Marlin's Faith: The Virtues Book II (21 page)

Chapter 26

Faith

We walked along the beach from the marina, towards Cutter’s house. Marlin had asked if I wanted to walk and I had. It felt strange being on solid ground after almost two solid days on the water; I was missing the rolling motion of it. The ground not pitching underfoot was strange.

He held my hand as we walked; that felt strange too, although it was a good strange. A warm, glowy sort of strange that I never wanted to end. He stopped about midway up the beach from the long line of houses and pulled me up short. I turned, and he was regarding me, a grave expression on his face.

“What?” I asked softly.

“I don’t want to lose you back down the rabbit hole of awful at this setback, Baby Girl. I like your smile and the laughing? Well, that’s good too.”

I smiled because of his words and it felt good. I wasn’t sure how to tell him what I was feeling but I owed it to him to try.

“I’m scared. I don’t want to go back there, and I don’t know…” I looked out over the water, the sun beginning it’s slow descent in the sky. We should still have some daylight when we made it back to the house. Hope and Cutter had taken our bags. Nothing had met them at the marina with his station wagon. He’d been perfectly willing to drive us, but I needed some time before going inside. I loved it out here in the sun and the warmth.

“Talk to me, Faith. Whatever you need to say, I’m here.”

I looked up at Marlin, “I’m afraid they’ll lock me up. Afraid that those men, that they’ll find out and come get me. I know that’s stupid…”

“Hush, ain’t nothing stupid about it. Shit happened, bad shit that I wouldn’t wish on anybody and you’re perfectly justified feelin’ the way you do. There’s a difference though; I’m gonna be there. Hope’s gonna be there. The Captain, the rest of the crew; we’re all going to be there and you ain’t alone. Ain’t none of us going to let you go or lose you without one hell of a fight, Baby Girl.”

“Why?” I asked him, because I seriously couldn’t fathom what he was telling me. I mean, I hadn’t exactly gone out of my way the last few months or so to connect with any of his other brothers. When they talked to me, I usually smiled as politely as I could and tried to get the small talk over with as quickly as possible.

“I’m not sure you understand what being my woman means to men like us,” he said gently, cupping the side of my face. His thumb grazed lightly over my bottom lip and I resisted the urge to flick out my tongue and taste him. Instead I closed my eyes and enjoyed the simple touch.

“I don’t, I guess… I mean, not really.” I wasn’t entirely comfortable with the possessiveness of how he said it and having just made the promise to communicate better, I said so.

Marlin laughed gently, “It’s true, I’ll give you that. We talk like a bunch of barbarian hill men, but really, it’s just us breaking something very complex into terms that any fuckin’ idiot can understand.”

“Okay, can you dumb it down even more for me then?”

“Nope, don’t have to. You’re not an idiot, Faith. I’ll just give it to you straight,” he put us back in motion, walking gently, and slowly beside me, his arm curving around my shoulders, protectively tucking me into his side.

“Okay,” I agreed, “I’d like that. Give it to me straight.”

“Not sure where to start, so how about you ask me somethin’ to get us going.”

“I can ask anything, and you’ll tell me, just like that?”

“I promised you I would, didn’t I?”

He had. He’d promised to stop wrapping me in imaginary cellophane. That he would stop shelving me when it came to decisions that regarded me and I was so incredibly grateful for that. So incredibly tired of the lot of them talking about me and what to do about this or that when I was standing right there.

“Gonna ask me something or what?” he said, snapping me out of my own thoughts. I felt my cheeks flush and laughed nervously.

“Sorry, a lot to think about, um, I guess my first question is, why would the rest of the guys do anything for me? I mean, I haven’t exactly been outgoing or even nice in some cases.”

“I told you, because you’re my woman.”

“Okay, and what does
that
mean, exactly? Like, I’m your girlfriend?”

“To the bunch of civilians here around town, yeah. But they don’t have any appreciation for what that means to us. Faith, I know this is a lot, but from the minute I picked you up I felt somethin’ for you and those feelings, they’ve just been getting stronger. Now I didn’t mean to put any kind of pressure on you, sayin’ what I said back at the Locker this morning…”

“That you loved me?” I asked so softly I was afraid he didn’t hear it. My heart sank, and I stuttered to a stop in my tracks. He looked at me and this odd, sad little smile took up half of his generous lips. Of course he hadn’t meant it; it was just a thing to say in the heat of the moment. I looked away, out over the water but he touched my face and brought me back around to look at him.

