Marlin's Faith: The Virtues Book II (13 page)

Hope huffed a bitter chuckle and looked up at me, “At least there’s that. She wouldn’t know how to get her hands on it if she tried.”

“Makes our job easier, but it doesn’t do much for hers. She’s still gotta live with the cravings and shit.”

“Yeah. Yeah, she does.”

We lapsed back into silence until finally, Hope sighed.

“Where do we go from here, Marlin? How do I save my sister?”

I took a thoughtful final drag off my cig, a long, pensive, deep one, and told Hope the truth; “I don’t know, this is about as far as I got with Danny, but I do know one thing, ain’t you or me that’s gotta do the saving, Hope; it’s Faith. At some point she’s gotta stumble out there on her own. All we can do is be around to catch her, when and if she falls.”

Hope nodded and asked, “You staying tonight?”

“She want me to?”

“She hasn’t said either way.”

“I need to go for a ride, clear my head. She got an appointment tomorrow?”

“No, day after tomorrow.”

“What time?”

“Same time.”

“I’ll be here to take her.”

“Okay.”

I got on my bike and turned the waiting key, firing her up. It tore me to pieces leaving that driveway but I needed to think. Clear my head and blow this fucking town for a minute. I hoped Bobby had a cold fuckin’ beer in his fridge, because I wanted some distance while at the same time, I didn’t want to be alone. All that was going to do was let me replay the haunting image of those shattered aquamarine eyes as she turned away from me and that fuckin’ window.

Chapter 16

Faith

Days. It’d been days since I’d tried to kiss Marlin like the idiot I am and he’d been keeping a careful distance ever since. I let the warm coastal waters wash in over my feet and watched it and the sand wash back out to sea. If I stood just right, and closed my eyes, I had the sensation that I was washing out with it. That even though I knew I stood perfectly still, I moved. A sense of motion without actually moving. I could dream, though. I could dream and wish that I were swept away, out to sea, away from all of these jacked up feelings that I was terrified to confront.

I sighed deeply and hugged my beach wrap tighter around my shoulders with one hand; even though I wasn’t cold. It was hard to be cold in ninety degree heat. My other hand held the long skirt of the maxi dress I wore out of the water.

“Faith?” I opened my eyes and looked back over my shoulder at Hope who was coming up the beach, my mind drifting back to the day before yesterday when it’d been Marlin coming my way...

“What’cha thinkin’ about so hard, Baby Girl?” He’d drawn himself up short, a few arm lengths away and the distance might as well have been an entire gulf between us. I’d swallowed hard, mouth suddenly dry and had tried to tighten up my resolve.

“Listen, Marlin…”

He smiled, “Uh oh, sounds serious.”

I’d looked down at the water rushing away from my feet and closed my eyes, breathing slowly, heart pounding.

“It is, I mean, I am.” I’d looked up and pinned him with my gaze, his smile sliding off his face, he’d reached out, but let his hand drop.

“What’s on your mind, Baby Girl?” he’d said gently and I almost had hated that he still called me that, knowing that it didn’t hold anything but superficial meaning.

“I don’t think we should see as much of each other anymore. My doctor says I may be using you, the people around me, as a crutch. I need to not do that…”
Liar. Lie, lie, lie, lie; lies!
My brain had screamed at me, was still screaming at me, but I’d pressed my lips together and tried not to look as miserable as I’d felt. I still hadn’t even told Dr. Shiendland about Marlin. She didn’t even know he existed and had actually said the opposite, of what I was suggesting. She’d told me I should try and spend a little more time around some of my sister’s friends. To remind myself there were good people in the world too.

“That so?” he asked and his expression had gone glacial.

I nodded, not trusting my voice. The truth was, I missed him. His closeness, the comfort he provided, but the new distance; him being there without actually being there… it was too much. I couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to do it. The deep sense of shame and self-loathing had been and still was taking over everything, and this was the only solution I could come up with.
Stupid, stupid, stupid!

Marlin had nodded carefully, his lips twisting as if he were tasting something foul. He scraped his bottom lip between his teeth a couple of times and had pinned me with a look.

“It’s okay, Baby Girl, I get it. You change your mind, I’m never far away.”

I felt myself blanche, “I...”

“I’m not far, you hear me?” and he wasn’t. I could see him back at the house, perched on the small retaining wall ringing the grand house’s back patio. He was looking mine and my sister’s direction and I quickly dropped my eyes from his distant form to Hope’s anxiety ridden face.

