Max (A Carter Brother series Book 4) (12 page)

MAX: I’d believe you but your moans and groans and the tight grip you had on me tells me something else entirely.

This, unfortunately, is true.

LAKE: You might find this hard to believe but not every girl finds you irresistible. 

MAX: Stop lying to yourself, you want me, just admit it.

LAKE: I’m not playing fucking games, Max. Grow up and leave me alone.

I snap and I instantly feel bad about it, but he’s becoming more involved in my life and it isn’t something I need. I know it’s not. I don’t deserve anything good and I’m already playing with fire letting Joan take me into her home. Becoming dependent on the emotional and physical support Max brings me won’t end well; I can’t rely on him for that.

MAX: If that’s what you want, fine!!!!!!

My chest aches and my finger inches over the reply button, wanting to take back my words. In just a few weeks that I’ve known him he’s come to mean something to me. Nothing romantic, though, the thought of his body, his cheeky banter and his extremely good looks is making it harder not to think of him that way.

Who am I kidding?

I totally fancy the pants off Max. There’s nothing I can do to deny that, yet, anything more is a no go. It just can’t go any further.

My eyes close and I return to stroking the little bundle of fur still cuddled up to my chest. The notion relaxes me and it’s not long before I fall into a dreamless sleep.

A soft knock on the door wakes me up from another nightmare about my past.

Since moving in with Joan and Mark they’ve become more and more regular. I know its guilt eating away at me. Why should I live a good life when
he
doesn’t have one because of me? That’s what it all boils down to. But if I could go back in time and change things, I would. I’d gladly take his place in a heartbeat.

Joan peeks her head in, giving me a small smile when she sees I’m awake. Thor jumps down from the bed and runs out of the room, his little butt wiggling behind him.

So cute!

“Dinner will be ready in five,’’ is all she says before turning and leaving the room. I groan, sitting up, my head is banging.

I remind myself to ask for some paracetamol when I go downstairs. It’s not the first time I’ve woken up from a nightmare and received the mother of all headaches.

Rushing into the bathroom I make quick work of cleaning up before heading back into my room to change.

By the time I make it downstairs everyone is already sitting at the small table in the kitchen. Looking around, my tense body relaxes when I find Max not in attendance. In fact, Maverick isn’t here either.

“Hey, Joan, could I have some paracetamol, please?’’

“Of course, my dear. You don’t have to ask you know, just help yourself. They’re in the top cupboard over there,’’ she tells me gently, pointing to the far end of the kitchen. “Is everything okay?’’

“Just a headache,’’ I tell her quietly before making my way over to the sink to grab a glass of water.

The water feels cool and soothing against my raw throat, so I take another sip, relishing in the feeling, just as Joan decides to ask me a question.

“Where’s Max?’’

I choke on my drink, my lungs beginning to burn. I have to calm myself down before looking back at Joan. She’s minding her own at the moment but I can tell that secretly all her attention is on me as she dishes out the food.

“I, huh, I don’t know.’’

“He was with you earlier, he texted me,’’ Myles tells me.

“Yeah, he stayed at Antonio’s to clean up,’’ I add on quickly, not wanting to be questioned anymore. “So, Harlow, you have your appointment soon, you excited?’’

She smiles widely, looking at Malik with adoration. “Yeah. The midwife booked us in for a scan. She said we’ll have a proper estimate then for the due date.’’

“Not so scared then,’’ I state and smile at her. She looks radiant. She’s beautiful in every way. The best thing is she doesn’t even know it. But don’t let her angelic looks deceive you, I’ve seen her argue with Malik and Denny; the girl has balls.

“No, not now.’’

“I still can’t believe my grandbaby is going to be having a baby. Your mom would be so proud, I just know it,’’ Joan speaks up, her eyes watering.

“Oh, Gram’s, don’t get upset. And do you really believe that?’’ Harlow asks, her voice cracking towards the end.

“I know it, baby. She had you so young and I know she never regretted it for one second. She’d support you in the ways I never supported her. I just know it, baby. Call it a mother’s intuition,’’ she winks then looks around the table. “I can’t believe that boy isn’t here. Myles, call him. At least Maverick has a legitimate excuse,’’ she snaps.

“Where is Mav?’’ Malik asks, taking a mouthful of mashed potato.

“He’s clearing out the apartment above the club so he can move a tenant in,’’ Mark answers.

“Why would someone move in there? You’d never get any sleep,’’ Malik grunts.

“It’s been soundproofed. With business becoming slow because of Christmas, he needs another income coming in. He’s even thought of buying future properties for investment,’’ Mark states proudly.

My ears burn when Myles walks back into the room, his eyes hitting mine briefly before looking over to Joan.

