Matronly Duties (24 page)

Pulling away, he takes my hand. “Come on, let’s get some light in here.”

“I have to push,” Estell cries as Howard lights the second of three lanterns. He hands the third to me and moves towards Estell and Mark.

“Okay, that’s fine,” Howard says. “Don’t fight it. If your body is telling you to push, then listen to it.” I watch in awe as he kneels between Estell’s legs. “Beth, can you grab the med kit and a bottle of water from my backpack?”

I scramble to find Howard’s bag, grabbing what he needs.

Returning to his side, I hand him the items. He sets the med pack beside him and lifts the bottom of Estell’s nightie to reveal her private parts. I stumble back a few steps and grab the nearest rock to keep myself upright. I’ve never looked at my own body that way, let alone wondered what it might look like when a child is born. The sight is bloodied and swollen, and in the middle is a small area of what looks like hair.

“Oh God, it hurts.” Estell’s moan breaks my stupor.

I glance up to see Mark holding her hand and whispering something in her ear. The look of awe and admiration on his face makes me grateful for the risks we took to make sure they were together for this moment.

“You’re doing fine,” Howard says, his tone one you would use when soothing a child. An image of me in Estell’s place pops into my mind, and I imagine him looking up at me with love and adoration in his gaze. It’s a future I never dreamt of until now.

Blinking back tears, I swallow thickly as Howard places his hand against what I suspect is the top of the baby’s head. It almost looks like he is trying to push the baby back in. “You’re doing real good, Estell, nice strong pushes.”

Again, I marvel at seeing Howard like this—so strong and controlled, yet gentle and caring at the same time. It’s very sexy.

“The head is out. Beth, can you come help me, please?”

I stand stunned for a moment, but when he looks over his shoulder at me, the pleading in his eyes snaps me into action.

“Can you please hold her leg for me? We need to make sure she doesn’t close them.”

I take a deep breath and kneel next to Howard, taking Estell’s left leg while Howard holds the right. My hands are shaking so badly I can only hope Estell won’t feel it.

This close, the details of birth are even more gruesome. I have to close my eyes to keep my composure and avoid passing out. Never in a million years did I expect I would be present for, let alone helping with, such an event.

Only when the squeal of a baby reaches my ears do I open my eyes. The sight before me is amazing. Mark and Estell are kissing as she cradles the squirming, pink, crying bundle of joy. The love between them is so palpable I have to look away. My eyes fall on Howard, who is staring at the couple with an almost envious expression on his face. As if sensing my gaze, he turns to me with a giant grin on his face.

Is this what I have to look forward to in my future?

“Oh, I missed it.”

I blink and turn around, surprised to see Rhonda standing behind us, bag in hand. I’d forgotten Howard had sent for her.

Howard stands and takes a cloth his mother offers, wiping his hands clean. He explains what happened and I can’t help but notice the look of pride on her face. I also notice the relief on Howard’s. As soon as his mum takes over, doing whatever there is left to do, he pulls me into his arms. It is only then that I feel he’s shaking.

“Are you all right?” I ask.

“I am now.” His mouth crashes into mine without warning. He kisses me with a desperation I’ve yet to experience. His hand around my waist pulls me tight against him, and it is hard to tell where I end and he begins.

“That was the scariest thing I’ve had to do in a long while,” he says when he breaks away from me.

“You were scared?” I ask, a little confused because he didn’t look it.

“Of course I was scared. There is so much that can go wrong in childbirth, and I was so worried something would happen and I wouldn’t be able to help.”

“Well, if it makes any difference, I had no idea that you felt like that. All I saw was confidence.”

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome, and if I do say so myself, I found it more than a little appealing seeing you in charge like you were.”

Howard doesn’t say anything more. He brings his lips to mine and in his kiss, I feel all the love and adoration he has for me.

Chapter 21

Howard and I sneak off to a dark corner to decompress for a few minutes. And also give the new family some time alone. I’m packing up the bags when Rhonda calls out.

“Come here, guys, there’s someone who wants to meet you.”

Howard holds out his hand and I take it without any hesitation. He leads me over to the outcrop of rocks where the new family has been getting to know one another.

“Estell,” Rhonda says, getting her attention, “this is Bethanie Greene. She’s the one responsible for getting you out.”

“Oh no, I’m not the only one responsible.”

Estell smiles at me. “Thank you.” She tilts her head to the side. “You seem familiar. Do I know you?”

I nod. “We met once before.”

It takes her a couple of seconds, but when she realises who I am, she gasps. “
Matron
Greene? But . . . how?”

“Well, I’m not Matron anymore. Just plain Beth. And after you were arrested, I was horrified to discover what would happen to you and your baby when she was born. I knew I had to find a way to save you. It took me a while to find out where you were being held, but once I did, it was just a matter of getting to Howard and coming after you.”

Estell reaches up and takes my hand, holding it tight. “Thank you. Thank you, so much. I can never repay you for what you have done for me and my family.”

“There’s nothing to repay. Seeing you and your baby happy and healthy is enough.”

