Meanwhile, Back in Deadwood (Deadwood Humorous Mystery Book 6) (38 page)

Doc went home to change, telling me he’d meet me down at the bar since Natalie was chomping at the bit to head out.

Down at the Purple Door Saloon, the party was ramping up according to Natalie. Her cousins were supposed to meet us there in half-an-hour, so I had no time to waste. I raced up to my room. Grabbing my costume and the black wig I’d borrowed from one of Aunt Zoe’s old getups, I headed for the bathroom and locked myself inside. This costume was going to take some work to pull off, which meant no interruptions from my kids.

Fifteen minutes later, I stepped back to look at my handiwork. Well, it wasn’t quite all I’d hoped for, but the bar’s dim lights and abundance of alcohol would help.

“Vi, we need to get going,” Natalie called up the stairs.

I swished to the top of the stairs, and jutted my hip to the side, blinking my long fake eyelashes with exaggeration. “Cousin Itt, is that you with your hair brushed back?”

Natalie’s skeleton face grinned up at me, which sort of freaked me out after my close-up with Prudence via the whites of Ray’s eyes earlier. I wasn’t sure I could handle too many scary costumes tonight.

“Why Morticia Addams,” Natalie said, “you look absolutely ravishing in that dress. I knew you should have exchanged those blonde curls for black locks years ago.”

I started to step down the stairs, but my tight, full-length black satin dress made knee bending a challenge. I switched feet and started again. That didn’t work either. Maybe I should have bought a black spandex dress instead of satin.

Natalie giggled.

“Shut it, mouth.” How in the heck had Carolyn Jones pulled this off in all of those old Addams Family episodes?

I turned, holding onto the railing with both hands, and hopped down sideways.

“We should be getting this on video,” Aunt Zoe said from the bottom of the stairs.

“At this rate,” Natalie told her, “the party will be over before we get there.”

“Nah, she’s halfway down now.”

“We still have the porch steps to scale.”

Ten minutes later, Natalie was trying to lift my ass up into her pickup while Aunt Zoe shoved me onto the seat. Addy and Layne giggled and laughed from the porch.

Amazingly, we managed to get me in and upright without a single seam rip, and we were on our way. I blew kisses to Aunt Zoe and the kids as we backed down the drive.

“I hope Claire and Kate are there already,” Natalie said.

“Why?”

“Because I’m not sure I can get your Morticia-wrapped ass out of here on my own.”

“You can kiss my Morticia ass with those boney lips.”

She chuckled and pulled into a parking spot a block down the street from the bar.

Just to show her up, I wiggled out of her truck cab on my own like a worm, all seams holding tight.

“Want me to call the Deadwood police?

“Why?”

“To come down here and stop traffic long enough for you to cross the road?”

“Are you going to harass me all night?” I waddled down the sidewalk, wondering how long I was going to feel like putting up with this darn dress.

“Only until Doc gets here to take over penguin duty.”

The Purple Door was pulsing with creepy, bass-filled music. A low throb of conversation filled in the breaks between songs. The lights over the bar were dimmer than usual with cobwebs strung between them. The blonde-hating bartender was dressed like a Cyclops. While I gave him my order, I imagined poking that unblinking eye in the center of his forehead with an olive pick for the sake of old grudges.

“Have fun, ladies,” he said, sliding our drinks across, a rare smile flitting across his cheeks. When he wasn’t scowling and snarling, he actually wasn’t half bad looking, third eye and all.

“So, this is what it’s like not to have the blonde stigma,” I said as Natalie led me past several scantily dressed she-devils and a spot-on set of the Blues Brothers. “The bartender actually smiles at you.”

“Don’t let it go to your head. That smile is probably part of his costume. Last I heard he still has a chip on his shoulder when it comes to fair-haired maidens.”

The antique chandeliers overhead were filled with black, white, and red bulbs, lighting up the room enough to see while enhancing Natalie’s bones and other fluorescent costumes. Me? I just blended into the shadows with my black dress, which pretty much fit my mood tonight.

We made our way through a thick cloud of perfume, cologne, and beer breath filling the dance floor.

