Making It Through (4 page)

Max, whispering close to my ear, startled me. “Don’t bother trying to argue. Next to my mom, she is the most stubborn woman I know,” he said with a laugh, his breath tickling my ear and giving me shivers.

Beatrice returned with a bag for each of us. “It was nice to meet you, Mady. Be sure to come back any time, with or without my nephew, okay?”

I laughed. “Yes, I will. Thanks again.”

We left the restaurant, and I glanced at it with new eyes. I would definitely go back there again. Max opened the car door for me, and I slipped inside.

“Where do you live?” he asked as he started the car.

“Not far,” I replied. “I’ll show you the way.”

When we pulled up to my house, Max let out a low whistle. “Wow, you live in this? Damn.”

While I had never really thought much of it, as I had always lived there, I knew our house was nice. My parents had good jobs and we never lacked for much.

“I guess,” I muttered.

Max cut the engine, and we sat in silence for a moment. Except, we both quickly realized it wasn’t silent.

“What is
that
?” Max questioned out loud, and though it wasn’t directed at me specifically, I knew the answer. I hung my head, embarrassed.

“That would be my parents,” I responded, reluctantly.

His head snapped to look at me. “Are you kidding?”

“Wish I were.”

“Holy shit. You want to go somewhere else?”

“Nah, it’s not anything out of the ordinary. I’ll be fine. Thanks for the ride, and for everything today.” I reached for the door but his hand on my arm stopped me.

“Mady, look, I know we just met, but I like you, and I hate to think of anyone having to stay in that house right now.” He snatched my phone from my hand. His eyebrows pulled together as he handed it back with a sigh. “Unlock your phone for me.”

I laughed. “What are you doing?” He tapped my screen for a moment before handing it back.

“My number is in your contacts, and my address is in your notes. You can come by anytime.”

I smiled weakly at him. “Thanks, Max.”

“Shall we meet again tomorrow?”

I nodded. “Sure. I’ll text you to set up the time.”

I climbed from the car and walked slowly to the house. As I opened the door, I turned back, and Max was still watching me, a frown on his face. I gave a quick wave and headed inside.

The noise from the screaming match going on inside the house hit me like a punch to the face when I opened the door. I bolted up the stairs to my room, dropped my bag to the floor, and realized that I still had the bag of food in my hand. Ah well, I might need the sustenance close by, especially when it sounded like the fight going on wasn’t going to end any time soon.

With a large sigh, I rummaged through my bag to grab my schedule. I picked up my phone and messaged Max.

Does 4pm work for you tomorrow?

Max responded immediately.

Glad you messaged. I was worried about you. Yup 4pm is good. Where do you want to meet?

Why on earth would you be worried?

Uh... you were with me when we heard the insane screaming coming from the direction of your house, weren’t you?

It’s not a big deal. I'll see you tomorrow. Meet me back at the library, I want to take you to a place I like to go. g’nite

Sounds good. Night.

A little over an hour after I had gotten home, Mom and Dad were still shouting at one another, but with slightly less intensity. I decided ventured to the kitchen to grab a drink.

I quietly made my way downstairs, my bare feet padding on each step, past the living room. I was about to go into the kitchen, when I heard something that would, again, change our lives forever.

“This isn’t working...us. We have tried and tried, and all we do is fight. I think it would be better for all of us if we just stop. I want a divorce, George.” my mom’s voice sounded cold and distant.

Divorce? I know I had thought about it with all the fighting that they had been doing, but hearing my mom say it was no less shocking; I leaned myself up against the nearby wall for support.

“Y
ou're
willing to give up twenty-three years of marriage after a few weeks of fighting? I can see that our vows meant so much to you that you are willing to break up this family.” Dad’s voice was sorrowful.

“This family broke apart the day that Matt died. Don’t pretend it didn’t!” Mom cried. She stormed from the living room and upstairs, where, a moment later, I heard a door slam. If she had known I was there, she didn’t bother to acknowledge me. I felt almost guilty for eavesdropping on that, but I couldn’t have brought myself to leave. I went quietly to the kitchen, poured a tumbler of whiskey on the rocks, and returned to the living room, where I found my dad sitting on the couch, head in his hands. My heart broke to see him like that.

“Dad?”

