Master (22 page)

Anna felt the warmth and love, which doubled as Athol put
his arm around her shoulder. "Ready?" he asked.

 
It would have been
handy to know what she had to be ready for, but Anna nodded anyway. Whatever it
was, she'd best get it over and done with. She watched with a morbid
fascination as Marco pressed a tiny switch. Daisy's voice floated out of the
speakers clear and Daisy-like. There was no mistaking who spoke.

"
Cade
, love, I need your help
on Tuesday." There was even less chance of Anna mistaking the person who
answered her.

"Hi, Daisy, what's cooking apart from the bun?"
Anna's heart sank. He sounded happy and content, not a bit worried or lovelorn.
Not that she wanted him to worry, but
dammit
he came
across as just
too
happy.

Her dismay must have shown on her face because Daisy leaned
forward and whispered to her. "Listen."

"Can you demonstrate for us?" Daisy asked him. The
silence went on for so
long,
Anna wondered if he
intended to answer. Then she heard the words she never thought she'd ever hear.

"No, sorry, Daisy.
That part of my life is over
and done. If I can't be with Anna, I'm not with anyone in any shape, manner, or
form. I couldn't give the care needed anymore. Losing Anna again has made me
realize what I'm missing. We're all different and change throughout our lives.
I'm at the place where if I can't be with my wife, just us and no one else,
then I don't want to be with anyone. She's my love, and honestly she's my
reason for being. I can only hope I get the chance to tell her how much I love
her and need her. That I'm hers."

Marco switched the recorder off. "Well?"

Anna swiped at the tears streaming down her face. "I
need to see him."

Daisy nodded and handed her a key.
"Room
10.
He thinks we've gone for a walk. He's waiting for us to get back to
take the ferry across the river. I reckon he'd rather go over with you instead.
Tell him we'll all meet up for dinner. Do you think you can find something to
do until then?"

Anna fished in her pocket for a tissue, wiped her face, and
blew her nose.

"Oh, I think so."

Chapter Eighteen

This was it. Anna stood outside the white painted door with
the elegant bronze number 10 screwed to the middle. She swung the key with its
tasseled fob between her fingers. There was nothing
so
modern as a swipe card in this old gracious hotel with its uneven floors and
beamed roof.

She giggled nervously. She wouldn't have been surprised to
meet a cravat wearing pink of the ton, his riding cape swirling around his
hessian
clad calves, or a rosy cheeked serving wench, her
breast tight and round under a high-
waisted
gown.

 
For goodness’ sake, woman, this is you now,
not you reliving a regency romance or something. Mind you, some of those guys'
ideas were rather inventive. Shit, shut up and stop procrastinating, just
do
it.

 
Once Anna had
finished giving herself the almost stern talking to she took a deep breath—as
deep as the deep purple bustier Daisy had laced her into—let her. The stockings
and suspenders she'd put on to compliment it weren't half as much trouble, nor
was the
floaty
sundress over it. Anna had drawn the
line at the short skirt and barely there top Daisy had offered her. “They're so
not me," she'd said. "If I feel stupid, it'll show. I want to be
me." And although she didn't say so, the bustier was almost the duplicate
of one in her wardrobe in
Scotland
.
One she'd not been able to bring herself to add to the ragbag.

 
Daisy had given her a
key, Anna guessed to ensure surprise
was
the
best form of attack. She slid the key into the lock.

As she opened the door, she tensed. Somehow she wouldn't
have been surprised to see
Cade
standing there with a
long-tail or a crop ready to repel uninvited visitors. She closed the door
behind her and locked it before she slipped the lock across. She didn't put it
past any of their friends to pop by to see how things were going. No
scening
in public meant just that.
Shit, I don't even know if there will be any
scening
in private. One pair of Velcro handcuffs and a flogger doesn't necessarily make
for a scene.
Although she'd bet if
Cade
were so
inclined they would.

The room was empty. The sense of relief she felt was scary.
She needed to speak to him, to find out if they had a future. Now she'd psyched
herself up, the drop in her mood was more than she thought possible.
Ha, now, I've experienced sub drop, is this
whew drop?
 

There were signs that he was about. A pair of shoes next to
a long comfortable looking settee, and a half
drunk
cup of coffee on the table beside it. Behind a closed door on the far side of
the room, Anna could hear someone speaking and presumed—hoped—it was
Cade
. A thought struck her, what if he had someone in the
other room? She assumed it was the bedroom. How embarrassing.

Ha, not for me, but for any
silly little sub he's picked up. I'll show her or him
whose
Dom
Cade
is.
The violence of her thoughts amazed her,
as did the way she strode across to the door. For not the first time she was
happy that
Cade
had always liked the way she painted
her toenails to match whichever pair of flip-flops she wore, and not struggled
in heels.

As she was about to grab the door handle and get ready to
pronounce her denouement—
oh shit, back to
regency assertions again—
Cade's
voice came to her
clearly.

"Daisy, for fuck’s sake, which bit of no isn't
clear?" There was a brief silence. "I don't care if you're going to
send me the sub of the century, the answer is still no. Well, unless it's Anna,
and we all know that's not likely to happen. Yes, yeah, I know you love me and
want what's best for me, but believe me, honey: the best for me is Anna, no one
else. Yeah, I'll wait here for you. No, nothing like that, my cock isn't
interested in my hand. I'll paint my toenails or trim my nasal hair." His
laugh rumbled through the door, but to Anna's ears it sounded forced. “Yeah,
I'll remember, and no worries. If I didn't think you did have my best interests
at heart, then I'd worry."

