Mandarin Orange: Sweet and Sour (18 page)

“Because I’ve always been willing to tell you about my sexual exploits and that
always
makes you blush like a little girl?” Riley suggested, but then he did feel himself flushing a bit. “But this is different, Jer. I don’t know why -- I mean, yeah, Kelly’s a dude, but that’s not it. I don’t know. I just really like him, okay? And I fucking hate that he won’t even look at me. It’s pissing me more and more the fuck off, man.” Riley frowned. “And for the record, there was no fucking cheese in bed with us last night.”

Jeremy made that weird sound again. “Frottage, Riley. Not
fromage
. It means rub, or close enough. Uh, frottage does.
Fromage
really is cheese.”

“Like I know all your weird-ass gay terms.” Except Riley did. He’d only frowned and mentioned cheese to fuck with Jer. “So that’s what happened. Now, what do I fucking do about it? If I could change things and all of a sudden
not
be straight, maybe I would, for him. But I can’t. And I guess he won’t fuck me unless I’m gay, so where the fuck does that leave me?”

Jeremy shook his head and pushed himself up from the couch. “Seriously, man, I need another beer. Or tequila. This might be a tequila conversation.”

Riley chuckled and got up, as well, following his friend into the kitchen. “Dude. You need a fucking soda. You have even one more Heineken, I’m the one who’ll have to explain to Ballard about you being passed out. Or fucking rambling about whatever shit pops into your head.” He pushed Jeremy toward the small kitchen table, then took a Sprite from the fridge for Jer, along with one more beer for himself. “At least you’re a cheap date.”

“Fuck off,” Jeremy grumbled, but he took the Sprite and opened it. “So, wait. Did you say you wanted Kelly to... you know what? Never mind. I’ve been drinking.”

“I asked him to fuck me,” Riley said bluntly. “And he wouldn’t. He said some shit about sex being bad for friendships, but then he said some other shit. That I was just curious or whatever. So I’m thinking
he
thinks I’m just fucking around.”

“But you’re not.” There wasn’t any sort of questioning tone in Jer’s voice, at first. “You seriously want Kelly to fuck you.
Why
? I mean, most straight guys who get all... in touch with their inner queer? Well, they usually want to do the, um...”

Riley smirked. “Fucking?” Jeremy nodded and drank some soda, obviously uncomfortable but game to listen. “Dude. You gay guys aren’t the only ones who groove on anal. There’s chicks out there who are totally into it. I’m pretty sure I’ve hooked up with most of the ones in Hartford.” Riley took a long draught from his own drink. “I already know what it’s like to do the ass-fucking, Jer. And I’m sure it’s a little bit different when you’re doing it to another dude, but it can’t be apples and fucking oranges, right? But for the record, I’m not totally fucking stupid, either. If Kelly wanted me do him someday, I’d be all over it. But I figure God gave me a prostate for a reason, and Kelly’s the only
dude
I’ve ever met who makes me want to do anything to find out about it. Anything sexual, I mean. With a dude. Kelly. So, yeah. I want him to fuck me.”

Jeremy groaned and leaned forward until Riley saw his forehead rest against the table top. “God, I so didn’t ever want that much vision into the inner workings of your mind. I think I’m scarred for life.” But Riley heard the humor in the groan. It was Jer’s I-can’t-believe-you-said-that-like-that groan. Riley was more than familiar with it.

“I want to suck his cock, too,” Riley announced next, earning another deep, dramatically pained groan. “But I won’t be able to do any of that if he won’t even fucking look at me!”

“I don’t know him well enough to tell you what to do,” Jeremy finally said after a few more exaggerated reactions. “But I do know that ignoring someone usually means they make you uncomfortable. Whether that’s uncomfortable because the sex happened, or uncomfortable because the sex happened and he wants to do it again, or even for some completely different reason -- like maybe that other straight guy you mentioned -- I can’t say.”

Riley sighed, picking at the label on his bottle. “That’s a big fucking help, asshole. Ballard’s gone and fucked your brains right out of you, huh?”

Jer chuckled. “Being with Troy doesn’t automatically give me insight into Kelly, you know. And gay doesn’t have anything to do with it, anyway. It’s not a question of gay or straight. It’s a question of you and Kelly. You just need to figure out what you want and find a way to make it happen.”

“I know what I want.” Riley did. He’d known from that first day, pretty much. He just hadn’t
known
he’d known. “I know exactly what I want.” And it was downstairs moving furniture, or whatever the fuck was happening after the hour or so since Riley’d come upstairs. “It’s that ‘making it the fuck happen’ part that’s giving me fucking problems. Or did you somehow miss that?”

