Marrying Daisy Bellamy (8 page)

Unexpected tears stung her eyes. “You never told me you loved him.”

“Daisy. He's your son. He's never asked for anything except to be loved. How can I not love that?”

Her heart turned to mush; she loved hearing him talk this way.

“He can't help it if his father's a douche—”

“Julian.” She knew he was still thinking of the fight on the train platform, the night everything had fallen apart. The fight had not caused the problem. The fight had been the culmination of the problem. The mushy part was over, clearly.

“I'd never say that in front of the kid, but come on. And honestly, no matter what I think of Logan, I'd never let on to Charlie. And I'd never want to interfere with that relationship. I had a great dad. He wasn't perfect, but I thought the world of him. So yeah, I get that Logan has to be part of Charlie's life. A big part.”

“I'm glad you understand. There are a few things in my life that are completely certain,” she reminded Julian. “The most important is my son. Every choice I make is dictated by what's best for Charlie.”

“I understand.”

“Another constant is Logan. He is Charlie's dad, which means he'll always be part of my life, no matter what.”

“Is he still in love with you?”

She could still hear Logan's voice in her ears, loud and clear.
I'll always love you, Daisy. I'll wait as long as it takes.

She ducked her head to hide her expression, but apparently she wasn't quick enough.

“I see,” said Julian.

“I don't think you do. I can't tell you what Logan is thinking. Persistence is his middle name. I swear, I don't encourage him. You know that. I want… God, Julian. I want this to be simple. Why is it so hard?”

The rowboat bumped against the mooring bulkhead at the tiny island. Julian pulled a rope around a cleat. Then he extended a hand and helped her to the dock.

He sat on the weathered wooden planks and drew her down beside him. “Have a seat. This might take a while.”

“It might?”

“I've got a lot to say to you.”

Something in his tone made her shiver despite the heat. “I'm listening.”

He steepled his fingers together and stared into the lake for a long moment. The still water was a mirror of dark glass. “It's
not
hard. I'm not saying I hold all the answers. God knows, I didn't have much to go on when I was a kid. My dad was all about intellect and process and the scientific method. My mom was focused on her acting career, her image, herself. I've spent the past few weeks wondering if I even have the emotional hardware for the kind of relationship I want with you.”

She was stunned speechless to hear him talking like this. Maybe her silence was a good thing, because he was being more honest with her than he'd ever been before.

“And I wondered why danger and risk feel good to me. Maybe it's because whenever I took a risk and put myself in danger, people paid attention, sometimes just to yell at me. Even Connor—the sole reason we had a relationship at all was that he had to take charge of me when I got into trouble. But you, Daisy. You're the first person who didn't pay attention to me because I
was doing something dangerous. You paid attention because…hell, I don't know, but I know it felt different. Everything about you is different, the way you look and smell, the way you feel in my arms.”

They weren't even touching, yet Daisy had never felt closer to anyone than she did to Julian at this moment. She didn't dare move or speak because she sensed this was hard for him and didn't want him to stop.

“I was seventeen years old the first time I met you,” he said, still staring into their reflection in the water, “and I wish I'd paid more attention then to the way you made me feel. Maybe I would've had the sense to find a way to stay close to you, after we parted ways that summer, instead of watching you head off to a bad situation. When I found out you were pregnant, I thought it was a sign that you'd taken another path. A path that didn't include me. And all through college, I guess I felt like I had to prove myself to you. You know, the beautiful rich girl. And any way you cut it, I'm from the wrong side of the tracks. It's ridiculous to think about me and a Bellamy, for Chrissake. I didn't see how you and I would ever connect. We come from totally different worlds.”

She held her breath. Was he saying they were incompatible, that love wasn't enough? “Julian—”

“Hang on, I'm getting to the point. Where we come from doesn't have to matter. I'm not going to worry about what other people will say, the color of our skin and what our kids might look like. What matters is…it's us. Our hopes and dreams and what we want our lives to be.”

He kissed her swiftly, his warm lips lingering against hers, his breath gusting over her cheek. “Whew,” he said. “That's, like, the longest speech I've ever given. Sorry if I rambled.”

She could listen to him talk like that forever. “You didn't ramble.”

