Matter Of Trust (3 page)

Then why did the thought of seeing him make her knees weak and her palms sweat?

Kayla prayed the entire drive through the small town, down the narrow country road toward the club and up its long meandering drive. When she found a parking spot outside that overlooked the town below, she said another prayer for added strength.
Keep this line open, Lord. I’m going to need You tonight
.

Acres of velvety green lawns and towering pines surrounded the renovated nineteenth-century farmhouse that loomed before her. She walked past rows of flowers toward the front porch where violin music drifted outside, lending an aura of romance to the evening.

A subject that should have been the last thing on her mind tonight.

She brushed the back of her head with her fingers and tried to calm the nervous flutter in her stomach. Jenny had helped her put her shoulder length hair up, leaving a few loose wisps around her face to soften the look. Of course it really didn’t matter what she looked like. She’d listen to what he had to say, and that would be the end of it.

Kayla started up the wide steps, then turned around slowly when she heard a familiar voice call her name. Dressed in khaki slacks and a matching button-down shirt, Ty walked toward her. She drew in a sharp breath.

“If I couldn’t drive you here, the least I can do is escort you up to the restaurant, Kayla.” He said her name like a familiar caress. Her stomach clenched. “You look beautiful. I always loved that dress. You wore it when you met my mom and dad for the first time.”

“I … thank you.” Kayla looked down at the dress. How could she have forgotten something important like that? She should have worn her new navy pantsuit. It had no history of the two of them together.

“You’re not wearing a tie.” In the past Ty had rarely shed his coat and tie because there were few times when he hadn’t been working.

“I told you a few things had changed.” He stuck his hands in his pockets—a nervous habit she remembered from their two years together. Apparently this evening was going to be as nerve-wracking on him as it was on her.

“Shall we go inside?”

Kayla nodded, taking a second peek at his profile. He looked stunning. Dark hair framed a perfectly proportioned face; from the cleft in his chin to the small scar above his left brow to his blue eyes. They were all so … familiar. For a slight second, when he caught her glance, she wanted him to take her in his arms and kiss her.

But that was something she could never do.

“Are you all right?” Ty touched her elbow for a brief second, sending a tremor up her arm.

“Yes.” She stammered, disturbed by the lack of control she had over her emotions. “I’m fine.”

Ty stopped at the top of the stairs. “Not having second thoughts about seeing me, are you?”

Kayla caught the strain in his voice. “Of course not.”

She breathed in deeply and caught a whiff of his cologne. The same cologne she bought him for his thirtieth birthday. Once she had told him it made him irresistible. But not anymore.

Inside the formal entry Kayla glanced toward the Blue Moon’s candlelit tables and guests in their starched attire. Ty had always taken her to the finest restaurants, a detail she’d never felt entirely comfortable with. Her family had always preferred a trip to the beach and a plate of soft-shelled crabs.

“Wait.” Ty reached for her arm but pulled back before touching her. “I thought we might try the smaller, more informal dining area.”

Kayla looked at him with wide eyes.

“You don’t mind, do you?” Ty said quickly. “From what I hear the view is just as stunning, and I thought you might like the casual atmosphere better.”

“That’s fine,” Kayla managed to get out. The Ty she knew would have taken her to the finer restaurant to impress her. On the other hand, he had always been good at portraying the image he wanted, and maybe this was just an act. She couldn’t—wouldn’t—let herself forget who he really was.

Ty guided Kayla toward the smaller restaurant, afraid that her nearness was enough to make him lose his resolve to keep his distance. From the moment he first saw her, it had taken every ounce of determination he could muster to stop himself from pulling her into his arms and kissing her.

After a year he hadn’t forgotten the subtle beauty of her face. But that was not why he had asked to see her tonight. He worked to control his emotions. He could only pray she would accept the one request he had for her tonight. They followed the hostess to an empty table next to the glass walls that overlooked the countryside and in the distance, the town of Farrington.

“Well, here we are.” Ty sat down across from her and pulled his chair toward the table, before clearing his throat. “I hope you don’t mind hamburgers and fries.”

“Not at all. You were right. The view is fabulous.” Kayla bit the edge of her lip. He hated seeing her so uncomfortable, especially knowing he was the reason behind her uneasiness tonight.

“I want to hear all about your business.” He’d decided to start off by keeping the conversation light and impersonal. “And whatever else is going on in your life.”

He caught her glance, and she quickly held up the menu to study it, while tapping her fingers on the table. The waiter interrupted, giving them a moment of reprieve, and took their orders of hamburger and fries.

“Business is good,” Kayla said after they were alone again. “We do some birthdays, retirement parties, weddings, and anniversary dinners, but our main thrust is business dinners for local clients.”

“Sounds like you’ve done well.” He wasn’t surprised at all. Kayla had always excelled in whatever she did, but as a culinary expert she was one of the best. He’d enjoyed more than one home-cooked meal by her while they were together, most of the time while she experimented with different recipes.

Desserts were her specialty. Cheesecake, tortes, sponge cakes, and pies—it was amazing he’d managed to stay in shape while dating her. She’d always had something new for him to try.

“Mom’s the one who has really built up the business.” She pushed a loose strand of ginger-colored hair behind her ear.

“What’s your role?”

