Medium in Paradise: A Humorous Paradise Romance (14 page)

“Dina, this is very bad,” her mother said, rushing outside. Taavi stood just inside the front door looking as cool and unflappable as ever. “Why didn’t you tell me it had gotten this out of control?”

“Because it wasn’t this out of control--,” she gestured wildly at the house. “--until just now, Mom,” Dina sighed.

“I told you we should’ve taken care of this earlier.” Her Aunt Georgina calmly walked out the door behind her mother, a can of diet coke in one hand. Her husband followed her, his eyes wild with fear.

“Sweetheart, I’ll wait in the car while you and your sisters, er, help to clear out the house.” With those words, he rushed away, his suit jacket flapping behind him.

“I’ll take care of this and be with you in a moment, darling,” her aunt negligently called to his rapidly retreating back. “Come inside, little niece. You’re the star of the show.”

“I just don’t see why I’m not allowed to stay and watch.”

“Because it would be distracting, that’s why. And if it’s any consolation, I made everybody else leave, too,” Dina said as she ushered Janie to her car. Arnie had also wanted to hang around. But she’d had to explain to them that cleansings could be dangerous and she didn’t want anyone to get hurt. “We need as little distraction as possible in order to get this done. I’m sure you understand.”

“Yes, but I’ve never seen a séance--,”

“We’re not having a séance,” Dina corrected, tersely. “We’re performing a cleansing. That’s completely different than that hogwash. This serves a purpose. A séance is mostly cheap entertainment.”

They arrived at Janie’s car and she reluctantly got in. She rolled down her window and looked up at Dina with a sudden grin.

“Well, one thing’s for certain. You sure put on one helluva party!”

**

Once everyone had left (or fled depending on your point of view), Dina, her mother, all of her aunts and several female cousins got to work doing a fresh cleansing of the house. Frankincense and Myrrh was lit and left smoldering in various parts of the house; burning sage was walked through every room, the fragrant smoke drifting in fading spirals. Quiet words, words of protection Dina had learned as a little girl, were chanted throughout, the words quiet and powerful. Both the ghosts had disappeared, but their presence was still felt in every room. Things had become ominously quiet. After completing the easy part of the ritual, they all reconvened in the living room.

“Come on, let’s go on and get these evil spirits out of Dina’s house so she can finally claim it as her own.” Her mother gingerly stepped over a broken statue, then grabbed her hand, squeezing it reassuringly.

“Sam’s not an evil spirit, Mom. You know that. She’s just…troubled, is all.”

“They’re all troubled,” her Aunt Marla, boomed in a no-nonsense voice. “Doesn’t mean they need to be hanging out in our houses.”

“Had she done this the right way from the beginning, she wouldn’t be having any of these problems,” Georgina chimed in, her look critical.

“Leave her alone, Georgina,” her mother said, a warning edge to her voice. “This isn’t the time or the place to bring any of our personal views into play.”

“It’s not a personal view it’s a family view. She’s been denying her heritage for all these years and now look what’s happened. She’s got some spirit wreaking havoc inside her house.”

All the aunts and cousins started talking at once, some agreeing, some disagreeing. Their voices rose as their opinions clashed. Dina wanted to just slink away, preferably somewhere tropical, and stay there until this whole mess was over. Ultimately, Georgina was right. Had she been doing her part, keeping her spirts and beliefs strong and unwavering, maybe none of this would’ve happened. Now her house was halfway destroyed, two spirits were fighting inside her living room, she’d hosted the party from hell and two men were playing tug-of-war with her emotions.

Could anything else go wrong?

The two ghosts suddenly reappeared, interrupting the spirited debate. For once, Dina was happy to see them. One of her teenaged cousins screamed loudly, then looked sheepish when everyone turned and glared.

There was none of Sam’s usual customary smart talk. It looked as if she were in a battle for her paranormal life. The two ghosts wrestled their way around the room. Walls were left with holes and more pictures crashed to the floor. If this went on much longer she wouldn’t have any house left.

“Wait a minute.” Her mother craned her neck, studying the struggling ghosts. “Dina, is that--,”

“Mr. Easy Chair?” she responded, grimly. “I believe it is.”

“How the hell’d he end up here? I thought I got rid of the evil bastard.”

“I don’t know. But the sooner we get this under control, the sooner we get some answers.”

“I wanna be back in my house with my wife,” the specter snarled, finally choosing to speak. His eyes glowered at them as he effortlessly held Sam by the throat. The ghost began sobbing and Dina grew angry.

“You can’t ‘cause you’re dead, remember?” she none too gently reminded him.

“Jes ‘cause I’m dead don’t mean I caint live in my home.” He angrily thrust a finger in his chest. “But you made it so I caint get back in the house with all yer prayers and yer ceremonies. After I’m done with this one here--,” He gave Sam a firm shake. “--you’re gonna pay for that.”

