Meghan’s Journey: The Story of Meghan Redenbach: The Teenage Girl Who Showed a Community How to “Man Up” in the Face of Cancer (22 page)

Framed dedication in volleyball showcase

Part Seven: Niagara University Hockey

The Niagara University Men’s Hockey Team adopted Meghan Redenbach as their own. One of the coaches, Jeff Weber, connected with the family as a volunteer coordinator with Make-A-Wish of Western New York. When he first met Meghan and her family, Jeff asked her if she liked hockey. A lover of all sports, Meghan’s enthusiasm could hardly be contained. The Redenbachs started to attend home games. Meg fell in love with the team, and they fell in love with her. Her strength and courage became their inspiration. Meg was given her own jersey (number 6) and her own locker in the team’s locker room.

When Meghan was in the hospital, groups of NU hockey players would make their way up for visits. The boys came to Meghan’s Volleyball Teal Night; they continued to visit her bedside; some openly cried at her funeral—many came from out of town during the winter break from school. For Meghan’s Volleyball Dedication Night, the entire hockey team battled through a snow storm to take up a large section in the Roy-Hart gym.

Meghan remains a symbol of fearlessness and determination. Her locker still remains with her name over it; nearby you will read “MAN UP” permanently printed on the wall in large letters. Her jersey is framed with a plaque and can be found on the wall in the Club Level, and her retired number hangs over center ice.

NU ‘Mans up’ in Girl’s MemoryHockey Team Retiring Cancer Victim’s Jersey

Published on January 20, 2011

Author: Tyler Dunne - NEWS SPORTS REPORTER

© The Buffalo News Inc.

LEWISTON — Down a hallway, inside a dusty room near the Niagara University men’s hockey team locker room, reside the team slogans that never stuck.

“Effort alone is not achievement.”

“Purple Train.”

“Winning or Whining? We Choose.”

Ten in all, these signs are all stashed away. No need for them anymore. Niagara has a new mantra that will last an eternity. Around the corner, hanging above their sticks, is a banner that reads “Man Up!”

Here at Niagara, those two words elicit a waterfall of emotions. Meghan Redenbach, the 15-year-old Royalton-Hartland student who died from a rare form of ovarian cancer on Christmas Eve, originated that credo in an essay contest at Roswell Park Cancer Institute.

NU’s director of hockey operations, Jeff Weber, came in contact with Meghan and her family via the Make-a-Wish Foundation. And the team virtually adopted Meghan and her slogan.

Friday night, before NU’s game against Sacred Heart at Dwyer Arena, she will be honored. The Purple Eagles will retire a number in Redenbach’s honor and hoist a banner in the rafters. The No. 6 Meghan wore to games the past two seasons will never be worn again.

“In the course of our lives, we take a lot of things for granted,” Niagara coach Dave Burkholder said. “Days blend into weeks and weeks blend into years. But she really made us stop, look and see how fortunate we are to be here.

“She was a part of our team. You could see it in her eyes when she entered our room.”

Players get choked up and fight back tears just thinking about Meghan. She inspired them at a whole new level. Before games, she joined the team in a prayer. After games, she was there waiting with a high-five. All last season, players wore “Man up” hats and Niagara went 10-2 at the games Meghan attended.

“Her presence was unbelievable,” senior Bryan Haczyk said. “When she walked into the room, everybody said, “We’re going to do it for Meghan.’“

And even as her health worsened this season, Meghan tried to make any games she could.

Senior Paul Zanette will never forget the first time he met her.

“She didn’t look great because she was sick at the time but she had the biggest smile on her face and seemed happy as could be,” Zanette said. “Honestly, that’s how I’ll always remember her. Every time we’ve seen her, whether it’s at the hospital or our games, no matter how rough it’s been, she always had a big smile on her face.”

When Redenbach was cleared to play basketball last year, the entire Niagara hockey team came to watch her first game back. Of course, Meghan had a career night, drilling a sequence of three-pointers. A picture of that game is hanging up in a stall devoted to Redenbach in Niagara’s locker room. It, too, will forever remain untouched.

So many players on the team were affected by Redenbach for life. Whenever they’re down, whenever they begin to slip into self-pity, they think of her.

Zanette vividly remembers lying in his bed last summer with strep throat. He couldn’t skate, couldn’t train, couldn’t really do anything for three weeks.