“He’s on a date,’’ Myles grunts, frowning.

“That boy,’’ Joan snaps and I feel her eyes on me, but I concentrate hard on my food, trying to look unaffected. Him being on a date shouldn’t hurt like this. But it does and I can’t deny the sharp pain inside my chest is about anything else.

It was only this morning that he had his tongue down my throat. Now he’s on a date. I knew not to trust him. But then, I did tell him to leave me alone. Lads like him can’t handle their ego being bruised.

“Denny, how’s your brother’s girlfriend doing?’’ Harlow asks Denny quickly and I look over to give her a thankful smile. I know everyone has thought something has been going on between me and Max, although, until today there wasn’t anything going on, not really.

God, it’s so freaking awkward. I can feel Joan still staring holes in the side of my head.

“She’s healed up nicely. She’s not his girlfriend anymore, she’s his wife. The loons went and got married on their own.’’

“You’ve been planning yours now for what? A year?’’ Harlow laughs. “And your brother gets married within the few weeks of asking her?’’

“Don’t rub it in,’’ Denny groans. “I’m just happy for them and I said we should do something to celebrate. I know Nan wasn’t too pleased about all the rush. But I know she loves Kennedy.’’

My head feels like it’s going to explode listening to them talk back and forth about shit I know nothing about. Obviously I know who they’re talking about and what happened and what not, but it’s not a conversation I can really be involved in. I’m not family. I’ll never be part of a family again and that kills me. More than I care to admit.

Pushing back my chair, all eyes fall on me. “I’m not feeling too good, I think I’m going to get some fresh air,’’ I mumble and before Joan can force me to sit back down or go to bed, I move quickly out of the door, hearing them talk in hushed tones.

Pulling on my sneakers and grabbing my coat I head outside the door. It’s times like this, listening to them banter back and forth, that I really miss my family and what we shared. We never sat at a dining room table or a kitchen one but we did sit in front of a television together to eat our dinner every day. We would talk about our days, what we were up to, about a TV show that was on, or just random gossip. It was great.

I took all that away from my family and again today, I took Max away from all of them by arguing with him, otherwise he would be here enjoying his dinner. I ruin everything I come into contact with. It’s another reason that is screaming at me, telling me that I don’t belong here, that I’m invading everyone’s lives.

Hours later the streets are dark, only lit with dim streetlights, as I walk the rest of the way to Joan’s house. My feet are killing me and if you ask me where I’ve been tonight I couldn’t tell you. I’ve been walking around in a daze wondering how my life got so fucked up. But I only have myself to blame. It’s the only person I can blame. The only person who
is
to blame.

Opening the front door, I walk in and kick off my sneakers. Joan walks out of the front room with a sad expression on her face but also a look I’ve come to know all too well. She has something she needs to say. I know she’s going to make me cry before she even opens her mouth. I’ve been on the verge of tears all day.

“Come sit down with me,’’ she orders. I open my mouth to tell her I’m too tired when she raises her hand up, placing it down on my shoulder. “It’s not a request.’’

Sighing, I take off my coat and follow her into the front room. The clock on the wall reads nine o’clock and it shocks the hell out of me. I’ve been gone for four hours. Four hours of walking around mindlessly not knowing where I was heading or when I’d be back.

“Sit.’’

Sitting down on the edge of the sofa, I don’t relax back into the seat. I need her to know I don’t plan on getting comfy, that I want her to get out whatever she has to say. As soon as she does I’ll be heading up to my room to wallow in self pity.

“I know you’ve got secrets, dark ones. I hear you cry in your sleep,’’ she tells me, which really doesn’t surprise me that much. I’ve been waiting for someone to bring up my nightmares since I first moved in, yet, none of them have ever mentioned them once to me. Not that I think Harlow and Malik would hear me, they’re too far up to hear anything but Joan and Mark are close by and will have heard me for sure.

“When you feel like you can, I want you to know you’re able to come and talk to me. Life is hard but living is harder, and you, my girl, aren’t living. You’re walking around robotically like anything to do with life or emotion will get you punished.’’

“Maybe
that’s
my punishment,’’ I whisper, wanting to tell her so badly what kind of a girl they’ve brought into their home.

“I don’t believe that for a second. Life is what we make it. But sometimes things are out of our control. We mourn the ones we lose and we greet new life with open arms but when it comes to living, we’re walking into it blind.’’

Her words hit me hard. My nose starts stinging, my throat starts to close up and I know any second I’ll be in floods of tears.

“You have a chance at becoming a new person, to change your life, to have something better,’’ she whispers.

