Marked for Marriage (24 page)

Then, without warning, the fear that Maddie had fought for hours was suddenly stronger than her will. If Fanny was seriously maimed and could no longer compete, then Maddie's career was over. She would never find another horse like Fanny, not one she could afford to buy. And starting completely over with a young foal and training it the way she'd trained Fanny would take years.

And so Maddie drove home with a heart full of pain. She alternated between wonderful but poignant memories of Fanny and herself, and enormous, heartbreaking worries about the future. Rodeo was all she knew. What on earth would she do to make a living if Fanny could no longer compete?

N
oah barely had a break all day. He did, however, manage to squeeze in a couple of phone calls to Maddie, and when she didn't answer, logic told him that she was out in her trailer again. His messages recorded on Mark and Darcy's voice mail were brief and to the point. “I'll call again later.”

In truth Noah was so busy with back-to-back patient appointments that he didn't wonder too much about Maddie's unavailability until late afternoon. At that point, her being so consistently out of touch all day felt wrong. Noah became anxious to reach the end of his workday so he could go by Mark's house and make sure she was all right.

Somewhere within the organized chaos of the day he became aware of the grand weather warming Whitehorn's winter-weary residents. With that knowledge Noah's concern of Maddie subsided a bit, as anyone who didn't have to stay inside would surely be outside. Still, one would think that she would have answered the phone at least once.

Shortly after four, Noah's plan to go directly to Mark's house after work went flying because of a phone call from the hospital's emergency room doctor. It was the E.R. doctor's opinion that a patient required immediate surgery to survive. Would Noah drop everything and waste no time in getting there?

Noah put down the phone, tersely told his nurse the situation and ran from his office to the hospital. He studied X-rays and the result of a cat scan in the E.R., then scrubbed for surgery.

It was after eleven when the emergency was over—the patient was doing fine—and after a shower Noah all but collapsed on a chair in the doctor's lounge. He wearily rubbed the back of his neck and for the first time in almost seven hours thought of Maddie. At the same time Felicia entered his mind, Felicia and the many, many times he'd disappointed her because of medical emergencies. She had complained about it, nicely at first and then not so nicely. According to her, she couldn't live with never being able to count on his presence on a daily, routine basis. Noah had always known that a physician's wife had to have abnormal patience and understanding, and he also came to realize that Felicia had neither. But thinking about it now, years after their breakup, was she the only one to blame?

For the first time ever Noah asked himself which of them, Felicia or he, had been the most selfish. Granted, he'd only been doing his job, just as he'd done tonight, but maybe his expecting her to cancel dinner parties and other social functions without resentment had been unfair. Felicia's friends were a large part of San Francisco's A-list, and those sophisticated, wealthy, mostly carefree patrons of the arts took their social obligations quite seriously.

Frowning, Noah pondered that chapter of his life and realized he no longer harbored any ill will toward Felicia. It was
an astonishing revelation and led him into a much clearer understanding of what had really happened between the two of them.

For a while he'd been blinded by her astounding beauty, which he'd ultimately learned had taken up a great deal of her time to maintain. He remembered that she would never leave the house unless everything was perfect—her hair, her makeup, her clothes. Eventually her worldly sophistication, her insistence that everything be as
she
wanted it and her obsessive need to be the center of attention had worn thin. As a responsible physician he hadn't always been able to perform on Felicia's command, but even with so many problems with which to contend, he'd still believed he loved her.

And he'd kept on believing it until…until meeting Maddie Kincaid!

“My God,” he whispered, shaken by so much unexpected clarity. He didn't love Felicia, he hadn't loved her in ages; he was in love with Maddie, who couldn't be more opposite to Felicia and to the kind of women that had attracted his attention before Felicia. What force of nature had changed him so drastically that he was head over heels for a fiery little woman who couldn't care less if her hair was a mess? A bit of a girl who made him laugh and had proved that she would protect her honor with whatever weapon was on hand—if only a silly little paperweight. That was a day he wouldn't forget—it could still make him laugh—if he lived to be a hundred.

