This is a work of fiction. All of the characters, organizations, and events portrayed in this novel are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.

ME, MYSELF AND WHY? Copyright © 2010 by MaryJanice Davidson. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. For information, address St. Martin’s Press, 175 Fifth Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10010.

www.stmartins.com

Book design by Elina D. Nudelman

ISBN 978-0-312-53117-1

First Edition: October 2010

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

For my husband, who tries so very hard to make me stick to a daily schedule. Strictly for my own good, of course, and not because he’s insanely jealous that I get to sleep whenever I want. Love you, sweetie!

Acknowledgments

First, a thousand thank-yous to my ridiculously supportive editor, Monique Patterson at St. Martin’s Press. When I thought up a trilogy about an FBI agent with multiple personality disorder, I wasn’t sure anyone would go for it. The truth is, this book presented challenges I’d never faced before.

However, though I was cringing like a craven dog at the task before me, Monique was nothing but enthusiastic and fearless, from my casual “what if?” pitch over burritos and throughout the writing and editing process. Monique’s faith never wavered. This was comforting, if terrifying.

My agent, Ethan Ellenberg, who worked hard on a deal for the Me, Myself and Why? trilogy, and never complains when I consistently lose paperwork. You know how some people believe everyone’s hell is individual? My hell will be to be reincarnated as Ethan’s assistant and forced to deal with authors like me. Memo to me: Embrace the horror.

Thanks are also due to my father, Alexander Davidson, who was a terrific sounding board when I was trying to figure out when to sign on the dotted line, and gave me much valuable advice during contract negotiations.

Special thanks for my dear friends Cathie and Stacy, who love me enough to worry about me when I get jammed up with deadlines and forget to e-mail back . . . and I’m even more grateful for their patience when I disappear from the online world. They are much better friends to me than I am to them.

Speaking of disappearing from the online world, thanks are also due to my Yahoo! group, who are very patient when I don’t post for weeks on end. They are the friendliest, least flaming-est group on the Web; you can check them out at
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/maryjanice/
.

Thanks to my sister, Yvonne, who always stops what she’s doing on a business trip to call and tell me which airport is carrying my books.

Thanks to my mother, who forces my books on her unsuspecting colleagues at various antique shows.

And thanks, always, to the readers, who don’t mind following me down the occasional strange path.

Author’s Note

In the real world, the FBI tends to screen out mentally disturbed applicants (at least, that’s their official stance). Also, there aren’t nearly as many serial killers out there as the movies (and perhaps this book) would have you believe.

Also, the psychiatric community, as well as its bible, the
Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders-IV
(aka the DSMMD-IV—nothing like a catchy, yet puzzling, acronym), has reclassified multiple personality disorder as dissociative identity disorder. I use the former wording for its familiarity to most readers.

A few things in this book remain true, however. Grown women do occasionally lick mirrors to turn on their partners, partners who work together can begin to resemble each other, rushed federal agents park government-issue sedans on public sidewalks, baking is lucrative, and it’s possible to wake up on a Monday morning with no memory of Sunday night.

So don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Multiple personality disorder (MPD) is a psychiatric disorder characterized by having at least one “alter” personality that controls behavior. The “alters” are said to occur spontaneously and involuntarily, and function more or less independently of each other. The unity of consciousness, by which we identify our selves, is said to be absent in MPD. Another symptom of MPD is significant amnesia which can’t be explained by ordinary forgetfulness.

—
THE SKEPTIC’S DICTIONARY

Part of being sane is being a little bit crazy.

—
JANET LONG

Here’s to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes . . . the ones who see things differently—they’re not fond of rules. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can’t do is ignore them, because they change things.

—
STEVE JOBS

Prologue

First comes the blood