Meant to Be (RightMatch.com Trilogy) (23 page)

“For once, I’m speechless. This is so unselfish, Beth. I really admire you.”

“I’m sure there are a million details I have to deal with, permits and stuff. Can you help me turn this into reality?”

“My pleasure.” He watched her. “Cole will be very proud of you when he hears this. I know you said not to mention him, but he will be.”

She couldn’t keep herself from asking, “How is he?”

“Miserable without you. Johanna hasn’t been heard from again, but the uncertainty is hard. Did you know he went to get therapy?”

“Cole? Really? He considers himself so well-adjusted. He is, in many ways.”

“Dad convinced him to get some help to figure out why he handled things so badly with you.”

“Did he, um, figure it out?”

“If you want to know the answer to that question, you’ll have to ask him yourself. Now, shall we start planning our shelter?” He glanced at his watch. “I have an hour left before my meeting.”

o0o

Session #6

“I don’t think I need to come anymore, Elsa.” It was Cole’s sixth session in a couple of weeks and he was tired of rehashing his flaws. “What good does it do in the long run to find out
why
you did something if you can’t change the outcome?”

“Well, first, the acceptance makes us take responsibility for our actions and not repeat them.”

“I’m never going to lie again.”

She grinned. “That’s good. If you stick by it. But if you do lie again, you’ll do it more consciously. And you won’t be able to ignore or rationalize what you’re doing.”

“It won’t make any difference to Beth—that I know why I behaved as I did. That I wouldn’t do it again.”

“No?”

“Would it to you?”

“As a woman? And I loved somebody? Maybe.”

“She made me promise not to contact her. That’s the least I can do. Now that I know how much of a shit I was, I have to behave twice as well with the woman I hurt.”

“Ah, always the perfectionist.”

“Now,
that
I know about myself. You did good, Doc. Maybe understanding my responsibility in all this will make me heal faster, too.”

“I hope so, Cole. I really do.”

“Thanks.”

But as he left the counselor’s office, he didn’t feel any better. After six therapy sessions, he still felt like shit about losing the only woman he’d ever really loved.

Chapter 16

Beth rode with Mariel on The Polar Train in midtown Rockland as the little engine chugged on the ground, took a couple of small slopes then evened out again. The shopping area buzzed around them and carols filled the air. Beth was trying to enjoy her granddaughter. “Look, baby, there’s a reindeer.”

“Rudolf.” Mariel had been read the story so many times, she associated it with the word deer. That, or she was the smartest two-year-old in the world.

I wonder how Ellie’s doing? Is she loving her second Christmas?

Beth tried to banish the longing she felt to be with Cole’s daughter and she vowed to enjoy what she had in her life, not what she’d lost.

The phone in her purse buzzed, but she let it go. She didn’t want to talk to anybody, didn’t want to deal with anything except her very pleasant time with this precious girl.

Both she and Mariel were laughing when they came down the ramp. As she approached her daughter, she said, “We had…” Then she noted Ava’s face. “Ava what happened?” She saw the phone in her daughter’s hand. “Did something happen to Mark? An accident?”

“No, not to Mark. To Rob.”

Beth gripped Mariel’s hand so hard the baby cried out. Ava picked her up, bounced her on her hip. “His plane is lost, Mom. He was flying his boss to Aspen for Christmas and it went down somewhere.”

“Down? His plane went down? Oh, my God.”

o0o

Three days before Christmas, Cole was awakened by a shrill sound in the night. He glanced at the clock. Someone calling at two a.m. wasn’t good. Snatching up the cell phone at his bedside, he said, “What is it?”

A pause. Then, “It’s a girl!”

His heart rate slowing, Cole sank back against the pillows and closed his eyes. For the first time in weeks, he smiled genuinely. “Congratulations, Spence.”

“I’m flying. Honestly, Cole, I never felt this way before.”

“Join the Dad Club, big brother. It’s a miracle, isn’t it?”

“Uh-huh.”

“What’s her name?”

They wouldn’t share the detail before.

“Faith. I know, corny—Hope and Faith—but it suits us.”

“I guess it does.”

“Joey and Dana are coming to the hospital now. But you probably can’t because of Ellie. When she wakes up, we’re in room five on the maternity ward.”

“We’ll be there with the proverbial bells on. I’m so happy for you, Spence. Really.”

