Authors: Raven St. Pierre
The insides of my thighs warmed with Matt between them when I pulled him on top of me. All I wanted was to get as close to him as humanly possible. Already, I felt like I was a million miles away. His lips met mine with tenderness. Tonight, there was no rush. Tonight, I could have him for as long as I wanted and I planned to hold on until the very last second.
Another tear raced from the corner of my eye toward my pillow as I savored the taste of the man I once foolishly pushed away. I surrendered everything to him—my body, my love,
everything.
It took me more than two years to see it, but… Matt and I were made for each other. I knew that now. I saw it plain as day. And I had to believe him because, like he said, he’d never lied to me before. So, if he was sure this coming year apart wouldn’t be the end of the world, I had to believe him.
I pushed his hair behind his ears and stared into the same gray eyes that convinced me to come to L.A. and I fell even deeper in love with him. For him, I’d do this. I’d go to South Africa and I would even try to enjoy the experience, because… as it was recently pointed out to me, I didn’t have a choice.
…
because
his girl isn’t afraid of anything.
*****
Saying goodbye to my family was hard. All of my sisters took turns hugging me a good five times each before my father finally told them to hurry it up before they made me miss my flight. Despite the warning, Bean stepped forward again and locked her arms around my neck.
“Take care of yourself, Brookie. I mean it. You don’t know anything about that place, so don’t go all
Dora the Explorer
on your own. Stay with the people you know until you get used to your surroundings.”
Despite the heavy downpour of tears streaming down my cheeks, I laughed. “I promise.”
“And call me every chance you get, okay? I don’t care what time it is, I don’t care if we just talked an hour ago… call me.”
I nodded against her shoulder. “I will.”
“And that goes for me, too,” Delia cut in, stealing me from Bean’s arms.
I couldn’t fathom being away from them all, too far to just hop in my car and show up on their doorsteps whenever I wanted to.
Time was getting away from me and I knew Matt was thinking the same thing when he looked down at his watch. He was my ride to the airport because I wanted his to be the last face I saw before leaving.
“I should get going,” I said, stepping off my mother’s front porch. We’d all gathered there to have one last get together before I left. Despite the occasion, we had a good time and I couldn’t wait to get back here.
“I love you, Aunt Brook,” Lia said, squeezing me as hard as she could.
This girl was my heart. I loved all my nieces and nephews equally, but Lia and I had a special bond. I rubbed her back and tried not to let the waterworks start again, but it was impossible.
“I love you, too. And remember what we talked about,” I added, reminding her of the conversation we had about her behaving herself.
“I will. You don’t have to worry about me.”
My eyes fell closed at her words. There was no way I wouldn’t worry about this girl. There was no way I wouldn’t worry about
all
of them.
If I didn’t pull away, I wouldn’t make it. Swiping at tears, I stepped down onto the walkway. “Okay, I have to get going.”
Destiny waved at me and I had to backtrack to kiss her cheek again. “Bye, baby. Auntie’s gonna miss you sooooo much.”
She mumbled something that I didn’t understand, but it made me smile nonetheless. As I walked away, I glanced back at my family several times. They were being strong for me, knowing how difficult this was. But there was something else I saw on each of their faces, something that showed through even more plainly than their sadness—pride. They were proud of me just like Matt was and that gave me the courage to take the final steps toward the car.
Matt helped me inside, closing the door once I was in all the way. While he rounded the hood, I waved at my family once again, blowing them a kiss right after. Matt climbed in and fastened his seatbelt.
“Ready?” he asked, offering me one last chance to say whatever I needed to say to them in person.
Finally turning away from my window, I took a deep breath and met his gaze. “Ready.
*****
The airport wasn’t as crowded as I thought it would be. Matt was able to escort me to my terminal and I had only a few minutes until it would be time to board. My goodbye at my parents’ house ran a bit long and now I was basically out of time.
Raj sat on a bench beside the other two assistants he’d chosen, Charlotte and Malcolm. Their families had all seen them off at the security checkpoint, but I just couldn’t let go of Matt that soon. I wanted him with me until the last possible second.
My nerves were so frazzled that I couldn’t even sit. I stood next to Matt, staring out the large window at the plane that would be taking me away from here, away from
him.
It comforted me when his arm slipped around my shoulders and pulled me closer. A kiss went to the top of my head and I leaned in.
“You’ll come as soon as you can?” I asked, feeling the heaviness in my heart.
Matt nodded. “As soon as I can.”
A heavy sigh left my lungs and I held on to that promise. It’d be what got me through.
The sound of a woman’s voice announcing that it was time for my flight to board made my knees weak.
Don’t cry again, Brook. Don’t cry again.
I turned to face Matt. “Well… I guess this is it.”
He smiled, being brave for me. “It is and you’re gonna be fine.”
I nodded. “I know.” Our lips touched once.
When I walked away, it was a struggle to pull my hand free from his. Finally, we separated and I went to stand in line as other passengers handed over their boarding passes.
My stomach turned and I closed my eyes. This just didn’t feel right. Something… I just… I turned to look at Matt and, plain as day, it hit me. His expression was curious when I rushed back to him, wrapping my arms as tight around his neck as I could. He didn’t hesitate to hug me back with the same intensity.
