Material Girl 3: Secrets & Betrayals (15 page)

“My bad. I wasn’t trying to upset you. I was honestly trying to make you laugh,” State said, sincerely.

“As you can see I’m in no mood to laugh. I just want my fuckin’ life back!” Billie’s voice rose. “I gotta go.” She walked up her driveway.

“A’ight.” State replied, feeling genuinely bad for her. “I’ll be back when Kyrese gets out of school!”

“Whatever!” Billie waved her hand, not in the mood to fight.

With the weight of the world on her shoulders, she walked inside of the house in search of Knox. Homeboy had some serious explaining to do. Billie found him in their bedroom packing one of the Louis Vuitton suitcases she’d bought for him. Alarmed by the sight she stopped dead in her tracks.

“You taking an unexpected trip,” she asked.

“Nah,” Knox placed a stack of shirts inside the suitcase. “I’ve been thinking it’s best for the both of us if I move out.”

“So you go from sleeping in the guest room, to not coming home at night to moving out?” Billie shot in disbelief.

Knox didn’t know how to respond without hurting her feelings even more so he chose to stay quiet.

“Look.” Billie took him by the arm and made him look at her. “I know that what I did was wrong but we can work this out. Can you at least give me the chance to earn your trust back?”

“It’s not even just about trust. You don’t respect me as a man. You never have,” Knox admitted. “I’ve never felt equal to you in this marriage. It’s your way or no way.”

“That’s not true.” Billie retorted, feeling him slipping away from her.

“Billie, you talk to me like I’m one of your kids. I’m a grown ass muthafuckin’ man. You lying about the paternity of Kyrese was just the icing on the cake. I can’t take it anymore. You’re frigid, you’re mean and you’re way too bougie. I mean damn, the only time you smile is when you want something. You won’t even give me no head,” Knox exploded.

“I’m sick of it, man! I want to be happy. I’m tired of pretending that I am. I want the real thing and you can’t give me that ‘cause you’re not happy with yourself.”

That was all Billie could take. She’d been shot point blank in the heart. Knox had killed her. It would take the strength of god to bring her back to life. Her mind told her to speak, to fight for her marriage but his confession had silenced her. Everything he’s said about her was true. There was no denying or sugar-coating it.

She’d treated him more like an assistant that she fucked every now and then than a husband. She didn’t treat him like her equal. Knox did deserve more; more than she had to offer him. It still however hurt like hell to see him go. She’d loved him. She’d thought or at least tried to pretend that he was the one.

She thought that with him she would be different. She wouldn’t push him away like she’d done Cain but she had. Now here she was alone, yet again picking up the pieces of shattered dreams that lie scattered around her feet. She’d run him away like she’d done everyone else in her life. Billie wanted to let go. She wished that she could love freely but after the hurt State had caused she’d conditioned herself to close off any and all emotion. Billie would only give so much of herself before she closed herself off. The only people in the world she gave every crevice of herself to were her kids.

She was so shell-shocked with the news that Knox was leaving her that she hadn’t even noticed that he’d kissed her on the cheek and left. Before she realized it, the entire day had gone by and she was lying on the couch in the living room, staring at the ceiling. She hadn’t bathed. Alex Isley played softly as she drowned in the million of tears that fell from her eyes. This was her rock bottom.

Everything that she loved was gone. She’d lost it all, her girls, her best friend and now her husband. Billie wanted nothing more than to sink into an abyss and disappear. She couldn’t withstand the hurt she endured another day. She was so lost in her tears and sorrow that she didn’t remember to lock the front door. After ringing the doorbell several times, State took it upon his self to walk inside the house.

“Hello?” He called out but got no answer.

He could hear music playing in the distance so he followed the sound. State surprisingly found Billie sprawled out on the couch in a heap of tears.

“Damn, what’s wrong with you?” He eyed her concerned.

“What the hell are you doing in my house?” Billie groaned, closing her eyes.

“I rang the doorbell, I don’t how many times. I told you I was coming back.”

“Kyrese isn’t here yet so you can leave.” She rolled over so her back could face him.