“No—you’re gonna pay,” Dina retorted, then realized how cheesy and B-movie the line sounded. Whatever. He’d get her drift soon enough. “How the hell’d you get in here anyway? This space is protected.”

“Oh—I just rode the S Train here--,” he said smugly, giving Sam another none too gentle shake. She moaned in agony. “Got an express ride right into your nice li’l tract home--,”

“It’s a craftsman style bungalow, for your information!”

“Huh, the girl got two spirits for the price of one,” her Aunt Georgina stage whispered. “Her spiritual house is just a mess. I’m thinking we should’ve gone triple on the burning sage.”

“Dina, if you’re finished debating with the evil entity,” her mother said, raising an eyebrow. “Maybe we can get on with the cleansing.”

“I just didn’t like his tone, is all,” Dina muttered.

Seizing her mother’s hand, Dina led the charge and began reciting the Lord’s Prayer in a strong, clear voice, the words rising into the air on one, resounding chord. She surprised herself with her effortless knowledge of the scripture her mother had hammered into her head as a child. For a moment longer, the ghosts continued to struggle, then the activity began to cease, Mr. Easy Chair struggling against them the entire time. The two ghosts hovered as if paralyzed in midair as the women continued their chanting, their voices strong and unwavering. Mr. Easy Chair began to twitch, his energy waning beneath the power of their combined prayers. He screamed, yelling and cursing, trying to remain on whatever spiritual plane he’d managed to tap into. He swore he’d destroy every woman and child in the room if they didn’t stop. But slowly he began fading, his hands slipped from Sam’s throat, his words dissipating to mere whispers, until finally, he disappeared altogether.

“One down, one to go,” her Aunt Georgina said grimly.

“Wait—you don’t need to do that,” Sam said, her voice weak. “After today my time’s up. I can’t come back.”

“What—what do you mean, Sam?” Dina asked. A lump formed in her throat. Despite how annoying Sam was, she found she didn’t want to see her leave.

“I mean that, in my present condition, I have limited time on this plane. If my body stays in a coma, I’ll eventually be lost in this empty space where there’s nothing. Just fog. I’m scared, Dina. I’m so scared.” She began sobbing, tears streaming down her face.

“What do you want us to do, Sam? How can we help you?” her mother asked, softly, her eyes filled with compassion.

“It’s not what you can do. It’s what Arnie won’t. Go talk to him, Dina. He’ll know what I want.”

“We got a call about a disturbance over here?”

A young police officer and his even younger partner stood at Dina’s door. Evidently they’d heard of exactly what type of disturbance it was, because when a chair scraped the floor, they both looked spooked.

“Oh, you must mean the ghosts?” she said, innocently.

“Uh—wh--what?” the younger one stuttered. His face was pale with fright, one foot already poised to flee.

“The ghosts. I’m assuming that’s why you’re here?” she inquired, studiously.

“Well—we—that is--,” the older of the two began, shifting from foot to foot. Another noise sounded inside the house and they both jumped.

“Why don’t you come on inside? We could sure use the help.” She opened the door wide, looking from one to the other.

“I—I don’t think we’d be of much use in there.”

“Just kidding with you fellas. It’s all taken care of,” she said, cheerfully.

“Well, have a good night then.” Looking at her as if she should be committed, the two of them hastened back to their patrol car, each walking faster than the other.

“Watch out for bad spirits, officers,” she called after them, chuckling.

**

After the cleansing—which she hoped would keep the house ghost free once and for all—people lingered over the massive amount of food still sitting on countertops and tables. Everyone decided they should help themselves to the bounty. Using take-out boxes she’d bought from Costco’s, they piled food in with such abandon, that Dina had to step in the make sure some was left for her. She had paid for the food, after all.

She ushered the last family member out the door after watching her pilfer two bottles of expensive wine and slip a six pack of Coors Light into her voluminous bag.

Deciding she should go over and clear things up with Arnie, she slung her purse over her shoulder and walked out the door. A figure slipped out of the shadows as she opened the car door. Fed up with being scared silly, she picked up a handful of gravel bordering the driveway and threw in with all her might in the person’s direction.

“Ow! Dammit, Dina! It’s me!” Anthony stumbled out of the darkness rubbing a face that had been pelted with stones.

“What the hell are you doing back there?”

“I just figured I’d hang out in the backyard until everything was over so we could have a talk.”

“Now’s a bad time, Anthony. I have somewhere I need to go--,”

“Where? Over to see him?” he demanded.

“As a matter of fact, yes, that’s exactly where I’m going.”

“You can just move on from us just like that? Like we never existed?”

“Anthony, we both should’ve moved on a long time ago when we realized this wasn’t going anywhere,” she sighed.

