Meeting Destiny (9 page)

“
Well, don’t I feel like an idiot.” I felt my face flush a deep red. He was smiling at me as if he had played the funniest joke on me, and I had never felt more humiliated and thrilled in the same moment in my whole life. “When I called you and got your answering machine, and heard your message, it didn’t occur to me that Missy wasn’t a person. I guess I jumped to the wrong conclusion.”

“
Missy’s the greatest. The minute I walk through the door she makes me feel like I’m the most important human in the world. She snuggles with me at night, well, I guess, I work all night, so she snuggles with me during the day. She’s a great listener. I can tell her anything. So the female I live with runs on four legs – I guess that part of your conclusion was a bit off.” He smiled a warm smile at me as if my question about Missy really pleased him.

“
I feel stupid. I’m sorry I didn’t think to ask you like a normal person.”

“
It’s okay. Is that the only reason that you weren’t too happy to see me tonight?”

“
Yeah, pretty dumb, right?”

“
No, it isn’t dumb at all, kind of flattering to tell you the truth. If I were living with a girl, why would I give you the number to my house? What kind of loser does that?” His smile held and I was thrilled that he zeroed in on exactly why I was so angry. The fact that I didn’t have to tell him why I felt the way I did was refreshing. Then Max’s tone changed from jovial to serious, and he asked, “As long as we are asking personal questions, you wanna take a turn?”

Feeling pretty good about the world in general at this moment, “Sure, anything.”

“
Who is Seth to you?”

Bam, punch in the gut! I can feel that however he knows about Seth, this question has been eating away at him as well. How should I answer this? “I don’t know, why do you ask?”

Frustration appeared on his brow. His voice was slow but steady, “I came by last night to check on you, and he was practically sleeping in bed with you. I asked the nurse who he was, and she said he was your boyfriend.” With this his gaze left me and went to the floor, “Well, is he?”

Not wanting to lie to him, I uttered both words carefully, “He is.”

Hurt, disappointment, regret, I couldn’t tell, but I wanted to crawl in a hole when his humor from minutes ago evaporated in front of me. “Oh, well then…Cool. I guess I’d better get back to work, I really am glad that you are doing so well.”

Before he had a chance to turn and walk away, I reached for his hand and blurted out, “Max, you don’t understand, will you let me explain?” Max nodded, but the look on his face didn’t waver. My urgency to keep him from leaving was accompanied with focused effort to make him understand, “Seth and I live right next door to one another. Our mothers were best friends in high school and bought houses next door to each other. They got pregnant two months apart. It has always just been assumed that we are together. He really is my best friend, and I know he thinks of me as his girlfriend, but I don’t think I am.”

Agitation escaped through his voice, “How is that possible? Either you are or you aren’t. That really isn’t open to interpretation.”

My response was slower this time, a little more calculated. “I’ve never been interested in any guys at school. So when people started to assume that Seth and I were a couple, I didn’t discourage it. We have never really talked about it before, and I thought we both felt the same way, like we have more of a deep friendship than any kind of romantic connection. Seth and I have never really been physical with each other, at least no more than you would be with Missy. Since there was never anyone who I was really interested in dating, it was just easier to go along with what everyone assumed. I never had any reason to rock the boat.”

I could sense from his posture that he still wasn’t buying it. “Lauren, I don’t want to state the obvious, but I think you need a reality check. The way he was sleeping with you last night, I know that he….how should I say it?...doesn’t agree with your idea of the relationship.”

“
Yeah, I found that out last night. But I kind of think it’s just an over-reaction to the whole situation. I’m guessing when I get out of the hospital it’ll go back to normal.”

I could tell he didn’t want to keep talking about it. “I’ve got to get back to work. I am glad you’re feeling better.” He started toward the door.

“
Wait, Max, I know you can’t stay, but I need you to know I do feel differently now. I feel like maybe it is time to rock the boat.” I watched him to see if there was any reaction; it was immediate, as soon as he had processed what I had said.

A broad amazing smile beamed back at me, his look not at all matching his words. “You do what’s right for you. Don’t get me wrong, I am flattered, but I don’t want the reason you end a very long friendship to be because of me. You wouldn’t forgive me if I came between you two…. I want to say thanks, though, for giving me some glimmer of hope for the future. I don’t think we should start anything until you and Seth work things out. When and if you find yourself truly single and you want to get together, I would love to get to know you.”

His words made my heart soar, my whole body felt warm and my heart rate began steadily gaining speed. Knowing how badly this visit could have gone, I couldn’t help but push my luck, “Max, I need to ask you one more thing. Could you stay just another minute?”

Max glanced at the watch on his wrist, and I could tell he really did need to leave. “Yeah, but I’ve already been gone for way too long. My partner’s got to be looking for me by now.” He moved a hair closer to me, and I could hardly contain my excitement.

“
I know this isn’t the best place, and I understand if you tell me no, but if I don’t ask, it’s going to drive me crazy. I was wondering if you feel anything weird around me?” This sounded so strange, but I didn’t know how best to articulate my question. I needed to know if it was only my imagination.

Max looked me straight in the eye, “Weird, like what?”

I felt the flush of embarrassment on my cheeks as I asked quietly, “Like, chemistry, a little?”