Kayla laughed, and his heart melted at her smile. “You name it—I do it. I’m in charge of planning the menus with the clients, but I also do a lot of the cooking and serving.”

“Do you miss teaching?” Ty took a sip of his iced tea, keeping his eyes focused on her.

“Part of me does. I know I made a difference in the lives of the students, but I love what I’m doing now so I can’t complain.”

“You’d be good at whatever you set your mind to.”

Her fingers tapped against the edge of the table. “What about your parents? How are they doing?”

He noted how she avoided his gaze and how she’d changed the subject away from her. “They’re fine. Still living in Florida and enjoying every minute of being retired. The only drawback for me is that I rarely get to see them.”

After ten more minutes of awkward small talk, the waiter placed two hot plates of food in front of them.

“Shall we pray?” he asked.

Kayla glanced at him, a sadness filling her eyes, and a wave of guilt washed over him. While they were dating he had always prayed before they ate. Then she found out the truth that his prayers were nothing more than empty rituals to win her over. How could he convince her that now he prayed to Someone he knew and had an intimate relationship with?

They bowed their heads, and Ty began his prayer. “Lord, I want to thank You for this time Kayla and I have to spend together. I pray that Your name will be glorified in everything we do and say to one another. Thank You also for the food that is set before us. We know that many people around our world don’t have enough to eat. Help us to be grateful for all You have given us. In Jesus’ name, amen.”

Kayla took a bite of her burger as he fiddled with a fry and tried to eat. Conversation came in spurts, a far cry from the easy dialogue they used to share. Halfway through he lost his appetite. What he had to tell her tonight wasn’t going to be easy. “I guess there’s no use putting off what I have to say.” Ty put down his fork. “Please let me try to get through this before you respond.”

Kayla folded her hands in front of her and waited for him to continue.

“So much has happened in the past year I don’t even know where to begin.” He clutched his napkin between his fingers. “Maybe someday I will get around to telling you the long version, but for now I’ll just tell you what’s important.

“Eleven months ago Jack committed suicide.”

“Oh, Ty. I’m sorry.” She leaned forward, her eyes wide with dismay. “I didn’t know. I’d heard there had been an accident—but suicide?”

“You had just broken off our engagement, and I have to tell you it was the lowest point I’ve ever been at in my life.”

He watched her expression soften at the declaration. Friends since the fifth grade, Jack was supposed to have been the best man at their wedding. His death had been the second life-changing event in his life. One, like Kayla, he’d probably never get over.

“I really am sorry, Ty.”

He combed his fingers through his hair. “I started thinking and searching for answers. Things you told me kept going through my head. I never listened to you back then when you talked about God and religion. It was just an act to win you over.”

“You did it very well.” The bitterness was evident in her voice.

“I know.” He couldn’t change the past, but he could at least try to make things right now. “I started spending Saturday afternoons with my grandfather. He’s the only Christian in my family, and I sat with him for hours trying to prove that this belief you have for a man who died for our sins wasn’t true.

“After about two months I quit fighting. I realized I was a sinner. Not only for the way I had treated you, but because I had separated myself from God. From the One who created me.”

Ty paused and looked intently into Kayla’s eyes. “Six months ago I gave my life to Christ, totally and completely.”

The fork she’d been twisting between her fingers clamored against the table. He knew it would take a miracle for her to believe him. He’d played games to get what he wanted and had used religion to win her over. She had no reason to believe him this time.

She tilted her head slightly, and her eyes narrowed. With disbelief? He hoped not. “I … that’s wonderful.”

He held up his hand. “Before you say anything else, I want you to know I understand if you don’t believe me. In the past I’ve lied to you and tricked you. If nothing else, I need to ask you to forgive me. If that is as far as tonight goes, then that’s okay.”

“But you’d like it to go farther?” Kayla asked cautiously.

He closed his eyes and drank in a deep breath, before looking at her again, dreading the response he knew he deserved. “Kayla, I’m still in love with you, and I think I will be until the day I die. There will never be another woman who understands me the way you do.”

Kayla stared out the window across the darkening summer skyline but didn’t say anything.

“I also realize you have no reason to believe me, and if I’m ever to have a chance with you then I will have to show you, prove to you, that I’m a different man today from a year ago. I want to win you back, Kayla.”

She put her elbows on the table and rubbed her forehead with her fingers. After a moment she leaned her head back and held up her hands, questioning. “I don’t know what to say, Ty. You hurt me deeply when I found out the truth. Our entire relationship was based on nothing but lies—your indifferent attitude toward marriage, the excessive social drinking, and, most important, your claims that you were a Christian. I realized I didn’t know you at all.”

The truth burned through him, but she was right. He was guilty of every one of her accusations. “You have every right to feel that way.”

“You ask me to forgive you?” Kayla took a deep breath and steepled her fingers in front of her. “As a Christian I have to forgive you, but as a human it’s going to be hard. To trust you again, well, I honestly don’t think I’ll ever be able to do that.”

He’d expected her to say those words, but hearing them hit harder than he’d imagined. “It’s up to you, Kayla. I promise, as hard as it would be if you tell me to walk out of your life, I’ll respect your wishes and go. But that’s not what I want. If you need time, then I’ll wait, as long as it takes.”