Making it Personal (11 page)

What if I’m about to throw away the one man who completes me
?

 

The thought left him weak.

But even if Melissa hadn’t come along that day, you wouldn’t have done anything to jeopardize your future with the company, would you
?

Lying there in the quiet of his bedroom, Blake could be honest. Will had become important to him. But important enough to come out for him?

Well, I’ll never knownow, will I
?

Blake clutched his pillow. If Will was going to be out of his life, he couldn’t let him go with this chasm between them, a chasm of his making. So what if he’d blamed Will initially? He didn’t blame him anymore. He needed to clear the air, let them part on friendly terms. And the least he could do would be to find him a new position with another company, and give him a glowing reference.

Tomorrow. I’ll talk to him tomorrow.
The thought didn’t lessen the ache inside him.

Blake pulled open the adjoining door and peered around it. Will sat at his desk, staring at his computer screen, clearly concentrating on whatever he was doing. He hadn’t even registered Blake’s presence.

“Can we talk?”
Will gave a start, his e c stakeyes widening as he caught sight of Blake. “Sorry? Did you say something?”

Blake came into the office and approached Will’s desk. “I said, can we talk?”

Will looked startled. Blake couldn’t blame him. Blake had been an automaton in their conversations the previous week, keeping things strictly business. “Sure. Here or in your office?” God, the way Will held himself so rigidly.
I did that
. A brief feeling of selfloathing filled him.

“My office. Why don’t you grab us both a coffee and then come on through.”

 

Blake couldn’t miss the hopeful expression in Will’s eyes. “Okay.”

Blake gave him a brief smile and then retreated back into his office, trying to ignore the fluttery sensation in the pit of his stomach. When Will came through bearing two mugs of coffee, Blake directed him to the sofa and then sat down next to him. Neither of them spoke for a moment or two, until Blake couldn’t take the awkward silence any more.

“Look, first of all, I—”
“Can I just say that—”

Both men regarded each other and then promptly laughed. Will waved a hand. “After you—you’re the boss.” He spoke lightly enough, but Blake noted the nervous swallowing. He’d run through this conversation so many times in his mind during the night, but now that he was actually here, words failed him momentarily. Will regarded him expectantly.

Blake looked into those warm brown eyes and finally find his courage.

 

“Will, I’m sorry. I had no right to shut you out the way I have done.”

Will stared incredulously at him. “No, you had
every
right! If it hadn’t been for me, we’d never—” Blake silenced his words with a single finger laid gently over his lips. “Let me finish.” The words came out much softer than he’d intended. Will became very still, his gaze fixed on Blake. Blake withdrew his hand. “I admit, at first I blamed you. But I have to be honest here. I’m a coward.” Will’s eyes grew large, his lips parted. Blake smiled. “No, it’s true. I mean, look at me. I’m thirty years old and still in the closet. There are only two people in my life who know I’m gay—I don’t count the nameless guys I’ve fucked— and both those people mean a great deal to me. One is Dave Thurston, my photographer friend.” He paused and took a deep breath. “And the other is you.” He heard the hitch in Will’s breathing.

“Blake,” he breathed.

Blake held up his hand. “Still not finished here.” His eyes sparkled. “It took this last week to make me realize how much I’ve come to trust you, respect you, l-like you…” His voice caught on that last part. “I value our friendship too much to let it end like this.” “Is it going to end, then?” Will’s face fell.

Blake’s heart sank. “I don’t see a way around this, babe.” The endearment slipped out before he could stop it. He watched it register on Will’s face. “I’ve gone over this so many times in my head. The one stumbling block is not knowing how Dad will react. If I had
any
indication that he’d accept my life, I’d tell Melissa where to get off.”

The hopeful light was back in Will’s eyes. “Can you be sure he’d react badly? Maybe you’ve got it wrong. Maybe—”

Blake silenced him once more with his fingers. Will’s lips were warm and silky to the touch.

“I can’t risk it. This company has been my lif cs b. “Ae for the past six years. I’ve put so much of myself into it, that I couldn’t bear the thought of losing it. There’s still a hope, forlorn thought it may be, that one day he’ll look at me and say, ‘Blake, I’m so proud of you, of what you’ve achieved with Trinity. I think it’s time to share that achievement with the rest of the world.’” He felt a tear prick the corner of his eye and he wiped it away.
Yeah, some hope
.