Max stood still as a statue staring at me sitting almost straight up in my bed. His smile faded a little as he leaned into me and whispered, “You mean like this?” He softly slid his hand behind my head, pulling my lips up to his. Gentle at first, then increased intensity until I found that I had wrapped both my arms around him, wires protruding from every direction, and my entire body tingled. I grew lightheaded as he eased his face away from mine. He gently lowered my head back to my pillow and moved his hand to my face. Max traced my lips with his index finger. After a few outlines of my lips, he responded quietly, “Chemistry, huh? No, I hadn’t noticed.” His wide smile reappeared with a vengeance.

My heart monitor went crazy, jumping well into the 100s as an alarm blared to life as if to tell the world what had just happened. Max reached over and pushed a button on the monitor and the alarm muted instantly. As he leaned in for what I was sure was going to be just as passionate as our first kiss, his pocket beeped.

Max stopped, rolled his eyes and fished in his pocket, pulling out his blackberry. He looked at the screen with disappointment in his eyes. “Hey, we just got a call. I really have to go. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for continuing this conversation tomorrow, but I really can’t stay.”

“
I’d like that, too,” unable to say anything else.

He kissed my cheek, “I can’t wait to tell Missy about tonight. Bye.” Max darted out the door as he sprinted off to save someone’s life. The jealous part of me hoped he was being called to help an old fat man.

The remaining hours until the sun came up flew by as my mind replayed our few minutes together. My stomach was in knots. I’d never felt this way before. From the moment he ran out of my door, I hoped that his message was a false call, and he would suddenly reappear. As the hours ticked by, I realized that I wouldn’t see him again before my usual string of visitors arrived.

When the minute hand took the hour to five a.m., my eyes got heavier and my excitement with Max subsided, a little. Knowing one of the nurses would be in soon to check my vitals, I argued with myself on whether it would be better to just wait for the interruption before dozing off.

By twenty after five I saw Felecia’s smiling face. “Well, aren’t you up early today? Can I get you anything?”

“
I wouldn’t mind some chocolate ice cream for breakfast.”

“
I’ll see what I can do, but don’t hold it against me if your chocolate ice cream tastes like eggs and bacon. Now, hand me that arm.” Felicia took my blood pressure, temperature and charted down numbers from the monitors I was still hooked to. She looked at the heart monitor’s paper sheet and must have seen the spike when Max stopped by last night. “Did you have a nightmare last night?” She didn’t seem overly concerned with her question and looked as though it was more important that she jot something on my chart.

I decided it would be much less embarrassing to have her think that monsters had entered my subconscious, instead of a midnight caller, who made my heart want to jump out of my chest. “Yeah, pretty intense, you can see a nightmare on that thing?”

Her disinterest changed to what looked like genuine concern. “Was it the shooter? You may want to talk to someone about it. A professional may be able to help you work through it, so it isn’t so frightening.”

I smiled, but bit my lip, desperately wanting to laugh out loud. Reliving the shooting hadn’t even occurred to me as something to be fearful of. The strangest part of the whole ordeal was the utter lack of concern that it had happened at all. Somehow, deep down, I felt as if it were meant to be, the whole event
needed
to happen. “I’m okay, I don’t think I need to talk to anybody. I’m sure it was a one-timer.”

She finished writing in the chart and gave me a discouraging look. “Okay, but there’s no shame in asking for help, or wanting to talk about something traumatic.” I nodded, and I was confident she believed she’d planted enough of a seed, that she could merrily go on to her next patient. “All right, push the button if you need me.” Felicia darted out the door without another word.

As I thought about what she had said, it hit me that it was a little strange that I wasn’t the slightest bit upset about being shot. I should be upset. I kept thinking about the man who shot me. I wonder if he was somehow overtaken by some force of nature to rob the restaurant? As shootings go, this was not nearly as heartbreaking as others that had happened in other parts of the country. It’s in the headlines all the time, “Twelve dead and four injured in a shooting today.” Something told me had I not taken a bullet, I would have been hit by a train, run off the road, or any number of other things, to create a substantial enough injury to warrant medical attention. At least this was my new belief regarding the forces of nature and the fact that I somehow had to meet Max under extreme circumstances.

I knew that my dream about Max and the premonition of our paths crossing would have come to fruition no matter what. I was actually a little thankful, given the possibilities, that it was just me who was shot. This shooting set a chain of events in motion. As I effortlessly remembered my entire dream with Max, I knew something huge was waiting for me in my future. With this realization I faded back into fantasies of Max.

Alone with my thoughts, I remembered his eyes looking down at me in the ambulance. The same eyes from my dream. The dream seemed so real, like it really happened, as if I really spent all those nights interacting with my destiny, not just dreaming. I always woke up with that same feeling, knowing not to share any part of the dream with another living soul. But now I know, there was a living soul that was a part of my dream. For four years I’d had the dream so many times that I could close my eyes and conjure up the whole thing.

In a funny way, it was a rush to have new material. Replaying our few minutes together, it felt so natural and electric all at once. Did he feel the same? He had to. He had to feel the powerful connection I felt, there was no denying it. He stepped out of my room as if nothing had happened, like it was just a run-of-the-mill, everyday encounter. It couldn’t have been. It was the most powerful thing I had ever felt. My destiny, without a doubt, Max was my destiny. As I accepted this fact, a warm glow overtook me as my mind replayed every second. I felt his eyes watching me, feeling safe that he and I had found each other.

His words were on a continuous tract in my mind, “Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for continuing this conversation tomorrow.” He’s coming back. I looked at the ceiling wondering when he would be off work. How soon would he walk through my door again? Most likely after seven a.m., assuming he wanted to continue that conversation, he would be coming back through my door in an hour.