“He will be in a minute.” State looked around in awe. “Yo’ I don’t know what’s going on with you but he doesn’t need to see you like this.”

“Like what?”

“Have you looked at yourself in a mirror? Your hair is all over your head and your eyes are swollen and blood shot red. What happened after I left this morning? You and ole boy got into it or something?” State’s London accent echoed throughout the room.

“Didn’t I tell you to mind your fuckin’ business?” Billie replied in a sarcastic tone.

“You’re the mother of my son. You’re business is my business if it’s going to affect our son,” State checked her.

“Mom! I’m home!” Kyrese shouted, coming through the door.

“Oh god,” Billie groaned, holding her head. “I can’t let him see me like this.” She buried her face underneath a throw pillow.

“I told your hard head ass that,” State remarked. “I got him, man.”

State met Kyrese in the foyer. Every time he laid eyes on Kyrese he was amazed at how much they looked a like. Kyrese had his coco skin, almond shaped eyes, body build and even the same mole under his eye.

“What up, lil’ dude?” He extended his hand for a five.

“Hi.” Kyrese looked at him like he was an idiot.

“No high-five? Okay, I can live with that.” State put his hand down.

“Where’s my mom?” Kyrese took off his book bag.

“She’s taking a nap. She’s not feeling good today.”

“Ok but what are you doing here?” Kyrese asked, curiously.

“I came by to spend some time with you.”

“Oh …” Kyrese responded, smelling something fishy. “Let me go check on my mom.” He tried to bypass State.

“Hold up a minute.” State stopped him. “She’s sleep. How about me and you go upstairs to your room and start on homework while your mom gets some rest.”

“I’m good. I can do my homework by myself.” Kyrese stared at him quizzically.

He knew something was up but didn’t want to press the issue.

“You might be good but I’ma help you anyway.” State followed Kyrese up the steps to his room.

It took State and Kyrese a little over an hour to finish all of his homework. Kyrese barely made eye contact or talked to him. He knew that State was his father but he didn’t know him from a can of paint. He idolized him as a celebrity but as his dad there was no connection. Kyrese wanted the man he’d known as his father his entire life to be helping him with his homework. He needed Cain to tell him that he loved him and that he was still his son no matter what.

He didn’t want to build a relationship with State. He wanted his old family back. Kyrese hated feeling like an outsider. He always felt a disconnection with Cain but he was still his dad. Kyrese figured one day he’d do something that would make him proud and he’d love him like he loved Kenzie and Kaylee. Now it seemed that day would never come. Everyday that Kyrese awoke to the misery that existed in his life he wanted to run away.

He was only twelve. He couldn’t process his feelings or his new reality like the adults could. He appreciated that his mother tried to ease his pain but she was the cause of it all. He despised her. She used to be his savior now she was his mortal enemy. Kyrese didn’t care that she was young when she’d made the decision to lie. Her foolish decision had ruined his life. He couldn’t and wouldn’t forgive her for it.

For the rest of the evening, State did everything in his power to keep Kyrese occupied while Billie lay on the couch in mourning. State was new to this whole parenting thing so talking to Kyrese and trying to connect with him was difficult. State tried to talk about sports with him but Kyrese basically ignored him. Talking to him about music was a bust. Kyrese treated him as if he wasn’t even there.

State didn’t know what to do. If they had anything in common Kyrese sure wasn’t acting like it. Despite his hard exterior, State still looked upon his son with joy and pride. He never imagined his self as a father but now that he was, he felt like his existence on earth really meant something. He was determined to build a relationship with Kyrese. He was his mini me.

Sure, it wouldn’t be easy but nothing in life worth having came easy. That night State was on total daddy duty. He made sure that Kyrese finished his homework, bathed, ate dinner and went to bed on time. Once Kyrese was squared away for the night it was time for State to deal with Billie. He was over her pity party. He didn’t care about the details. He just wanted her to be okay. She still hadn’t moved from the couch.

“Billie!” He nudged her arm.

“What?” She responded with an attitude.

“It’s time for you to get up.”

“Thank you for helping me with Kyrese tonight but you can go now, I’m fine.”