He looked up at me, his eyes red. God, I don’t know that I had ever seen my dad cry, other than the day we found out Matt was gone, and then at the funeral. My dad was a strong man; tears were reserved for the very worst of occasions.

I handed him the glass and sat beside him. He nodded his appreciation and tipped the amber liquid into his throat.

My tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth, and I felt horrible for it. There wasn’t a damn thing I could say to make it better, to ease any pain he was going through. Waves of emotion rolled over me—anger that my mom was throwing us away, sadness that my family was never going to hit any semblance of normal again, fear of what was going to happen with us.

Was this all Matt’s fault? No, that didn’t sit right with me. I didn’t want to blame him for anything; hell, I didn’t even want to think about him. Dammit, just one moment of Matt in my brain, and my stupid eyes were going to betray me again.

“You
all right
?” Dad quietly asked.

“Me? Yeah Dad, I’m
okay
. I should be asking you that.”

Dad sighed. “So, I guess you heard all that?”

I nodded. “I didn’t mean to. Wrong place, wrong time.”

“Well, I’m sorry you had to.”

I wrapped my arms awkwardly around his shoulders and squeezed; I don’t know if he needed the hug, but I felt like maybe I needed it.

“I love you, Dad.”

“I love you too, sweetheart.” Dad tossed back the remainder of his drink and stood up. “Well, I guess
I'd
better head out for tonight.”

I looked up at him, surprised.

“Pretty sure things will be easier if I stay elsewhere. I’ll be back tomorrow, don’t worry.” He walked to the doorway before turning around. “Hey Mady-Mae, are you really doing
all right
?”

I always loved that Dad had a nickname for me, unlike anyone else. I nodded and tried to give him a decent smile.

He smiled back at me sadly. “I see the effort behind that smile, sweetheart. The tear that just ran down your cheek shows me the truth. Hang in there. I love you.”

Shortly thereafter, he left, leaving me alone in the overly-quiet living room. I had tried to be strong for him, to show him he didn’t have to worry about me, and I had been betrayed by a tear. Stupid eyes.

I returned to my room with the thought of maybe studying or sleeping, but once I shut my door, I remembered I had food; I didn’t want it to go to waste. Even cold, it was the best damn food ever—my mouth watered between bites.

My phone dinged, breaking the food trance. I half expected it to be Max again. It’s not like I was hoping he would text me, but other than him, my phone had been pretty damn quiet.

Meagan and Chloe were the only ones who texted on occasion, just to keep in touch, but they knew me well enough to give me my space, and eventually, I would seamlessly slip back into our amazing friendship. I knew my girls, and they would never abandon me.

Turned out to be a text from Chloe. She had heard about my break up and was checking on me, sending her condolences or congratulations, I wasn’t exactly sure which.

Once my food was devoured, and Chloe’s text answered, I
lay
back in my bed, exhausted.

I tried to sleep, but the days events, especially all the family crap, weighed heavily upon me.

Life was throwing me and my family yet another curve ball, as if one hadn’t been enough. I only knew one thing—I wasn’t any good at baseball.

I sat on the front stairs of the library, waiting for Max to arrive. The day was cool, but the sun was out, and it warmed my cheeks. The sun’s warmth couldn’t penetrate through to my heart, though. It had been a rough night; I tossed and turned through most of it. Not that it was much of a surprise, but
I'd
hoped for a little reprieve.

I stared at the passing people, wondering where they were all heading. Classes had been dull. I had actually made an effort to take some notes, even though I was still in the process of catching up. In spite of my effort, I found my mind wandering. I was relieved when my last class had let out early.

Now, I was in need of some tea, and if Max didn’t get there soon, I wouldn't be able to wait.

As if reading my mind, Max tapped me on the shoulder and greeted me with a large, charming smile.

“How ya doin’ today, beautiful?”

I groaned. “I need tea, like yesterday.”

“No coffee? he asked surprised.

I wrinkled my nose up at him. “Nope, I never touch the stuff. Tea, however, I could live on, and I sometimes do. Come one, I can’t wait any longer.”

Max easily caught up to my brisk pace. “Were you waiting long?”

I shook my head. “Nah, my last class was let out early.”

We grabbed tea from my favorite little shop and started walking again.

“So, where are you taking me to study today, Mady, and what’s up with your bag?”

“You’ll see.”