“I've been practicing what I wanted to say. In my head. God, don't think I was walking around campus, spouting stuff about hopes and dreams. But I meant every word.” With that, he got up and grabbed the picnic bag, bringing it to the steps of the gazebo, built some years ago for her grandparents' golden anniversary. She followed, still entranced by the things he'd said. There was no one around. The gazebo was broadcasting music from somewhere. She recognized the old classic, “Wonderful Tonight” by Eric Clapton.

“Whoa,” she said. “Is someone here?”

“We are now.” Julian set down the bag. Turning to face her, he paused for what felt like a full minute and studied her face. She did the same, seeing love and pain in the yearning in his eyes.

“Thanks for coming here with me,” he said at last, bending down to kiss her again.

“Thanks for bringing me,” she said, feeling drunk from the taste of him. “It's been an awesome day.”

“We're just getting started.” He took out a bottle of champagne and two glasses.

When he uncorked the champagne with a loud
thwok,
Daisy felt a surge of excitement. “Julian?”

“Hang on,” he said, putting his arm around her. “You okay?”

“I'm kind of shaking.” The Eric Clapton song was perfect, romantic and true. He was a guy from an older generation, but his music told the stories in her own heart.

She didn't drink the champagne. She was too nervous; she might upchuck on herself and ruin everything.

“I wanted to say this here because I know it's a special place to you.”

She nodded. “Sacred ground. To the Bellamy family, anyway.”

“I'm glad I got to meet your grandparents on their fiftieth anniversary. I'd never met anyone who'd been married that long.”

It had been the most special of days, not only for her grandparents but for all the Bellamys. Daisy had been in enormous emotional pain that summer, yet she could still appreciate the wonder of a love that had endured for half a century.

“It gave me hope,” she said.

“It gave me a dream.” He took both her hands in his and turned to face her. “I want what they have, Daisy. I was a kid back then, we both were. We're adults now, and the dream hasn't changed, not for me anyway. It's only grown stronger.”

His kiss was gentle, searching, full of yearning. She felt so emotional, she thought she might fly into a million pieces.

“All those places we flew over today,” he said, “they mean something to me because of what we shared there.”

“They're special to me, too,” she said, her throat aching with the words.

He nodded, swallowed hard, as if gathering his thoughts. “I have to go away soon. I have a job to do, a duty…it's what I signed up for. Life is unpredictable, so I have to do this while I have the chance.”

“Do what?” Somewhere in her heart she knew already, and her pulse raced almost out of control.

“My service in the air force is not forever. I'm saving
‘forever' for you, Daisy. I don't want to live my life without you.”

With that, he sank down on one knee before her.

Everything stopped. Time, breath, reality, the world on its axis. Even the wind seemed to quiet. She could feel the sweet air on her skin, and birdsong rang in her ears, mingling with the music from the hidden speakers. At the center of it all was Julian, looking at her with love shining from the deepest part of him.

She wanted to say something, she didn't know what, but her voice felt trapped, frozen in her throat. She wasn't able to utter a sound, which was probably a good thing, because for some inexplicable reason, she hovered on the verge of tears. She couldn't believe this moment was happening to her.

“Daisy Bellamy, I've loved you since our first summer at Willow Lake,” he said. “I swear, I'll never stop. Will you marry me?”

Though this was something she'd dreamed of, fantasized about, hoped for in a secret place in her heart, she was unprepared for the emotion that jolted through her, almost violent in its intensity.
Will you marry me?

Her thoughts reeled. She knew she should think about all the reasons she couldn't be with him, the dangers and drawbacks of giving herself and her young son to a man like Julian. Charlie needed security and stability. She needed…she needed… The tears fell and her heart spoke before her brain could object. “I would love to marry you, Julian Gastineaux. With all my heart, I would love it.”

He laughed aloud and took a ring from his pocket, a simple diamond solitaire on a slender gold band. “They knew your size at Palmquist's,” he said, slipping in on her finger.

For a split second, she flashed on a memory of Logan's Christmas Eve proposal, that humiliating night she could never quite get out of her head. Logan had gone to the same jeweler.

“It's perfect,” she said, distancing herself from that memory. “It fits perfectly.”

“Really?” He stood and picked her up with him, as though she were as light as air.

“Really,” she said, kissing him and brimming over with a happiness so intense, it felt like a kind of pain.

He set her down, and they held each other for a long time. She pressed her cheek to his chest and listened to the throb of his heart. The past few minutes had changed her life. She was going to marry this man. It was unbelievable.

