Mary's Guardian (6 page)

‘This isn’t Lincoln, lass.’ William’s voice was quite harsh. He moved close to her and took the carrot from her hand, letting it drop to the ground. ‘Listen to me, Mary. You mustn‘t give up. Do you hear me?’ He shook her shoulders lightly. ‘Everyone’s hungry here. We wouldn’t just be thrown in prison here. We’d be hanged for so much as stealing a piece of bread. No, it’s either we all survive or we all starve.’

‘So what are you suggestin’ then?’ She looked up at him defiantly, her hands going to her hips.

‘Let’s go and see what you’ve got in that trap you’ve set behind the trees, eh?’ His face lightened. ‘Who knows? Perhaps this is our lucky day.’

‘Lucky day…no such thing,’ Mary muttered but followed him behind the tent and a short way into the bush where she’d set up a trap, hoping that one of the small bush rodents would stumble into it. There was little available to use as a lure for such a trap; a tiny piece of carrot or cheese had to be sacrificed in the hope of a bigger prize. And then they had to be careful to hide the trap well or their bait would be stolen by hungry convicts more willing to settle for the smallest scrap than to make more of an effort themselves.

‘It’ll be empty, I know,’ Mary anticipated glumly, taking quick small steps to keep up with William’s longer stride.

‘Now, don’t be pessimistic,’ he chided. ‘We can only hope some of these little animals are taken by surprise by our methods.’

‘That they would be,’ she giggled, cheering a little with the distraction from her garden work. ‘They’re used to a spear striking without warning. With the traps they could get to our dinner table just taking an afternoon stroll.’

‘What a nice thought.’

‘An afternoon stroll or a roo rat for dinner?’ Her voice was quietly cheeky.

‘Either,’ William answered without slowing his steps.

Mary was sure he was genuinely expressing his desire to spend more time with her but she did wish he’d say it more plainly. She was trying to get up the courage to ask him more directly how he felt about her when she spotted a small animal sniffing around the front of her trap. She grabbed William’s arm and pulled him back, pointing at the animal and indicating he should stay quiet and still. He halted immediately and they both stood watching as the brown furry creature poked and scratched around the base of the tree, its nose going into the air after a moment as if it were picking up a strange scent. It had small twitching ears and a long thin tail and looked more like an overgrown gutter rat than anything they once might have considered eating. Nevertheless, they’d been assured by those who’d made attempts to communicate with the natives, that these were perfectly good eating. So they stood very still and continued to watch hopefully, though not daring to let their imaginations run to a hot meal for their dinner this night.

The animal started to move away from the trap, apparently not interested in the scrap that Mary had secreted there. She began to lose patience and inched forward. The animal stopped with its back to them and began again to scratch in the earth. Assuming it was more likely to have its fill with some small grub or insect, Mary threw caution to the wind and launched herself in the direction of the small creature, determined to grab it by the tail. It was gone in a flash, leaving her sprawled alongside the tree, her skirts having flown up around her knees and her face planted in the grass.

William couldn’t move for laughing and was still doubled up with mirth when she pulled herself upright and turned to him with a furious scowl.

‘Why didn’t you help me, you useless piece of lard?’ She brushed down her skirt and pushed back her hair but then she could maintain her angry face no longer. She too doubled up with laughter as they moved back together and fell into each other’s arms.

‘You tried, love. You tried.’ William managed after he’d contained his laughter. ‘Looks like it’s fish tonight after all, eh?’

‘If I can cook it early, before the others finish their work in the garden, perhaps we can share it… just the two of us.’ She looked up at him, still resting against his chest. She felt safe. She was sure she could sense the beating of his heart. ‘What are we going to do, Will?’ Her eyes filled with glassy tears and she laid her head on his shirt and felt his arms tighten around her.

‘What if we tried to get assigned to the new area? Parramatta?’

‘Para…what? Where?’ This was not the direction she’d hoped this moment would lead but he was always surprising her with his ideas.

‘Parramatta. It’s an Aboriginal name for an area the Governor and a few explorers discovered in April. I think they’re going to call it Rose Hill. It’s about twenty miles from here, along the river, and apparently it’s better land for farming. The two of us could request a move to there.’