“What’s wrong?”
“Don’t do it,” I said breathlessly. “Don’t file the papers.”
Shock rendered him speechless. My tears wet his shoulder as I clung to him. Ever since signing the annulment, I hadn’t been right. And now, as I prepared my heart to walk away from him… I knew why:
I wanted to belong to him.
When I pulled away, Matt smiled at me, probably wondering if he’d heard me right. I know… it was crazy, insane, wild, reckless…
all
of those things, but he made me
feel
all of those things.
And I loved it.
A warm tear streaked down my cheek and I didn’t bother to wipe it away. This journey I’d been on with him, it taught me that casting up emotional barriers was completely unnecessary with us. No matter how hard I tried to keep him out, he saw right through me.
“Matt… no one will ever love me like you do,” I confessed, spilling the contents of my heart right there in front of him. I was full, ready to lay it all out on the table just like he always had. I wanted to be set free completely, and in order to do so, he had to know it all. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I wake up and I think about you. I fall asleep thinking about you. You’re… you’re the reason I let myself love again. The part of my heart that was numb and, and, and the part I
thought
was broken… you showed me it wasn’t. I’m whole when I’m with you, and… I just… I don’t want to…
not
be with you. And I don’t mean physically here with you… I mean I don’t want to
exist
without you.”
I was out of breath from bearing my soul. “I just want you, Matt. Forever.”
There it was, plain and simple. Matt held my face in his hands as he stared. I waited—waited for him to tell me I’d lost my mind or that we should rethink this… but none of those things came out. Instead, he smiled, looking through me once again.
There was so much love and contentment behind his eyes as the words, “It’s about damn time,” left his mouth. The next second his lips were on mine.
Life is too short to color inside the lines all the time. Sometimes you have to veer to the left or to the right to see past your own fears and hang-ups, otherwise you’ll miss out on some pretty amazing opportunities. It took me almost missing out on the love of my life to learn that being in control isn’t everything. Matt helped me see the beauty in letting go and answering the question:
‘What if?’
What if I stop being afraid?
What if I don’t try to predict what the future will hold?
What if I just… say yes?
My hands covered his while he held my face, pressing his forehead to mine so the words we spoke stayed between us.
“I love you, Brooklyn Rose James. I love you with everything in me.”
His words were spoken with such passion that I literally felt them. I smiled at Matt, feeling as if I had everything I’d ever need staring right back at me.
And I did. He was my everything. For now. Forever.
“I love you, too,” I said back, but then had to correct him immediately after. “But I think you mean Brooklyn Rose
Valente
.”
Hearing that made him happier than I’ve ever seen him when he nodded, agreeing. “Yeah… you’re right,” he amended. “I love you until forever…
Brooklyn Rose Valente.”
*****
Epilogue
Matt
The truck ran like new. It’d been months since I had the chance to drive her, but I couldn’t imagine embarking on this journey behind the wheel of anything else.
Dust kicked up in the rearview mirror—evidence of the dry, hot air currently hovering over Alabama. From what I kept hearing the residents say, it was about twenty degrees hotter than they were used to seeing it this time of year.
I sat in the small parking lot of a general store on the outskirts of Honeywell—Brook’s grandmother’s hometown, the heart of my documentary. As soon as things wrapped up with Pete last month, I focused on getting my ducks in a row to continue my
own
project. I’d taken advantage of being close to Lindmore and got a majority of my filming of Luke and Lissy done and out of the way. To me, the most intriguing part of the film this time around would be the backstory. Slowly but surely, I was beginning to gather bits and pieces, but nothing solid just yet. Hopefully, that would turn around now that I was here, though. Something told me this town held a wealth of secrets.
I climbed out of the truck and pulled my sunglasses down from my hair, shielding my eyes from the high-noon sun. It was sweltering outside. Fear of dehydration was the reason I ventured here, needing to re-up my water supply before heading back to my room at the one and only motel in town.
A bell over the door chimed when I entered the store. The small woman behind the counter greeted me with a smile and I returned the gesture, going straight for the cases of water stacked beside the beer. When I approached the counter again with my items, the woman leveled a questioning gaze my way as her fingers pecked at the register.
“You’re not from ‘round here, are you?” she asked.
“No, ma’am, I’m not.”
She smiled again. “Didn’t think I recognized you.”
I checked my total on the small screen and handed her a ten-dollar bill. “Do you get a lot of visitors in town?”
Her shoulder-length, gray hair swayed from side to side when she shook her head. “Nope. Hardly ever.”
My change was placed in my hand and I shoved it in my pocket.
“What brings you to Honeywell?” she asked. “Not enough dirt and heat where you’re from?” The corner of her mouth lifted when she grinned.
“Uh, actually… I’m working on a documentary. And based on what I’ve found, this is where I need to be to find answers.”
Her face lit up. “Oh! You gonna make our little town famous?” There was a hint of jesting in her tone and I smiled again.
“Eh… we’ll see about that. For now, I’m just doing some digging.”