“I was just killing myself at how much I hated life,” Zanette said. “Then, I thought about her and the situation she was in. She’s gone months sitting in a hospital bed or in her bed at home not able to play basketball or volleyball. I thought about that smile on her face and it made me say, “OK, suck it up.’“

From his bedroom, Zanette learned of Meghan’s death in a text message from Burkholder. Immediately, he broke down in tears. His brother, Marc, who also plays for NU, soon did the same.

In the last year and a half alone, Haczyk has been to “seven or eight” wakes. Three of his four grandparents have died from cancer. But this was different. Meghan’s passing struck a new chord.

“It really got to me,” said Haczyk, one of 11 NU players who attended the wake. “It cut me up more than any of the other ones. It was tough to see. She’s probably one of the toughest girls I’ve ever met. She was so positive and so determined to beat cancer.”

Meghan is gone. It’ll be strange for players not to see her before and after games with that 5,000-watt grin. But they’ll never forget her fight.

And neither will future players.

“Her passion will be a part of this program forever,” Burkholder said. “Teams forever will hear the Meghan Redenbach story.”

Meghan’s retired number hangs over center ice in the Dwyer Arena at Niagara University.

Part Eight: Mike, Meghan’s Fund, and the “Man Up Car Show”

When someone gets cancer or becomes very ill, too many times people don’t know what to do for the individuals who are sick or those who take care of them. Even people who are close to the situation are often at a loss as to what they can do to help.

When asked how others helped to support his family, Mike shared his appreciation for the generosity of so many people, from close friends to others he didn’t even know.

Nothing takes away the pain, but there were so many people who did so many things to make the day-to-day existence easier for Nancy and me and Nick. We weren’t always thinking clearly or thinking about anything else, sometimes just trying to get some sleep. It really does make you feel good that you are given support.

There are no words to describe how nice people were, and are to us. I can’t tell you exactly who did what or when, just that there were so many times people took care of us or showed kindness in so many ways. It might have been a phone call, a card, or a pat on the back with a word of encouragement. Like I said, it didn’t take all the pain away, but it helped us get through some very difficult days.

Many, many times people brought over dinners and groceries. You don’t realize how big a deal this is, but it is huge. People at the prison where I work were donating time so I could stay home to be with Meg, hundreds of hours. At Christmas the union would give out gift cards from a local grocery store—every employee said they didn’t want their card and had them given to us. This helped us with gas and food. The executive team at work, including the superintendent, told me not to worry about anything, that whatever I needed, I could call him anytime. From the superintendent down to security—every one of them made numerous visits to the hospital, even when Meg was in ICU. Nancy’s work was the same way. There is just no way to tell anyone how supportive this felt and how much it still means today.

Early on friends and community members worked together to put on a benefit for Meghan. They raised a lot of money that went on to help Meghan in so many different ways.

When Meg was feeling better we were given tickets to sporting events and given opportunities to go on a couple of trips, one from Make-A-Wish. These are times that we got to spend as a family, and they were fun times. For a short while the fun takes your mind away from what you have to worry about on a daily basis. It gave us something to think about other than Meg’s illness. She especially loved the sporting events; she loved sports so much. She had so much fun, and she loved meeting some of the athletes. Meghan would talk about it so much for so long; it was like she wasn’t sick for a while. You can’t put a price on that, and we couldn’t have done most of those things or had those memories if other people hadn’t made them possible.

Coach Burkholder, from the Niagara University Hockey Team, helped to make Meg part of the team. He saw Meg as an inspiration. He had our family in the locker room with the team right before a game. He told the boys nothing compares to the courage and fight that Meghan had displayed—the small things we gripe about—the officials or a bad call. He said these things while he was crying in the presence of the team with Meghan sitting by her locker.

Carly’s Club is important to the kids with cancer and their families too. They did little things, like sending over a hockey puck from a Sabres’ game late one night while we were at Roswell Park in Buffalo, and big things, like neat gifts for Meg and gift cards for food and gas for us. Other families who have had children with cancer understand what it is like, and they were there helping, even anonymously. They don’t want to be thanked, they just want to help. That’s why it’s so important to us to try and give back now; Meghan wanted us to do that.