He loved Maddie Kincaid. Admitting and thinking about it made him feel lighthearted and happy. He let his mind wander and began picturing a life with Maddie—marriage, kids, the works. What a fantastic fantasy!

But what about her career in rodeo? And after I answer that one, I should ask myself what clues she's given to make me think that she might be in love with me!

The joy in which Noah had been basking drained from
his system. Maddie was going to leave Montana as soon as her health permitted, and the only thing that had happened to make him hope she might have feelings for him was their one time in bed. Using one sexual encounter as a barometer was an unrealistic approach to a question as serious as “does she or doesn't she love me?”

Without one credible answer to the questions now hounding him and a sinking sensation in his gut because facing his feelings for Maddie had opened a Pandora's box of problems, Noah got up and went over to the wall telephone. He knew it was late, but he wouldn't be able to sleep until he heard from Maddie's own lips that she was all right. He dialed the number to Mark's house.

 

Maddie only partially came awake and she reached for the phone on her bedstand without opening her eyes. “Hello,” she mumbled. “Maddie?”

Her eyes flew open and were instantly teary. “Mark! Oh, Mark, I'm so glad you called.” She began sobbing.

Noah was stunned. “Maddie, it's not Mark. It's Noah.”

“Wha-what?”

“It's Noah. Why are you crying? What's wrong?” He heard panic in his own voice and told himself to calm down. But something terrible must have happened to make Maddie almost hysterical in the middle of the night. “Maddie?” he said questioningly when she said nothing for far too long.

“You big jerk! Why did you call and pretend you were Mark?” She slammed down the phone.

Noah hung up with every nerve in his body jangling. Exactly how much undeserved abuse did a man have to take from a woman, even if he
was
in love with her? Angrily grabbing his jacket, he hurriedly left the lounge and then the hospital. Running to where he'd parked his vehicle early that morning,
he got in, started the engine and then broke the speed limit on Whitehorn's dark and empty streets to get to Mark and Darcy's house.

Parking in the driveway, he strode to the house like a man with a mission. After unlocking the door with the key Mark had given him, he went inside and switched on the kitchen light. He made no special effort to be quiet, because if Maddie was sleeping again he was going to wake her up and ask her just who in hell she thought she was. All he'd done since Mark left town was grovel at Miss Pain-in-the-Neck Maddie's feet and try to keep his promise to her brother. Well, he'd had his fill of her ungrateful sass, and it was time she found out that the world didn't revolve around self-centered rodeo queens!

Noah reached her bedroom door, which was wide open, and the little night-light plugged into a wall outlet cast enough light for him to make out Maddie's form under the blankets. She appeared to be in deep slumber.

He stood there looking at her and felt the anger vanishing from his system. He didn't want to yell at her; he wanted to love her. To hold her and plead with her to tell him why she'd been crying. To say out loud that he wanted her in his life, to talk out things that might cause bumps in their relationship, such as their short acquaintance, and then to ask if she could be contented living in Whitehorn as the wife of a doctor. That was an especially crucial question, and Maddie's feelings on that subject could make or break any chance they had of attaining a successful and permanent relationship.

It struck Noah very hard, however, that what he would really be asking was for Maddie to give up everything for him, a career she loved, a way of life she loved. How could anyone ask so much of another person?

He couldn't. No one should. Sick at heart he decided to leave her be. She was doing fine now—medically speaking—and by her own words she didn't need or want anything else
from him. In truth, she hadn't even wanted medical attention from him. She'd considered him as nothing but an intruder from the first, which he would be wise to keep in mind while he went on his way and lived out his own life.

He would leave, but first…? Tiptoeing to the bed, he leaned over and tenderly kissed her forehead. For Noah it was a goodbye kiss; he would not bother her again.

But it didn't turn out that way. Maddie's arms were suddenly around his neck, and her mouth was seeking his. Noah's heartbeat went wild. “Are you awake?” he whispered, afraid that this might go beyond a kiss and she wouldn't remember it because she'd slept through the whole thing.

“I'm very awake,” she said low and huskily. “Sensually awake.”