I look at her with teary eyes and swallow down the hard lump that’s been wedged in my throat since she started talking. “But what if the life I had was the best I was going to get? I did something unforgivable, Joan. I ran from my family instead of staying and facing the consequences of my awful actions. So not only am I a...’’ I shake my head stopping the next word from forming, the word tasting bitter in my mouth. “I’m a coward. I don’t belong here,’’ I tell her, waving my hands around the room.

“Why?’’

“Why?’’ I ask, confused. Out of all that she’s only going to ask me
why
I don’t belong. She should be more worried about what I did and what brought me to where I am in the first place; not why I don’t belong in her world, her home.

“Yes, why?’’

“Because I don’t,’’ I tell her, struggling to form the words I need to convince her of the fact. “I don’t deserve to have warmth, love, or a roof over my head. I don’t deserve the kindness you show me, what your family shows me every day,’’ I choke out, feeling my shoulders sag with defeat.

“Oh darling, you belong here more than anyone else. Whatever happened in your past is over with now. You can’t go back and change what happened, but you do need to move on, give people a chance. I’ve seen you with Max, Lake. It’s the only time I’ve ever seen you look alive,’’ she tells me, eyeing me strangely. “Except when you were told you could keep Thor.’’

My back straightens and I eye the old, sweet lady who is looking at me like she has something up her sleeve. I know when someone is trying to manipulate me.

“What are you getting at?’’ I ask curiously.

“Just, that maybe Max is your way of moving on; you’re light at the end of the tunnel. Your saviour,’’ she answers gently.

“I’ve got a headache. I’m going to go to bed,’’ I tell her, squeezing her hand before getting up.

“Just remember, I’m here for you, no matter what. You’re part of the family now whether you want to be or not,’’ she says and the flood gates open. Tears fall from my eyes in thick streams. I barely make it into my room before the first sob escapes my sore throat. I throw myself down on the bed, smothering the sobs into my pillow.

I think about my family, what I did to them, all the pain I caused them and how much the Carter family have come to mean something to me.

And something inside me feels like loving them is like replacing the family that I lost.

LAKE: I’m not playing fucking games, Max. Grow up and leave me alone.

Fuck her!

Fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK, her!

I don’t even know why I’m so bothered about the chick. It’s not like she’s got something other girls haven’t. A vagina is a vagina at the end of the day. Every hole is a goal and all that shit. Why she bothers me so much is a fucking mystery not even the Scooby gang will be able to solve.

I text her back furiously then flick through my contacts wondering who I can fuck to get her out of my system. The girl I met the other week springs to mind and I flick through until I come across her name.

MAX: Want to meet up tonight?

GREGGS/TITS: Ye, wanna meet @ Frankies?

Frankie’s is one of our local Italian restaurants. If Antonio found out I’d gone to one of his competitors he’d probably slice me up and serve
me
as a pizza. I have no doubt about it. But if I want to get laid and get Lake from off my mind, I’m going to have to suck it up.

And yes, I named her GREGGS/ TITS. It was the only way I knew how to remember her. Names, I don’t do. Visuals? Now, that, I can do. It just so happens I met her in Greggs and she had a huge pair of fucking tits. I’m a lad, sue me.

MAX: What time?

GREGGS/TITS: Now?

MAX: I’m on the way.... Shit, I think I’ve typed your name in wrong, this is the girl from Greggs isn’t it?

I’m hoping she doesn’t catch on that I’m fishing for her name because I’ve forgotten, but I can’t exactly turn up to a date and not know the girl’s name. That would be so awkward. More awkward than walking in on your brother having sex with a girl you’ve come to love as a sister.

GREGGS/TITS: Ye, it’s me, Amy.

Amy... Now I remember.

*** *** ***

A few hours later I’m ready to ditch Amy and leave. Not only does the girl have no brain cells, but she hasn’t shut up since I arrived.

My phone beeps in my pocket and I know who it is before I even eye the caller ID. Myles is calling. I answer quickly, wanting a reason to get Amy to shut the fuck up for two minutes. That, and I miss the sound of my own voice. Sad I know but I honestly haven’t gotten a word in.

“Hello brother of mine,’’ I answer with a grin.

“Cut the shit, dickhead. Joan has prepared a family meal and you don’t even turn up. Even Lake showed up and she’s not even blood,’’ he hisses down the line.

“She lives there,’’ I deadpan.

“Where are you?’’ he sighs and my shoulders slump. I hate it when he acts like this. He knows exactly how to act to make me feel guilty and I hate it.

“On a date; I’ll be back later,’’ I exclaim and before he can tear me a new asshole, I put the phone down.

My phone beeps as soon as I end the call and I’m about to ignore it when I notice Liam’s name come up with a message.

