Maude (4 page)

When her fourth month of carrying the baby
passed without a problem, Helen became more
cheerful. After the fifth month, she developed a tummy
bulge, and even Tommy relaxed a bit. He would come
in from work, kiss his wife, lay his hand on her big
belly and talk to the baby. He was sure it was another
little boy.

During the day, Helen sat propped up in bed,
reading or visiting with one of her lady friends. I
would have liked to join them, but I was usually busy
with running the house. If I did go into Helen’s room
when she had company, I still got the old feeling of
being an outsider, just like when I was a girl.

When I finished cleaning up after dinner, I would
sometimes sit on the front porch with James. He had
just as many things to do as I did. He’d graduated the
last term and started a job at his father’s store. While I
did the housework on Saturdays, he played baseball.
Saturday evenings, he visited, and we had to be careful
that we kept a respectable distance between us, with
our chairs not quite touching. We didn’t want people
to talk about us.

James couldn’t keep the excitement out of his
voice when he talked about baseball. “They’re
opening ball parks all across the country, Maude.
There’s different levels of teams. The real
professionals play in the majors, where they don’t
have to do anything to earn a living but play ball. Just
imagine, getting paid money to play! Then there are
what they call the minor leagues, where you still learn
from real coaches and they get you ready to move up
to the majors. The kind of ball we play here, one small
town against another, is like the bottom level.”

He’d told me all this before, but I listened
anyway. I took pleasure in seeing how much he loved
the game. He got a dreamy, faraway look when he said,
“Once in a while they send out a man to take a look
and see if there are any players who might be good
enough to be a professional. One of them was here,
Maude, in our town. He watched us play. He talked to
three of us after the game, Henry Gray, Phil Fuller, and
me. He asked us a lot of questions and said that he’d
be back. That’s what I want to do, Maude, I want to
play ball more than anything.”

James’s dad ran the farm supply store, and I
thought about that. “What about your dad’s store?
Doesn’t he expect you to take over someday? Would
he let you go off to play ball?”

“My dad’s not like that. He wouldn’t hold me
back from what I love. Besides, I’d come home
someday and run it for him, but not until I was too old
to play anymore.”

James held my hand and looked in my eyes,
“What do you want, Maude? What kind of life do you
see for yourself?”

I was taken unexpected by his question. I
couldn’t even answer him right away. After a moment
he asked, “Maude?”

I laughed a little, embarrassed. “No one ever
asked me what I wanted before, James, not once. I
spent my whole life so far having people tell me what
to do, and doing it. It’s like I was out in the middle of
a stream and it was better to let it carry me along than
to fight it.”

“Well, I’m asking you now. What is it that would
make you happy?”
I smiled and looked off at some clouds in the sky.
I had to think about it a minute before I could answer
him. “I’d like to graduate from school and then go see
other places. I’ve heard tell about cities where it would
take days to walk from one side to the other. I read
about oceans so big that it takes the biggest, fastest
boat weeks to cross over them.”
He was quiet and, after a few seconds, I thought
of some more to tell him. “After a while, I’d like to
have a home of my own, where I could make pretty
curtains for the windows. I’d like to marry a good man
and raise babies, and grow old with my family about
me.”
We sat together for a while after that without
talking, both of us dreaming our dreams, until Helen
came out to remind James that it was getting late, and
I had chores still to do.

James’s mother and father were really nice to
me. They encouraged us to spend time together and
told me they appreciated how I worked to take care of
Helen and the house. They made me feel they thought
their son had made a good choice in courting me.

James and I really enjoyed what little time we
spent together. It was comfortable. Our future seemed
settled. We never actually spoke about it, but I
expected James would talk to me about getting
married as soon as I finished school. Of course, that
was three years away.

Helen’s sixth month passed without any
problems, then her seventh and eighth. She said the
baby moved around all the time. Sometimes Helen
would grab my hand and press it against her stomach.
I could feel the little feet kicking away. Helen was so
happy, “Henry Mathias was never like that. He hardly
moved. I just know this one is going to make it.”

I would smile and be happy along with her. I
wanted this baby to live as much as Helen and Tommy
did.

When the baby was due in another week or two,
Helen started to be nervous and asked the doctor, “Are
you sure it’s all right, Doctor Wilson? How can you
tell? Isn’t it time?”

He smiled at her like she was a little girl. “You
know what they say, Helen, a baby’s like a ripe apple.
When it’s ready, it’ll fall. Now, don’t you worry so, I’ll
take good care of you. All of us will, me and Tommy
and Maude.”

Tommy brought the cradle down from the barn’s
loft and I cleaned it and polished it. I put it back into
its original location in my bedroom. I shoved my bed
against the wall to make room. I moved my things out
of two of the bureau drawers, making room for the
little layette that I’d packed away. I’d sewn enough
with my mother to be a pretty good seamstress, and
made little gowns and bonnets for the baby. They
weren’t embroidered and fancy like store-bought
clothes, but they were stitched even, they would last,
and they were made with love.