Another laugh left Jeremy, though it sounded less amused than before. “I wish I knew what to tell you,” Jeremy said then. “I really do. But you know me, Riley. All I can say is... you need to talk to Kelly, not me.” Jeremy raised one hand -- fortunately not the one holding the soda. “And you’re right. If he won’t even look at you, talking to him might be difficult, but if you’re serious about this -- about him -- I guess you need to figure it out.”

There wasn’t much to say after that, Riley decided, or not about the whole Kelly situation. It was fucked up, yeah, but no amount of bitching to Jeremy was going to fix it. Instead, they made their way back to the living room couch, and Riley flipped a few more channels, stopping on an old
NCIS
rerun, and he and Jeremy bullshitted about that for a while, Riley pretending to be disgusted when Jeremy commented on how good-looking all the guys were.

Jeremy was right, really. The guys were kind of hot. But not the way Kelly was, damn it.

Chapter Twelve

On the one hand, Kelly was glad Riley was gone. It had been incredibly difficult to keep himself from looking at Riley. Even harder to keep the memory of Riley’s body -- all that strong, warm muscle and hot, hard dick beneath Kelly while they rubbed and rocked and shot roughly against each other -- from his mind.

On the other hand, Kelly couldn’t deny that he was angry. Even while laughing and joking with Pauly, Randy, and James, beneath the surface? Oh, Kelly was definitely angry that Riley had just up and left so easily. Like it wasn’t worth Riley’s time to stay and give Kelly a reason to change his mind and loosen up, or maybe just get used to Riley being there so soon after whatever the hell the night before had been.

Of course, that was part of the problem, and Kelly knew it. He wanted to write off the whole evening, including nudity and orgasms, as an experiment on Riley’s part. Kelly truly wanted to believe that whatever they’d been doing hadn’t meant anything, mostly because it would make his life easier. But the way Riley had spent so much time doing whatever Kelly asked -- including moving that stupid table repeatedly -- seemed to imply that there might be more to it. That Riley had so obviously been trying to get Kelly to even look at him said more, still. The fact that Kelly hadn’t been able to stand sneaking more than tiny glances at Riley told Kelly even more.

It wasn’t exactly shocking to realize that Riley drew him. Kelly had been clear about that much from the very first day. Back then, Kelly had thought there was something going on between Riley and Peter Jamison, though. In truth, Kelly had believed Riley was gay, or at least gay enough to be involved with a man sexually. Then learning Riley was straight had put the man into a different mental category on Kelly’s part, and that had made things easier, right up until that kiss. The first one. Then the second one and the naked coming all over each other.

Kelly groaned as he lifted the last corner of his new mattress and forced the corner of his equally new sheets to fit. “This sucks,” he muttered to himself. Or not to himself, because someone answered.

“It looks good to me.” James was smirking a little in the doorway when Kelly turned away from the bed. Then the man strode into the bedroom and stopped beside Kelly, looking at the bed. “You’ve got a good color scheme going, anyway, or so Troy said. He’s got my guys in the kitchen, by the way. They’re trying to organize things so you’ll be able to find them, which means you’ll probably need to spend a day or so emptying your cupboards and putting everything where you actually want it.” James switched from smirk to smile, and the change was so subtle yet dramatic that Kelly was stunned for a moment. “Or were you talking about whatever’s going on between you and Riley? Because from what I saw earlier, you’re right. It sucks. I just can’t figure out which one of you is being the jackass.” James chuckled and cocked his head. “Maybe both?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Kelly answered, his heart racing at the thought that he’d been so obvious -- and that James didn’t seem to be surprised or even upset that Kelly had somehow seduced the self-proclaimed straight Riley. Unless that wasn’t what James meant, which was always possible, Kelly realized. He and James barely knew each other, after all, and James might simply mean that the friendship between Kelly and Riley was clearly on shaky ground.

James snorted, and the next thing Kelly knew, he felt James’ arm around his shoulders in a comforting hold.

“You know exactly what I’m talking about,” James said bluntly. “I’m a lawyer, Kelly. I’m smart enough to know what I was seeing earlier. So are my guys, but they’re both too chicken-shit to say anything right now. They’re afraid of making things worse.”

“And you’re not?”

James laughed. Not a chuckle but a real, full laugh. “I’m not afraid of anything. I’ve dodged enough bullets -- mentally, emotionally, and literally -- in my life to know when weighing in is a better idea than discretion.”