“No, don’t do that…” he uttered.

“Do what?”

“Make up your mind what I did or did’nt mean, what I did or didn’t say for whatever reasons in your head and accept them for truth. There’s only one person who decides my truth and that’s me. That’s the heart of livin’ the life in an MC.”

I searched his face, and took a deep breath, holding it, dreading the answer, I asked the question, “Then tell me your truth, did you mean it?”

“I love you, Faith. I have for more ’n a minute. I realized it when you told me that doctor lady said you shouldn’t see me no more. It’s the only explanation I had for why it tore me up so bad on the inside.”

Guilt settled around my shoulders, a weighted shawl of sadness mixed with regret. I let out my breath I’d been holding and returned my gaze to the water so I didn’t have to see his face when I took my leap of faith and spoke my truth…

“It hurt thinking I wasn’t worth anything to you. That I was just some sad, pitiful, broken head case that you were trying to help because of guilt, or whatever.”

Again with those gentle, rough fingers tipping my face forward and back to look up at him. Again with those searching blue eyes, so bright with an inner fire that I ached to warm my cold, broken heart against.

“That weren’t ever my truth, but I could see how it could be the one you believed. A misunderstanding, Baby Girl. May have been our first but probably won’t be our last.” He punctuated this statement by bringing his lips down to mine, kissing me gently but firmly, stealing my breath away on the sandy shore.

I ached with such an awful regret for that; for not trying to talk, but the fear was so great that I couldn’t have, even if I had wanted to. I was so tired of being shot down and I was so afraid that it was true, and I didn’t want it to be and it had almost been better
not
knowing for sure because then at least I could hold the illusion that it was possible, at least for a short while yet.

Tears spilled along with my explanation and Marlin held me to him, an arm across my back, one hand cradling my head to his chest as he swayed me from side to side, comforting me, calming me as my anxiety had me coming apart.

“It’s okay, Baby Girl, but that’s exactly
why.
Why my brothers will protect you. In our world I’ve as good as gone and made you my Ol’ Lady. That means you’re mine. My property; which I know sounds awful to a citizen like you, but if you give me the chance to finish explaining, I will.”

He searched me out with his eyes, giving me the choice and I shut my mouth and nodded.

“Okay, so there’s
things
like my boat, or my clothes. Then there’s my
property.
That’s a whole other ballgame. For us, we could care less about a boat or a house, or a cage to roll around in. They’re just things. You lose one of them, fuck it,” he shrugged, “You just go buy another or rebuild or do whatever.”

“Okay, and property?” I asked quietly, understanding beginning to dawn.

“I will kill a motherfucker for you. I would lay down my life, my limb, tear my still beating heart out of my fuckin’ chest if it would keep you safe and happy. You’re mine to defend. The only things I won’t give up for you is my club and my bike.”

Again my heart filled to bursting with joy and elation, but I tried to keep enough of a lid on it. I twisted my lips hard to keep from smiling and nodded in what I hoped was a sagely fashion, “You would give up the bike over my dead body,” I said lightly.

“Oh yeah?” he asked, grinning.

“Mm, I like it too much.”

He threw back his head and laughed; a deep, rich and generally overpowering sound that lifted me up even more. He gathered me into his arms and took me off balance, so I had to lean into him to keep from falling. I laughed, and he walked backwards a bit in the direction of Cutter’s house and we kept moving.

“I wouldn’t want you to give up either of those things,” I said after a time.

“Yeah? Why not?”

“Because, I feel safe with you and I think I am beginning to realize, if what you’re saying is true, that it doesn’t stop with you. That I’m safe no matter where I am or where I go because if it’s not you, one of the other men in the club would come, would be there for me.”

He positively glowed with pride, “That’s exactly it, Baby Girl.”

“That’s what Hope’s vest means, isn’t it?” I asked. “It’s like that with her and with Cutter.”

“Yep, that’s exactly what that means.”

“Except Hope can take care of herself,” I frowned with confusion.