‘Two of us? You mean…together?’

‘Yes. Mary, you know I want us to be together.’

‘I thought you’d gone off the idea. You haven’t said anything since that first day, when I thought you were proposing.’ She looked up into his eyes, searching for any sign of his feelings for her. He’d looked out for her these past few months since they’d arrived. He’d tried to keep her spirits up and she knew if anyone had dared to approach her with any intention to hurt her, they’d have had his wrath to deal with. But he hadn’t touched her in any way except to console or encourage her. He hadn’t looked to her for any comfort or relief, not the kind of relief she knew men wanted. She was beginning to wonder if he’d sought that from someone else, and if he really had any intention of marrying her at all.

‘I’ve not gone off the idea, honest,’ he said earnestly. ‘I’ve just been waiting for the right time.’

‘Waitin’ to see if I’d die of the scurvy, eh? Or get speared by one of the natives? Or just waitin’ to see if someone better showed up?’ Mary hid her self-doubt with jibes though she knew in her heart William was too decent for anything she said to be true of him.

‘I’ve always cared for you, Mary. It’s just that…’

‘Just nothing, Will. Either you want me or you don’t.’ She pushed back from him and raised her chin, her eyes questioning.

***

William was for a moment speechless. As much as he wanted to shout out his love for her, she always managed to evoke an uncertainty in him. He studied her face, her expression sharp and yet vulnerable. She’d always been part frightened kitten, part snarling tigress and he was still not quite sure which part he might be faced with at any time.

‘I do,’ he eventually said. ‘I do want you, Mary.’ His face was still passive but his arms reached out and drew her back to him. He felt awkward and was annoyed at himself for being so. It was foolish, he knew, for he was sure he wanted them to be together, and yet he was still struggling to think of Mary as a woman, though she clearly was. Even now in her tattered clothes he was aware of the curves of her body. He’d felt stirred at the whiteness of her ankles when she’d fallen trying to catch the roo rat. He often caught himself lately looking at the pink softness of her lips as she spoke; the small dimple in her cheek; the curve of her neck as she dragged her hair high on her head and tried to pin it there, when the heat was unbearable. ‘I’ll talk to Richard Johnson about it right away, if you agree to be married, that is,’ he finally said. ‘He’d be pleased. He’s always going on at Sunday services about marriage being the way forward for the colony.’

‘So you’d marry me for the Reverend’s sake, would you?’

‘That’s not what I meant,’ he stuttered.

‘Oh, for goodness sake, Will. Of course I’ll marry you.’ She jumped back a little and slapped his chest playfully. ‘But I’m not sure about going out to Parra…matta. What about the natives? They’ve been attackin’ people lately. Two more men just got speared by ’em, so I heard.’

‘The natives are only acting in revenge for the killing of their own. Hostility is sure to build up unless prisoner, and soldiers, treat the natives with care. Governor Phillip has said it over and over.’

‘Well, I heard he’s pretty mad about this last killing. I think he’s ready to retaliate.’

‘All the more reason to move further out. There are fewer whites out there and they’re focused on getting the farms going. They’ll take less notice of the blacks. Besides, we need to get out where we can get better food. I was with young John Rogers when he died last week of scurvy. It’s not pretty, Mary. His gums were bleeding and his teeth were falling out. His body had just wasted away. Horrible it was, to see a young man like that.’

‘All right, Will. Let’s do it. You speak to the Reverend, eh?’

‘About getting married?’ His face lit up.

‘Of course, getting married, you daft man.’ She waited, looking deeply into his eyes.

William waited too. He so wanted to drag her into his arms and show his love for her. But there was still some fear that she would be repulsed by any ardor he might show. She had been badly treated by men. She had made it clear from very early that she abhorred their misuse of women’s bodies, their disregard for a woman’s feelings. He studied her eyes, saw the tears again flood into the corners and spill onto her golden lashes. He moved toward her slowly, watching the welcoming warmth in her expression now. He felt her body relax and fall forward, sinking into his arms as he wrapped them around her. Once locked together, she raised her face to him and their kiss followed naturally and deeply. He stroked her curls with one hand, rubbed his fingers around her neck, and as their lips drew apart she nestled her head under his chin. The quiet bush land enveloped them. William became aware of the sharp, pleasant smell of the gum leaves that fluttered lightly above their heads. He felt clean and fresh and very safe. He sensed the softness of her; let it thrill him.

