Maybe This Christmas (9 page)

“Sand,” Kayla murmured and earned herself a glare.

“Snow, sand, mud—whatever you do when you don’t want to face something. You could tell him the truth. You want to have sex with him. You want him to go from clothed to naked faster than his sports car goes from zero to sixty. You want him to be as in love with you as you are with him.”

“But that isn’t what would happen. That isn’t what he wants. If he found out, it would be hideously awkward.”

“Unless you’re wrong about the way he feels about you.”

“I’m not wrong. I know him as well as he knows me, and I know I’m not his type.” There were things that they didn’t understand. Things she’d never shared with anyone. “I think he’ll be dating Christy by next week.”

“Christy?” Kayla looked astonished at the suggestion. “No way. For a start, Tyler is a true outdoorsman, and Christy is most definitely an indoor girl. She’s worse than I am! If she breaks a nail, she needs therapy. She’d drive Tyler mad in under sixty seconds. You have
totally
got that wrong.”

“She’s the sort of girl he hung out with all the time on the ski circuit.”

“Maybe. But that was after the skiing had finished, and none of those relationships lasted.”

“He flirts with her all the time.”

“Tyler flirts with everyone under the age of fifty. It is how he communicates.”

“Not with me.”

Élise selected a pair of hand weights. “That is interesting, no? That tells you something.”

“Yes, it tells me he doesn’t see me that way. I’m someone to ski and climb trees with, not flirt with.”

Élise pushed the weights up from her shoulders. “Kayla is right. You two are perfect together.” The way she rolled her
r
s made her sound like a contented cat. “You may need to do something drastic and take control of the situation.”

“I’m already in control of the situation. I’m working very hard to make sure he doesn’t know how I feel.”

“
Je ne comprends pas.
This I don’t get.” Élise looked bemused. “Why would you not want him to know?”

“Because it would damage our friendship.”

Kayla leaned against the wall. “Perhaps it’s time to turn what you have into something more than friendship.”

Élise lowered the hand weights. “You should ask him straight-out and then there can be no mistake. With Sean, I made it clear I was interested.”

“It’s different.” Brenna reached for her water bottle. “You and Sean have crazy chemistry. You’ve always shared something special. I already know how Tyler feels, and it isn’t the same way I do,” she said quietly. “I’ve learned to live with that. I learned to live with all those photos and rumors when he was on the ski circuit. I suppose that’s one of the reasons the past year has been really special for me. With Jess living with him, the whole thing’s been easier. And because of work we’ve been spending more time together, and it’s been great.”

Élise looked perplexed. “So if you are really happy with the situation, then carry on.”

“That’s just it. I’ve been pretending that we can, but we can’t. It’s inevitable he is going to meet someone. I’m not sure how easy it’s going to be to live with that. What woman is going to want him being friends with me?” She sat down on the machine. “I’m wondering if the whole thing would be easier if I moved away.”

“You did that before.” Élise put the weights down. “Did it work?”

“No.” Suddenly, it felt difficult to speak. “He’s in my heart so wherever I go, he comes with me.”

“Oh, Bren, don’t say things like that.” Kayla’s eyes filled, and she lifted her hand to her mouth. “You’re making me cry, and I never cry. You are
not
moving away. You can’t! Don’t even think of it. You’re an essential part of the team.”

“Yes, without you, Kayla would turn into a lazy sloth.” Élise’s eyes were a little brighter than usual. “She needs you to help her keep that tight butt of hers. Without you, she’d sit at a desk all day.”

“Crap.” Kayla brushed her cheeks with the palm of her hand and sniffed. “Promise me you won’t do anything rash. Somehow we’ll fix this.”

Knowing Kayla’s formidable abilities to make things happen, Brenna came close to a smile. “Thanks, but even you can’t fix this.”

“Tyler hasn’t started seeing anyone yet. It might not happen.”

“It’s going to happen. He’s been putting his own needs second because of Jess, but if she’s encouraging him, then it’s going to happen. He’s gorgeous. Women are all over him.” She’d had to watch it her whole life. The way they looked at him. The lengths they went to get his attention. “I’m being stupid and pathetic. Ignore me. I’m tired. In fact, I think I’m going to skip the rest of our workout this morning.” She stooped and picked up her bag as Kayla exchanged looks with Élise.

