Masked Definitions (26 page)

I’ve never been so badly betrayed that I want to rip out my own heart, purely to stop it from constantly aching.

“Did you sign this?” Allan says, pointing to a white, A4 sheet of paper with a lot of writing. My signature is at the bottom, as well as the date.

“That’s definitely my signature,” I whisper, recognising my neat scrawl anywhere. “But I didn’t sign this.”

“It was signed a few days ago…”

I realise I must have signed it in the midst of the NDA paperwork, where it was likely hiding while Elijah distracted me with his mouth and hands.

Max sits silently beside me, nursing a beer in his hands. His shoulders slump forward right before his arm flies back, sending the beer spiralling across the room.

I watch blankly as it shatters on the wall, spraying beer in all directions.

“That fucking wanker. This…” He stands and slaps his hand on his chest. “Me and him, it was all for fucking greed.” His hands go to his hair and grip. “He didn’t care about me; he just didn’t want me having half of what’s his.”

“Calm down,” I tell him. Regardless of how fucked up this situation is, I can’t let him lose control.

“Don’t tell me to calm down,” he bellows so loudly I wonder if the windows shook. “That fucker fucked us both!”

“I know,” I whimper, bringing my knees up to my chest.

“We’re never getting any of it. You heard what Allan said and he’s one of the top solicitors in his field. He knows what he’s talking about.”

“I know.” But I don’t care about the money. I care about the lies. I care about whether or not Elijah used me and fucked me purely to get me to sign these papers. “I’m angry too, but what can we do?”

“We can fight it.”

“We can’t.”

“We
have
to!”

“There were witnesses to every single signing. We’ll never win. You heard what Allan said.” I explain. My mouth feels dry and my tongue feels heavy. “Let’s just go home, calm down and…”

“No. There is no going home and calming down. I want to punch him in his fucking face!”

I stand and place my hands on his shoulders. “Please calm down.”

“Stop telling me to calm down.”

“Max…” I take a step away from him, knowing that it’s no good being within grabbing distance. “You freak me out when you’re like this.”

His dark eyes sharpen and I know that I have to ditch him now or calm him, or he’ll take this out on me. My heart starts rapidly beating in my chest, fear clenching my palms and beading sweat on my forehead.

“I’ll go and get a bottle of vodka, shall I?”

With his chest rising and falling, he suddenly lunges for me and instead of hitting me… or worse… he pulls me into his chest and rests his chin against my temple.

“Come back soon. I don’t like how empty this place is.” He’s talking about the hotel room we’re in, that holds a bed and little else.

“Then come with me for a long walk,” I say softly as he rocks us both in his arms.

“No, I…” Pulling back, he kisses my forehead. “I’m trying to be good right now but all I want to do is punch somebody.” This is the first time he’s ever admitted that his anger is irrational and dangerous. “So, go.”

Inhaling deeply, I burn the memory of his lemon scent to my brain and step away. “I’ll be back soon.”

“Be quick.”

I turned my phone off three hours ago, an hour before I was supposed to meet Elijah and an hour before Max was supposed to go to work. I didn’t know what to say. I’ve always been the type of person that likes to settle her own mind before she starts yelling and cussing at somebody, but my mind is blown. I don’t know how to handle this.

Maybe standing Elijah up wasn’t the best solution, but I don’t know what to say to him.

I turn my phone on after a long deliberation and the second I do, it begins to ring. Elijah’s name flashes on the screen. I reject the call just as a thousand messages come through, all of them from him. It’s not until I see this one, that I call him back.

Elijah
:
You’re missing. Max is missing. I’ve never felt so worried. Please… PLEASE, even if I’ve done something to make you hate me, send me a text so that I know he hasn’t hurt you. Please.

He answers immediately, his tone husky and full of relief. “Liv…”

“When were you going to tell me that the only reason you seduced me was to get me to sign those papers that essentially fuck Max over?”

His silence is deafening. It lasts for so long, I’m not even certain he’s on the line anymore until he asks, “Where are you?”

“Excuse me?”

“Where are you?”

“I don’t want to see you.”

His voice is deep and breathy when he says the shortened version of my name. “Liv.”

“I literally do
not
want to even look at you right now.”

“Please, tell me where you are so I can come and get you and explain.”

“Explain now.”

“No…” He breathes in and releases. “Not on the phone.”

I can hear my heart cracking. “You don’t trust me. You think I’ll record you and prove our stupidity in signing shit without our knowledge.”

“That’s not it and you know it…”

“It isn’t?"

“Tell me where you are,” he continues. “Please.”

Resigned, I snarl, “No. You’ll explain yourself right now.”

“Olivia…”

“Unless you don’t trust me.”

His silence lingers between us for a long moment.

It’s me who breaks it, purely so that I can get this crap out of my head before I push him out of my life. “You don’t trust me.”

“There’s a lot at stake.”

He doesn’t trust me. He says he loves me yet he doesn’t trust me. I’m not doing this again. “Goodbye, Elijah.”

“Goodbye?” His voice hits a lower note, a dangerous one.

“As in bye, adios, see you never.”