“Hey, Skeletor!” Natalie’s cousin, Claire Morgan, hailed us over to a couple of tables shoved together back near the pool table turned graveyard—coffin, tombstones, half-zombies, fake fog and all.

I hadn’t seen Claire in ages, and the blonde, straight-haired wig threw me off for a moment. I looked her up and down, taking in her seventies polyester plaid shirt and bell bottom jeans, her nose bandaged with steri-strips, and the football sitting on the table next to her bottle of Corona.

“How’s Arizona treating you, Marsha Brady?” I asked.

“It was pure paradise until my mom showed up.”

I grimaced. Claire’s mother always had made me feel like a bumbling hick with the way she’d frown about my wild hair and uncoordinated outfits, constantly suggesting ways to improve my feminine appeal. Now that I thought about it, Tiffany and her always-critical eye reminded me a bit of Deborah Morgan. It was no wonder Doc’s ex strummed my insecurity nerve.

“What crawled up that stupid bartender’s ass tonight?” I heard a voice from the past say from behind me.

Claire blew a raspberry. “You’ll have to excuse my pissy little sister tonight, Vi. She’s got bartender-itis thanks to her ex-boyfriend.”

I waddled around and stood face-to-face with Cindy Brady decked out in a one-piece pink polyester jumpsuit, her long blonde braids secured by bows on the ends. Jerry would probably love to get me on a billboard wearing one of those figure-hugging monstrosities. I hoped he didn’t show up tonight and decide to take notes.

“Katie!” I rescued the bottle of Corona that was slipping from her grip while she struggled to keep from spilling what looked like two cherry-filled Shirley Temples. Old man Harvey had ordered the same drink for both of my kids when we were here for lunch last week, making the kids feel big for their britches. I handed the beer to Katie’s sister. “How have you been? Nat says you quit teaching.”

“Well, I had for a while, but now I’m getting certified so I can substitute on the side down in Arizona.”

“On the side? Are you still working at a bar?” The same bar that Natalie had said was owned by Katie’s ex.

“Yeah.” She smirked at me. “My life’s all messed up right now. I don’t know which way is up yet, so I’m just taking it one day at a time.”

That was so unlike the Katie of old, who’d kept her nose to the grindstone, following the map her mother had made out for her line by line. However, being a Morgan sister, she’d still had her fair share of getting into trouble, especially when it came to her addiction to men in shackles. Although, according to Natalie, Katie’s most recent ex had no black and white striped pajama-wear in his past.

“Dang, Vi,” Katie gave me a quick sideways hug. “You look tight in that dress.”

“She’s tight in it all right.” Natalie dropped into the chair across from Claire and pulled out the seat next to her, patting it for me to sit. “She’s so damned tight she’s gonna have trouble going to the bathroom.”

I stuck out my tongue at her and lowered myself into the chair, careful not to rip my dress or spill my margarita.

“Congratulations, by the way,” I said across the table to Katie. “I hear you’re joining me in the parenting ranks.”

She leaned forward. “Frankly, I’m scared shitless about it. How did you do it on your own with twins?”

“I wasn’t alone.” I nudged Natalie’s arm. “Your cousin was there practically from conception.”

Natalie smirked. “Had I been there at conception, I’d have chopped off Rex’s dick before he’d planted those two adorable sprites inside of you, saving us the hassle of dealing with the son of a bitch ten years later.”

“Yeah, but where would I be without Addy and Layne?” I’d still be an executioner with a gut-clenching task in front of me, just less vulnerable with no sweet-smelling snuggle buddies to tuck into bed each night.

Katie fished the maraschino cherry out of her Shirley Temple. “I feel so alone some days.”

Claire tugged on one of Katie’s braids. “You have Ronnie and me, we told you that.”

“But will that be enough?” Katie looked at me for the answer.

Probably not
. But I didn’t want to be Morticia the Morose tonight, so I smiled. “You’ll learn how to make it enough, because once that little bundle of love comes out everything else takes a back seat for a while.”

“Like how long of a while?”

“I’ll let you know when I get my life back.”

