Matt (The Cowboys) (6 page)

His frown transformed into a smile that made her feel weak in the knees.

“Getting upset won’t change anything.”

“Maybe not, but I’d want to scream and throw things.”

“That wouldn’t set a very good example for the boys.”

“Are those boys that important to you?”

“I know what it’s like to be alone and unwanted. I can’t take in every boy who needs help, but I don’t mean to fail these two.”

Ellen couldn’t pinpoint what changed about Matt as he said these words; it was as if she glimpsed a determination that had been there all along, a depth of emotion he was very careful to keep hidden. It was almost frightening in its intensity.

Then his expression shifted, and he looked as calm and unflappable as always.

“That’s how I feel about Noah and Tess.”

“Then we should rub along together without too much trouble. The boys and I have work to do before supper. I know Noah would like to go, but I can’t take him with us until I’m sure he knows how to ride.”

It had never occurred to Ellen that Matt would expect Noah to work alongside him and the older boys. She’d assumed they’d have chores like feeding the chickens and pigs or milking the cow—she didn’t even know yet if he had any of these animals—but nothing as dangerous as working with cows that were practically wild. “He’s too young.”

“I agree, but he’s not going to see it that way. I’ll think of something by tomorrow.”

“You don’t have to worry about Noah and Tess. They’re my responsibility.”

Matt’s surprise was unmistakable. “We’re going to adopt them. They’ll be as much my responsibility as yours.”

Ellen didn’t want Matt involved with the kids. It was okay for him to give Noah a horse, provide food and shelter, but she wanted the emotional side of their lives to be neatly separated.

“You don’t know anything about little girls.” She had to make it clear there was no real joining here, no sense of becoming a family.

“I had a sister orphan, Drew, and I watched Eden grow up.”

“Why do you keep calling yourself an orphan? Jake and Isabelle adopted you. They’re your mother and father. Drew is your sister. I know you love Isabelle—it shows in your face every time you mention her name—but you talk about your family like you’re separate from them.”

Ellen would have given all she possessed to have been a loved and valued member of a family rather than an unwanted burden endured because of family ties. But she could tell she’d strayed into forbidden territory. Shutters came down in the back of Matt’s eyes, closing off any trace of emotion.

“Jake and Isabelle were wonderful to me, but I’m an adult now. There’s no need to keep pretending.”

“Do you plan to sever the relationship with Toby and Orin when they’re old enough to be on their own?”

She’d assumed Noah and Tess would always be part of her life. If Matt hadn’t been able to feel like a real part of Jake and Isabelle’s family, if he didn’t expect Toby and Orin to remain part of his life, maybe she couldn’t expect Noah and Tess to think of her as their family. That frightened her. She couldn’t escape the feeling that somehow Matt’s failure threatened her.

“If that’s how you feel, why did you buy a ranch close to Jake and Isabelle? Why do you let her keep bringing things for your house?”

“The boys are waiting for me. We’ll be back in time for supper.”

“What about supper?”

“I’ll cook. We can talk about any changes you want to make after you begin to feel comfortable.”

“I’ll cook for myself and the children.”

“We have to act like a family, remember? That means we all eat together. Don’t worry. I won’t be late.”

Ellen followed him to the door, watched him walk from the house to the corrals. She felt all over again the physical attraction she experienced when around him. He was a fine specimen of a man. She wondered why he didn’t consider himself a member of the Maxwell family. If Isabelle was advising him on marriage, helping him furnish his house, it was obvious she did. He was willing to take on the whole community, even marry a stranger, in order to keep Toby and Orin with him, but he didn’t think they would remain close to him after they grew up. It was as though he was pushing people away before they had a chance to leave.

Tess tugged at her skirts. “What is it?” She felt guilty for having practically forgotten the child for the last several minutes.

“I want to go home.”

Ellen looked down at the adorable three-year-old. She didn’t know who had fathered Tess—April had never named the father of either of her children—but she clearly took after her mother. She had the same soft brown hair and eyes, the same sweet expression that could melt anybody’s heart.

“This is our new home,” Ellen said.

“I don’t like it. I want Mrs. Ogden.”

“We can’t live with Mrs. Ogden anymore.”

“Why?”

Ellen had never told Tess that she and her brother might be taken away and put into an orphanage. She hadn’t wanted to scare the little girl.

“I married Matt,” Ellen explained. “I’m his wife, and when a woman becomes a man’s wife, she has to live in his house.”

“Can’t he live with us at Mrs. Ogden’s house?”

“No. This is his house, his ranch. He’s got horses and cows to look after and all kinds of work to do. I’ll bet he has a milk cow.” Tess liked Mrs. Ogden’s brown and white cow. The placid animal allowed Tess to help Mrs. Ogden milk her.

“I don’t like Toby. He makes faces at me.”

“It’s just because you’re going to sleep in his bed.”

“I want to sleep with you.”

Tess looked ready to burst into tears. Ellen felt sorry for the child. She’d had too much turmoil in her short life.

“Matt said I had to help you,” Noah said as he burst into the house, out of breath. “I don’t want to. I want to go with Matt.”

Noah didn’t look at all like his sister. Ellen kept his nearly black hair cut short because it stuck out in all directions even when Noah stood still long enough for her to comb it. He had deep blue eyes and a thin, gangly body that promised considerable height when he reached maturity. His slightly pinched face was as animated and full of cheerful mischief as his sister’s was quiet and biddable. It was Noah who thought of and initiated all the trouble. Tess followed him out of pure adoration.

“We have to unpack before supper.”

“I can get unpacked in a minute,” Noah said, heading for the bedroom. “I’ll show you. I’ll—”

“You can’t go with Matt.”

He turned, lower lip out, eyes angry. “Why?”

