truly believe in those dreams, you’ll see them grow,” she told her daughter. “Cover those dreams with a rock, and they will call you back.” Tererai buried her list near where she had herded cattle as a child.

In 1998, Tererai was admitted to Oklahoma State University and moved to America with her children and husband. (Coming along was his price for allowing the children to leave.) She thrived academically despite working several jobs, but the family was living in a broken-down trailer, she and the children were barely eating, and her husband was still beating her. It was only when the university tried to expel her for late tuition that an administrator, Ron Beer, discovered what was going on. He organized support from the community and arranged housing through Habitat for Humanity. In 2001, Tererai received her B.A. in agricultural education. In 2003—the year her husband was deported—she received her master’s. She was working on her Ph.D. at Western Michigan University, happily remarried and writing a dissertation on AIDS prevention in Africa, when she got a surprise call from Oprah Winfrey to appear on her television show.

On October 1, 2009, millions watched as Tererai described her passion for education and her effort to end generations of poverty in her family. Then the scene shifted to Zimbabwe, and the camera showed Tererai being greeted in her home village. There she went searching for the rock that had protected her dreams for so long. Digging deep into the dirt with her hands, she unearthed the tin and unfolded the paper on which she’d written her goals. It was nearly time to check off the last one. She received her doctorate in December 2009.

Statistically speaking, Tererai is an outlier, an anomaly, an exception to every rule. Yet many people have her potential, but are not recognized and supported at crucial times in their lives. Many cut off their own future because no one has ever asked, “What are your hopes and dreams?”

In October 2011, Tererai Trent returned again to her village—this time to visit the site of the new Matau Primary School. Thanks to a grant of more than a million dollars from the Oprah Winfrey Foundation, administered by Save the Children, the school Tererai attended for less than a year will have new classrooms for 850 students, as well as new latrines and homes for teachers. It will also anchor early childhood education and literacy programs for neighboring villages. Tererai’s current dream is to promote education for poor children, and particularly girls and women in sub-Saharan Africa. Her message to the children who gathered to meet her at her old school: “You have to be strong and value education and do not rush into marriage.”

Tererai Trent and the Elements of Hope

Tererai seemed destined to follow the traditional paths of her culture, but developed a hopeful vision of a very different future. There is something unique and mysterious about her drive to grow, but we can also see how the elements of hope guided every step of her journey.

Goals:
When Tererai discovered that she easily learned her brother’s lessons, she gave a name to her longings: education. At this point, the intervention of her brother’s teacher was crucial. Even though her father tried to beat her dreams out of her, another powerful adult had become her advocate and validated that her goal was good and deserved support. Later on, Tererai gave more specific names to her dreams: education in America, a B.S., a master’s degree, a Ph.D. She not only named these goals, she wrote them down and buried them in a memorable ritual suggested by her mother. At the worst of times after Tererai came to America,
when it seemed as if she could not continue, she could imagine those goals calling to her from under a rock in her home village.

Agency:
Tererai seems to have developed a sense of agency at an early age. When she told Oprah about her wish to go to school, she said, “I just wanted to sit at a desk and raise my hand and say something.” She was ready to jump in and participate, not just observe. Tererai was also ready to “say something” when Jo Luck asked the astonishing question, “What are your hopes and dreams?” Above all, Tererai knew the power of work. As a very young child, she had herded cattle, cared for her siblings, and done domestic chores. Her actions made a difference; they had consequences. In the Oprah footage, when she returns to her village, a group of young women greets her with a joyous chant. The chorus, repeated again and again: “She worked hard.”

Pathways:
Tererai is a hero of hope, but her story is also about the many people and organizations that gave her encouragement, opened pathways, and provided material resources when she most needed them. The quiet support of her mother was a constant in her life. Jo Luck and Heifer International gave Tererai a job as a community organizer, which funded her education in Zimbabwe. They also helped her get to America, but it took Tererai’s mother going to the village elders—who urged villagers to sell some chickens and goats—to secure the last $480 of money necessary to pay for her grandchildren’s airfare. At Oklahoma State University, administrator Ron Beer organized help from his church, the community, and Habitat for Humanity to keep Tererai on track for a degree. Tererai also inspired Oprah Winfrey to give a hefty grant toward rebuilding her primary school in Zimbabwe, which will create pathways for new generations of children.

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