She sniffles, her eyes moist. “I can’t believe it. I thought you didn’t care. I never would have imagined you’d actually be the one to rescue me.” I ignore the pang of hurt caused by her words. She shifts her gaze from me to Mark and then the baby before looking up again. “Would you like to hold her?”

“Oh, I . . .” I glance at Howard for reassurance. I’ve never been this close to a baby before. He shrugs, which is of no help whatsoever. I return my attention to Estell. “I’ve never held a baby before, so you’ll have to show me.”

Estell hands the baby to Rhonda, who turns to me. “Hold your arms out in a circle in front of you about chest height.”

I do as she says, curving them until they meet in the middle. “Like this?”

“Yep, perfect. I’m gonna place her so that her head rests in the crook of your elbow and then you pull your arms in tight and hold her against you.”

Rhonda moves forward, placing the baby in my arms.

“She’s so small.” The little bundle of cloth with a cute face and hands poking out seems to weigh nothing, yet at the same time she is almost much too much weight to bear. So precious. “Did you name her yet?”

The baby’s lips move and her eyelids flutter. When I glance at her parents, they’re in quiet discussion. Howard sidles up behind me, placing his hands on my waist. His chin rests on my shoulder just as Mark nods and Estell smiles wide.

They look at me. “If it’s okay with you, we’d like to name her Bethanie.”

I’m not sure I hear Estell’s words correctly. “Sorry, could you repeat that, please?”

“We’d like to name her Bethanie,” Mark says. “If that’s okay with you?”

I stare at the gorgeous little girl in my arms. “I’d be honoured.” After a breathless moment, I tickle her under the chin and swear she smiles at me. “Hey, little Bethanie, that’s a big name you’ve got there.”

***

Back at the settlement, it appears the whole population has turned out to welcome the new arrival. The women quickly circle around Estell and baby Bethanie while the men stand off to the side, watching the women fuss.

Feeling a bit bewildered after the events of the last few hours, I refrain from joining either group. Instead, I watch them and realise that in all my interactions with the residents of the settlement, I’ve never been embraced by them. It’s like I’m still Matron Greene—set apart from the common people.

I glance at Howard and overhear the men discussing the housing arrangements so the new family can have a house instead of a tent. Meanwhile, the women have begun taking turns cuddling baby Bethanie, and offering pearls of wisdom to the new mum.

Since I have little to contribute to either group, I head for home. I barely take two steps before a pair of arms slide around my waist and bring me to a halt.

“Where are you off to?” Howard whispers in my ear.

“Home. Not much for me to do here, so I thought I’d go clean up. Maybe have a nap.”

“You don’t want to go hang with the rest of the women and make a fuss over your namesake?”

“No thanks.”

“You sure? It might be fun.”

I turn so I’m facing him without moving out of his embrace. “What exactly would be fun about it? I have nothing to offer on any topic that would relate to babies, and I don’t have the patience to sit there and listen to them talk around me like I’m not there. Sorry, but a nap sounds much more pleasant.”

Howard leans back so his gaze meets mine, and he places a hand on my cheek. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, forget about it.” I push out of his arms and stride towards home. I don’t make it very far before Howard grabs my hand, pulling me to a stop.

“It’s not nothing, I can clearly see that. Please, talk to me.”

The puppy dog look on his face melts any resolve I have to be stubborn about it.

“I don’t fit in here.”

“What do you mean? Of course you do, everyone loves you.”

“Like they love Estell?” I sigh. “Look, everyone is lovely, but I don’t belong. I don’t fit in. I’m not able to contribute either. I can’t cook, or clean, or sew, or do any one of the hundred other tasks the women here seem to do. And apparently I’m too fragile and precious to be involved with the men.”

I look him dead in the eye. “Today was an exception. It was wonderful, but most days, I sit around watching the others while I wait for you to come home from wherever it is you go.”

Howard stares at me with a strange expression on his face, then pulls me into his arms, holding me tight.

“I’m so sorry, love. I’ve been so caught up in trying to keep you safe that I forgot to make sure you were happy.” He intersperses his apologies with kisses on the top of my head, behind my ear, down my neck, and across my cheek.

Finally, he finds my lips and sends every thought fleeing from my mind. His kiss is wild and passionate and makes me weak at the knees. Thankfully, he has his arms around my waist to stop me from ending up in a pile at his feet.

A shrill whistle and a round of cheers sound from behind us, and reminds me we are not in private. I step back.

“I’m not unhappy, but being out there helping Estell, and now seeing the way the community is gathering together . . . it reminded me how little I do.”

“We will find something for you to do.”

I know Howard is trying to be supportive, but I’m not in the right frame of mind to see reason. “What can I possibly do with my skill set? I can sign paperwork, use proper manners, and look aristocratic when out in public. That is the limit of my experience.”

Howard pulls me back into his arms. “You don’t give yourself enough credit, love. Look what you did for Estell. That was all you.”

“No, it wasn’t. Red was the one who figured out the logistics and helped me get inside Central Records.”

“Okay, I’m not going to argue with you. I don’t agree, but for now I’ll ask—what is it you want to do?”