After Cole clicked off, he lay back down and listened to a tree bang outside his bedroom window. The glass was coated with ice that had formed an intricate pattern on the panes. Usually, he loved the winter. Usually, he took pleasure in all the seasons, in everything. Jesus, he was selfish. Here he was bemoaning the sorry state of his life when a miracle had just happened to his brother.

His eyes began to close on that dismal thought.

A sound awoke him again. For a second time, he glanced at the clock. It was only three. Oh, God, please don’t let anything have happened to Annie’s baby. He grabbed the cell. “Spence? What’s going on?”

“Cole?” He didn’t recognize the voice.

“Yes, who is this?”

“It’s Ava Mason.”

“Ava, dear Lord.” Just as it began to calm, his heart rate escalated again. “Has something happened to Beth?”

“In a way. Rob’s plane went down during a snowstorm and we found out this afternoon. Mom’s inconsolable and she won’t talk to anybody. I thought maybe you could help her.” Ava’s voice cracked. “I don’t know what else to do.”

“So you called me?”

“I know I’ve treated you badly in the past. And I’m mad at you again.” Here she started to cry. “But Mom needs you and might need you even more if we don’t—”

“Where are you, Ava?”

Sniffles. “At my house. I know it’s early morning, but please, can you come over? Bring Ellie, of course.”

“I’ll be right there. And Ava, I’m so sorry. I’ll do whatever I can for both of you.”

Bounding out of bed, Cole dressed hurriedly in cords and the first sweater he pulled out of the drawer, then went to the nursery. Ellie was sound asleep. He grabbed her snowsuit from the closet and slipped her into it, barely waking her.

He was in his car on his way to Beth fifteen minutes after Ava’s call. And he prayed all the way.

o0o

Beth sat in Ava’s kitchen, drinking the coffee her daughter had made at three a.m. She didn’t need the caffeine, but tasks made Ava feel better. She glanced out the big set of sliding-glass doors. The snow outside was piling up. Snow…cold…her son. Was he buried somewhere in an avalanche? Had they had avalanches between here and Aspen? She should go on the computer to check, but she couldn’t. She could barely move. If she did, she might feel more, and right now, the ice that ran through her veins, leaving her numb, was welcome. Mark said she was probably in shock.

Dressed in gray sweats, Ava came out to the kitchen. Her daughter seemed haggard, too, and wounded. “Sit, honey, have some coffee.” Beth got a glimpse of the phone in her hand. She gripped her cup. “Did we get news?”

“No, no. I, um, just brought it out with me. In case.”

Beth’s cell was at her elbow, too. She nodded to her daughter, wanting to reassure Ava that everything was going to be all right.

Ava didn’t sit. “Let me make you some breakfast. You haven’t eaten since the hot chocolate and donut we had at Santa’s Wonderland yesterday.”

Beth looked up at Ava. “It’s been twenty hours. How long can he…” Her throat clogged and she couldn’t finish the question.

“Mom, don’t go there. We have to have faith.”

Beth knew faith didn’t prevent bad events from happening. But she held her tongue, trying to protect her child. She hadn’t been able to protect her other one… Suddenly Beth stood. “I’m going to lie down.” She was afraid she’d start crying and couldn’t, hadn’t since she’d heard the horrific news. If she cried, she’d never stop.

The suite of rooms that Ava had designed for guests was down a half flight of stairs which opened up to a wing of its own. Beth shivered and crossed to the thermometer. The readout was seventy-six. The cold came from inside her. Still dressed in the clothing she’d worn to see Santa, she lay down on the king-size bed, which faced a row of windows. But she didn’t sleep. She just watched Mother Nature flaunt her cruel power.

Eventually, Beth heard a knock on the door. Should she pretend to be asleep? What if there was news? The door whispered open. She heard someone’s footsteps in the small sitting area, then turned over to find a silhouette had appeared in the moonlight.

“Ava?” Beth choked out.

The silhouette crossed to her. “No, honey. It’s me, Cole.”

o0o

Cole called on every skill he possessed to deal with Beth’s situation as best he could. When he identified himself, Beth sat up and slid her feet to the floor. She didn’t say anything but stared up at him. Would his attention be welcome? He sat next to her and, reaching out, slipped his arm around her shoulders. Instead of yanking away, which he half expected her to do, she leaned into his chest. The softest sobs he’d ever heard flooded out of her body, more heart wrenching because of their quietness. He held her close to him for a long time. Kissed her hair. Murmured nonsense words. Intuitively, he knew not to mouth platitudes. Those were cruel to people who were suffering and did no good. Things might
not
be all right.