LIAM: Fancy coming to a party over at Hannah’s?

MAX: Hell yeah.

Hannah is a girl I fucked back in school. She’s a pretty cool chick to be fair and her parties are legendary. Ever since Chris’s dad burnt down the Old Gunner’s house we’ve all struggled for somewhere to party. But then Hannah came up with a solution. Her parents are never home, so she throws a party once in a while.

“We’re going to a party,’’ I tell my date, Amy.

“Okay. Do I need to get changed? I love parties but I also find I’m always underdressed, so if you want me to...’’

I tune her out inwardly cursing myself for inviting her. I should have just told her there was an emergency back at home and left her to it. I throw some cash on the table and grab my hoody.

“Nah, you look fine,’’ I tell her. If she got any more underdressed she’d be dressing for a beach party. How the fuck she’s not freezing in her short mini skirt, her high heels and tiny crop top is anyone’s guess. I was pretty disappointed when she took off her leather jacket to reveal a short crop top showing her flat stomach instead of her tits. She should show more cleavage. It will get her places in life, I’m sure.

“Oh, goodie. So, as I was saying, my mom wanted me to go to college but I was like, Mom...’’

*** *** ***

I’ve been walking in silence since we left the restaurant, grunting occasionally so Amy doesn’t realise I’m not listening. I tuned her out back at the restaurant but with her voice it’s been hard work. Now, standing outside the front of the house where the party is, I grin with relief. People are everywhere. People she can talk to instead of giving me a fucking headache. I hate thinking like a prick, but even a saint would get their hair off with all her talking. She could talk a deaf bloke’s ears off.

“I’m going to get a drink, do you want one?’’

“Oh, I don’t know. What do you think they’ll have? I’m not a real beer kind of girl, it gets me too drunk. Anything with vodka makes me frisky and I end up dry humping someone,’’ she giggles.

“How about a fruit cider?’’ I ask, not really caring; at the rate she’s going I’ll just hand her a water and be done with it. I honestly couldn’t care what she drinks right now as long as I’m not around to listen to it.

“Oh no, I talk too much when I drink cider. My friend, Melissa, told me it puts lads off so I don’t drink it. I don’t want to come across as a talkative know-it-all.’’

Seriously? She is really going to say cider makes her talk too much.

“You had one too many today then?’’ I blurt out, inwardly slapping myself.

“Oh no, I haven’t drank anything but water today,’’ she smiles widely.

I groan, raking my hands through my hair. I’m fucked. This chick hasn’t even drunk cider and already she hasn’t shut up.

Vodka it is. I’d rather a horny bitch on my hands than a chatterbox on speed.

“Let’s get you a WKD,’’ I grin, hoping my seductive skills haven’t been talked out of me.

She gives me a shy smile, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, and blinks rapidly like she’s got something stuck in her eye.

Lake isn’t like this. What you see is what you get. Well, not always. She’s hiding some big fucking secret and has demons that haunt her day and night, but apart from that, she’s the only girl I know that is real. She’s not some girl who has to flash her tits for a lad’s attention.

Even with all the baggage that chick has, it would be worth it in the long run. It would also be more interesting listening to her talk about her said baggage than having Amy talk about...anything.

The party isn’t even at its fullest and I’m drunk already. Checking my phone I read nine o’clock and groan wanting the party to be over.

Amy is currently grinding down hard on my lap and I can see now why she doesn’t drink vodka. I think the girl has gotten off twice just rubbing herself over my dick in the past twenty minutes. When she first started dry humping me I had a boner, sure, but now she’s rubbing herself down so hard on my dick that I’m not sure I have any feeling left in my appendage.

Placing my hands at her waist, I try to lift her up to no avail.

“No,’’ she whines, biting down on my ear which causes me to flinch. Fuck, that hurts. “Shall we go somewhere private?’’ she whispers, trying to sound seductive but her voice is loud and just as annoying as it was when we first met up at Frankie’s.

Liam catches my eye from across the room and he shakes his head, grinning like a fucking loon. He’s been getting off on watching Amy dry hump me for the past hour. It didn’t help I was talking to him the first time she got off. She wasn’t even quiet about it. It isn’t normal. She’s needs help, some serious help with her issues.

“I think you should go home, you’re drunk,’’ I tell her, trying to keep the pissed off tone out of my voice. All I want to do is go home and see if Lake is up to playing Grand Theft Auto, or hell, if she wants to watch a lame ass movie. I’d go with just sleeping I’m that desperate to be around her and out of here.

“I’ve had one drink. I’m just really fucking horny.’’