So now she knew. Anna felt about three inches small. How
often had she heard him say those words in some way or another and ignored
them?

The door opened, and
Cade
came
through the entrance, pulling a T-shirt over his head. He plowed into her, and
his head appeared through the neckline.

"Anna?"

She nodded and ignored the ants scurrying over her skin and
the spiders in her tummy.

"Hello,
Cade
. Yes, Sir, it's
me."

His reaction wasn't what she expected. He waked past her and
picked up his coffee.

"Why are you here, Anna?" He leaned back against
the windowsill, forcing her to squint at him. His silhouette loomed, dark and
menacing. Anna's pussy contracted, and she was damned sure her thong would soon
be able to be wrung out. He was so damned hot, and her inner self responded
with a ferocity that astonished her. It had been a long while since she'd
responded to anything in such an immediate manner.

Cade
folded his arms and let his
coffee mug dangle from one finger. Anna hoped to hell it was empty; the carpet
was old and obviously priceless. She'd hate to think of the cleaning bill if a
mug of
Kenya
's
finest found its way into the threads.

"Well? I'm waiting." His tone was flat, almost
uninterested. If she hadn't seen the tiny tic at the side of his eyes, she'd
have thought he had no interest in anything she was going to say. That little
involuntary movement gave her hope.

She fished in her handbag and brought out a tiny recorder.
She'd found out that Daisy wasn't the only devious secret recording fiend among
her friends. Athol was worse. Now she was going to let
Cade
hear her revelations—if he wanted to.

With a jittery pulse and a heartbeat that would probably put
her in the coronary unit if a physician had been around to take it, Anna knelt
on the floor in front of
Cade
and held the recorder
out to him.

"Evidently, Athol thought you'd need this." He
took the instrument without a word. Anna went to get up, but he stopped her by
the simple expedient of one hand on her head.

"Surely there's a word missing?"

Ha, in his dreams.
No, Sir, unless he is my Sir.

"With respect,
Cade
."
 
She
emphasized his name on purpose. "If once you've heard this you're happy
and I'm happy, then maybe the salutation is yours. Not before though. The last
one was a slip of the tongue."
Or wishful thinking maybe?

He nodded. "What does it say?"

"That I want you." She paused. "But with
conditions." The pressure on her head increased for a brief second, and
then it was almost gone, as if
Cade
had forced
himself to relax. The tiny warmth from his hand that still rested there gave
Anna the strength to continue. "I love you,
Cade
,
and the strength and depth of that love hasn't changed. But I have. I can't
share you, and you know? I won't share you—or me. I gave myself to you and you
alone, and that's the be all and end all.
Only you.
No
scening
in public for either of us, together or
separately. It was killing me. The thought of you wanting anyone else to see me
fall apart makes me sick. The thought of you making someone else fall apart
makes me want to commit murder, to you and the faceless whoever. If you don't believe
me, then listen to that." She touched the machine in his hands. "And
before you say anything else, yes, I do know what you said to Daisy over the
phone. She's our biggest supporter. But this, this was earlier."

The silence was overpowering. Somewhere outside she heard a
car start up, and there was the distance noise of someone cutting the grass.
However, inside the room was silence. Anna couldn't even hear
Cade
breathing, although she was astounded they couldn't
hear her own heartbeat doing its
1812
Overture
impression. She swallowed, sat back on her haunches, and looked
down at the floor.

"Pretty little sub, do you realize the last time you
tried to sit like that for me you threw up?" His hand stroked her hair.
"Tell me, what are you saying?"

Anna struggled to put her thoughts in order. She knew that
the next few minutes would define the rest of her life. "That I want you
and everything you want and need as long as it's just us and no one else.
That I want to be your sub and to call you Sir.
But that I
have conditions."

"You have your safe word. That's a condition, isn't it?
Is that not good enough for you?" Still
Cade
spoke in the flat disinterested monotone. Anna itched to slap him, and not in a
nice way.

Damn, man, he wants to see me
bleed.

"Actually, yes, if you take it from
me now.
Shall I tell you what's red for me? Or you could just listen to that bloody
recording."

"Oh no, I want to hear it from you."

"Red is anything that involves anyone else, in any way
at all.
For either of us.
Apart from then, red isn't a
word I'll use lightly. I'm willing, no." She corrected herself. "
I'm wanting
to be your sub again.
To be
with you.
To call you Sir.
But only if you
agree to my conditions." She giggled. The musical sound was loud in the
quiet room. "After all I've even almost assumed the position."

Why am I pushing this? I know
he's happy with that.
But Anna had to hear him say so to her.

"So you have. Now let me get this straight. If I agree
all
scening
is only for us, it's in private and
personal, you want to be my sub?"

She nodded.

"What if I said I had to scene with other people,
it's
part of my life?"

Anna closed her eyes. Even though she knew he'd said he
wasn't interested in that anymore, a little
niggle
still remained.

"Then, I'm sorry, but I'll get up and walk away.
From you, from us, and from what might have been."

Chapter Nineteen

Would it be wrong to high five over your wife's head?
 
Cade
guessed so.
Instead he gave up a silent prayer of thanks.