“Liv…”

I hang up before he can talk me out of it and wipe the angry tears onto my sleeve. Then I go and buy vodka and drink half of the bottle before I make it back to the hotel room Max rented for us. The alcohol has not only made me woozy but it has also given me a clarity I wouldn’t have otherwise.

Why am I doing this? Why am I crying? Why am I drinking in the street like a teenage idiot, wandering home to a man who has controlled my life for longer than I’ve lived it, or so it feels?

I have a man who doesn’t trust me and yet I’ve moved onto another man, his brother, who also doesn’t trust me.

This has gone on too long and I only have myself to blame.

“Mum?” I sniff, the second she answers the phone.

“Olivia? What’s the matter?”

“Can you come get me?”

Decision made.

I’m done being weak.

Staying at my mum’s has its perks. For one the bed is always made and her food is amazing. It’s nice to be out of the city too; it’s a lot quieter here. I just hope it stays quiet and Max and Elijah stay away.

I know it has only been two days and, even though my heart is shredded, I’ve already made a plan of action. Being without Max feels too good. I’m nervous that he’ll find me but being away from him is such a weight lifted from my heart.

Part of me wonders if I should have waited for him to come to terms with the fact that his brother just fucked him over before I left, but I can’t keep sacrificing my own happiness. I’m going to get ill. Or maybe I’m now selfish?

“Stop overthinking things,” Mum says as she places a bacon sandwich on my lap.

I smile up at her and look around an unfamiliar home that I feel settled in already, purely because my mum owns it and lives in it. It smells like her, like peppermint and citrus scented cleaning fluids.

“You’ll go grey and that permanent frown on your face will give you wrinkles.”

“How bad has my phone been blowing up?” I ask her. I gave it to her the moment I stepped into her arms the other day. I didn’t trust myself not to get in touch with Elijah.

I can’t deny the burning ache I have inside. His absence is killing me. I miss him so powerfully it makes me want to stop breathing whenever I think about it. How is that level of emotion possible after such a short period?

I love him.

“I turned it off.”

I don’t blame her.

“He’ll come looking for me.”

“Probably.”

“But hopefully not,” I add in a whisper. Every inch of me wishes Max were the one in love with somebody else, though I’d feel bad for the female subjected to his nature. “I’m going to have a shower.”

I really do need a shower.

“She’s not here,” I hear my mum snap as I exit the bathroom, fresh and clean and feeling a little less morbid than before.

“Andrea, is it?”

“Elijah, is it?”

“She looks so much like you,” he states. “Equally as beautiful.”

I roll my eyes but the compliment touches a sweet smile to my lips.

“He looks so much like you,” she retorts, her tone heavy with hatred. “Equally as crazy?” I don’t hear a response. I only hear my mum spit, “She doesn’t want to see you.”

“I know, but I’ve let her sulk for long enough.” He says this part loudly. “I’m not leaving until I see her.”

My mum clears her throat. “She just left.”

“Then I’ll wait…”

“You can’t just come in here!” She screeches as I duck behind the wall at the top of the stairs to hide from him as he barges into the hallway.

“I’d love a cup of tea.”

“Does he know where she is?” My mum asks. I hear her nerves and hate that my choices are the cause.

“Of course not. I may look like my brother but I would never subject anyone, especially your daughter, to his disturbing mind.”

My mum sighs but, ever the gracious hostess, she can’t refuse a guest, even an unwelcome one. “I’ll put the kettle on.”

“Fuck,” I hiss and grip the towel tight to my breasts. Rushing into my bedroom, I quickly grab what clothes I can find and tug them on, annoying myself when I get tangled in my shirt.

I don’t want to go down there but at this point I don’t really have a choice. I feel a bit babyish by ignoring him.

When I enter the living room, Elijah is standing by the TV admiring the photos of me as a child on the wall behind it.

“She was such a cute baby.” My mum says softly, smiling warmly.

Elijah nods his agreement and then his eyes come to mine. Eyes that betrayed me so badly. My own eyes water from the intensity in his.

“Why are you here?” I ask, attempting to keep my voice level and failing.

“To see you.”

“Why?”

“You know why.”

My lips part. “I don’t.”

“I’m done letting you sulk.” He states and his shoulders straighten as his chin raises defiantly. “There’s one thing I have in common with my brother.” My eyes flicker to my mum who is watching the exchange with rapt attention. “I don’t let go of what I love easily.”

Fuck… he went there. My mum gasps as I stare at him in horror. He’s just opened up a can of worms I’m not sure I wanted opening.

“I know I’ve hurt you. I know I’ve deceived you, but not in the sense that what we had was a lie. If you tell me, right now, that you’re done, that I’m not worth another chance, I’ll leave and I won’t come back.” That sudden finality sinks in and a flutter panics my heart. “But if you give me one chance to prove to you that despite my deceptions, I love you, I truly care and I won’t deceive you again, I’ll stay and I will do my best to make you happy.” My teeth worry my lip.

“I’ll go and make coffee,” Mum whispers and backs out of the room and into the kitchen.

The tears in my eyes that I didn’t want to reveal suddenly spill over and the second that my mum exits the room, Elijah has closed the space between us and I’m in his warm embrace. His lips hit mine and his hand grips my hair to keep me in place.