‘I really do love you, my girl,’ he whispered.

‘Yes, Will,’ she responded, her voice muffled in his shirt. ‘I know you do. And I love you, too. I always will.’ She grinned up at him, her cheekiness returning. ‘I think I always have.’

William and Mary were married on the first day of June. Mary washed one of her two sets of clothes and scrubbed her skin and hair till they shone. She stood beside William at the front of the wedding tent trying hard to take in what Reverend Richard Johnson was saying. Though she’d heard it all before, she could still hardly believe that it was William and her now in this spot. She stole a glance sideways and saw the wide smile on his face. Like the cat that swallowed the canary, she thought to herself and almost giggled. Anyone would think he’d been chasing her around the tents for months. But when it came right down to it she didn’t give a tinker’s toss what anyone thought. She and William were meant to be together and now they would be.

They’d go to this new settlement of Rose Hill as William wanted and they’d start a new life. He’d been talking to the Officer in charge of the new settlement and he’d talked Joe Wright into applying to go there too. Always on the look out for the young ones, was William, and that was not likely to change. It was a good sign for when they had their own children, she mused, and then felt herself colour up. She was really getting ahead of things in her mind. One thing at a time, that was what William would say. In fact he’d be rather annoyed she wasn’t concentrating on their wedding service right now. He’d gone to a great deal of trouble to spruce himself up and had told the Reverend he wanted all the right words said over them, so that everyone present would be sure to hear that they meant to hold their marriage very sacred. She sighed deeply and turned her attention to the Reverend who’d just reached out and lifted both their left hands into his own.

‘And let these rings be a sign of the sacred bond that holds you together before God. Wear them faithfully and let them remind you of your promise this day to be faithful to each other for all your days.’

Mary grinned and nodded, wanting Reverend Johnson to see that she had every intention of doing all he said, even though the rings they both wore were simple cloth bands that she’d stitched from the hem of her oldest skirt. She’d embroidered a pattern on them to make them special: a brown stitch for William’s and a blue one for her own. One day perhaps they’d have real rings, he’d promised her, but for now he counted her effort to sew these by the dim light of the lantern in her tent at night, as a precious act of love. He’d said so that morning as they’d approached the tent together. Right after he’d told her that she was the most beautiful girl in Sydney Cove. She let his words sink into her heart.

Reverend Johnson lightly pressed her fingers as he let their hands drop and called the small congregation to prayer, asking a blessing on them and the children they would bear, who would hereafter be known as Australians.

William and Mary linked hands firmly and walked together down the aisle of the tent, nodding and smiling at those who’d witnessed their union. Joe Wright’s face was beaming. Three of the women from Mary’s tent and half a dozen men from William’s were also present. Two of the officers who counted William amongst those prisoners most likely to make a good go of life here, nodded their approval from the back row. A few other couples wished them well as they ducked their heads and emerged into the cold winter air outside the tent. William put his arm around Mary, shielding her from the brisk wind that already had their guests making tracks towards their own tents.

‘So,’ William said as they headed back across the clearing.

Mary waited for him to finish his sentence but he seemed lost for words. ‘That’s it then…husband,’ she said, almost shyly. ‘We’re wed.’ She was surprised at her own dearth of words. When they looked at each other they burst out laughing again.

‘It’s all a bit strange, isn’t it?’ William said, holding her hand up and looking again at her ring.

‘You find it strange already?’ Mary looked dismayed.

‘Not badly strange, silly girl. It’s wonderful. Just a bit hard to take in. Here we are, on the other side of the world to where we met. Married, and soon to make our way out to Rose Hill where we’ll get our own little tent and be helping build a whole new community. Who’d have thought? I can hardly believe it’s true, that’s all.’ He pulled her close and squeezed her shoulders. ‘Did I tell you that you look very beautiful today by the way?’