“But you never skip our workouts. Never. You always say there isn’t a single thing in life that exercise can’t help with.”

“It can’t help with this. I need to get going and organize today’s lessons. I’ll see you later.”

There was no solution; she knew that.

She could move away, she could take another job on the other side of the world, but how did she get Tyler out of her heart?

* * *

K
AYLA
WAITED
UNTIL
the door closed behind Brenna and then breathed out heavily. “Look at me! I’m a mess.”

Élise looked. “
C’est vrai.
You are a mess. I thought you were a cool Brit who never cried. Your eyes are the color of tomato salsa. Or maybe purée.”

“Why does everything in your life have to have a culinary reference?” Kayla selected the camera app on her phone and checked her reflection. “Crap, you’re right. I’m never wearing makeup to have a conversation with Brenna again.”

“I have never seen her this emotional. She is a very calm, controlled person. It is the first time she has ever admitted her feelings.”

Kayla slid her phone in her bag. “It must be hell being in love with a man who isn’t interested. And when she said that bit about him being in her heart—” Her eyes filled again, and Élise glared at her in frustration.

“
Merde, j’en ai assez,
enough! What use is all this howling and sobbing? We need a plan.” She muttered something in French and spread out a yoga mat. “And he’s interested.”

Kayla sniffed. “I must admit I thought so, too. Did you see the way he took over in that meeting when Jackson suggested she go and teach in the school? I almost melted on the spot. The man would slay a dragon for her, and she can’t see it.”

“Mmm.” Élise looked thoughtful. “Fillet of dragon, dragon burger—”

“Stop thinking about food for five minutes! What I’m saying is that he is
so
protective, and he isn’t like that with anyone else. When I fell over on the ice the other day, he laughed and stepped over me, so why doesn’t he do something? Why hasn’t he made a move? He isn’t shy with women.”

“I don’t know why.” Élise twisted her body into a shape that could have been yoga or Pilates. “I don’t claim to understand the way a man’s brain works. Other parts, yes. But not the brain.”

“Maybe he doesn’t see her like that. He grew up with her. She’s like a guy to him.”

“No one could see Brenna as a guy.” Élise changed her position and stretched her limbs. “Perhaps it is lack of opportunity.”

“They see each other all the time. They have plenty of opportunity.” Kayla tilted her head to one side as she watched her friend. “Am I going to have to call the fire service to get you out of that position? How can you even do that?”

“I did ballet for a while. And they see each other at work, not at any other time.”

“That isn’t true. They had a drink together the other night.”

“How do you know?”

“Because I saw them walking toward Forest Lodge. He had his arm around her shoulder and they were laughing.” She raised her eyebrows as Élise sank elegantly into the splits. “I am not winching you out of that position.”

“He had his arm around her?”

“Yes. But it was more friendly than loverlike.”

“It must be very hard for Brenna.” Élise leaned forward, elegant and supple. “You’re right. That would have been the perfect opportunity to make a move.”

“Which suggests you’re wrong and she’s right. He isn’t interested.”

“Or that he is holding back.”

Kayla pondered. “If that’s the case, then he needs to be pushed outside his comfort zone. They need time together. At least then we’d find out one way or another.”

“
D’accord.
I’m so over this will-they-won’t-they crap. It’s blowing my brain.”

“But how do we engineer that at the beginning of the busiest season we’ve had for years? They’ll be lucky to meet in passing on the ski slope.”

“I am a chef, not Cupid. And I am not good with the indirect approach you all seem to use. If I were Brenna, I would simply say, ‘Tyler, all my life I find you very hot and now I’d like to have sex with you. Yes or no?’”

Kayla grinned. “Is that what you did with Sean?”

“No, with Sean I didn’t ask. I took what I wanted.” She stretched her arms above her head. “I ripped his clothes off, and he ripped mine right back.”

“There is no way Brenna would ever do that. Nor would she tell Tyler she finds him hot and wants to have sex. She’s pretty shy about that sort of thing. And traditional. If anything is ever going to happen between them, he needs to make the first move.” She watched in fascination as Élise raised her legs up slowly and lowered them again. “We need a plan.”