Kelly frowned, caught between wanting to pull away from the slight but comforting weight of James’ arm and wanting to lean against the man’s side, accepting that solace. “Riley likes me,” he finally said, and admitting it out loud felt both good and bad. “I mean, Riley seems to really
like me
. In the not-so-straight way. Except he still
says
he’s straight, and I don’t know what that means.”

He also didn’t know what it meant that he was confiding in James, but Kelly figured he didn’t have much choice. He didn’t have any close friends in Hartford, and he already knew what calling anyone in San Francisco would get him. His friends back home had been there for the entire Bob fiasco. Their reactions would most likely have matched Kelly’s own instinctive response. Meaning, they’d have told Kelly to do exactly what he was already doing -- pushing Riley away. And maybe James would tell him the same thing, but for some reason, James’ opinion mattered. Possibly because James had known Riley for a while.

“It means Riley thinks of himself as straight,” James said softly, and Kelly felt his heart plummet down to somewhere near his stomach. “But he’s not necessarily so straight where
you’re
concerned. Christ, I knew that much when we all went to the Habitat that night.” Another laugh, low and intimate-sounding. “I know we left before you guys did, but I didn’t miss the way Riley was watching you. Have you ever seen a kid in a candy store when he’s just gotten his allowance? Because that’s the kind of look he had.” James released Kelly’s shoulder and Kelly felt a little cold all of a sudden. “He wasn’t really looking around the club. He wasn’t shopping. He was just looking at
you
, Kelly. Nobody else even registered, and I can say that because I know Ry-ry. He’s been to the club with us at least a hundred times before, and he never seriously checked out anyone, not truly, until you.”

“How can he be straight, then?” Because that was the damned question, wasn’t it? And maybe it sounded more like a demand than a request for information, but Kelly didn’t care. “I mean, it’s flattering and everything, but... I like him, too,” Kelly muttered, his cheeks growing warm with the admission. “I really like him, James, but I’ve already done the whole ‘I’m not exactly gay, but I want you’ thing with someone before and it turned out he had a wife! And a kid! And for whatever reason, I can’t stand the idea of being with Riley and having it turn out to be just some
thing
! I just...” Kelly frowned and shook his head, meeting James’ eyes. “I can’t.”

James blinked, then blinked again before smiling. The smile was merely a quirk of the man’s lips, but Kelly saw it. “Ry-ry doesn’t have a wife, and as far as I know, he doesn’t have any kids, either.” Kelly snorted, but James went on as though the sound hadn’t registered.

“He grew up here, in Connecticut,” James said bluntly. “Ry-ry’s uncle is gay. Most of his friends are gay. Even his parents are gay-friendly, though they might have a few issues if he ends up in a relationship with a man. Riley Senior and Maureen are exactly the type of people who would make incredible grandparents, and I’m sure they won’t be thrilled to learn that it might never happen. But Riley’s almost twenty-eight, Kelly. He’s dated more women than you could shake a stick at.”

James paused, then smirked. “Well, I suppose it’s physically possible to shake a stick at them, but you know what I mean.”

Kelly laughed a little. He couldn’t help it. “I hate to think about what sort of stick Riley may have shaken at them.” He was thrilled to find that his tone came out as jokingly as he’d intended, even while he admitted silently that he meant it. He really
did
hate to think about it. “And I’m sorry, but what’s your point?”

James rolled his eyes and moved a couple steps, then sat down on the edge of Kelly’s bed. “My point, Kelly, is that it isn’t fair to judge Ry-ry by whoever it was that hurt you before. Our Ry-ry’s had more than enough chance to find himself a permanent relationship with a woman. And maybe he just hasn’t met the right one, but maybe it’s not about gender. Maybe it’s about finding the right
person
. And with the way he was looking at you at the club that night, and the way he was trying to get
you
to look at
him
earlier...? Maybe that person is you.” James shrugged. “I can’t think of any other reason why our straight-boy Ry-ry would be so determined.”

God, Kelly didn’t have any idea about how to respond to that. He truly didn’t. But he wasn’t at all surprised when he heard himself saying, “Don’t call him Ry-ry.” He wasn’t even surprised by the bit of growl in his own voice.

When James laughed again, Kelly couldn’t deny that the man had reason. Hell, Kelly couldn’t even deny that his own words had sounded jealous.

“If I were you,” James said then, “I’d haul my hot little ass upstairs and take
Ry-ry
to bed, but that’s just me. I’m not suggesting that sex solves anything, but it couldn’t hurt. Well, it couldn’t hurt too much. I can’t be sure, but judging by the way he wears his jeans, that boy’s probably hung well enough to cause just the right kind of pain.”