“I’m not going no where until you get your ass up!” State pulled her over onto her back.

“Please leave me alone,” Billie whined.

“Oh you think it’s a game.” State lifted her up into his strong arms.

“If you don’t’ put me down!” Billie kicked and screamed.

She tried slapping him in the face but missed.

“I’m trying to help yo’ dumb ass,” State barked.

“I don’t need your help!” Billie sank her teeth into his shoulder.

“Bitch are you crazy?!” State winced in pain.

“Obviously, can’t you tell?” Billie said with a sudden fierceness.

“Don’t bite me no more,” State warned. “Calm the fuck down!” He demanded.

Billie honestly didn’t have the energy to put up a fight. She just wanted peace and for the thoughts in her mind to cease. All the truthful but venomous words Knox spewed that morning exposed the broken areas in her heart that she’d been trying to conceal for years. She prided herself on being strong and not showing any real emotions. Being totally transparent was like her shield.

She couldn’t risk opening herself up to the world ‘cause what she’d discovered at a young age was that the world was cruel. She was secretly jealous of how open and free Dylan was. Dylan didn’t mind being hurt. No matter what she always picked herself up and tried again. Billie was taught by her mother to be emotionless and to turn a blind eye. All of her life she was controlled by her mother. Billie was thrilled when her mother packed up and moved to France.

She no longer had to worry about what her mother thought or felt. It just sucked that now that her life had blown up in flames she was left to deal with the aftermath alone. State carried Billie’s limp, weak body up the staircase and to her room. Once inside the master bathroom, he placed Billie down onto her feet and began to run her a bath. State dimmed the lights and lit the candles that were strategically placed all around the bathroom.

A soft amber glow lit the entire room. State filled the sunken tub with steaming hot water, bubbles and jasmine scented bath beads. Once it was filled he turned the water off and stood in front of Billie. What appeared to be a million of dried up tears graced her face. She was a weak shell of herself. In all the years he’d known her he’d never seen her distraught.

It looked as if she’d reached her breaking point. Although she was a bitch to him State actually felt bad for her. She needed someone to take care of her and he planned on being that somebody. State stood gazing into her tear-filled eyes. Complete silence surrounded them. All you could hear was drips of water falling from the faucet. It had been twelve years since they were this close.

Billie couldn’t tell if he pitied her or was sincerely concerned for her well being. Either way she didn’t have the strength to figure it out. All she knew was that she needed comfort and State was there to give it to her so she was willing to accept it. State saw the years of pain inside of Billie through the windows of her eyes. For years, he’d done everything in his power to ignore it ‘cause he knew he was partially to blame. But that night there was no denying it.

With the light from the candles flickering around them, State gently removed her robe and negligee. They both fell in a heap to the floor. Billie stood before him physically and emotionally naked. Her body was just as flawless as it was when they were in their twenties. Her soft brown breasts saluted him while the curves of her hips begged to be caressed.

State had to remind himself to be a gentleman. He didn’t want Billie to think that his kind gesture was just a ploy to fuck. As they stared into each other’s eyes, State lifted Billie back up into his arms and placed her gently down into the steaming hot water. The water felt like heaven. It was just what she needed. State sat beside the tube and looked upon her face. All of the old feelings he’d placed on pause for her were starting to replay.

She was his first love. No other woman since her could tame him. Now here they were back in each others life, raising a son. It was them against the world. State picked up her pink bath sponge, placed body wash onto it and began to bathe her. Billie watched silently as he lathered her body with sweet scented soap. No man had ever bathed her but the fact still remained that he was the reason she lie depressed.

He’d been her biggest mistake. All of these years he’d been engraved inside of her memory. No other man had been able to capture her heart the way he had. She thought back then that they’d raise their child and ride into the sunset but her future held a different story. She’d been able to fill her life with other men as a distraction from how she really felt but he was always there. Tears stung her eyes as she looked upon his handsome face.

“What’s wrong?” State asked, wiping her tears away with his thumb.

“You ruined me,” Billie confessed, crying. “I loved you and you just left me. What the fuck was I suppose to do with that?” She covered her face with her wet hands.