“Brenna will not thank you if you interfere.”

“I don’t want thanks, and I will interfere gently. She won’t know.”

Élise stood up in a graceful movement. “Me, I still prefer the direct approach, but we’ll try it your way first. Now stop watching me and do some exercise yourself.”

* * *

B
RENNA
SAT
IN
BED
high on the shelf of Forest Lodge, her hands curved around a mug of herbal tea. Her alarm wasn’t due to go off for another hour, but she’d lain awake for half the night, thinking about Tyler.

Forest Lodge had a luxurious bedroom on the floor below, complete with bathroom and a private hot tub outside the door, but she chose to sleep up on the mezzanine floor because she loved the view. She lay snug in the bed, looking through acres of glass to the forest beyond. It was like living in a tree house, the view more breathtaking than anything an artist could produce with oils and canvas.

It was still dark outside, but the snow was luminous in the moonlight and she could see the forest smothered in another deep coating of winter-white. It draped itself over the trees in extravagant folds, blunting sharp lines, the weight of it causing branches to droop.

Who needed a Christmas tree when every day at Snow Crystal during the winter was like Christmas?

Kneeling on the bed, she peered through the gaps in the trees. She was just able to see Lake House, where Tyler lived with Jess.

She’d spent so many happy summers and winters in these woods along with three generations of O’Neil men—Sean, Jackson and Tyler, their father Michael and their grandfather, Walter—exploring the outdoors, transforming rambling, tumble-down structures into something habitable. She’d hauled bricks, sanded wood and stood knee-deep in the lake while they’d built a deck. Somewhere out there was a tree where she’d carved his name.

It wasn’t that she didn’t love her parents, but sometimes it felt as if she’d been born into the wrong family. They didn’t understand her love of the mountains and the outdoors, and they certainly didn’t share it. When her parents had thought to dampen her love of the mountains and skiing by refusing to fund her equipment needs, Michael had given her Tyler’s old skis and let her keep them at Snow Crystal.

Brenna had never understood her mother’s hostility toward the O’Neils, who were well liked and respected by everyone else in the county. She’d decided it was just that Maura Daniels was violently opposed to anything to do with skiing and winter sports. She shut the snow out of her small, pristine house and complained endlessly about the long, cold Vermont winters until it sometimes seemed to Brenna that the mountains must have offended her personally in some way.

And so she’d lived her life growing up in one house but spending all her time in another until the day she’d found out Janet Carpenter was pregnant.

It had been the worst day of her life.

She’d vanished into the mountains for two days without telling anyone where she was going.

It had been Jackson, home from college for the summer, who had found her.

Strong, steady Jackson, who had ignored the orders of her parents, his parents and the mountain rescue team and trekked on foot to the ridge where they’d often camped out as children, following a hunch.

He’d wanted her to talk about it, but she’d kept her mouth clamped tightly shut because she always found it easier to keep things inside than let them out.

Strangely enough, that had been the one time in her life when her mother had been a comfort. It was as if finally she knew what her daughter, alien to her in every other way, needed.

It had been her mother who had urged her to get up in the morning, wash her hair, get dressed and keep going through another year of school. It had been her mother who had fed her homemade soup, spoonful by spoonful, and held her when she’d cried.

They’d never talked about the details, but for once her mother had stopped nagging her and shown a kindness and empathy Brenna hadn’t witnessed before or since. It was a painful irony that the worst time of her life had also been the best.

Then Tyler had been given his place on the U.S. ski team. From that moment on he’d been away, traveling from one place to another and not coming home in between, so there were months when the only time she saw him was on TV.

She’d trained as a ski instructor and worked for four years with Jackson in Europe, in the hope that distance might kill those feelings, but Tyler was skiing in Europe, too, and she’d frequently joined the family to watch him race.

She’d watched as his star had risen and he’d won medal after medal, skiing faster, harder than anyone else, his sheer talent and aggression on the mountain setting him apart from the others. The media described him as ferocious and fearless on the slopes, but she just saw him as the boy she’d skied with since she was a toddler.