Marriage Illustrated with Crappy Pictures (13 page)

But the most frequently asked question to Crappy Husband has got to be:

Mostly because I often say yes to the cookie one.

HOW BABIES ARE MADE

I’m all dressed up to go out on a date night with Crappy Husband. We’re about to leave and drop the kids off at their grandparents’ house.

Apparently, I don’t get dressed up very often.

WE’RE SO UNCOOL

Nothing turns you into an old person quicker than having a child.

The whole family is in the dining room, looking at the new anatomy set that Crappy Boy got as a gift. He points to the bones between the hand and the elbow and asks why there are two bones there instead of just one.

Crappy Husband explains a little bit about the radius and the ulna and then gives Crappy Boy the thumbs-up sign and says:

But Crappy Boy just looks confused.

Finally, he says:

So I explain that it means “cool” or “awesome,” but that people don’t use it as much anymore.

Then Crappy Boy says:

And he goes on to say that Pops, his grandpa, says
nifty
sometimes.

Rad.

BEDTIME ROUTINE

We take turns doing the bedtime routine with the kids, but Crappy Husband isn’t very good at it.

The only person he can get to sleep is himself.

MY PARENTING VACATIONS

It is the end of a very long day. The kids have fought nonstop. The house is a disaster. I need a vacation.

Don’t worry. I always return from vacation early.

PARENTING METHODS

Crappy Husband doesn’t read parenting advice books, he doesn’t read parenting advice blogs and he certainly doesn’t care about the various “parenting styles” that parents label themselves with. He thinks it’s mostly a waste of time.

I, on the other hand, devour everything, especially when we’re dealing with a new, challenging behavior by one of the kids. Since Crappy Husband doesn’t read the books, I give him a brief synopsis of each one and it always goes something like this:

I tell him all the things we’ve been doing wrong and what we should be doing instead.

Then he reminds me that last week it was something different and that next week I’ll be saying something totally new. It’s like I’m in my very own Parenting Book of the Week book club. By the time I narrow down how I truly think we should start dealing with the behavior, it stops.

OUR WEDDING ANNIVERSARY

I remember our last pre-kids wedding anniversary. I was pregnant with Crappy Boy.

We went to a fancy restaurant, just the two of us. We daydreamed about how great it was going to be to have a family.

More than a handful of years and two kids later, we recently celebrated another anniversary. This time at home. With the kids.

Here’s to having a family!

We were right though. Having a family
is
pretty great. Just rarely during dinner.