“You okay?”

I nodded mutely, too exhausted, too worn to speak the truth, no matter how ugly it was.

“Talk to me, please?”

“Just enjoying the quiet, and that sensation, you know?” I looked down at the water rushing back in towards my feet, a different skirt clutched in my fingers than the teal and white chevroned dress of days earlier.

“Sensation?”

“Yeah,” I felt my face break into a nostalgic smile, “Remember when we were kids, and mom took us to the beach and we’d stand in the water and feel it pulling us?”

Hope smiled too, “Yeah, we’re a long way from the Pacific,” she said.

“Feels just the same, anyways.”

Hope put her good arm around my lean shoulders and we stared out over the water for a minute or two.

“Cutter and Marlin are grilling,” she said and kissed my shoulder, “The rest of the guys from the club will be over for dinner. You going to be okay?” I nodded and touched the leather and metal band around my wrist.

“Bonfire later; how does that sound?”

“Okay,” I murmured and let her steer me back towards the house. Cutter was, indeed, at the big stainless steel grill, and had it going. Distortions from the heat making the air above it shimmer. Marlin raised a dark glass bottle to his lips and drank deeply of it. Cutter turned his head and asked the blond man something, and I saw Marlin’s lips part in answer, but his gaze never left me as Hope and I trudged across the sand towards them.

“Hey, Firefly!” Cutter greeted and I felt the ghost of a smile play across my lips.

“Hi,” I replied faintly, but Marlin was raking his gaze over me. I was under the distinct impression that he was almost… taking stock. Making sure I was well. I inclined my head gently and let Hope tug me into the kitchen to wash and cut greens and veggies for a crisp summer garden salad.

I looked out the kitchen window above the sink, and there was Marlin, angled again, so he could watch me. I breathed deep and slow and focused on the menial task at hand and thought about it. I was surprised to find that his intense scrutiny didn’t make me uncomfortable. In fact, it did just the opposite. I felt… relieved and safe. I glanced up and my breath caught, when his gaze captured mine. Stupid, so stupid, I cut my damn finger and jumped with a little cry dropping the knife with a clatter.

“Shit!” I swore and he was just there, dish towel in hand squeezing the cut.

“Nothing here?” he called out.

“Just walked in the door,” another man I vaguely remembered answered.

“Easy, Baby Girl, let Nothing have a look,” I looked up at the ceiling and blew out a breath.

“Oh, jeez, it’s probably nothing. Just a little cut.” I bit my lip and forced a smile.

“Hey, that’s my name, now let me have a look at it and see.” I glanced at the man who’d spoken. I remembered him, quiet, and sad. Dark hair and clear grey eyes. He took my hand from Marlin and peeked under the dish towel which was soaking red rather rapidly.

“Yeah, you got yourself good, but I don’t think you’re gonna need stitches. It’s just a bleeder. Here, Marlin, keep pressure on it and I’ll go hit the medicine cabinet. I’m sure the Captain has a boatload of crap to doctor her up with.”

“I’m sorry,” I stammered.

“Don’t be, accidents happen, Bubbles,” Hope said gently, she was staring at my hand in Marlin’s and I was trying to look anywhere but.

“What happened, Baby Girl? Shaky?” he asked.

I nodded mutely for a moment before finding my voice, “I-I think so.”

I knew he knew it was a lie, because a small smile played across his mouth. I closed my eyes and swayed on my feet a touch, flushing at the memory of the feeling of them on mine, however brief it may have been.

“Easy, Babe. You need to sit down? You getting woozy on me?” I nodded but didn’t open my eyes. A gentle tug on my fingers and I stepped, trusting for that fraction of a moment, blind to wherever it was he wanted to lead me. I opened my eyed and looked down and felt myself blanch; I was
really
bleeding.

The man I recognized but had no name for pulled out a chair at the big dining room table for me, he smiled and ducked his head in polite greeting, “Radar, good to see you looking better,” he smiled broadly and I couldn’t help but smile back.

“Faith, it’s nice to…” I wasn’t meeting him, not technically, “…see you again.” I finished, and his smile got bigger which in turn made mine jump minutely. Marlin sank into the chair across from mine and I closed my eyes tight.

“Raise her injury up above her head, and keep pressure. Might help slow it up,” Nothing called and strode up to the table, dropping what he’d found across its glass surface. Hope’s good hand fell on my shoulder and she called my name twice I think.