“So you don’t care you’re in a house full of people?’’ I ask, wondering if I’m hearing this right. How can I be turning down a girl who is ready to fuck in a room full of people? It’s like a fantasy come true but for some reason my dick isn’t into it.

My hands drunkenly run up her body and she moans, arching into me. Taking that as my cue, I run them under her short top feeling her bare breasts.

When the fuck did she get the time to take her bra off? I look up to her with wide eyes, my hands playing with her nipples as she withers below me. As messed up as this all is, I need to take my mind off Lake and Amy seems willing to help with that.

“Stick your fingers in my ass,’’ she gasps loudly and I notice a few eyes turn our way. Drunk and feeling pretty out of it, I haul her up in my arms and head towards the stairs, Liam on my tail. I knew the dirty fucker would follow. Amy wasn’t shy in showing Liam she was interested in him. To be honest, I think she was just interested in getting off, the dirty bitch.

Entering the room I ignore Liam and throw Amy on the bed. She looks up with lust filled eyes before her eyes turn to Liam behind me.

“Oh God, fuck me in the ass,’’ she moans widely and I look to Liam with a grin. He shakes his head but takes his top off grinning as he walks closer to the bed. We’ve shared before. This isn’t anything new to us. The only thing that is different is that Amy is the one to initiate the whole thing, whereas we usually have to sweet talk a girl into a threesome.  

“So I can join?’’ Liam’s husky voice asks.

“Yeah, if you let me watch you fuck Max,’’ she moans, touching herself now. “I’ve always wanted to see two men together.’’

Liam looks at her horrified before taking a step backwards. I follow his lead wondering what fucking crazy train she stepped off tonight.

“Then I want you to piss all over me,’’ she moans again, her fingers under her skirt playing with herself.

I look at her disgusted and take a leaf out of Liam’s book and take another step back, needing to get away. I feel dirty and I don’t think a hundred showers a day will make me feel clean after all that shit.

“Fucking gross, man,’’ Liam whispers, now stood next to me, grabbing his t-shirt from off the floor. Amy has her shirt off, her hands playing with her tits. I don’t even think she’s realised we haven’t joined the party. She just keeps touching herself, telling us what she wants us to do, what she wants to see and I swear if I couldn’t get a boner before, I wouldn’t be able to now she just mentioned fisting.

“I’m just going to get some condoms,’’ I shout over her moaning and back out of the room, slowly, shutting the door behind me.

“Where the fuck did you find her?’’ Liam laughs once we’re outside the shut door.

“Greggs,’’ I shrug, wincing when I hear Amy’s moans growing louder.

“No, seriously, where the fuck did you find her? That ain’t normal,’’ he laughs, shoving my shoulder.

I sway from the push but catch my balance. “No, seriously, I met her at Greggs. She seemed fucking normal at the time,’’ I frown, wondering if I have something wrong with me.

Lake seems like the type to be into new shit but not the fucking kinky shit Amy considers to be normal. Just picturing being with Lake awakens my boner and I have to fight back a curse.

“What are you going to do?’’ Liam asks, looking back at the door when another scream wails from the other side.

At least she’s enjoying herself. That’s what counts, right?

“I think I’m just going to go,’’ I whine, then pause when Liam looks at me like I’ve grown two heads.

“You can’t leave her. At least, not until she’s finished herself off. Anyone could just walk in and she’d let them join in,’’ he scolds me.

“If they want to get fisted, each to their own,’’ I shrug.

Just then a scream pierces through the walls, the kinky slut in the other room getting her release. At least one of us is.

“Well, at least she’s finished,’’ he laughs and my phone beeps interrupting him. I grab it out of my pocket to find a message from Joan. I’m about to ignore it but Lake’s name catches my attention.

JOAN: Lake doesn’t seem too good. She’s been gone since dinner and she’s come back a mess.

The message doesn’t elaborate on what kind of mess but it doesn’t need to. My feet move, but before I can reach the stairs Liam stops me, motioning to the room Amy is in. The door opens and Amy walks out with a satisfied look upon her face.

“I’ll be right back,’’ I tell her before rushing off down the stairs and out of the house. I call a taxi once I’m outside, the night air reaching freezing levels.

The taxi arrives fifteen minutes later, the horn blaring. I quickly get in and fire off my address and sit back in the seat, my drunken state quickly dissipating.

GREGGS/TITS: What’s up?

MAX: Lake’s upset.

GREGGS/TITS: No, I meant like what are you doing? Where are you?

MAX: On my way home from a party.

I text back, my minds not really registering her texts, it’s too occupied on Lake and if she’s okay. Maybe I’m still drunk after all because it isn’t until I get a text back that I realise who I’m messaging.