Instead, while she cried, he thought of the young man with blue eyes, a face always alight with good humor, an attitude so upbeat he reminded Cole of how
he
used to be before Ellie. He also remembered Rob’s remark at their wedding…

Take care of her buddy, or I’ll have to break your legs, no matter how much I like you.

Please, he prayed now, please give us the strength to deal with whatever we have to.

After long, long minutes, during which Beth simply wept and he simply held her, she started to quiet. When she drew back, he grabbed tissues off the nightstand and wiped her cheeks. “Here, blow.”

Like a child, she blew her nose. Turning, she switched on a light. He had to block the knifelike pain that hit him when he saw her face. She asked, “How did you know?”

“Ava called me. Don’t be mad. She was beside herself that you wouldn’t talk, hadn’t cried and won’t eat.” He shrugged. “For some reason, she thought I could help.”

She gave him a watery smile. “I guess she was right. I blubbered all over you.”

He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Needed, I think.”

Beth captured his gaze. “It’s so awful, Cole.”

“I can imagine. Ava says they haven’t found the plane because of the blizzard.”

She nodded.

“Maybe the weather will clear when daylight comes.”

“And? Will my son be alive?”

“Honey, I’m not going to tell you yes. We don’t know. We have to wait.”

“We?”

“Yes, of course, I’m staying until you get news and for as long afterward as I’m needed. Or wanted.”

“You’re wanted.” She picked up his hand. “You make me feel, not better, but like I don’t have to be so strong.”

“Good.”

“Where’s Ellie?”

“Asleep in the portable crib Ava keeps on hand.”

“I’m glad you brought her.”

“We’ll be here, all together, until we get news.”

She laid her head back on his chest. He eased them down onto the mattress. “Let’s rest. You can close your eyes.”

“I don’t want to sleep. I can’t.”

“Then don’t. Neither will I. We’ll both rest.”

o0o

Beth held Ellie on her lap as the little girl drank from one of Mariel’s Sippy cups. Ellie was warm and solid, still in her red-and-white pajamas because Cole hadn’t brought other clothes for her. Mariel, too, as she’d refused to have her PJs changed. “Jammies, Ellie,” was all she’d say. The baby’s reaction made them all smile.

Cole sat on the floor across the room playing with big, primary-colored blocks with Mariel. He’d stack them high, then she’d knock them down with a squeal. Watching him, Beth still couldn’t believe he was here. That he’d come in the middle of the night to her. That she wanted him with her, desperately. They’d slept, too, even though she hadn’t wanted to, and when they’d gotten up, decided to not talk at all about their relationship at this very bad time.

“Beth, Beth, Beth,” Ellie said, twisting around to give Beth a slobbery kiss on her chin.

“Oh, wow. She’s got the whole name now, don’t you, darling?” She cuddled Ellie and glanced at Cole. Unshaven, sexy (though she chided herself for the thought), wearing rumpled clothes, Cole grinned up at them. “She missed you.”

Kissing the top of the child’s sweet head, Beth said, “I missed her, too.”

Mariel stood and toddled over to them. “Ellie, play.”

Cole’s daughter squirmed to get down. The two little girls held hands and crossed to the puzzles Cole had also set out. Suddenly, Beth remembered Rob and Ava, only fourteen months apart, sitting with their dark heads bent together, playing with Legos or blocks or cards. Rob would carefully build a house of whatever material and Ava would knock it down. The memory brought tears to her eyes.

“The fear will come and go,” Cole advised softly from the floor.

“I guess.” She focused on him. “Are you all right? I haven’t even asked.”

“More than.” For some reason, those eyes lit with joy. “I have a brand-new niece. I’ll probably be Godfather again.”

“Annie? She was having a girl. What did they name her?”

“Faith. I called earlier to tell them I wouldn’t be at the hospital today.”

“Oh, Cole. You can go.”

“Of course I can, but I’m not leaving your side.”

She didn’t argue. She shouldn’t keep him with her at the expense of his family, but she needed him. And Ellie. And Ava and Mark, who were taking a much-needed nap.

Four hours later, when Beth could barely contain her worry, her phone finally rang. “Yes?” she said snatching it up.