Meadowlarks (11 page)

             
“What's up?” I ask when we turn the corner of the house, away from everyone.

             
“We can't let him drink like that, huh? I haven't heard him like that in years! I'm really sorry about what Louie said too.”

             
I know exactly what he's about to say.

             
“When he said about God resting mom’s soul, I thought dad was going to flip.”               He puts both hands on each of my shoulders, like a coach to his player in the bottom of the ninth. “Listen, we buried this a long time ago, right? You don't ever let that old man get the best of you.”

             
I can't look at him in the eye, and I feel myself getting emotional, so I break away from his grip. “Nick, I know. I don't want to do this, not right now.”

             
“Blaine, I'm serious,” he says and kicks the grass with his boot. “I wish you could have grown up with the father that we did. But things happen for a reason, and I couldn't imagine life without you.”

             
His eyes begin to water, and I feel my face starting to flush with anger.

             
“Nick, I'm fine, really. I've dealt with all this before. It's done and buried, and thank you for being such a good big brother.”

             
I think hugging him might shut him up. So I do, and it does.

             
Thank you, Lord.

             
We say our goodbyes, and Addison stands beside me, waving as they pull out onto the road.

             
“Mmm.” She nuzzles into my chest. “You smell so good.”

             
I hold her tightly and kiss her forehead. “Sorry about tonight.”

             
“Sorry for what?” She leans back to look at me. “Sorry for not mentioning you're this extreme bull rider, and I should worry about you coming into the hospital on a stretcher some day?”               She sticks out her tongue at me and kisses my chin.

             
“Well, yeah. That.” I laugh “It's not that bad. And I make good money doing it, too.”

             
“I started to picture you when he told me, and I almost had to excuse myself because the thought of you was so...so...hot!” She bites her lip and trails her index finger on my collarbone and down my chest.

             
“Baby, keep it up; I dare you.” I grin the biggest, most salacious smile I can, and we kiss.

             
Jeremiah plays his guitar, some old Willie Nelson song I can't remember the words to and Gwen and Alex are making up some other lyrics like typical drunk people do.

             
“Want some water?” I ask Addison before getting up to grab a few bottles from the house.

             
“Yes, please.” She zips the hoodie and shoves her hands into the pockets. She sits down beside Jeremiah, bopping her head to his new rendition of the song.

             
There aren't any bottles in the fridge, but I keep a few cases in the pantry. I go in to grab some, and the door shuts behind me. Pulling the string for the light that's dangling above my head, I see that Gwen is standing in front of me, looking like a lion ready to take down a gazelle.

             
“Gwen, what the hell are you doing? Not this shit again, so help m—”

             
She doesn't let me finish, just puts her fingers over my mouth and tells me to shush.

             
“No, listen to me right now.” I grab her by the wrist and shove her hand from my face.               “This has got to stop. I have no interest in you. Why are you doing this?”

             
“Are you kidding me? You've wanted me for years; I know it.”

             
Here comes the same old song and dance again. I try and get by her, but she holds her arms out to either side. “Gwen, get out of my house. Now.”

             
She doesn't move, so I grab her hands and move her out of my way. Opening the door, I'm relieved to be out. A mixture of claustrophobia and potential assault have me choking for air.

             
“Go to hell, Blackstock. You can't handle this anyway.” She pulls at the hem of her skirt. “Go fuck your pretty little ginger.” She points at the outside door.

             
Like it's a blur of slow motion, I turn to see Addison standing there, eyes wide. For the first time since I've met her, they're empty and grey.

             
Gwen stomps by me, intentionally nudging Addison with her shoulder on her way out, and slams the door. Addison's gaze doesn't change, and it's like she didn't even notice Gwen at all.

             
“
Addy
.” I use Alex's nickname for her. “That...” I point out the door. “She just came in the pantry.”

             
“It's okay.” She forces a tiny half smile, and takes off my hoodie, gently placing it on the floor. “I'm going to take my brother home now.”

             
And just like that, she’s gone, the wooden screen door clicking shut behind her.               I stand there like an idiot, not chasing after her, not saying anything. I'm just in shock, at both Gwen and her unbelievable actions and words, and at Addison just leaving. She wouldn’t even listen to my explanation.

             
I can hear Jeremiah calling after her.               “Addison? Everything okay?”

I don’t hear her
answer him.

             
“Don't worry about her, Jer,” Gwen says and then raises her voice louder. “Guess she needs to find some other guy. Maybe one without daddy issues. Go find a nice doctor now, sweetie!”

             
That's all it takes; I am out the door like a bat out of hell.               “Gwen, get your fuckin' ass outta here
right
now
.”

             
She stares at me, mouth open.

Addison's tail lights are all that's left of her now.

              “Blaine, what the hell just happened?” Jeremiah stands completely bewildered. His night just went from a scene from
The Great Outdoors
to
Carrie
in about ten seconds.

