Married For Jeremy (Under Fire Book 1) (4 page)

              "James, why did you come find me?"

              "Mostly because Grandma asked me to, partly because anyone lost in these woods is in trouble, and partly because I like you too much to have you die in a freak accident."

              "Even after everything I said this morning?"

              "Yeah, you were just mad. So was I.”

              "I guess." Ellen tipped her head back to look at him and their eyes met. His look had changed. He'd been treating her in the same calm, patient manner he'd used when she got hurt yesterday, but this was different.

              "Ellen, do you think of us as serious?"

              "I don't know. I have to think about it."

              "How long do you think that will take?" James gently caught her chin in his fingers.

              “I’m not sure.”

              “Maybe this will help.” James leaned down and kissed her.

              Ellen wasn't cold anymore. His kiss left her warm all over. She forgot they were, or rather, she was, lost in the woods in a storm.

              "What do you think now?" James asked.

              "Where’d you learn to kiss like that?"

“I’m not telling.” He gave her a boyish, mischievous grin. “You like it?”

She nodded once.

She hadn't meant for him to kiss her again, but he did, with precision that suggested a lot of previous practice. "James, com'on, stop." Ellen pushed him off. "You're acting like a lovesick teenager."

              "Maybe I am, just a little older." He grinned at her. "We'd better get back home though. Wait here a minute."

              James got up and scouted around their immediate area with his flashlight.

              “What are you looking for?”

              “The trail.”

              “You mean you don’t know where it is?”

              “I followed your tracks off it, but most of them are probably washed away now. The trail could be partly washed out too.”

              “How are we going to find our way home?” Ellen asked frantically.

              “I have my ways.”

              “Oh, so we’re going to follow the North Star?” Ellen asked sarcastically.

              “If you can see it, let me know,” James said in an annoyed tone. He put his hand on a nearby tree. “It’s this way.” He gestured to his left, then picked up his backpack, shouldered it, then reached for her hand. “Com’on, let’s go.”

              “How do you know what way to go?” Ellen asked, taking his hand reluctantly.

              “Moss only grows on the north side of the trees. We want to go west, which is this way.”

              “Don’t you carry a compass in your backpack?”

              “No, don’t need one. Everywhere I go, there’s either sky or trees so I’m good.” 

              He held her hand all the way back to the parking lot. “You should leave your car here and come with me to my place,” he said as they exited the trail.

“I’ll be fine.”

“Just until the rain stops.”

“No, I’m okay to go home.” Ellen stopped beside her car. “Thank you, though. I’m not sure what would’ve happened if you hadn’t come.”

“I’d rather not consider that possibility,” James said quietly.

Chapter 4

              Ellen saw James two nights later. He was leaning against the reception desk, legs crossed and looking like he could stay there comfortably for a long time. “Hey, how’s it going?”

              “Fine.” Ellen stopped at the desk.

              “When do you get off?”

              “In an hour.”

              “Come over and I’ll make you supper.”

              “All right.” Ellen agreed.

              When she arrived at James’s house, he was standing by his stove, frying something “Wow, this smells good,” Ellen commented.

              “You’re surprised?” James laughed.

              “I guess. What is it?”

              “Fish. I caught it this morning. Have a seat, it’s almost done.”

              Ellen sat down in a kitchen chair.

              He’d pan fried the fish, and she didn’t remember a time when she’d enjoyed a meal more. When they were finished, James suggested they sit on the couch and watch the sun set. Remembering how out of control their kisses had felt the last time, she didn’t sit close to him.

              Soon the sky began to show streaks of colour. It was one of the best sunsets she’d ever seen. “Wow, this is amazing.”

              “Just like you.”

              She looked up and realized he’d moved and was right beside her. His arm came around her and he looked at her for a long time. “Can I kiss you again?”

              Ellen didn’t know how to turn him down and in some ways she didn’t want to. His desire for her made her feel things she’d never felt before.  His arm held her tighter and his fingers tipped her chin up. He leaned down and their lips met briefly. “You are so amazing,” he whispered against her mouth as he rested his forehead against hers. “I really think I’m beginning to love you.”

              “Love me?”

