Manage Me (Toven's Circus #1) (16 page)

She tries to shake her head, to shake off the apology, but I don’t let her. “I was an ass and lost my cool. I should have taken a second but I didn’t and I am sorry. I had just been talking with Finn and Ashton about some shit and it had me spun up. Walking in here, I just wasn’t expecting to see what I saw. Will you forgive me?” Nell lightly nods. The look of fear in her eyes is gone and she tries out a smile. I lean forward brushing my lips softly against hers but not kissing her. I need her to give me the okay and luckily I don’t have to wait long before she leans into me, sealing our lips together.

We kiss lightly at first, but her hands soon weave up into my hair and I wind my arms around her pulling her close. Nibbling on her lips while she releases a sweet gasp but before I get to really dive into her, she coyly pushes me back.  

“I forgive you, but Jaden, I am only going to say thing once and you better believe it. I’m not in this because you’re Jaden fucking James. In fact, it would be a whole fucking lot easier if you weren’t. I’m not a star fucker, I don’t fuck just anything with a dick, and I especially don’t cheat.” Her eyes are hard staring me down.

“I hear you and I promise you I will never accuse you again.” I wrap her face up in my hands and brush her cheek with my thumb, on the verge of pouring my heart out but chicken out at the last second fastening my mouth to hers.

“So what were you talking about with Finn and Ashton that had you all spun up?” She asks pushing back again. Damn it, I was hoping to not talk about this now. But after being such a douche I know I own her more of an explanation. Nell patiently waits me out.

“My ex.” I pause, maybe she’ll be satisfied with that…

“Annnnnd?” Arching a blonde brow and folding her arms over her chest.

Damn it.

“And how she royally fucked me up.” I take a deep breath, readying myself to spill my guts. “I’d known…Courtney,” I choke over the name, “for years. She was the only kid on the street my age to play with, so we ended up falling in together. When high school hit, we eventually started dating. She was my first girlfriend, my first kiss, and my first love. We lost our virginity to each other, and thought we would be together forever. She loved the band, loved coming to see us practice, and always made it to every show. After we all graduated, it became all about the music for us but Court was still there. She worked and was in school. I made it through a couple semesters but it just wasn’t for me, music was, and school was taking my time away from the band.” I run my hands through my hair and pause, I hate talking about this time. Nell pulls me over to the bed and pushes me to sit. She sits down next to me, grabbing my hand, resting it on her bare knee. Offering me silent support to continue my story.

“Toven’s Circus was quickly building a following in Portland and we were getting booked at bigger places. A few labels came out to talk to us but no one had made any offers yet. After quitting school, I got a job making pizzas. We all worked crappy jobs and put any extra money towards studio time. Court and I started having fights about how much I was devoting to the band. She was ready to settle down, wanted me to get a real job so we could move in together. I didn’t not want to settle down and have a family someday, but I didn’t want it when I was 19 years old. I wanted my music, I wanted my band. I wanted to see, to travel, and share my music with the world. Despite our issues, we stayed together.

“When we heard that Craven was interested and sending someone to see us play, we were out of our minds excited. Our big break was right there and we just needed to focus. We wrote some new songs and practiced until everything was perfect. The night finally came and we were air tight, playing better than ever before.” I am grinning ear to ear at the memory.

“It turns out that your Dad decided  to come in person to see us instead of sending someone else. He offered a deal at the end of our set. We naively signed the contract right then and there, we were lucky it was a good deal, because he could have royally screwed us. But your dad is a good guy.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know how wonderful and noble my father is, keep going.” Nell says rolling her eyes.

“Yeah okay, Princess.” She laughs, punching out to hit my arm but I grab her, pulling her into me for a kiss. Despite the heaviness of the conversation, I can’t seem to keep my hands off her for long. I nibble on her jaw to her neck, wanting to get her under me again, but she pushes me back again with the sweetest giggle.

“Nice try Casanova, but you aren’t going to distract me that easily.”

Letting out a frustrated breath I flop back on the bed and stare at the ceiling while I tell the rest.

“So, we signed with your Dad and quickly invited everyone we knew to a huge celebration party at Finn’s house. We were all having a great time drinking and partying. I lost track of Court at some point and just continued hanging out with all my friends. We were told that we would be going out to L.A. to record some tracks, see how things go. They were even signing us up to go on the Warped Tour for the summer. So we knew that we were going to be leaving soon.” I pause racking my hands through my hair, buying some time, I have never spoke about this last part to anyone.

“In my drunken haze, I remember thinking I hadn’t seen Court in a while and got worried. I started wandering around looking for her. I wanted to make sure she wasn’t puking or hurt somewhere.” I can feel myself go back to that night, stumbling around Finn’s house trying to find my girl. “I made my way around the house, eventually heading upstairs. People were everywhere but I wasn’t seeing Court anywhere. I started opening doors and eventually made my way to Finn’s parents’ bedroom. They weren’t home and had no idea that we were having the party.”

