Memoirs of an Imaginary Friend (30 page)

‘Do you want to take the stairs, then?’ I ask.

‘I don’t like the stairs,’ he says, looking down at his feet.

‘Okay. We’ll take the elevator then. It will be fun.’

We stand by the elevators, waiting for someone to come along and press the down button. I think about asking Oswald to press the button, just so I could see him move something in the real world again, but I decide not to. He said that it was hard to move things in the real world, so there is no need to make him work when someone else can do the work for him. He is nervous enough already.

It doesn’t take long before a man in a white coat comes along, pushing another man in a wheelchair. The man in the white coat pushes the down arrow and when the door slides open, Oswald, Teeny and I step in behind him.

‘I never rode in an elevator before,’ Oswald says again.

‘It’s fun,’ I say. ‘You’ll like it.’

But Oswald looks nervous. So does Teeny.

The man pushing the wheelchair presses the number three and the elevator begins to move. Oswald’s eyes widen. His hands bunch into fists.

‘The men are getting out on the third floor. We will, too. We can take the stairs from there.’

‘Okay,’ Oswald says, looking relieved.

I want to tell him that riding from the third to the first floor in an elevator would only take an extra five seconds, but I let him feel relieved instead. He doesn’t like the stairs, so he must hate the elevator.

I think Teeny does, too.

The door slides open and we follow the man and the wheelchair into the hallway.

‘The stairs are around the corner,’ I say.

As I speak, I notice the sign on the wall opposite the elevators. In between the directions for restrooms and a place called
Radiation
is this:

←
INTENSIVE CARE UNIT

I stop.

I stare at the sign for a moment.

‘What?’ Teeny asks when I do not move.

‘Can you and Oswald wait here for a minute?’ I ask Teeny.

‘Why?’

‘I want to check on somebody. I think she is on this floor.’

‘Who?’ Teeny asks.

‘A friend,’ I say. ‘Sort of a friend, I mean. I think she is down the hall.’

Teeny stares at me. She narrows her eyes to slits. I feel like she is trying to look straight through me.

‘Okay,’ she finally says. ‘We can wait. Right, Oswald?’

‘Okay,’ Oswald says.

I turn left. I follow the signs like I did when I found the ICU in the Children’s Hospital. After two long hallways and one turn, I find myself standing outside a set of double doors that look a lot like the doors to the children’s ICU. The name tag on the doors reads
Intensive Care Unit
.

I pass through them.

I am standing in a large room with curtains along the outside edges of the room. Some of the curtains are closed and some are open. There is a long counter and desks and lots of machines in the center of the room. Doctors are moving around, going in and out of the curtains, typing on computers, talking on the telephones, talking to each other, writing things down on clipboards, and looking worried.

All doctors look worried, but these doctors look extra worried.

I start with the curtain closest to me. It is closed. I crawl under it. An old woman is lying in the bed behind it. She has gray hair and lots of wrinkles around her eyes. She has machines with wires and tubes hooked up to her arms and a thin plastic tube stuck underneath her nose. She is sleeping.

I move to the next curtain and then the next. When the curtain is closed, I crawl underneath. Some of the beds are empty and some have people in them. All grown-ups. Mostly men. Two of the curtains have no beds at all.

I find Dee behind the last curtain. I do not realize that it is Dee at first. Her head is shaved. She is as bald as Oswald’s bald friend. She is as bald as Oswald. Her cheeks are swollen and the skin around her eyes is black. She has the most machines attached to her of anyone I’ve seen so far. Tubes and wires run from bags of water and machines with tiny television screens to her arm and chest. The machines make hissing, beeping, clicking sounds.

There is a woman sitting in a chair next to Dee. She is holding Dee’s hand. It is Dee’s sister. I know this because she looks just like Dee. A younger version of Dee. Same dark skin. Same sharp chin. Same round eyes. She is whispering words into Dee’s ear. She whispers the same words over and over again. Words like
God
and
Jesus
and
Almighty
and
praise
. I can barely hear her.

Dee does not look good. She looks very bad.

Dee’s sister does not look good, either. She looks tired and scared.

I sit on the edge of the bed next to Dee’s sister. I look down at Dee. I want to cry, except I do not have time to cry. Teeny and Oswald are waiting by the elevators and Mrs Patterson is packing her secret bus with food and clothes. I have to go.