“I didn't know I'd be asking you today. I've been waiting for the right time. When you told me you loved me, I figured it was a sign.”

She pressed her cheek against his chest, listening to the powerful throb of his heart. This was not the conversation she thought they would be having today. This was…a dream come true. “I couldn't keep it in any longer.”

“I know what I'm asking, because of my job,” he said. “But I also know we're going to make this work, I swear.”

“Yes,” she said and kissed him again, feeling giddy with elation.

She set her camera on timer and leapt into the frame with him, eager to mark this precious, precious day with a picture together. The viewfinder showed them on the dock with their arms around each other, the late-afternoon sun suffusing the scene with a golden glow. In her professional life, Daisy had taken many photos
that were technically superior and more sophisticated than this shot. But never, ever had she captured a more joyous moment.

A sense of wonder held the world at bay and kept reality from intruding. For now, she savored the sweetness of knowing their love had a future. How could a feeling this powerful be wrong? It was a palpable thing. Nothing could stand in their way.

D
aisy sat for a moment in Logan's driveway, collecting her thoughts. Only yesterday when she'd dropped off Charlie, she never could have imagined this moment. Julian wanted to marry her. She'd said yes. So simple. She knew it wasn't, but she had to believe they could make it happen.

She flexed her left hand on the steering wheel. The brand-new diamond glinted in the sun.
Surreal
.

She got out of the car and could hear laughter coming from the backyard. Her heart lifted at the sound of her child's voice, and she hurried around the side of the house.

Logan and Charlie were playing monster, a game they'd invented. It had intricate, unwritten rules only they understood. The play involved Logan hunkering down like an ogre, making threatening noises as he stalked Charlie around the yard. Once caught, Charlie was subjected to loud, smacking kisses all over his bare belly, which never failed to cause him to shriek with glee.

The two of them were beautiful together, so alike as they threw themselves into the fun, given to moments of
joy that consumed them both. For a few minutes, they were lost in their hilarity and didn't notice her, standing at the garden gate.

Without really letting herself think about why, she slipped off the ring and stashed it deep in the pocket of her jeans.

“Hey, you two,” she called.

They fell apart, sprawling on the ground. “Mommy!” Charlie yelled and picked himself up, staggering toward her, drunk with laughter. “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too.” Her spirits were buoyed by her son, like always. The sweet sound of his voice, the smell of his skin, the sturdy weight of him in her arms, reminded her that he was her reason for living. He was an unasked-for blessing, precious beyond imagining. Since the moment he was born, she had never had a thought or made a decision without his interests in mind. Her entire life had been fashioned around what was best for Charlie—the college she'd chosen, the path of her career, the town where she lived, the friends she chose. Her pathetic lack of a love life—until lately.

Already, a short time after saying yes to Julian, she realized something. Charlie was not at the center of this decision.

“Thanks for keeping him,” she said to Logan.

“No problemo.”

“Let's go inside and get his stuff.”

Awkward, she thought. This was a circumstance most books on etiquette and protocol didn't seem to address. How do you tell the father of your child you just got engaged to someone else?

Particularly when the father of your child had already proposed and been turned down?

Maybe Logan sensed something weighing on her mind. He gave Charlie a juice box, put him in front of the TV and turned on
Dora the Explorer
. “What's up?”

“Um, something
has
come up,” she said.

He groaned. “Not the dog thing.”

She gave a startled laugh. “What?”

“Yeah, Charlie told me you were talking about getting a dog.”

She hadn't expected the conversation to go that way. “Actually, I was. This summer, in fact. I haven't figured out exactly when, but I'd like to take him to the rescue shelter and pick out a dog.”

“Why would you want to do that?” Logan broke out a bundle from the laundry service and extracted several items that belonged to Charlie. To Daisy's knowledge, Logan had never done laundry in his life. Though determined to take on the manly chores of home repair, he couldn't abide housework. It was the way he'd been raised—you sent your laundry out to be done or hired someone in. She personally had no love for doing laundry, and on the surface Logan's aversion seemed like a harmless enough quirk. Yet Daisy made sure that at her house, Charlie was learning the simple basics of doing laundry. She couldn't quite put her finger on why it was important—but she sensed that it was. A kid needed to learn responsibility, starting small.