He thought of asking now why she'd been crying when he called, but destroying her sensuous mood with a reality question seemed just
too
unselfish. There was a limit to a man's generosity, after all, and this was the woman he loved.

And so he pushed everything else from his mind and kissed her soft, pliant lips until both he and Maddie were a little bit crazy.

“Undress,” she gasped, and tugged at his clothes. “Get under the covers with me.”

How could he get all noble and chivalrous at this point? She was hot and needy;
he
was hot and needy. So be it.

Tearing off his clothes and watching her shed her nightgown, he then got into bed and drew her into a fiery embrace. “Maddie, sweetheart,” he whispered raggedly, and began kissing her face, her throat, her breasts.

“Oh, yes, do that,” she moaned when he took a nipple into his mouth and sucked gently.

“And this, too?” He slid his hand down to that special spot between her legs and began a sure, slow and very gentle stroke.

“Yes…yes…that, too. Noah…Noah.”

There were so many facets to making love, and just the fact of Maddie saying his name when she was so sexually aroused meant the world to Noah. His every touch, kiss and movement conveyed the love he felt for her, and although he wished he could say the words
I love you,
he knew he couldn't. Maybe he was wrong about the importance of rodeo to her, but he knew in his soul that it was wrong to offer himself as an alternative. If only she was in Whitehorn to stay, things would be different, not nearly as complicated. He would have the time for a long courtship, which he certainly didn't have as things stood now.

Maddie was on cloud nine, somewhere in outer space and reaching for the moon. She
had
to be in love with Noah, she thought within the vagaries of her passion-dazed brain. She could not feel so much for a man without love.

But there was Fanny and rodeo and her own injuries and so many things to worry about. How could she be thinking about loving a man who had both feet firmly planted in one place when she was a nomad? While she lingered in Whitehorn, her career was passing her by. Every missed competition meant a less profitable year, but how could she even be thinking of money when Fanny wasn't hale and hardy?

She gave her head a shake to dislodge the worry and concentrate again on Noah and his magic. She loved the varied textures of his skin and the utter maleness of his body.

“You're very handsome,” she whispered.

“And you're very beautiful. Oh, Maddie, if you only knew.”

“Knew what?” she asked dreamily.

“Nothing,” he mumbled, for what else could he say? He moved on top of her.

Their passion exploded, and neither thought at all for an incredibly long time. Everything was hot, molten physical
sensation as they moved together, each striving for the ultimate pleasure but thoroughly immersed in the aching pleasure derived from the ride to the finish line. Feverish and flushed, they cried out mere seconds apart. It had been glorious…for both of them.

And then, only moments after it was over—Noah was seeking a comfortable position on the bed next to her—Maddie embarrassed herself with a seemingly unstoppable flood of tears. She tried to hide what was happening, but when she began choking on sobs, Noah caught on. He sat up, took her chin and turned her face toward him.

“What's wrong?” he asked gently, for she was weeping as though her heart were broken, and her terrible grief brought tears to his own eyes. “Maddie, you were crying when I called, and now you're crying again. Talk to me, please.”

“I—I've become a…tramp,” she stammered between great gulping sobs.

Noah nearly fell over from shock. “Maddie, what in hell ever put that notion into your head?”

“Oh, just listen…to…to…the man's surprise,” she gasped out, then viciously turned on him. “It's your fault, and you know it, too, don't you?”

“Uh…okay…fine. I'll take the blame…but would you mind telling me what blame it is that I'm accepting?”

“For my being a tramp! Do you think I sleep with just anybody? You have the most uncanny knack for catching me with my…my…guard down.”

“I thought you were going to say ‘with my pants down,'” Noah drawled. “Maddie, you couldn't be what you called yourself if you tried. The word is so insulting and so far from the truth that I can't even say it. Listen for a minute. The reason you drop your guard with me is because you're falling in love.” He knew he was taking a huge chance with those words,
but he was so full of words that he wanted to say to her, and maybe he had to risk part of himself to gain all of her.

“What?”
Maddie bolted to a sitting position and gaped at him with tears still dripping down her face, her hair all askew and apparently unaware that she'd left the blankets behind and she was naked to the waist.