             
“Jeremiah, get her out of here. And don't bring her back.” I'm livid, and I feel a pang of guilt for talking to him like that, but I can't stand the sight of that bitch standing next to him.

             
“Blaine, really. You're throwing me out? Awe, and we were having such a good time.” She's really pushing it now, but I don't say another word.

I slam the door behin
d me once I'm inside my house. I sink to the floor against the kitchen door. I can hear Jer trying to get information out of her, but she's not saying much. Just whining about how she must have said something she didn't think was wrong but “that girl” took it poorly, and I freaked out over nothing.               His truck rumbles to life, and soon the sound is in the distance...then it's gone.

             
What is the protocol for something like this? Is Addison my girlfriend? Do I go after her? Do I get an old boom box and stand outside her window blaring music? I have no idea.

             
All I do know is that the only thing I've ever really cared about just walked out of my house and had the coldest look in her eyes when she did it.

             
I text her.
I'm so sorry, I don't know what she was trying to do. Nothing happened.

             
Tick, tick, tick. The clock is the only sound in my head. No new message alerts chime in.

             
I don't know what to say...she's just crazy and she's gone.

             
Still no response. I am wearing down a trail from pacing, and I don't care. Maybe the floor will cave in, and I'll fall into a black hole. It's now two in the morning.

             
Please just let me know you're home safely...Please.

             
It is 2:05, and I'm in my truck heading to her condo. I can't sleep; I don't want to sleep. I just need to know she's okay. Her car is in the parking lot, so I run up to her door, almost tripping through her flowerbeds.

             
Knocking...knocking...

             
Please open the door, baby.

             
Nothing.

I knock again, and Alex opens.
“She's not in here, bro.”

             
I'm puzzled. “Where is she?”

             
He points to her car.

             
I don't knock on the car window; I open the door and slide into the seat beside her. She looks straight head, hands neatly folded in her lap. I can tell she's been crying.

             
“Baby?” I reach to put my hand on her leg, and she moves it away from me nervously.

             
She sniffles her nose.               “Blaine, I think this was a mistake. You should go. I'm no good for you.”

             
“What?! Are you kidding me? No. I'm not leaving. I want to talk to you, please.”               I turn my body so I'm facing her, but she still doesn't look at me.               “Please, baby.”

             
I move some hair out of her face and tuck it behind her ear. “Nothing happened with her. She cornered me. And I got the hell out of there.”

             
“I believe you.” She sniffles again. Reaching into her purse, she pulls out a little package of tissues and wipes her eyes and nose.               “I don't even know why I'm crying,” she laughs. “I'm not your girlfriend, anyway. Thank you for inviting me, but you should go.”

             
She still won't look at me, and I can't take it anymore. I turn her face with my hand, gently making her look at me. Her eyes aren't empty anymore; they're sad, and my stomach does flip flops.

             
“I...I think I've fallen in love with you. Please don't cry.”

             
She blinks like I've said something totally unbelievable. “What did she mean by you having
daddy issues
?” She wipes another tear from her cheek.

             
Didn't she hear me? I think I just told her I loved her, and she wants to know about the ramblings of an insane drunk woman? I inhale and figure now is as good of a time as ever.

I hold my breath and look out the windshield at the
brick wall in front of the car. “My mother died having me, and my father has always resented me for it.” I can feel my skin going cold and my heartbeat slowing. “When I turned eighteen, he figured I could handle it on my own and left me at the ranch alone. He's always been...distant.”

             
There. It's out, but I still can't breathe, and she doesn't say a single word. I have never actually said the words out loud; everyone in my life already knew anyway, so this was a lot harder than I thought.

             
It overwhelms me, and I need to get out of the car. I open the door and step out into the cool air of the May night. I run my hands through my hair a few times and then slowly down my face. I'm exhausted; this has been the longest day of my life, and I just want it to be over.

             
Her door shuts, and she walks over to me. She hasn't said anything since she asked that question. She just takes my hand and motions me to follow her. Walking towards my truck, she stops and puts my hand on her cheek. “Take me to your house, please.”

             
I think I'm too tired to drive. “Addison,” I say, handing her the keys, “can you drive?”

             
She looks surprised but takes them, and we get in. I feel so emotionally drained that I don't even mind when she stalls the truck backing it out of the parking space. Twice.

I am a little embarrassed that I'm acting like I've lost it and should be in a padded room somewhere secure.

              “I'm sorry, Blaine. I had no idea.” Her soft voice snaps me out of it, and I clear my throat.

             
“I'm sorry, too. I have never told that to anyone before.” I reach to hold her hand and she takes mine and kisses it.

             
“Never told anyone what happened to your mom? Or never told a woman that you loved her?” She has the smallest smile in the corner of her beautiful mouth.

             
“Both,” I say and exhale, as I feel I've held my breath that entire time.

             
At home my mood lifts a bit when Rex greets us happily at the door, like he's excited we're both here. I know I am.