It was only James’ wink that kept Kelly from snarling at the idea of the man checking out Riley’s package. Well, that and the way James was still saying Ry-ry, like James wanted to provoke a response. So instead of letting James see just how annoyed Kelly was at the nickname, Kelly smiled sweetly.

“What makes you think I’d be the bottom?” Kelly asked, his heart thundering away again as he remembered Riley begging Kelly to do him. Remembering it for probably the five-hundredth time. He hadn’t believed Riley really meant it, but James had honestly made some really good points.

Riley definitely wasn’t homophobic, as Kelly had good reason to know. And God help him, but Kelly definitely wanted Riley. It had just about killed him to turn Riley down when Riley had demanded to be... well. Demanded to have Kelly inside him.

James made a sound Kelly couldn’t identify as anything but amusedly shocked. “Oh, Kelly,” James said, sounding apologetic, “if there’s one thing I’m sure of, it’s that Riley’s a top. He’s much too ‘in charge’ to ever roll over for anyone. God knows he’s commented enough about my boy Pauly’s ass before, and how he’d tear it up if he swung that way. He’s large and in charge, but that’s not really surprising. I’m sure he’ll treat you right if you decide to give him the chance.”

Kelly managed to hold back the laugh that wanted to burst from his lips. “Wait. He’s talked about doing Pauly? Seriously?”

James chuckled. “He’s mentioned it. Of course, he’s also mentioned doing Troy. And Randy. And Jeremy, once or twice. Honestly, I don’t think any of us has ever assumed him to be entirely straight. Which brings us right back to you.” James tilted his head to the side and offered up a considering gaze. “If he’s tried to get to you, Kelly, there’s a very good chance that it’s not simple curiosity. He’s had ample opportunity to satisfy that -- with myself and my guys, even. So it’s just
you
that he likes that way, and if you’re as smart as I think you are, and as interested in him as you seem, you’ll forget about the whole dubiously straight thing and do whatever it takes to make sure you’re both happy. And I do mean
both
, and
happy
. Because I know Riley far better than I know you, but if he likes you as much as it seems, then I’m fully prepared to like you, too. Without the sex, of course. And I don’t think you’re the type to fuck him over, any more than I think he’d do that to you.”

Kelly wasn’t sure about what he said to James after that. He just wasn’t. His mind was too full with wondering whether he could manage to apologize and explain things to Riley in a way that wouldn’t seem accusatory or pathetic. There weren’t that many ways to say “Hey, that guy I mentioned before said he was bi and
said
he wanted to be exclusive, and I ended up in a so-called ‘relationship’ with him for long enough that I still feel betrayed by how it turned out,” were there?

As it turned out, Kelly didn’t have to say any of that. He just left his new bedroom and wandered to the kitchen, where Pauly, Randy, and Troy really were putting things away in very odd locations. He told them he’d be back in a while and they should just relax and possibly have a few drinks or something.

Riley was on the phone when Kelly reached the second floor of the house, but Jeremy was just leaving. Kelly offered the guy a smile and Jeremy smiled back. It was a smile with sharp edges that Jeremy offered, though.

“He’s my best friend and I love him,” Jeremy murmured in passing. “Hurt him and we’re going to have a problem.”

Jeremy was past him and halfway down the stairs by the time Kelly made sense of the words, but that was fine. Kelly was too caught up in watching Riley through the open apartment door. Then Kelly closed that door behind him and moved closer to the couch.

He heard Riley talking, and what he heard was enough to make it clear that the person on the other end of the line was James. Then Riley hung up and sighed, and Kelly realized Riley didn’t know anyone was there. Which made sense, since Jeremy had been leaving.

“I’m sorry,” Kelly said after a few moments of the television providing the only sounds. Riley jumped and turned on the couch, wide eyes meeting Kelly’s equally wide gaze. Kelly couldn’t help it, though. The stunned look in Riley’s eyes was amazing. Watching it turn to happy in less than a second only made it more so.

“I. You’re. What?” Yeah, Riley sounded just as floored as he looked, and Kelly couldn’t deny that it had him feeling like a god.

“I’m sorry,” Kelly said again. “I haven’t been fair to you. Not even a little bit. And I should have been.” He clasped his hands together, squeezing his own fingers as they tangled. “I told you about that guy. Bob. Well, he was...”

Kelly repeated the story for what felt like the fiftieth time as he rounded the couch and sat down on it beside Riley. “So when you said--”

Riley groaned, but he reached out to grasp Kelly’s hand, and Kelly couldn’t help making space between his own fingers for Riley’s.

“Dude.” Riley sighed. “That fucking sucks.” Kelly nodded. “But that has fuck-all to do with me. And you. Us.”