A few minutes later we came to a lovely park with a surrounding forested area.  I walked to the edge of the forest and stopped waiting for Max to catch up. I looked around to make sure no one was watching before I stepped through the brush and into a small opening, just big enough for two and perfectly peaceful. Two logs were in the centre of the space, two ends pushed together to form a v. I pulled out a large blanket from my bag and laid it down across the logs.

Max joined me in the small space, a smile breaking across his lips, as he took in the scene before him. I caught myself staring at him standing there; I closed my eyes and tried to clear my head. I was being ridiculous. We were here to study, not flirt; not that I was flirting, because I had barely even said anything to him. Besides, I didn’t want him to encourage the idea of anything between us. I turned quickly to resume getting settled, a deep blush painted across my cheeks.

I sat against one log and Max took a spot against the other.

“So, are you going to explain this place, Mady? A minute ago, you were looking like a secret agent out there, but this” he gestured around us, “was not what I was expecting at all.”

I smiled wistfully. “This place holds so many good memories for me. I love it here, and I wasn’t sure if I ever wanted anyone to know about it, actually. I might be forced to share it, and I would much rather it just be here for me when I need it. Today though, I just needed to be here, and you’re with me, so here we are.”

Max had been watching me intently as I spoke. “I feel honored to be in on the secret.  How did you find it in the first place?” I could tell he was careful with the questions he asked. His eyes showed that he knew this was going to be a delicate subject.

I sighed deeply. “My brother found it. He brought me here once, knowing I would love it, and it became our little hang-out spot.”

We sat in silence for a while, birds chirping in the trees around us. Surprisingly, Max never asked any further questions. Most people would have drilled me with questions, regardless of how it made me feel. I liked that he hadn’t pushed for more information. I had known him for less than two days, but I could appreciate the kindness and patience he was demonstrating. I knew, right then, that I could trust him.

I took a deep breath. “I can’t guarantee there won’t be tears but I’ll let you in a little, if you like.”

Max reached over and grabbed my hand. The gesture set my heart to thumping. “Mady, you don’t have to tell me anything
you're
not ready to; I understand.”

“No, it’s all right. I told you about my brother, well, his name was Matt. From the minute we learned of his passing, it has felt like my heart has been ripped out.”

Tears welled in my eyes as I tried in vain not to cry. “This place was special to us; we both spent many hours here writing and chatting.”

A tear rolled down my cheek, then another. “He was the only person in the whole world who just got me, no questions asked; then all of a sudden he was just gone, and I was left with nothing. Nothing except a hole that used to contain him and all the things we used to do together.”

Max moved closer to me, wrapped his arm around my shoulders, and pulled me to his sweater-covered chest. If I weren’t feeling like shit, I would have seriously enjoyed being up close with his firm, well-sculpted muscles. My eyes were getting heavy, my body suddenly feeling like I could sleep for a week. How could that be, when sleep plagued me? I closed my eyes and let myself relax.

“You have a nice chest.” Oh, my God. I prayed that I hadn’t actually said that out loud.

He chuckled. Shit. No going back now.

“You like my chest, huh? You can’t even tell what it’s actually like with all these clothes. How can you know for sure? Maybe under all this,
there's
something wrong with me, like a third nipple or something.”

I shook my head. “I doubt it,” I said through a yawn.

“Why is that, exactly?”

“Because, from what I can see, the rest of you is perfect.”

I blinked my eyes open and mentally smacked myself. What was I doing? Flirting with my tutor? Argh, I needed to get some distance between us. I straightened up and away from his chest and back to reality.

“Thanks for that.” I gestured his way.

Max smiled at me, though his face was riddled with confusion. “Anytime.”

“Anyway, I’m not exactly sure why I decided on coming here with you, but after last night,
I'm
glad I did. I really do love this place and have missed it. We came all the way over here, and we have yet to study. Shall we? I even brought snacks,” I told him pulling out a smaller bag from my backpack.

“Are you feeling up to studying?”

I nodded. “Sure, why not?”

We pulled out our books and began, but I could tell Max’s mind was working overtime, and mine wasn’t doing much better.

I had read the same paragraph three times before Max spoke again. “So, what happened with your parents last night? I really was worried about you.”

“Last night was definitely not the worst I’ve heard from them, believe me. But it looks like it’s going to end. They haven’t had a single day without fighting since Matt died. Last night Mom asked for a divorce.” Saying it out loud again made it very much more real. I felt my shoulders slump.