              “Yes.” He cupped her face with his hands. “Ellen, I love you.” He kissed her again and this time she found herself combing her fingers into his hair and kissing him back with a passion she didn’t know she had. She opened her eyes momentarily and realized it was mostly dark in the room. James gently pushed her down on the couch, holding her close. Several minutes passed, then James looked down at her. “You know, my bed’s a lot more comfortable.”

              Ellen’s conscience told her she’d made the wrong choice the next morning when she woke up still near him. So much for being a good Catholic now.

His steady breathing told her he was still asleep. She got out of bed and looked for her clothes. They were scattered over the floor, so she gathered them up and scrambled into them. Maybe if she just left quietly, she could forget this ever happened.

              She was pulling her shoes on when James came out, wearing jeans and no shirt. “Ellen, where are you going?”

              “Home, like I should’ve done hours ago.”

              “Don’t you want breakfast first?”

              “No.”

              “Ellen, Baby, don’t be mad at me. It was just a little fun. Nobody ever has to know.”

              “But you and I know, and God knows and I can’t believe I was so foolish.” Ellen reached for the doorknob.

              “Ellen, do you have to leave mad?”

              “I shouldn’t have come at all. I don’t think I ever want to see you again.” She strode out, letting the door slam shut behind her. 

              James watched her leave. She’d get over it. Once wouldn’t hurt anything.

Ellen felt funny, something wasn’t right. A few of the residents had recently recovered from stomach flu, so she hoped she wasn’t getting it too. On the way into the apartment building, she stopped to pick up her mail. There was a letter addressed in scratchy, unfamiliar handwriting. She sorted through the advertisements and bills and tossed out the junk mail she didn't plan to read. Heading up to her apartment, she put the mail on the table, then picked up the strange letter.

Tearing it open, she looked at the signature at the bottom first. It was from James. He'd butchered the spelling, and his handwriting was nearly illegible, but she made out that he still loved her, hoped she wasn't still mad at him, and wanted to get back together with her sometime. Forget that. She'd managed to avoid him at the nursing home most days and if she saw him coming, she went another way.

              She swallowed hard against the nausea. She had to be getting sick. At least tomorrow was her day off, not that she wanted to spend her day off with a case of stomach flu. She went to the cupboard and checked to see if she had any gingerale or crackers. She had lots, so she moved to the couch to see if there was anything on TV.

              The next morning, Ellen woke up feeling like she'd just gotten off a rollercoaster. She took a deep breath and tried to swallow. So, she was in for a day with the flu. Great. The funny thing was, the feeling came and went. The residents had been a lot sicker than this, though maybe that could be attributed to age. It wasn't until that evening that she realized what it was. She was browsing the advertisements that had come the previous day and was skimming over the one from the local drug store. It was advertising a sale on various women's products from feminine hygiene to supplements. Her eyes scanned the bottom right corner and the truth hit her like a truckload of bricks.

The page had a cut out coupon for pregnancy tests. Getting up, she quickly changed her clothes, got her purse and headed for the store. She felt funny buying the test, but knew it was the only way to find out. She tried it that night and sat on the edge of the tub, trembling while she waited for the results. It was the longest fifteen minutes of her life. Hands still shaking, she picked up the test. Positive.

              Life was so unfair. How could this have happened? Her mind wandered back to the particular night and how it had felt when James held her in his arms. She had felt wanted and secure, but look where it had gotten her. She didn't want to have a baby, much less raise it alone and eventually have to explain to it that it was a result of a one night stand with a man she barely knew. Sighing, she walked out to the living room and slumped onto the couch. Next time she saw James, she was going to kill him. This was all his fault.

              A doctor's appointment a week later only confirmed her suspicions. "You are indeed pregnant Ellen." The doctor told her. "But if this is going to inconvenience you, there's no need to carry it to term."

              "How is that possible?"

              "There are several simple ways to terminate the pregnancy."

              "No," Ellen said firmly. "I really don't want this baby, but I won't kill it."

              "It's your choice."

              "I'm keeping the baby."

              "Then I would recommend you try to contact the baby's father, if you know who he is. He'll owe you child support once the baby is born, or perhaps he'll be willing to raise the baby. Do you know who the father is?"

              "Yes." Did he think she'd been sleeping around? "And I'll tell him." Then kill him.