‘You did, but I’ll not be minding if you feel the need to repeat yourself a few times.’ She giggled.

‘Then I’ll be sure to tell you every day.’

***

Within the month they were settled at Rose Hill in their own small tent in a row set aside for married couples. Though they worked as hard as they’d ever done each day in the garden plots and fields of crops, in the evenings they were happy to sit together over a meal, chat about the day’s achievements and its challenges, plan for the future and then blow out the lamp and lie together, sometimes continuing their talks till late into the night. Other times they enjoyed the pleasures of loving and being loved, learning about each other’s needs, forgetting all the frustrations and hardships of their existence as they gave themselves completely to each other.

***

‘We’re doing well, you know, Mary,’ William said one evening as they finished up a small plate of vegetable stew. ‘I know we’ve little to show for it yet ourselves but the word is that the Governor’s very pleased with the progress out here at Rose Hill. He’s going to have his own residence built here. He sees this place as the hope of the colony’s food production. Crops that failed badly around the cove have thrived here in the village. The plots around here have already produced around two hundred bushels of wheat, sixty bushels of barley and some oats, Indian corn and flax. And we’ve been here less than a year.’

‘Everyone says it’s because of that young James Ruse, who’s been telling us how and what to plant.’

‘Yes, he’s one of the few who’d done some farming back in England so he knows more than most of us. And he’s a jolly hard worker. That’s why the Governor gave him his two acres out here.’

‘And he was given seed and farming implements,’ she emphasised. ‘And his land was cleared for him by convict labour.’ Her eyebrows rose pointedly.

‘That’s true.’ William nodded. ‘So you see how hard work pays off eventually. We’ll do the same, you’ll see.’ His face lit up hopefully. Mary had been a little down-hearted lately and he was afraid she was getting despondent again. ‘There’s a rumour the Governor will give more grants of land, Mary. We’ve done more than a lot of others around here so perhaps we’ll be in the running.’ William was excited by the prospect.

‘I hope so, Will. I’m not pleased to be workin’ so hard and getting’ no recognition for it.’

‘Come now. Perhaps you’re extra tired because of your condition. You need to rest more.’ He was concerned with the dark circles under her eyes, the sallow colour of her skin.

‘How can I rest up an’ still be seen to be a hard worker?’ she snapped. ‘Anyway, you’re just assuming I’m pregnant and the last time I thought I was it turned out not to be so, didn’t it? And likely this time will be the same. I’ve tried resting up, Will. I’ve tried being careful. Nothing seems to be working. I don’t understand why I’m not having a baby yet. There must be something wrong with me.’

‘I don’t want you talking like that, Mary. There’s nothing wrong with you at all. These things just take time. We need to get you healthy, is all. So just ease up a bit out there in the fields. And stop your worrying. I’m sure that does no good at all.’ His voice was firm, though he rubbed her back gently.

She sighed heavily and rested her head on his shoulder for a few moments. ‘You’re always so positive. I don’t know how you do it.’

‘Practice, girl. Just practice.’ He patted her knee gently.

‘No, it’s your nature, Will. You’ve been made different to me. Different to most, I reckon.’

‘We’re all different, my love. All with our strengths and weaknesses. You’re a treasure to me and I’d not be without you for the world.’

‘Even when I’m grumpy?’ She leaned into him.

‘Even then,’ he nodded.

‘Even though I can’t give you a son?’ She hid her head in his shoulder, knowing she’d said the wrong thing immediately. ‘I know, I know, you don’t want to hear such things. I’ll be good, I promise. I’ll be hopeful.’

‘Good,’ he said approvingly. ‘And I promise you we’ll one day have our own land. Perhaps before you think.’

‘Oh?’ her voice perked up.

‘Governor Phillip has recently explored a whole new area further up the river.’ He settled back in his seat, glad to deliver good news. ‘Some seventy miles it goes for, and it’s said he discovered some fertile valleys that look ideal for cultivation.’

‘The river he named the Hawkesbury after some baron?’

