McIver's Mission (19 page)

She pulled her keys out of the little purse, then
realized she was stranded. "If I could just borrow your phone, to call a cab."

"That's not necessary," Shaun said tightly.
"I'll take you home."

She shook her head, almost desperately, he thought.
"It's out of your way."

"It's not out of mine," Colin said, a slight
edge to his voice as he glanced accusingly at his brother.

"I thought you wanted to visit with Shaun."

Colin shrugged. "He doesn't seem very sociable
tonight."

Shaun could tell his brother knew exactly what he'd
interrupted, and that he wasn't the least bit sorry. He wasn't sure who he
should be angrier with—Colin for bad timing, or Arden for her complete
about-face. He'd never known a woman who ran hot and cold the way she did. If
she didn't know what she wanted, that was her problem. There were plenty of
other women in this town.

The thought was hardly reassuring. He only wanted
Arden. And that was
his
problem.

Arden cast a quick, hesitant glance in his direction
before turning to Colin. "I'd appreciate the ride home, if you're sure you
don't mind."

"Of course not." Colin nodded at him.
"I'll talk to you later."

Shaun didn't bother to respond; Arden didn't even say
goodbye.

Chapter
11

«
^
»

A
rden
was more than a little distracted Monday morning. She went through the motions
of meeting with her clients, asked all the right questions more out of habit
than concentration. She knew she had to see Shaun, had to explain what had
happened last night. He'd been angry when she'd left with Colin, and she didn't
blame him. One minute they'd been engaged in the most intimate act of a man and
a woman, and the next she'd bailed on him.

Marcy, sensing her mood, didn't ask about her weekend
with Shaun. Arden knew she should be grateful for her discretion, but she needed
to talk to someone about what had happened. In the past, if she'd been bothered
by anything, she wouldn't have hesitated to call Nikki. She didn't think that
would be wise under the circumstances.

She knew she'd messed things up with Shaun. He might
not understand what had caused her abrupt turnaround the night before. She
wasn't sure she understood it herself. She'd never been good at the games men
and women played, but she did know that she owed Shaun an explanation.

Still, her heart was in her throat as she left the
office to drive across town to the tidy little suburb where Shaun lived. She'd
thought about calling first, but this way, if she lost her nerve, she could
just turn the car around and go home.

Wimp.

She nodded. Yes, she was a wimp. And she was terrified
to think that she might have ruined the best relationship she'd almost ever
had.

She turned onto Meadowvale Street, half hoping that
Shaun wouldn't be home.

She eased up on the gas pedal as his house came into
view, braking lightly when she spotted his car in the driveway. She pulled into
the lane behind the Lexus just as the front door opened and Shaun stepped
outside.

He was wearing black Jeans and a leather jacket open
over a dark green shirt. Her heart tripped, raced. She got out of the car,
moved determinedly toward the front step.

"You look as if you're on your way out,"
Arden tried to sound casual, although her stomach was a mass of nerves.

"I have a few minutes," he said, after a
brief hesitation.

Arden nodded. "I wanted to explain. About last
night."

He waited.

The expression on his face was as stern and unyielding
as that of Judge Baldwin in youth court. She'd never been so nervous facing
Judge Baldwin; she'd never had so much at stake. "Can I come in?"

He shrugged. "You might want to move your car
down the street," he said. "Before someone you know drives by and
sees it parked in my driveway."

Arden knew the comment was no less than she deserved.

She ventured into the kitchen, tried not to look at
the table. Tried not to remember that she'd been half-naked on top of it, her
body tangled with his.

"Can I get you anything?" he asked, as
politely as he would offer refreshment to a stranger.

She folded her arms at her waist, bracing herself.
This was already harder than she'd expected. The distance that had grown
between them in less than twenty-four hours seemed insurmountable. "No,
thank you," she responded to the question in a tone that matched his.

"You said you were going to explain," Shaun
said, after a minute of very tense silence had passed.

She nodded, but still she hesitated. She'd never been
good at talking about her feelings, about expressing what she wanted, what she
needed. It had been easier to hide behind a smile, pretend everything was okay.
But she couldn't do that with Shaun.

"Everything just happened so fast," she
admitted at last. "When I heard Colin's voice, when I remembered that the
man I was having sex with was my cousin's husband's brother, I panicked. I knew
Colin would go running home to tell Nikki that something was going on between
us."

"So?"

She sighed. "You don't understand what Nikki
would do with this information."

"What would she do? Rent a billboard? Put an ad
in the paper?"

"Send out wedding invitations," Arden
muttered.

Shaun frowned.

"Nikki's in love. She's happy. So she wants
everyone else to be happy. And if she found out that you and I were … involved,
she'd jump to all kinds of conclusions."

"You don't know that," he said.

"I know Nikki."

"Are you saying that you wouldn't ever tell her
the truth?"

"I don't know what the truth is," she said.
"How can I explain our relationship to her when I'm not sure I understand
it myself?"

"Yesterday I could have answered that
question," he said. "Now I have no clue."

"What would you have said?" she countered.
"What would you have told Colin if he'd asked about me?"

"I would have told him that, for the first time
in a long time, I'd found a woman who really mattered to me."

"Oh." His words humbled her. "I'm
sorry."

"Sorry that I care about you?"

"Sorry that I walked out on you."

"I'm not going to pretend I understand,"
Shaun said.