I came home from school one day to find Helen
lying on her side in her bed. She was sweating and
trying to catch her breath. “Get the doctor,” she said.

I ran out of the house, and ran the quarter-mile
to the doctor’s house lickedly-split. He kept his office
in an addition at the side of his house, one little waiting
room and one examining room. The door was open,
but he wasn’t there. There were men I knew from the
church waiting to see him. One of them had a bandage
on his hand with blood leaking out of it.

“Where is he?” I yelled. “He has to come.
Helen’s having her baby.”
They all knew what happened the first time.
Their bloody fingers could wait. One of the men stood.
“He just went over to the store for something not more
than a minute ago. I’ll go tell him.”
I ran back out the door and all the way home. I
was sweating and panting for breath by the time I got
there. Helen was the same. “Doctor Wilson will be
here in a few minutes. Is it bad?” I asked.
Helen managed a nod, her mouth twisted in pain.
I thought back to the other time, “I’ll get things
ready.”
I ran into the kitchen and pumped a pot full of
water and put it on the stove. The fire was always
banked so it wouldn’t go out. I ran to the porch and
grabbed some of the logs that were stacked there,
opened the stove door and threw all but one of them
on the fire. I poked the embers with the last log until
the tiny flames burst out again. When I was satisfied
that the fire had caught, I slammed the door shut and
then ran for the towels. I stopped and looked out the
window toward the doctor’s office to see if he was
coming, but he was nowhere to be seen.
Helen rolled on her back, raised her knees up,
and fastened her eyes on mine. “It’s coming, Maude.
Where’s the doctor?”
I looked out the window. I still didn’t see him.
“Hold on, Helen, he’ll be here.”
The look in Helen’s eyes was wild. “I can’t hold
on. My baby’s getting born right now.”
I took a deep breath and pulled back the covers.
I’d already seen more of Helen’s private parts than I
had ever wanted to see, but I had to know what was
happening. Helen was right. The baby was coming.
The little round head was already out. The baby wasn’t
crying. I had to help it.
“You’re right, Helen, it isn’t going to wait. When
the next pain comes, see if you can help it and push it
out far enough so I can get hold of it.”
Helen scrunched up her eyes and pushed hard.
The baby’s shoulders slid out. I pulled on it the way
I’d seen Doctor Wilson pull on the first one, but it was
so slippery my hands just slid off. Helen took another
deep breath and pushed again. The baby slid out a little
further and I took a towel and wrapped it around the
baby’s body and then tried again. This time, the baby
came free. It was a little girl. I wrapped it in the towel.
It didn’t cry, and it was blue all over. I used my right
hand to hold up its tiny neck while I held its feet to turn
it upside down. I shook it a little. It still didn’t cry. I
put my mouth over the baby’s and blew into it the way
the doctor had the first one. The baby coughed right in
my mouth and then let out a blood-curdling scream. It
was the most beautiful sound I ever heard. Helen fell
back against the pillows.
I looked up just as Doctor Wilson came charging
in the room. The baby was letting out ear-splitting
screams. The doctor pulled his instruments out of his
bag and tied and cut the cord. Then he touched my arm
and directed me toward the kitchen. “I need to take
care of Helen. Wrap that baby up and take it in the
kitchen. Clean it up, and don’t let it get cold.”
I was only too happy to do what he said. Holding
the baby in one arm, I used my other hand to make a
pallet on the kitchen table with a folded blanket. I
ladled some of the warm water into a basin and washed
the baby until all of the birthing mess was gone. I
diapered her and dressed her in one of the little gowns
I’d made, then wrapped her tight in one of the little
blankets, the way I’d seen the mothers at the church do
with theirs. The baby cried the whole time and the
sound if her screaming made me happy because she
was telling me she was alive and she was strong and
she was going to be just fine. I was so proud of her
perfect little body you would have thought she was my
own. She was the right size and rounded out and pink
all over. Her head was covered with blonde fuzz, the
same color as Helen’s. She was a healthy, beautiful
little girl.
The doctor finally finished up with Helen and
found me rocking the baby in the corner of the kitchen.
The baby was sleeping peacefully, with me watching
every breath she took.
“You did quite a job in there, young lady. I
couldn’t have done any better myself. Helen told me
how you breathed the life into her.”
I couldn’t help but beam at the praise. In all my
life, I felt it was the most important thing I had ever
done.