Will’s eyes had never left him. “I understand, I really do. But if you do this, you’re denying a huge part of yourself. You’re going to be living a lie.”

“Don’t you think I
know
that?” Blake’s voice rose. “Do you imagine I haven’t lain awake all this last week, thinking about how my life is going to be with that
bitch
?” He gave Will a bitter smile. “I can’t even console myself by thinking she’s doing this because she really wants to be with me. She’s in this strictly for the money.”

Will huffed. “I whored myself out to survive. What’s
her
excuse?”

“Never,
ever
refer to yourself as a whore again in front of me, do you hear?” Blake spoke with quiet vehemence. Will became still. Blake softened. “I mean it.” Several seconds passed and then Will nodded.
“So where do we go from here?” he wanted to know.

“I’m going to find you a new job, for starters.” Blake locked eyes with him. “You’re damn good at what you do, and I’m going to make it my business to find a company that will appreciate you, and help you to further your career. Which leads me on to my next point.” He reached into his pocket and withdrew the metallic black USB flash drive. He held it up. “Let me publish this.”

Will gaped. “You’re serious.”

Blake chuckled. “Did you think I was kidding? Hell, no. I want your permission to pass it on to Beth to be edited. You can talk to Peter about any ideas you have for the cover. But I wanted to know—do you want to publish it under your real name or a pseudonym?”

Will smiled. “My real name. No question.”

 

Blake gazed at him with concern. “I only wondered if you might be worried how your parents will react when they—”

“My parents gave up their right to have any say in my life when they threw me out of theirs ten years ago.” Will’s lips narrowed. “I don’t give a fuck if it makes them feel uncomfortable. Let the world see what they did to a fifteen year old kid.” His lip quavered.

Blake clasped Will’s hand tightly. “This is me you’re talking to. They’re still your parents. You can’t forget the first fifteen years of your life just like that.” He stroked Will’s fingers, gazing down at their joined hands. “Have they ever tried to find you?”

“If they did, they certainly didn’t try very hard. As far as I know, we still live in the same city.” Blake watched Will’s jaw tighten as he straightened. “Anyway, enough of them. About me leaving here. How much notice do I need to give?”

“Don’t worry about that. You’ll stay here until the right job turns up. That bitch can just put up with it.” Blake scowled. “She’s getting what
she
wants—she can afford to be a little magnanimous.”
“Do I get
my
say now?” Will asked, smirking.

Blake laughed. “By all means.”

“Thank you.” He gazed earnestly at Blake. “ cat ow— Okay, I agree. You can publish it.” Blake’s heart soared. Will snorted. “As if I could stop you anyway.” Will paused. “I’ve loved every minute working here, with you. I’ve made some good friends, too—well, with the exception of Karen.” His face fell slightly.

“Oh, I meant to ask. How has she been with you since your… outburst?”

Will’s expression grew gloomy. “I never thought I’d say this, but I actually preferred her when she was flirting outrageously with me. Nowadays, every time she sees me, she’s looking daggers at me. And I can’t get a civil word out of her.”

Blake whistled. “Be careful there. You know what they say, ‘a woman scorned…’”

Will shook his head. “Tell me about it. It’s making life very uncomfortable around here. My only consolation is that it seems it won’t be for much longer.” He swallowed.

Blake felt a pang of guilt. “If there were any other way…”

 

Will clasped his hand over Blake’s. “It’s okay, I can cope. Big boy here.”

 

Blake winked.
“Very
big boy.”

Will burst out laughing. “Oh, I’m going to miss you.” He paused, a blush rising in his cheeks. Blake wondered what was coming. “And in case I never get the chance to tell you… you’re phenomenal in bed, Mr. Davis. You rocked my world. Literally.”

Blake grinned. “You’ll certainly be leaving me with some very vivid memories, that’s for sure.”

 

Will’s eyes suddenly lit up. “Can we make one last memory together? For old times’ sake?”

Blake’s eyebrows shot upward. “Why, whatever can you have in mind, Mr. Parkinson?”

Will’s cheeks were flushed. “How would you like to experience one of your fantasies?” Blake’s expression grew puzzled. “I’ve been invited to a… a sex party. I wondered if you’d like to attend with me.”

Blake caught his breath. “A sex party? I’ve never been to one. Have you?”

 

Will nodded. “Once. It was very… educational.”