“Holy jalapeños!” Claire pointed toward the door. “James Bond just walked into the bar.”

“Jeez,” Katie laughed. “He’s got Daniel Craig nailed in that black suit and bow tie.” She fanned herself, pretending to swoon. “Dang, now that’s a chiseled face.”

I didn’t even bother looking over my shoulder. I knew exactly who it was and wondered what in the hell Detective Cooper was doing at a Halloween party. I thought he’d had all of the funny bones in his body replaced with razor wire. I just hoped he hadn’t brought his badge-wearing ex-partner with him. After the day I’d had, I might end up knocking out a tooth or two myself if Hawke spent the evening harassing me.

Nat turned to see and whistled for our ears only. “I’ve said it before and will say it again, Coop cleans up real well.”

“You should go for it, Skeletor.” Claire took a swig of her Corona. “You could be the next Bond girl.”

“No men for me.” Natalie made an X sign at Cooper. “Besides, he’s not into local girls.”

“Except to throw them in jail.” I took a sip of my margarita to offset that bitter memory.

Claire’s lips flat-lined. “We know a sheriff down our way with a similar fetish. Isn’t that right, trespasser?” She poked her sister in the ribs.

“Get over it.” Katie poked her back, and then frowned at Natalie. “You’re still avoiding men?”

“Yep.” Natalie drained her bottle of beer, setting it down with a thud. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy watching them.”

I peeked toward the bar, ducking my head as Cooper scanned the crowd. I got the feeling he was looking for someone in particular. I crossed my fingers under the table that it was the sexy skeleton beside me and not the woman who’d taken his uncle for one hell of a ghost ride earlier.

“Doc’s here,” Natalie said to me. “Wait until you see his costume.”

Curious to see what he’d decided to dress up as, I popped my head back up in time to see Cooper flag down someone in a pin-striped suit and black moustache. “Where is he?”

“Talking to Cooper.”

Just then the guy in the suit looked in my direction, his dark eyes zeroing in on me. He stuck an unlit cigar in his mouth and wriggled his eyebrows at me.

“Gomez,” I said to nobody in particular. A smile started at my lips and spread clear to my heart. I pushed to my feet as he drew near.

Doc’s hungry gaze ate me alive. “
Cara mia
.” He captured my hand, raising it to his lips.

“
Mon cher
,” I returned in character, watching his mouth move over my skin. Little fires smoldered in its wake. I admired his costume, straightening his tie. “How’d you know?” What were the chances of him deciding to be Gomez on a whim?

“A little skeleton clued me in.”

I turned to Natalie. “Bucket mouth.”

Her skeleton face looked even more frightening when she laughed. “I couldn’t resist seeing Morticia and Gomez together again.” She stood and came closer, patting Doc’s shoulder. “Looking hot, Gomez. Now do the ‘Tish’ thing.”

He shrugged and swung me around, pulling me back against him while he held my arm out straight in front of him. “Oh, Tish. That’s French,” he said in a spot-on Gomez voice and proceeded to kiss his way up my black sleeve toward my shoulder.

Natalie laughed again, clapping. “Perfect! God, I love those two characters. So much heat and chemistry.”

She didn’t know the half of it, I thought, my insides molten from the way Doc was looking at me as he made his way closer to my mouth. I closed my eyes, letting myself sink into this moment, trying to brand every smell, every taste, every feel of it into my memory for the bleaker days ahead.

“Care to waltz, Tish?” Doc asked in my ear.

I hadn’t even realized the music was still playing, my senses overloaded since the moment I’d locked gazes across the room with him. “Isn’t this song a little fast?”

“We’ll dance to our own beat.”

“Okay, but I have to do the penguin version.”

“I’ll take whatever I can get.” He pulled a fake hand from his pocket and held it out to Natalie. “Keep track of Thing for me, would you? This dance is only for two.”

Natalie’s teeth glowed along with her boney lips. “No problem, Thing and I will sit here and have a drink while we wait.” She stole one of Claire’s empty Corona bottles and wrapped the fake fingers around it, then clinked the neck of her bottle against it. “Come here often, stud?”