Meghan received so many notes, letters, and cards, and she loved getting every one of them. We would later get many more. Don’t ever underestimate the power of notes and cards. They are priceless to us, and we still have them all.

The people of our community—Roy-Hart, Gasport, Middleport, as well as surrounding areas—were always there for us. Other families, kids, school teams, they were all reaching out. They raised money for Meghan and cancer research. They sent cards, hundreds of cards. Every sports team at school created a t-shirt to support Meghan, and every game they played was like they were playing it just for her. The last game we went to was a basketball game on December 17
th
, just a week before she died. Meg wanted to go to that game so much; it was “Teal Night.” The NU Hockey team showed up to that game to honor her. She was in a wheelchair by that time, and she asked me to walk her around so she could see the halls of the school. I think she knew that she wasn’t going to have the chance again. So I did; we walked around the school and through the gym she loved so much.

Meghan passed away early in the morning on Christmas Eve. The Buffalo News article about volleyball and Meghan’s fight was printed the same day. Christmas day Bethany showed up with a gift from Meg; it took Bethany a couple of hours before she could give us that present. Meghan had instructed her how to package and wrap it. It was a plaque with a key that said “Family is Key.” That was one of Meghan’s favorite sayings.

One of the most overwhelming acts of support came from the community on Christmas night. We were sitting around at home with some friends and we saw something outside. We went out and saw people, hundreds of people, walking up the road with candles. All these people got together at the fire hall around the corner, made their way to our house, and they all gathered outside in our front yard and began singing Christmas Carols. It was just so overwhelming—this Christmas Candlelight vigil—how can you describe what that means? You can’t. These people had families, and they dropped everything to show how much Meghan meant to them and their support for us. That meant so much; we were floored. We couldn’t believe the amount of people. I didn’t know what to say, but I did try to talk to as many as I could. Although we were so sad, when it was all said and done—it did bring comfort knowing she touched so may lives.

I can’t possibly remember everything that was done for all of us. It was a lot, and there were countless people reaching out to make us feel loved and supported. That is why we put on our “Man Up Car Show” every summer. We raise money for Meghan’s Fund and give back to the things that were important to her, things that helped our whole family.

Meghan and her family were recipients of gifts and opportunities provided by Carly’s Club of Roswell Park Cancer Institute, Make-A-Wish, community members, various organizations, and numerous generous donors whose focus was on children with cancer. Meghan wanted her family to continue to do the same for others. She left strict instructions that any money raised in her memory was to be used for the benefit of kids.

While Meghan was ill, an account was set up to manage the donations. After the loss of Meghan, Mike and Nancy modified “Meghan’s Fund” to become a charity in her name. The signature fundraiser for the year has been the “Man Up Car Show”. Mike explained:

We were looking for an avenue to take, where we could maybe make a difference. We wanted to keep our promise to Meghan, that we would do our best to help others in her name. Meghan wanted this more than anything. So our thinking was to create an event that would be “family” friendly and that it would be something everyone could enjoy. A car show was it. Working on cars and going to car shows is something I have loved, and Meghan would feel sorry for her dad when Mom didn’t care to go. My little girl would say, “I’ll go with you Daddy!” She knew it wasn’t much fun to go alone. Those are some of the best memories for me. I would be driving my car, and I would ask Meghan, “Do you want to see if we can get this thing to fly?” She always said, “Yes!” with the biggest smile.

Doing the “Man Up Car Show” has been very important to Nancy, Nick, and me because it not only keeps Meg’s memory, but it is what she wanted. I can’t put into words how it makes me feel when I see 150 cars lined up and even more people at a function where all money goes to help others in memory of our Meghan. All proceeds from The Meghan J. Redenbach Memorial Fund (Meghan’s Fund) have supported scholarships for graduating high school seniors at Meghan’s school (Royalton-Hartland) as well as Make-A-Wish of Western New York and Carly’s Club of Buffalo. Meghan always wanted to help others, so this car show is one way we can give back in her name. It is one of the lessons she taught us while she was alive.

We belong to a club that no one wants to belong to. No parent should have to lose a child, nor should a young man lose his only sibling. The car show is also something that continues to help us find purpose. It makes us feel really good to give back, but we have a lot of support from a lot of people. We could never do this alone. I feel others are helping because it is their way of giving too and remembering Meg.

Meghan and her dad at a car show