“But we--,” he began.

“Just stop. You and I both know it’s over. I love you and you love me. We just don’t love each other enough. It’s time we moved on. Here--,” she took the ring out of her purse and handed it to him. “Hopefully the next time you’re with someone, you’ll be ready to give this to them from your heart and not from jealousy. Goodbye, Anthony.”

She got in her car, leaving Anthony in her driveway looking shell-shocked and a little lost. She felt a small tug at her heartstrings, then she felt a surge of freedom rush through her body. After seven long years of being with someone who’d never truly appreciated her, she was finally ready to find true love with a man who deserved it. She just hoped he was still interested enough to give her a chance.

**

She pulled into Arnie’s driveway and parked behind his car. The lights in the house were all out save one softly glowing atop a side table. At first she thought he was asleep and was about to chicken out and get back in her car and go home. But the gate leading to the backyard opened, warm light from the fire pit flickering along the outline of his body as he stood there looking at her.

“Well, are you going to come in, or what?”

“Am I disturbing you?”

“Does it matter?” he asked, wryly.

“Not really,” she said with a grin as she walked toward him. He opened it wider as she slipped past him, the heat from his body making her shiver slightly.

She sat in one of the comfy chairs bordering the fire pit, the breeze coming off the water making the cattails rustle with a soft, swishing sound.

“So tell me about you and Sam, Dina,” Arnie said, sitting down opposite her and getting straight to the point.

For the next hour Dina told him everything. From her initial contact with Sam, to her outrageous behavior and finally, her peculiar matchmaking. During the entire time his expression never changed.

“Let me get this, Sam’s the one that led you into the police station that day?” he said after a long, uncomfortable pause in the conversation.

“Yes.”

“And you only agreed to come into the station so you could get rid of her?”

“I was actually trying to help her get to the light, but yeah, I guess that’s true.”

“So you were never really that interested in me to begin with?” he asked, expressionlessly.

“Not at first. I was dating someone else.” She tried to tone down her defensiveness, but it was hard because she knew what she was professing sounded sorta bad. “But then I got to know you and everything changed.”

“So you agreed to seduce me while dating your longtime boyfriend?”

“Well, when you put it like that it does sound strange. And I wasn’t trying to seduce you, at all. I was actually trying to make you not like me so I could get rid of Sam and move on.”

“Oh, okay. That sounds much better,” he said, sarcastically.

“Look—I’ll admit that the way we met was unconventional and maybe a little bizarre, but that doesn’t change how I feel about you--,”

“How you feel about me, Dina?” he asked, standing up and staring down at her incredulously. “You have another man’s ring.”

“Firstly--,” she said, standing up and stumbling over her own feet. Cursing her clumsiness and her general crappy situation, she regained her balance and glared up at him. “Firstly, I gave Anthony his ring back. And yes, I contemplated whether or not I wanted to marry him. We have a long history and I was confused. But then when I thought back on our entire relationship, I realized it was over. It’s been over for a long time. It just took being with you to fully realize that.”

“So you were cheating on your boyfriend while we were together?” he asked, his eyes cold.

“No! We were broken up by then,” she denied, hotly. “I would never cheat.”

“You know already that Sam cheated on me. I could never date a woman who had been unfaithful.”

“I already told you we were broken up,” she said, frowning. “No offence, but we have no history so I have no reason to lie to you. Besides, I’m not the type of woman to cheat.”

“But you are the type of woman who will hop in bed with another man the minute you break up with your longtime boyfriend?”

Dina regarded him with narrowed eyes. “You know, it’s funny how in Sam’s description of you she left out how judgmental you are. When’d you start walking on water?”

“This is all so strange,” he groaned, sitting back down. “I’ve been dating a woman that my comatose ex set me up with. Ah, jeez…”

“My whole life is one long strange tale, Arnie. If we’re gonna be together you may as well get used to it.” She kicked her feet up on the footrest and smiled.

“So this whole talking to ghosts deal might pop up regularly?” he asked, looking worried.

“It might. But most of them are harmless like Sam, so don’t worry.”

“
Most
of them are harmless. Good to know,” he said, leaning back with a shake of his head.

“Try to think about it like this, spirits have always been and will always be around us.”

“Is—is there a spirit floating around right now? Sam are you here? Is Sam here?” He sat bolt upright and looked around fearfully.

“Relax, there’s no spirits floating around,” she laughed.

“That’s a relief.” He relaxed in his chair, but he still looked tense.

“So what do you say to dating a practicing Medium, Arnie? Our lives might be a little unusual. Some might say exciting. Are you up to it?” The question was posed casually, but her heart thudded in her chest as she awaited his response.

“Dina, I’m a cop,” he responded after a brief pause. “I’m up for just about anything.”

Then he took her by her hand, led her inside and showed her just how ready he was.