“Are you okay?”

“I know I should have been expecting it, and I kind of was, but still, now that it's actually happening, it’s not a happy situation. Dad left last night, and I think this whole situation just stirs up so many more issues. I wish life could just go back to the way we all were, you know? Dealing with Matt is enough, and now all this.”

Max’s brow furrowed. “I now see why
you're
having a hard time keeping up.”

I tapped my book. “Let’s just get back to studying, okay? Things suck right now, and the only thing keeping me together is trying not to fail school.”

We studied for three hours, sharing a bag of popcorn; Max used most of his popcorn to throw at me, just for kicks.

The sun and the temperature had started to go down when we decided to call it quits.

I packed up, then quickly and quietly snuck
from
my secret spot, Max close behind.

We headed back towards campus and ended up at his car.

“So,
I'm
going to be unavailable for studying for a couple days. I will text you my next availability, all right?”

“Sure, sounds good.” I would never tell him so, but I found myself sad that I wouldn’t see him.

“Want a lift home?” he asked kindly.

I shook my head. “Nah, that’s
all right
. Thanks for today, though.”

“Do you have your car here?”

I shook my head.
“Not today. I’m fine with walking.”

“Oh, Mady, let me tell you something. When I offer you a ride, beautiful, you pretty much gotta take it. I won’t ever leave you here stranded after dark,” he informed me as he opened the door. I contemplated just starting to walk, but as if he could read my mind, he continued. “If you try anything,
I'll
just follow you.”

He swept his hand toward the open door. I reluctantly climbed in. The drive was quick, and I was drained, so in the long run, I really was grateful.

When Max pulled up to the curb, I felt like there was more to say, but I wasn’t exactly sure what.

“Thanks again for the study session and, well, everything else.” I blurted out.

He put his hand on mine, resting in my lap. “
I'm
only a text away. Give me a call. Hell, you could send smoke signals.”

I laughed. “Why are you being so nice to me, Max? We hardly know each other.”

Max shrugged. “Do I need a reason? I just like you. I look at you, and I see a woman who needs someone to be there for her. There's so much shit going on around you, and maybe I don’t only have to be your study partner. Maybe I can be someone who helps you find some peace. I’d like to be your friend.”

I couldn’t help myself; I leaned over and hugged him tightly.

“Thank you.”

Before he could say anything more, or see the tears in my eyes that his kindness had brought on, I escaped the car and ran up the steps to the door. I slipped inside with a hasty wave at the car and shut the door behind me.

When I looked up, Sam was standing in front of me. I nearly jumped out of my skin.

“Holy hell, what are you doing just standing there?”

She ignored my question, replacing it with one of her own. “Who was that in the car?”

I sighed. “You spying on me, Sam?

She laughed humorlessly. “Nope, just curious. Wondering who you've been gallivanting with as our family is falling apart around us.”

Anger coursed through me. “Are you kidding me? Seriously? Not that I need to explain anything to you, but the guy in the car was my study partner so I don’t waste the semester, okay? He was kind enough to drive me home. What would you like me to do exactly? Should I join in the screaming matches Mom and Dad have been having? I don’t see you jumping in, do I? Nope,
you're
too busy cranking music in your room to be a part of any of it.”

Sam just shrugged. “Whatever. Mom and I decided today that
we're
going to find a place of our own to live.”

Mom and I
. I noticed I did not seem to make it to that equation, not that it really surprised me.

I'd
had more than enough of this conversation, I needed to find some peace. I walked away without another wasted word and shut myself in my room. Why did people have to go and ruin everything. Max had helped me today.
I'd
left him feeling better than
I'd
felt in quite a while. But how sad it was just how easily that feeling had been wiped away with only a few words exchanged with my own sister.

I climbed into bed and shut the light. There was a ding for an incoming text. Max. A smile hit my lips.

Dunno why you ran, but that’s okay. I saw the tears and I hope I didn’t cause you any more hurt than you already have.
I'm
free Saturday night after the football game. Want to meet me at my place? My roommates can let you in, in case
I'm
late.

What did I think about going to his place? I guess that was as good a place as any, especially since he had roommates. Why was I feeling the need for a chaperone? Jeez, I was being silly.

You still awake, Mady?