              His truck was in his driveway when she drove by, so she pulled in. Still angry, she strode up to the door and rapped so hard her hand hurt. "Hold it, what's the hurry, I'm coming." The door swung open. James hadn't shaved in awhile, and he was wearing a rather dirty flannel shirt untucked from his jeans with the sleeves rolled up. “Ellen?” He regarded her with an amused stare.

              "James." Her voice was curt.

              "I didn't think I'd see you again, com'on in." He held the door for her. "Sorry I'm a mess, I've been cutting wood the past couple days, you know, getting ready for winter." There was no need to mention that winter had hardly passed and summer was still on its way.

              "We need to talk." It was unfortunate he still looked so good, even when he was dirty.

              "Okay." He smiled.

              "I'm pregnant, and I'm here to see what you're going to do about it."

              His smile faded and he looked white as a sheet. For a second, she thought he was going to faint. "Um, can we sit down for a minute?"

              "I guess."

              They walked into the living room and Ellen took the straight backed chair, not wanting to be anywhere near him. James flopped onto the couch. "Okay, pass this by me again?"

              "I am pregnant. With your baby. I want to know what you plan to do about that." Ellen spoke slowly, letting each word sink in.

              "What do you want me to do?" James asked, when he found his voice.

              "I don't know."

              "Well, I'll pay child support."

              "I don't need your money."

              "It's the right thing to do."

              "I guess. The doctor told me I could abort the baby."

              James sat bolt upright. "Ellen, please, don't do that."

              "I won't. I can't."

              "Good, because if you don't want the baby, I'll take care of it after it’s born."

              "See, that's what I don't know. I don't want to raise a baby, but I don't know if I trust you enough to let you raise it."

              "We could do the joint custody thing."

              "I really don't like that."

              "Then why don't we get married?" James asked with a shrug.

              "Are you kidding?"

              "No. We could get married, the kid would look legitimate, it would have two parents and we'd be okay."

              "And you think I'd agree to that?"

              "I'm just putting it out there." James leaned forward and his voice softened. "Com'on Ellen, we had a good thing going. I saw the way you were looking at me that night. The way you responded to me. I was starting to get to you. With a little bit of work, we could have a good relationship."

              "If you'd kept your hands off me, we'd still have a relationship."

              "That's not fair. You can't pin this all on me."

              "Why not?"

              "Because you were there too, I sure didn't have to force you into my bed."

              "I know, but you should've quit messing around with me before we went so far."

              "So we'll know for next time," James said sarcastically.

              "There won't be a next time. I don't know what I'm going to do, but I'm not marrying you and you'll be lucky if you ever get to see your child." She got up and stormed out of his house again.

              This time, he didn't bother following her. It wasn't any use.

              James spent the evening sitting down at the water, dangling bare feet in the water. He'd been trying to break in a new pair of workboots and they'd given him blisters. He needed something to do, but most of his firewood was already taken care of, and it was his weekend off from work. He knew he was going to need something to occupy his time or he was going to go crazy.

              Sighing, he ran his fingers through his hair. He was a father to a child he'd probably never see. He stood up and picked up his socks and the stiff new boots. The water was still cold, but maybe he'd go for a swim instead of taking a shower. The house seemed far too empty and he didn't feel like being alone.

              James had planned to do some yard work after working at the store the next day, but it had started raining on the drive home. James found himself housebound with nothing to do. He decided to start a load of laundry, but once that was done, he got bored and started thinking about Ellen. How could something that felt so right be so wrong?

              His grandmother would have a lot to say about it. That was for sure. He knew she still prayed for him, but it didn’t change how he felt about church, and God for that matter.

              The house got dark from the clouds overhead, and James heard the rumble of thunder in the distance. It got louder and soon the room was lit up with frequent lightning flashes. James didn't mind, he liked storms for the most part. The wind blew a small tree branch back and forth against his window, creating a scratching sound.

              He sat down on the couch across from the bay window to watch the storm over the lake. It lasted for a long time and just as thunder was fading into the distance, his pager went off for a hydro line down. Figured, in this weather.

              The rain had almost stopped, but it was still windy outside as he headed for his truck. He headed for the hall, not in a huge hurry since he knew they'd have to sit and watch the wire for some time before the power company came and dealt with it. He still ended up driving the pumper and staying at the call late into the night. His friend and mentor Roy ended up offering to stay with him and let the rest of the crew go home since they weren't needed.