Noah usually did what she asked without arguing, but once in a while he dug in his heels and wouldn’t budge until she gave him an answer he could understand.

“You don’t have a horse.”

“I can ride one of Matt’s.”

“You don’t know how to ride well enough yet.”

“Matt said I knew a lot. He said he could have me riding in no time.”

“We have a lot of work to do getting settled in the house.”

“But—”

“We’ve got to be very careful not to get in Matt’s way.”

“I won’t. I—”

“We’re in his way just by being here,” Ellen said. “You and Tess are taking Toby and Orin’s bedroom, sleeping in their beds. Our being here will be a lot more work. We’re going to have to learn to clean up after ourselves, wash dishes, help with the chores, milk the cow—”

“That’s girl stuff!”

“Matt and the boys have been doing it. See how neat this house is? We’ll have to do our share.”

Ellen had tried to be a good parent, to give them chores and supervise them, but most of the supervision had fallen to Mrs. Ogden. That softhearted lady could never make the children give their chores more than a lick and a promise before they ran outside to play. She was sure Matt would make every effort to accommodate Tess and Noah, but she knew he wouldn’t accept his house being in shambles, his well-ordered life turned topsy-turvy. He had given them a way to stay together. In return they would have to upset his life as little as possible.

“Do we have to be neat?” Noah asked.

“Yes. You don’t want Matt to make us leave, do you?”

She could tell that was a possibility he hadn’t considered.

“Would he make us leave?”

“I hope not.”

“Will Reverend Sears get us?”

Tess clung more tightly to Ellen’s hand. “I don’t like him.”

“We’re safe as long as we’re here,” Ellen said.

“I’ll try to be neat,” Noah said. “But I’m going to ask Matt to find my horse right away.”

“How long do we have to sleep in the loft?” Toby asked Matt as they neared the ranch.

“You’ve been after me to let you sleep up there for the better part of a year.” Matt had put him off because he wanted him to share a room with Orin. He had hoped that would make Orin feel more a part of their family.

But Matt understood why Toby resented having to sleep in the loft now. After his mother died, nobody wanted him. He never felt like he belonged anywhere until Matt hired him to work on the ranch. Matt had done everything he could to make Toby feel he had a home, not just a job, that Matt cared about him, not just whether he did his work. He’d enlisted Toby’s help in doing the same for Orin. Now they were being pushed out of their beds and their room. Understanding the necessity for the marriage only made things worse. They knew their place in the family, as well as their refuge on the ranch, was threatened.

“Nothing’s going to be the same with them here,” Toby said.

“I don’t imagine it’s easy for them, either,” Matt said. “They’ve had to leave their home, and Ellen had to give up her job.”

“Can you sleep in the loft with us?” Orin asked.

Matt leaned far enough out of the saddle to give the boy’s shoulder a squeeze. “The sheriff told us we had to make everybody believe this is a real marriage. In a real marriage a husband and wife sleep in the same bed. If we don’t, they won’t let us adopt you.”

“I don’t want to be adopted,” Toby said.

“You don’t have to be, but that’s the only way they’ll let Orin stay here.”

“I don’t mind being adopted,” Orin said.

“Is she going to cook?” Toby asked.

“Are you hoping she’s a better cook than I am?”

Toby looked slightly startled. “She eats at the saloon. I bet she can’t even make coffee.”

“We’ll keep everything as it is for the time being. Once they get settled, we’ll see about making changes.”

“Those kids are too little to help,” Toby said. “They’ll just cause trouble.”

“I need you both to help look after them, act like big brothers.”

Orin seemed to be considering the idea, but Toby looked incensed.

“I already said I wasn’t looking after no brats.”

“You have to act like family, too,” Matt said. “In a real family, brothers and sisters look after each other.”

“They’re not my brother and sister,” Toby declared. “I’m putting up with them because I have to.”

“I don’t mind,” Orin said. “I always wanted brothers and sisters.”

“I don’t,” Toby declared.

“Don’t you want to be my brother?” Orin asked.

His question apparently shocked Toby. “We can’t be brothers. Look at me. Every mama in Bandera can see the Mexican in me from way down the street. You’re as white as chalk. You probably come from some of those people that talk funny, the ones Jake was telling us about at Christmas.”

“He’s not Polish,” Matt said. “He’s German.”

“They talk funny, too.”

“Would we be brothers if you adopted us?” Orin asked Matt.

“Yes, in the eyes of the law.”

“Then the law is stupid,” Toby said.

“Isabelle said all her boys were brothers,” Orin said. “One of them is a black man and another is an Indian.”

“It don’t make no difference,” Toby said. “We ain’t brothers.”

“I wish we were,” Orin said.

“I’ll be your friend if you don’t get stupid about it,” Toby said, “but I ain’t your brother.”

Matt had never realized Orin wanted a brother so badly. Getting married to Ellen and having to adopt the children to keep them had uncovered a deep need in Orin to feel more connected. It had exposed Toby’s fear of that same connection. Matt didn’t know how he could teach Toby not to fear being close to others, to be open and accepting of their love. He’d never been able to do that himself.

Yet he must help Toby to trust others. He didn’t want either Toby or Orin to suffer from the feeling of isolation that was his lot in life.

“Who’s that at the house?” Toby asked.

“I’ll bet it’s Isabelle,” Orin said, a smile banishing the solemnity from his expression. “She said she was coming over to welcome the bride.”

They rounded a grove of live oak to gain an uninterrupted view of all the ranch buildings. A buggy had been drawn up to the hitching post under a large oak. Matt felt the smile of welcome that had begun to curve his lips slip away. That wasn’t Isabelle’s buggy. Unless he was badly mistaken—and he hoped he was—that buggy belonged to the Reverend Wilbur Sears.