Blake waggled his eyebrows. “I can imagine.” He considered the prospect. “Tell me about it. How many people would be there?”

“Three to four couples, max. Or maybe two couples and some singles.”

 

“Do you know them, the people who are hosting the party? And would it be a mixed gathering?”

Will snorted. “Oh hell, no. Strictly gay. And the hosts are a couple of friends, Stephen and Darren. It would be in their home. We’re invited by another couple of friends, Ben and Oli.”

Blake gazed at him with interest. “
We’re
invited? Interesting choice of words. These friends of yours know about me?”

Will’s cheeks grew even more heated. “I, er, may have mentioned you.”

 

“Hmmm.” Blake was definitely intrigued. “Okay, tell me more. What normally goes on at these shindigs?”

“Actually, if we
are
going to go, I’d have to discuss that with you first.” Blake tilted his head. “You have to know what to expect, and more importantly, what would be expected of you.”

“Oh, now you have my complete attention.” Blake leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees. “Stephen has built himself a playroom. Some might call it a dungeon.”

Blake’s cock suddenly decided to take an interest in the conversation. “Oh, reall c an
y?” He shifted uncomfortably. Will’s eyes had a far too knowing expression in them. “Keep talking.”

“Well, the only important thing to bear in mind is why you’re there. You’re going to be having sex with a few people.” Will was regarding him carefully. “So you might end up being the meat in someone’s sandwich.”

Blake recalled his words instantly. Heat flooded through him.

 

“So…” Will looked at him expectantly. “Is that something you might like to experience?”

Blake opened and closed his mouth, rubbing a hand through his short, black hair.
Oh hell
. On the one hand, he couldn’t deny that the idea appealed to him. The number of times he’d watched orgy scenes on DVD or the Internet, and imagined himself in the scene with those sweating, naked bodies, at the mercy of several men. Will really had nailed his fantasy. But on the other hand… Blake’s heart stuttered at the thought of watching another man touching Will, kissing him… fucking him. Will fucking someone else. That, he wasn’t so sure about. He glanced at Will, who obviously wanted to do this, or else he wouldn’t have mentioned it. He was doing this for them. Will seemed to be waiting anxiously for his reply.
I don’t want to let him down
. That last thought appeared to be the clincher.

“Okay, let’s do it.” He smirked. “Talk about going out with a bang.” He ignored the tight feeling in his chest that followed his words. At least Will would be there with him. One last night of pleasure before everything changed.

Will gave him a nod. “Okay, I’ll let Ben and Oli know we’re coming. It’s on Wednesday night, by the way.” Blake dipped his chin in acknowledgment. “Could we go there in your car? Mine’s having a few issues at the moment.”

“Yeah, no problem. We can sort out where I pick you up nearer the time.” Blake glanced at his watch. “Now, how about you and I do some work?” He winked and Will laughed. Blake heaved a sigh of relief. At least things felt as though they were getting back to normal. But even as he enjoyed that thought, what slipped into his mind next robbed him of all pleasure.

Enjoy it while you can. Before he leaves
.

Will stared at his TV screen, his thoughts focused not on the American police series that he routinely watched, but on Blake. He couldn’t deny how happy it made him to be on speaking terms again. Yet that happiness was tempered by their imminent parting.

He couldn’t bring himself to tell Blake how he felt. Not once Blake made it clear how much Trinity Publishing meant to him. There was no place for Will in Blake’s plans, clearly.

What did you expect
?
A declaration of undying love
? Yeah, right. Blake had called it a ‘friendship’. Will had hoped he meant as much to Blake as his boss had come to mean to Will.
Well, at least nowI know
. Yes, the sex had been very good, hot even, but apparently for Blake that was as far as it went. And it had been that realization which helped crystallize Will’s plans. The party on Wednesday night would be Will’s parting gift to Blake, the chance to help his boss live out his fantasy. Will didn’t want to think about it. Because each time he did, the thought of watching Blake enjoying another man’s touch was too much to bear. So he’d come to a painful decision. Despite Blake’s insistence that Will should stay until he found another job, the party would be his farewell. He couldn’t stand to see Blake having sex with others, and then see him at work, knowing he couldn’t touch him again, kiss him, hold him… Wednesday c…joye would be his last day at Trinity Publishing. He’d leave his letter of resignation on Blake’s desk for him to find on Thursday morning.