“So Hope’s cut isn’t the same as what, say, I would give you. If you wore my rag, and you don’t have to, it would mean a lot to me if you would, but if you’re not ready or okay, then you really don’t got to, I…” I put both of my hands over his mouth and pressed to get him to stop talking, laughing lightly that I could make this big giant of a biker spew such stuttering utter nonsense.

“Stop, just stop!” I cried.

“What would be the difference between mine and my sister’s what did you call it?”

“Cut.”

“Yes, cut, what would be the difference?”

“Yours wouldn’t have the club’s colors. It was put to a special vote and that’s why she got it. She’s Cutter’s Ol’ Lady, but she’s more ‘n that.”

“Colors? You mean the octopus patch?”

It was his turn to laugh, “Kraken, yes, the kraken dragging down the ship.”

“So what goes there?” I asked.

“Nothing, it’s usually just left empty.”

I made a face, “Well that’s boring! You should really consider putting a flower or something pretty there. You know, for the girly girls.”

“Baby, we’re bikers, it wouldn’t look all that badass and besides that, we don’t usually attract girly girls and when we do, they ain’t much for staying.”

I thought about that and nodded, we were probably a good ten or so houses away from Cutter’s by now and I sighed inwardly. It was still hard being around a lot of people for me. One or two was about my limit for comfort. I looked down at my hand, fingers linked with Marlin’s. Maybe things were different now, though. I mean, I wasn’t exactly single, now was I?

I thought about things hard while Marlin idly swung our linked hands between us and came to a decision.

“I’ll wear it, if you want me to,” I said softly.

“My cut?” he asked like he almost didn’t believe what he was hearing.

“Yes.”

“Property patches and all?”

“I’m yours, aren’t I?” I asked.

“As long as you want to be, Baby Girl, and not a moment more. You tell me to fuck off, that’s what I’ll do.”

I stopped in my tracks, the back stone deck, of Cutter’s house was visible and there were a bunch of The Kraken on it. Some were looking our way, most had a beer or a joint in their hand. The movable metal fire pit had a cheery fire started in it and I realized it was growing dimmer out here.

“I don’t want you to go, Marlin. I can’t think of anyplace I would rather be than with you.” I looked up at him and his mouth came down on mine, urgent and passionate and I returned the kiss gladly, feeling lighter than I could ever remember.

Cheers, whistles and howls went up before Cutter’s voice raised, “Knock it off you fuckin’ animals!” he called and there was laughter, but not at me and I couldn’t care.

“I love you,” he repeated against my mouth but I couldn’t bring myself to say it. Not yet, because I couldn’t help but feel like in some ways I was using him and that wasn’t love, or right at all. At least not according to the way my sister had raised me.

I shoved that unpleasant mix of feelings aside, tucking myself into Marlin’s side as we walked up the beach, towards the house and his brothers, at least in arms, or leather, or whatever. Vowing silently that I would talk with him about that soon, before he could start to worry that everything was totally one sided. I’d sworn to him that I would talk to him; that I would communicate. I trusted him at his word that he would be the calm and rational person he’d displayed thus far and that if he weren’t; because no one was perfect, that nothing would be beyond our fixing because everything he had had me agree to, had sounded so perfectly reasonable.

I huddled into his side, shyly and we moved among the rest of the guys, each of them smiling, and telling me they were glad I was okay. Some simply smiling bigger and giving me a wink. All of them warm and all of them putting me further at ease. Displaying everything that Marlin had told me. It put me at ease, knowing that this might really be for real and not too good to be true like so many other things I’d encountered in my life.

It was probably the first night I had spent among them where I truly felt at peace, despite knowing that it would all be shaken up with the long ride back to Louisiana that was supposed to happen the next day.

Chapter 27

Marlin

I held Faith close in the dark, and l knew she was awake. She was thinking so loud I could almost hear it and had been at it, staring at the rain pattering against the glass, the blue flashes of light from thundershower illuminating those glittering gems of her eyes. The party had wrapped up pretty quick when the rain had started coming down. The bikes had all been moved, parked in the stone garage on the other side of the house in anticipation of the rain before it’d come, so the guys had all just come in and bunked down where they could. My bike had apparently been brought in the crash truck. Johnny had used my spare set of keys for Cutter and my brothers to get into my garage back at the marina. Sometimes Johnny had some actual fuckin’ sense going on that didn’t revolve around just him. Who knew?