My thought’s drifted away for a minute, back to that hallway leaning against the wall in front of the door that would change my outlook on life. “So anyway, I get to their door and knock. Why, I have no idea. I assumed no one was in there but wanted to make sure. Opening the door I can hear moaning and grunting. I realize that I know those moans…Court was naked bouncing on some guy’s dick, whose grabbing her tits like a fucking porn star. I flipped out and ran into the room. I grabbed her arm tossing her to the ground before jumping on the guy, beating my fists into him. I go kind of crazy, but then Finn and Ryker are there pulling me off the guy. Courtney is sitting on the floor crying, but I start screaming at her. How could she be fucking someone else, with me right downstairs?

“She let me yell until she had enough and started yelling back. She started yelling about how much she hated the band, how she hoped that we would never get anywhere, and that I would get a real job. She admitted that she’d been cheating for a while, hoping to find someone to replace me. I completely lost my shit at that, Ryker and Finn tackled me, while Ashton grabbed Courtney to throw her out of the house.”

I lay quietly, gazing blankly at the ceiling. “We all agreed to never mention what happened or mention her name again.  We left for L.A. the next day.” I know that I allowed her to make me shut out all females. I hadn’t had a relationship since and no one ever got under my skin an inch, until Nell.

“Wow…that’s insane, like, reeally insane.” Nell says seeming a little shocked. “That’s like shit that happens on Jerry Springer insane. She never called or tried to contact you again?”

“No. Things blew up for us and it’s been non-stop ever since.” I say with a shrug.

“And you have never dated anyone this whole time?”

“The girl I knew for 12 years lied, cheated, and tried to trap me with a kid that wouldn’t have been mine.” I turn on my side to face her, resting my fist against my temple ”I haven’t wanted to risk putting my trust out there again,” I reach out laying my hand against her bare neck, lightly brushing my thumb along her soft skin feeling her heart rate pick up. Goose bumps break out on her skin as I search her eyes. “Then I met you, Nell, and your sad eyes have just pulled me in. I want to make your eyes shine with a happiness so bright that it washes away all of the sadness in them forever.” Her eyes glaze over with tears and before they can fall I catch her lips with mine.

Chapter 23

Jaden

She takes the sweet kisses that I offer, slow and lazy at first but the heat between us starts to stir, and I move closer into her. I lift my body up, not breaking our lips, settling one knee between her thighs, then the other as I make room for myself to settle my pulsating length against her center, and I can feel her heat coming through our layers of clothes. My hand on the side of her neck moves around the backside so I can pull our mouths together, deepening the kiss. Her soft hands slip under the back of my shirt, sliding up to my shoulder then dragging her nails down, causing me to pause and release a hiss, jerking forward, pushing my hardened cock roughly into her center. Her deep moan escapes into my mouth.

Breaking the kiss, she gives me a wicked grin before hooking her leg on to my hips, and flipping us over so she is sitting on top, her hot slit aligning with my cock.

“I’ve always liked being on top,” she says in a soft sexy voice, shifting her hips to grind against my aching cock and realigning our lips. I grip on to her hips encouraging her movement. She slides up my shirt, her fingers gliding over the rippled muscles of my stomach and chest. When I grip both of her wrist in my large hands, trapping them from anymore movement, she pulls her mouth away from mine with a confused look on her face.

“Everything okay?” she asks me. I look up at her, seeing this amazing girl that deserves so much and decide that for her, I will try. I will open myself to her, trust her in my life, maybe even into my heart.

“We head to Seattle tomorrow and I’ve planned a surprise for you.” A grin spreads across her pretty face. I release one of her wrists to brush her hair behind her ear.

“Really, a surprise? What is it?” She pokes a finger into my rib causing a wild snort to escape as my stomach muscles contract. “Oh no! Don’t tell me the big bad rock star is ticklish!” she laughs digging her hands into my sides.

My body’s natural defense is to panic when these areas are grabbed. They do their job well making me squirm, wiggle, and jerk around. Nell is laughing like a loon, while I gasp at the air trying my hardest to fight the giggles that wants to burst out of me.

I feel like I am in a fight for my life, when I finally pin Nell beneath my heavy body, her hands both trapped back in mine. She’s stretched out below me, her tiny tank top baring her smooth flat stomach. Her breasts heaving from her struggle to keep me under her. Her hair is disheveled laying across her face, so I use my extra hand to wipe it free.

With her trapped, I look my fill before moving my hand to the soft skin of her stomach. Brushing my knuckles back and forth then gliding it up to her breast, flicking the nipple that is straining toward me. She lets out a soft mewing and I lean down to grasp the covered nub with my teeth, griping down then flicking it with my tongue before sucking it to my wet mouth. Nell’s soft mewing increase to a moan. Her hips flex up as I grab the fullness of her breast in my hand, squeezing as I continue my assault on her nipple.

She struggles to escape my hold on her hands, I stop my feasting on her nipple looking up at her hard eyes.

“You will stay still, or I will cuff you to the bed.” Her eyes widen is shock at my threat and we stare at one another for several long seconds, while she decides if she is going to behave. She relinquishes her control to me, relaxing her arms, sucking her bottom lip into her mouth, and pushing her breasts towards me for more. A grumble in my chest escapes expressing my approval of her submission. I reward her by striking fast, gripping her nipple in my teeth. A gasp is released from her lips and she arches into me.