Which brought her back to the matter of the dog, an easier topic to tackle than the real issue—she'd just agreed to marry a guy Logan couldn't stand. “Why wouldn't I want to get a dog? It's a great thing to do for a kid. Taking care of a pet teaches him all the important life lessons—empathy, duty, gentleness, compassion—”

“Dogs die,” Logan said bluntly. “No matter how well you take care of them and how much you love them, they die and take your heart with them. You never outlive a dog. It's a biological fact. So by getting a dog, you're basically handing the kid a tragedy to deal with, something that could mess him up for the rest of his life.”

His vehemence took her aback. “Whoa, where is all this all coming from?”

“Simple common sense, that's where. You get him a dog now, and it'll become his best friend. That's what kids and dogs do. They become best friends.”

“Exactly. So…”

“So you're setting him up to experience the death of his best friend. Hell, maybe he'll even be the one to have to euthanize the animal. You ever read
Old Yeller?
I don't know about you, but I'm guessing most kids do fine without having to put their pets to death.”

“Wow, Logan. You have some strong opinions about this. I had no idea.”

“Now you do.”

She wondered if one day he'd explain what was behind his dark view of the subject. Meanwhile, she refused to let him keep Charlie from having this kind of joy in his life. “I have opinions of my own on the subject. And I don't choose to see every pet as a tragedy waiting to happen to an unsuspecting little boy. I see it as a huge chance for love and joy, memories to cherish for a lifetime. Losing a pet doesn't ruin a person's life. It simply doesn't work that way.”

“Sounds like you're going to do what you want,” he said.

“It's something I want for Charlie,” she said. “And for me. I never had a dog growing up, and I always wanted one.”

“Yeah, well, I did have a dog.”

“I never knew that, Logan.”

“Because I don't talk about it.”

“You can, you know. Talk about it.”

“Thanks, I'll pass. Reliving the death of my best friend was not on my agenda today.”

“Logan. I'm sorry.”

He waved away her concern and went back to sorting Charlie's laundry.

She cleared her throat, trying to calm the flutters in her stomach. “When I said something came up, I wasn't really thinking about the dog.” She spoke in low tones, and that caught his attention.

“Okay,” he said. “So, what's up?”

She kept her gaze steady as she regarded Logan, seeing him in all the phases of his life, from a mischievous boy in grade school to the man he was today. He was a good dad, and they cared for each other deeply. A feeling of sadness undercut her joy. Taking a breath, she found herself wishing for a way to soften the news; she hadn't even said this aloud yet, it was so new. “I'm going to marry Julian.”

Logan turned to stone, right before her eyes.

She could feel the silent hurt emanating from him.
Oh, Logan.
“I'm telling you first because you're so important to Charlie. I'm going to explain it to him as best I can. The main thing I need him to understand is that he's still going to have his mom and dad, same as ever.”

“Right. And how will you explain the stepfather?” Logan demanded.

It felt strange to hear Julian referred to as a stepfather. “Lots of people have stepdads,” she pointed out. “Including me. My mom's husband, Noah, is incredible. I adore him, you know that. He'll never replace my dad, but I feel really lucky to have them both in my life.”

“When did you turn into such a bullshit artist?” Logan demanded.

She inhaled another breath. Easy does it. She could hardly expect his blessing. “It's all really new. It just happened and there isn't a concrete plan at the moment. I'm
not going to do anything rash or impulsive. I've loved him for a long time.” It was almost a relief to say the words aloud.

“You love an illusion, Daisy. A dream. It isn't real.” He held up a hand to stop her objections. “Hear me out. I kind of hoped I wouldn't need to say this. We've never had a formal arrangement about Charlie because we haven't had to. But if you marry this guy, move halfway around the globe, that changes things. Like that time you took Charlie to live overseas,” he reminded her, conveniently forgetting the reason for her departure. “Those months apart about killed me.”

Her blood chilled. Logan had been incensed when she'd taken off, despite the fact that he'd been the very cause of the Christmas Eve disaster. He had even engaged a lawyer to assert his paternal rights.

“We'll make it work,” she promised. “I've always tried to make it easy for you and Charlie to be together, you know that.”

He stared at her for a long time, his eyes reflecting a world of hurt. “It's never been easy,” he said.

 

Julian paced the dock, feeling the sun beat down on his bare back. He couldn't believe it was finally happening—he was marrying Daisy Bellamy.