"Sex is supposed to be simple."

Now he smiled. "Not if it's done right."

"I wanted it to be simple. But I…" She
looked away, uncomfortable admitting her own feelings. "I … I care about
you, too."

"Then what's the problem?"

"
That
is the problem."

"So far this explanation is only confusing me
more."

"I'm sorry. I'm not used to talking about my
feelings."

He frowned. "Isn't that what the man's supposed
to say?"

"It's the truth." She hesitated again before
confessing, "I've got a lot of emotional baggage, Shaun. You shouldn't get
involved with me."

"I know your parents died when you were young,
and that's why you grew up with Nikki."

"That's part of it," she admitted.

"But what does that have to do with us?"

"I can't lie to Nikki. I wouldn't be able to tell
her that we were dating without her asking all kinds of questions. Without her
somehow realizing how I feel about you. I love her to pieces, but I don't need
her interfering in my life and trying to make it into some happily-ever-after
fairy tale like what she's found with Colin. And I don't want her to be
disappointed when it doesn't work out the way she'd hoped."

Shaun's eyes narrowed. "You don't want Nikki to
know we're dating because you don't want to disappoint her?"

Arden frowned at the way he'd summarized the
situation, but she nodded.

"Okay, even if I accepted your explanation, it
fails to take into consideration the possibility—as far-fetched as it may
seem—that it might work out between us."

She wanted to believe that was possible. She wanted to
let herself hope that she might be able to make a relationship with Shaun work.
But, "It's just too soon," she told him. "Everything's happening
too fast."

"You didn't seem to have any trouble keeping up
on the weekend."

She nodded. "I just think that if we're going to
continue … having sex … we should talk about the situation."

"Why?"

"Because I want to make sure we both know what to
expect."

"What do you want—to negotiate terms and
conditions?" Shaun's voice was tight.

He was annoyed again, but she didn't let it sway her.
She needed to believe she had some control over the situation. "It seems
reasonable."

"No."

She frowned.

"We're talking about making love," he told
her. "Not writing a damn contract."

"I'm only trying to be practical."

"How can you expect to be practical about your
emotions?"

"I don't know," she admitted. "I just
know that I need some time to figure this out."

He sighed. "Okay."

Despite his obvious reluctance, she knew she was
forgiven when he slipped his arms around her and pulled her close. It wasn't a
passionate embrace so much as a comforting one, and still her body responded
immediately to his nearness.

She put a tight rein on her hormones. After all, that
was what had gotten her into trouble last night. But she let herself lay her
head against his chest, where she could hear the pounding of his heart. It was
steady and strong, so much like Shaun.

"I wasn't going to call you," he told her.

"I know."

"I'm glad you came by."

"Me, too."

"I never meant to rush you. I didn't want to push
you into something you weren't ready for. I just—" his breath blew out in
a rush "—I still want you, Arden, but we can take a step back if you want.
If you need to."

She shook her head. "I want to be with you,"
she told him. "I just need some time to get used to our being
together."

"I can give you time," he promised.

But how much? she wondered. How long would he be
satisfied with what she could give him? And what would happen when he found out
about her?

*
* *

Arden
was in court all day Tuesday. The only break she had was for lunch at
one-thirty. She left her briefcase in the courtroom while she went to the
cafeteria to grab a sandwich. Ten minutes later, when she returned to review
her file for the afternoon, she found the letter.

Just the presence of the envelope had shaken her so
much she'd considered asking the judge for a postponement of the proceedings.
Instead she'd squared her shoulders and called Lieutenant Creighton to get rid
of the damn thing. She refused to let her stalker have that much control over
her life.

Somehow she made it through the rest of the day
without anyone seeing how she was trembling inside. Now court was finished and
she was back at the office, having to face Lieutenant Creighton and the letter
again.

"This was in your briefcase?" Creighton
asked, holding up the letter she'd passed off to him earlier.

Arden nodded, trying not to look at the carefully
printed message. Not wanting to see the words spelled out in blood-red ink.

"YOU'RE GOING TO BURN IN HELL."

She drew in a deep breath. It's just a letter, she
reminded herself. A piece of paper. It couldn't hurt her. But she could almost
feel the hatred, the loathing, in the person who'd penned those words, and that
scared her.

"In the courthouse?"

She nodded again.

Creighton shook his head. "He's either extremely
stupid or too damn cocky."

Arden would have bet on the latter. Every step her
mysterious pen pal had taken thus far indicated a carefully orchestrated plan.
He was confident and determined and smart. And for reasons still unknown, she
was his target.

"You need to consider some kind of
protection," Creighton said.

She managed a smile. "I know a cop who sometimes
sleeps in his car outside my apartment building."

The lieutenant shifted self-consciously, as if
embarrassed that she'd caught him watching out for her. "I can't be there
all the time."

"I appreciate that you've been there at all. I know
you're not pulling any overtime for your surveillance."

He shrugged his broad shoulders. "I can not sleep
in my vehicle as easily as in my bed."

She didn't ask for an explanation. She knew of the
tragic circumstances under which Creighton had lost his wife several years
earlier, and she knew that beneath the tough exterior, he was still hurting.
And she wondered if his willingness to go the extra mile to protect her was an
innate part of his nature, or perhaps an attempt to save her because he hadn't
been able to save the woman he'd loved.