‘So you’ve heard about it too? Well, I think it’s very exciting. Apparently there’s a rise about twenty miles further along the river that they’ve called Richmond Hill and they’ve planted potatoes, maize and some other seeds, to see how it fares. I like the idea of going further out. It would feel like being pioneers.’

‘Sounds like we’d be starting again though, away from a town. Wouldn’t we be lonely?’

‘You don’t like the idea of being alone with me?’ he teased.

‘Of course I do, but I’d be a bit worried about what else is out there. Maybe the natives are fiercer. Surely they’ll object if white men keep moving into their lands.’

‘Perhaps. It’s new to all of us. We’d have to work with the natives. I’ve not seen any indication that they mark out a territory or make themselves any kind of village. They seem to prefer to wander about. As long as we don’t restrict their hunting and gathering I suspect we won’t have too much trouble with them.’

Mary smiled up at him. ‘See, you are different to other men. Here’s you, planning to venture out into the bush when most men just want to get through their sentences and get back to England. And who can blame ’em when half the colony’s still starvin’?’

‘Perhaps, but now that the Sirius is back from the Cape of Good Hope with supplies I think things will turn around. And we haven’t felt we’d starve out here, have we?’

‘No, not here, thank God. But there’s still those who feel hard done by and complain of hunger all the time.’

‘There are, and aren’t they the idle ones? Those who’d prefer to get drunk than work. There’ll always be those, love. I don’t understand why men won’t rise to the challenge they have here and make something of themselves. They’ve opportunities they’d never have had in England.’

‘Yeah, like workin’ for the officers in their spare time for a cup o’ rum, so they’re useless for their assigned work.’

‘Well, that’s the kind of practices we need to get away from, isn’t it?’

‘I think you forget that some of the poor wretches have families back in England,’ Mary continued, trying to be as understanding as William usually was.

‘That would be terrible, I admit. I’m glad that we don’t have family there. But we have each other now, Mary. We’re family. And whatever children we have will belong to this country.’ He drew her close and hugged her firmly. Then he started to quietly chuckle beside her.

‘What are you thinking?’ She jabbed him in the ribs.

‘I was remembering what you did the other day to that woman you found in the cabbage patch. I thought you were going to drag all her hair out.’ He continued to chuckle.

‘You find that funny?’

‘I’m heartened by the thought that you’ll likely protect our children as ferociously, love. You have courage. More than you realise. And you have determination. You are stronger than you know. I love those things about you.’ He kissed her lightly on the nose.

‘But I do react badly sometimes, don’t I? I can’t help it. I get so mad when I see someone trying to take more than their share. I’ve not the self-control you have, Will. Too many years of fighting for everything, I guess. But I’m trying to be more…refined.’ She tossed her head back and grinned cheekily.

‘Don’t try too hard, my girl. I rather like you just the way you are.’

‘Do you now?’ Her grin turned to a sweet smile as she looked deeply into his eyes. They were brown and warm and gentle, just as she’d always known them. Reassuring her of safety and promising faithfulness. She rubbed one hand gently over her belly. She so wanted to give William a baby. She wanted to be the mother he believed she would be and she wanted to give him the chance to father a son, to pour all the care and protection he’d shown others into a child of his own. ‘You’re one in a million, Will. You know that?’

‘Hmm,’ he said, a little embarrassed at her compliment. He tapped her lightly on the bottom and moved to clear the table of their plates and cups. ‘There are a few good ones around, you know,’ he continued. ‘Joe Wright for a start. I’m glad he’s out here with us. He was on the Scarborough with James Ruse you know.’

‘Was he?’

‘Hmm. Both good men. It gives me hope for the colony.’ He put up his hand as she began to rise and help with the clearing up. ‘You sit right there. Have you heard Joe’s story?’

‘No, he doesn’t talk about his past much,’ she said, gratefully settling back into her chair.

‘He’s from London. Here for seven years for stealing a hundred pound of lead. Cut it from the roof and gutter of a house, so he said. Silly boy was caught carrying it down the street, so he claimed he’d seen a man throw down a basket with the lead in it and picked it up to take home and advertise.’ William chuckled as he recounted the story Joe had told him.