“I’m fine! I’m fine!” I said a little breathy.

“You don’t sound fine,” Marlin said cautiously.

“She can’t deal with the sight of blood, hasn’t ever been able to handle it,” Hope told him.

I kept my eyes squeezed shut and let my sister and the men handle it. Hope kept making the same soothing noises that she’d always made when Char and I were kids and it was like coming home. It was strange that that would be the thing to do it, isn’t it?

Packaging crackled and I didn’t have time to dwell on it, because the cloth lifted from my hands and was immediately reapplied with a curse.

“Hope, why won’t it stop bleeding?” I asked, and hated how my voice sounded high and a little frightened.

“Easy, no need to panic yet,” Nothing said and sounded far away like he was concentrating on something, “If I don’t get to panic, you don’t get to panic, okay, Faith?”

“Okay,” I replied automatically, and I heard Marlin chuckle. I breathed deep and my breath caught, his familiar smell of cigarettes, alcohol, and peaches reached me and had the most wonderful calming effect.

“There you go, atta girl,” Nothing murmured and the cloth was pulled from my hands. It stung and I tried to jerk, but the hands holding mine steady for whatever Nothing was doing wouldn’t give.

The back slider opened and Cutter chuckled, “What in the hell?” he remarked, “Firefly, you should see yourself.”

“No, thank you!” I blurted and was met with a track of male laughter.

“It’s the blood, blood and Faith don’t mix,” Hope explained.

“Ain’t your other sister becoming a nurse?” someone asked.

“Charity is the crazy sister,” I said and more laughter followed.

“Aaaand you are all done,” I opened my eyes and Marlin lowered my hands, the index finger on my left hand was bandaged not only neatly, but wasn’t bulky at all.

“Thank you,” I murmured.

“Any time,” Nothing gave me the ghost of a smile.

“Man, you are wasted on painting houses,” Radar groused, examining Nothing’s handy work.

“Drop it,” Nothing said shortly and gathered up packaging off the wrought iron and glass tabletop. I stared at my hand and finally dragged my eyes up to Marlin’s.

“You’ve got to be more careful, Baby Girl. I don’t like seeing you hurt,” he murmured. I startled and took my hands back from his.

“I said I was sorry,” I stood.

“Not what I meant, and you know it.”

I bit my lips together and nodded, returning to the kitchen, but I was shooed out by my sister, Radar taking up where I’d left off.

“It was a clean slice, not too deep, you should be good to take off the bandage and put a new one on tomorrow.”

“Thank you again, Nothing.”

“Don’t mention it,” he said, then as an aside, “You look good.”

“Thank you,” I murmured again, and with a look to my sister, jerked my head towards the sliding glass door. She nodded and I slipped out into the bright sun, the heat a shock after the air conditioned coolness of the house.

I turned to slide the door shut, but Marlin loomed in its frame. I nodded and made to slip down the back steps and into the sand. I nearly missed it when Marlin followed.

“How’ve you been doing?” he asked me.

I swallowed and tried to find my voice, “It’s only been a few days, I don’t really know how to answer that.”

“Fair enough.”

He walked along with me and I hugged myself protectively. Finally, I turned and looked at him plainly.

“Why are you here?”

“To have dinner with my brothers.”

“I mean, here, now…”

“You lost some blood, making sure you’re not woozy.”

“I’m not woozy.”

“Okay.”

I stopped my slow march towards the sea completely and cleared my throat.

“You know I’m here if you need me, Faith.”

“I… I gather. I just, need some space.”

“I can respect that, Baby Girl, I just needed to say…” he looked me up and down and after a span of time murmured, “I’m sorry I hurt you.”

“You didn’t,” I protested, but it was already too late, he was making long strides back toward the house and I couldn’t help myself. I continued my slow progressive march towards the sea for that sensation of being carried away.

Chapter 17

Marlin

This was fucking stupid. Probably the dumbest thing I’d ever done, but I couldn’t fucking help myself. I was sitting on my bike, outside Faith’s shrink’s office smoking a cigarette. Only Faith wasn’t with me. She wasn’t inside either. I was here by myself to talk to the good doctor, and maybe get an answer or two. See? Fucking stupid. A violation of Faith’s privacy, for sure, but I couldn’t fucking help myself. Not after talking to the Captain, not after Hope…