I can’t tell you how much I loved that baby. I rushed
home from school every day to do my work and help
take care of her. Helen named her Faith, after our
mother, and that made me love her even more. I
washed her and changed her, and I put the cradle up
next to my own bed so I could rock her and sing to her
if she fussed at night. When she needed to be fed, I
would carry her to Helen. I would turn away as Helen
held Faith to her breast. It was the one thing I couldn’t
do, and it was the most important thing of all. I was
jealous of Helen for it.

One day, when little Faith was a few months old,
I heard Tommy and Helen talking about getting a
bigger bed for her. She was outgrowing her cradle.
“That room just isn’t big enough for two beds,” I heard
Tommy say. He sounded almost angry.

The next Sunday, James Connor walked me
home from church as usual, but he didn’t have much
to say. He’d graduated the year before and was always
busy, working with his father when the store was open,
playing baseball every weekend, and waiting for the
scout to come back to town like he promised. I made a
few tries to talk, but he decided he didn’t want to, so I
held my tongue and fell into step beside him, just
enjoying his company. When we got to Helen’s house,
we found his parents sitting with Helen and Tommy on
the front porch. I couldn’t help but be surprised.
They’d never visited us before. As James and I walked
up the pathway, the men stood.

“Let’s go to the kitchen,” Tommy said. The four
of them trooped in the house with James and me
following behind. The women sat at the table, and
Tommy waved James to the last chair. Mr. Connor
stood behind his wife, and Tommy took up a place
behind Helen.

The grown-ups all looked at each other. Tommy
cleared his throat and began a speech, one I could tell
he’d been practicing. “Maude, you’re a young woman
now, and it’s time for you to make your own way in
the world. We know you’re fond of James, and he’s
fond of you. He’s got a good job and can take care of
you. Brother and Sister Connor are pleased with you
and we all agree that it’s time the two of you got
married.”

James looked at me with a big smile on his face.
He’d known this was coming all along, and I reckoned
that was why he’d been so quiet on the walk home. It
riled me that he’d kept it to himself, and I took a few
deep breaths while they all stared at me, waiting to
hear what I’d say.

Finally I was able to whisper, “What about my
schooling? I won’t graduate for another three years.”
Tommy shook his head. “You’re almost out of
the ninth grade. That’s enough schooling for any girl.”
It about broke my heart. I looked up at him. “But
Helen got to graduate. You waited for her.”
“That was your parent’s doing. It was different.
They had their own ways. This is the best thing all
around.”
I knew what he meant. He wanted me out of the
house. I gave a short nod. “When do you want us to do
it? Can I finish this term?”
“Of course you can. Then we can have a proper
wedding for you, and the church will give you a party.”
James reached over and took my hand and
smiled at me. “I’ll make a good husband for you
Maude, I promise.”
I managed a small smile for him. I would have
to trust him.
It was another six weeks before the term was
over. Helen took me to the general store to let me pick
out the fabric for my wedding dress and I chose a light
blue with no pattern to it. As we were having it cut
from the bolt, Helen picked up a bolt of white lisle and
laid it on the counter.
“Cut six yards of this one, too,” she said. Then
she stood on her tip-toes to whisper in my ear, “You
ought to have some pretty underwear and a nice new
nightgown.”
I cut the dress and stitched it carefully, doing my
best to sew it just the way Mom would have. When it
was finished, I embroidered little white flower chains
around the hem of the skirt and the sleeves. I was so
proud of it. It was the prettiest thing I’d ever owned. I
crocheted fine lace around the edges of my new
nightgown and underwear. I thought I would be
dressed as fine as any rich lady for my wedding.
James spent the six weeks fixing up the little
one-room cabin on the back of his parent’s place. Their
house was quite grand for our town, with the front door
opening to a wide staircase that led to four bedrooms
upstairs. Downstairs was a parlor on the left and a
dining room on the right. The washroom and the
kitchen were at the back, and there was a wonderful
covered porch, eight feet wide, that wrapped all the
way around the house.
Our cabin was about twenty feet square and had
a fireplace and four windows, one on each side of the
door, and on each side wall. It even had its own
outhouse in the back. He painted both buildings inside
and out, put a new wood floor in the cabin and the
outhouse, and even got glass for the windows. Mom
Connor didn’t understand why we didn’t just live with
them in the big house, but James insisted that we had
to have our own place, and I’m glad he did. It was
better for both of us. I didn’t know then, but I was later
to learn that it didn’t work to have two women under
one roof.
His parents gave him a table and two chairs and
a settee from their house. It was agreed that Tommy
would bring my bedstead and a bureau to the cabin on
the day of the wedding. The bureau would be Helen
and Tommy’s wedding present to us.
I finished my ninth-grade schooling on a Friday,
and the wedding was set for five o’clock the next
afternoon. That gave the men of the church time to get
in their day’s work before the service. It was that
morning as I was dressing that Helen said to me,
“Whatever he wants to do to you, you have to let him
do it.”