She had gone to pick up Charlie from his dad's. The plan was for the three of them to spend the rest of the day together here at Camp Kioga. The afternoon was on fire with unseasonable heat, so a swim in the lake was on the agenda.

First, they would have the big talk with Charlie. He was too young to fully understand, but they didn't want him hearing things peripherally and feeling confused. Today, they would explain as best they could in terms
he would understand that they were going to get married and the three of them would be a family.

The idea made Julian's heart expand. He was elated, excited, on top of the world. The decision felt so right he couldn't sit still, so he paced the dock some more, watching the sunlight glint on the lake. He knew full well this was not going to be a cakewalk, but he was going to make this work if it killed him. It was what he wanted, what he'd always wanted—to love Daisy and make a life with her.

At last she arrived, parking near the dock.

“Look who came to see you,” she said, beaming at Julian as she helped Charlie out of his car seat.

For a moment, the glare of the sun came from behind Daisy. Julian could only see her in silhouette, the woman he loved, holding an equally beloved child. Then she stepped into the light, and reality intruded.

Charlie was another man's son, with the lily-white skin and flame-red hair to prove it.

Julian knew he'd have no trouble loving this kid. But loving the fact that Logan would always be in the picture? More of a challenge, for sure.

“Hey there, my buddy,” he said.

“Hey there, Daddy-boy.”

“How you doing?”

Bashful, Charlie rubbed his eyes, then tucked his face into the crook of Daisy's neck.

“Now, there's a boy who loves his mama,” Julian remarked. He bent and kissed Daisy's cheek, then the top of Charlie's sun-warm head. “I love your mama, too,” he added.

“Mom said I could swim,” Charlie informed him. “We already got our suits on.”

“Me, too,” said Julian.

“Let's go down by the lake,” she suggested.

They headed to a grassy area where the water lapped gently at the shore. “Can we swim now?” asked Charlie.

She'd warned Julian that the kid had the attention span of a fruit fly, so he figured he'd better get down to business.

“Hey, super-Charlie,” Julian said. “Your mom and I are going to get married.” He paused. Charlie plucked at a blade of grass.

“Married,” Julian repeated. “Do you know what that means?”

Charlie offered a tiny smile that could mean anything.

“It means we're going to be a family,” said Daisy.

“Mom, Dad, Charlie,” said the kid.

Julian and Daisy locked eyes. The boy was clear on who the members of his family were.

“In this new kind of family,” Julian said, “there will be three of us—Charlie, mom and me, er, Daddy-boy.”

“And Dad,” Charlie said reasonably.

“Your dad will still be your dad,” Julian said. “That's not going to change.”

“Okay.” Charlie strained toward the water. “Let's go swimming.”

Daisy turned to Julian. “That went well.”

“Did it?” He wasn't so sure.

“Come on!” yelled Charlie.

“Come on, yourself,” Julian said. He raced to the end of the dock and launched himself off the end, limbs flailing to make as big a splash as possible. The water was cold but exhilarating. He dove deep, his chest brushing
the gritty bottom of the lake. He surfaced to find Daisy standing at the end of the dock, holding Charlie's hand.

Charlie was wearing a tiny flotation vest. Daisy peeled off her Yankees jersey to reveal a bikini that made Julian glad the water was so cold, taming his involuntary reaction.

“I'm gonna jump,” Charlie yelled.

“Ready, set, jump,” said Daisy.

Charlie snatched his hand away. “I'm scared.”

“I'll hold your hand, and we can jump together,” Daisy said. “And Julian will catch you.”

Julian treaded water, holding up both hands, palms out. “I got you, buddy.”

“No,” the little boy reiterated. “You jump, Mom.”

“You don't want to do it with me?”

“Scared.”

“It's okay to be scared. Nobody's going to make you jump.”

“But I
want
to.”

She shook her head. “Then…”

“You jump,” Charlie repeated.

“Fine. It's really easy and fun.” Daisy jumped. Julian could hear her gasping for breath as she hit the water. She surfaced, laughing. “Come on in, Charlie! I'll catch you.”

“No,” he said, dancing from foot to foot. “Julian.”

“Whenever you're ready, my buddy.” Julian observed the war between longing and apprehension in Charlie's face.

Charlie turned away. “Don't want to jump today,” he said.