“That’s the thing. I have no idea.
This,
whatever I am doing now, was not in my future until I met you. I have no point of reference.”

“You’re not alone. Many of the residents of the settlement over the years have had to learn basic skills to survive. Life here is very different from the city.” He scrubs his fingers through his hair, then sighs. “Listen, we’ve both been going for more than twenty-four hours straight. Estell and the baby are safe, and we’re together. That’s all that matters right now. Why don’t we go and have a nap and see how we feel afterwards?”

“Okay, I guess.”

***

Walking through the front door of the James residence a week later, I head straight for the couch. It looks heavenly after having spent all day working in the yard. The yard is the nickname the settlement residents have given the area where they do all their farming. Farming has proven to be yet another thing the government of Oceania lied about. A climate-controlled environment is not necessary to grow healthy crops. With the one large UV-simulating light that they managed to procure from the farming sector, the settlement’s veggie patch is full of potatoes, broccoli, and cauliflower. Then, of course, there are the chooks. They’re noisy and messy but they lay well, providing plenty of eggs.

I never expected one day’s work to hurt so much. There isn’t a single muscle in my body that doesn’t twinge when I move, and I’ve tuned out the pain in my feet. I didn’t think anything could have been worse than constantly pricking yourself with a needle like I did yesterday when I spent the day with Rhonda trying to learn to sew, but I was wrong.

“You’re back?” Rhonda’s voice startles me, and if I’d been able to move, I probably would have jumped to my feet.

“Yeah, it’s been a long day.”

“You look exhausted. Why don’t you go take a bath?”

“How do you do it?” Rhonda spends day in day out doing one form of backbreaking work or another. It is beyond my comprehension how she is not an exhausted mess all the time.

“Do what?”

I look her in the eye. “All this work.”

She smiles, a knowing look on her face. “Years of experience, my dear. I may make it look easy now, but I’ve had almost thirty years of practice. I started doing chores when I was in my teens. You do something often enough you get better at it. I hated doing it at first, but after a while it becomes easier.”

“I doubt I’ll ever be good at any of it.”

“Ah, you’re young, you have plenty of time. Now, why don’t you go take that bath? I promise you’ll feel a hundred times better.”

As enticing as the soak in the tub sounds, getting up off the couch is a physical impossibility right now. “Thanks. I’m going to rest a few minutes more, then I’ll go.”

Rhonda chuckles, but it is one of understanding, not of mirth. “You rest as long as you like, dear.”

A couple of hours and a long hot soak in the bath later, I return to the room I share with Howard to see him sitting shirtless on the bed, a med kit open beside him. A quick peruse doesn’t immediately reveal any injury, but when he leans forward an ugly red mark about the size of my fist is visible on his right shoulder.

“Need a hand?”

Howard’s head jerks up and he drops whatever he was holding. “Shit. I didn’t know you were there.”

“Sorry, thought you heard me come in.” Howard grabs another med patch and tries again to stick it to his shoulder. “Let me help.” I situate myself on the bed behind him and grab the patch. In a few seconds, it is stuck to his back and the ugly wound is no longer visible.

“Thanks.” Howard grabs my hand, pulling it over his shoulder to place a kiss in the palm. A shiver works its way through my body, starting in the very spot his lips connect with my skin.

“You’re welcome. Any chance you might tell me how you got that mark?”

Howard turns slightly so he can look me in the eye. “It’s not that exciting. I got into it with a security guard, one particular punch hit its mark, and knocked me into a steam vent.”

Ouch.

“You’ve been fighting a lot lately.” It’s not a question. He has been coming back more battered and bruised each time a procurement party has been to the city.

“Yeah, OSP figured out we’re using the catacombs to access the city. They’ve doubled patrols, which is complicating things, but we’re handling it.”

It may be necessary for our journey to Sydney for them to continue to make trips to the city, but that doesn’t ease my worries. I just found him. I don’t want to lose him yet.

“Please, be careful.”

“I will. Enough about my day, though. What did you do today?”

The bone-weary exhaustion I felt earlier returns, and I groan. “I worked at the yard.”

“Oh, how did it go?”

“I guess I did an all right job, but I’ll be lucky if I can walk tomorrow.”

“Mmm, not cut out for hard labour, hey?”

“Nope, not at all. As a runner, I always thought I was fit, but I never knew I had so many muscles. There isn’t a place that doesn’t hurt.”

“Poor love.” Howard stands and goes around to the side of the bed. “Lie down in the middle of the bed on your stomach and I’ll give you a massage. It’ll help stop your muscles from cramping too bad.”

I stare at him. “You’re joking, right?”

“Nope, why would I joke about that?”

“How is it that you have so many skills?”

“Man of many talents, my love. Now lie down.”

I do as he instructed, resting my head on my arms. If I close my eyes, I am going to fall asleep, so I keep them open. The moment Howard’s skin comes in contact with mine, however, the overwhelming exhaustion disappears and is replaced with longing. I never realised my body could crave another’s. From breakfast to dinner, and every moment in between, in one way or another, I am thinking of Howard.