‘I’m sorry you are hurt,’ I say to Dee. ‘I’m so sorry. I wish I could have saved you. I miss you.’

Tears fill my eyes. This is only the second time that my eyes have made tears and they feel strange. Slippery and hot.

‘I have to save Max,’ I tell Dee. ‘I couldn’t save you, but I think I can save Max. So I have to go now.’

I stand up to leave. I look back at Dee’s pale face and thin wrists. I listen to her raspy, uneven breath and the whispers of her sister and the steady beep of the machine beside her bed. I look and I listen. Then I sit back down.

‘I’m afraid,’ I say to Dee. ‘I couldn’t save you, but maybe I can save Max. Except I’m scared. Max is in trouble, but I think his trouble is good for me. If he stays in trouble, I stay alive. So I’m confused.’

I take a deep breath. I think about what I want to say next, but when nothing comes to my mind, I just start talking again.

‘It’s not like Max is going to be shot by a man in a devil mask. It’s not that kind of trouble at all. Mrs Patterson will take good care of Max. I know it. She is a devil, too, but not the kind that shot you. Max will be fine no matter what I do. But I might not be fine. I don’t know what is going to happen to me. And now I have Oswald helping me, so I really might be able to save Max. I never thought that Oswald would agree to help, but he has. Now I can save Max, I think. Except I’m afraid.’

I sit and stare at Dee. I listen to her sister whisper her words over and over again. They sound almost like a song.

‘I know saving Max is the right thing to do,’ I say to Dee. ‘But it won’t matter if I do the right thing if I stop existing too. The right thing is good only if you are here to enjoy it.’

I feel more hot, slippery tears in my eyes, but these are not for Dee. They are for me.

‘I wish there was a Heaven. If I knew there was a Heaven for me, then I would save Max for sure. I wouldn’t be afraid because there would be a place to go after this place. Another place. But I don’t think there is a Heaven, and I definitely don’t think there is a Heaven for imaginary friends. Heaven is supposed to be only for people who God made, and God didn’t make me. Max made me.’

I smile, thinking about Max as a god. A god locked up in a basement with a bunch of Lego and army men. The god of one. The God of Budo.

‘I guess that’s why I should save him,’ I say. ‘Because he made me. I wouldn’t be alive without him. But I’m afraid, and I feel bad for being afraid. I feel even worse for thinking about leaving Max with Mrs Patterson. Even though I know I will try to save him, I think about not saving him and that makes me feel bad. Like a real stinker. But it’s not wrong to be worried about myself, too. Right?’

‘No.’

This is not Dee’s sister or a doctor who speaks. It is Dee.

I know she can’t hear me because I am an imaginary friend. But the word sounds like an answer to my question. It surprises me. Just Dee speaking surprises me. I gasp.

‘Dee?’ her sister says. ‘What did you say?’

‘Don’t be afraid,’ Dee says.

‘Don’t be afraid of what?’ her sister asks. She is squeezing Dee’s hand. Leaning in closer and closer.

‘Are you talking to me?’ I ask.

Dee’s eyes are open now, but they are only teeny, tiny slits. I look to see if she is looking at me, but I can’t tell.

‘Don’t be afraid,’ Dee says again. Her voice is thin and whispery but the words are clear.

‘Doctor!’ Dee’s sister shouts, turning her head toward the counter and the desks in the center of the room. ‘My sister is awake. She’s talking!’

Two doctors stand up and move in our direction.

‘Are you talking to me, Dee?’ I ask again. I know she is not. She can’t be. But it seems like she is.

‘Go,’ Dee says. ‘Go. It’s time.’

‘Me?’ I ask. ‘Are you talking to me? Dee?’

The doctors arrive. They pull the curtains all the way open. A doctor asks Dee’s sister to step aside. The other doctor walks to the opposite side of the bed as an alarm sound begins ringing. Dee’s eyes roll back in her head. The doctors move faster, and I am pushed off the bed and onto the floor by another doctor who has just arrived. He shoved me out of the way without even knowing it.

‘She was just talking!’ Dee’s sister says.

‘She’s crashing!’ one of the doctors shouts.

Another doctor takes Dee’s sister by the shoulder and moves her away from the bed. Two more doctors arrive. I move to the end of the bed. I can barely see Dee. The doctors are crowding around her. One of the doctors puts a plastic bag over Dee’s mouth and starts squeezing it open and shut. Another doctor sticks a needle into a tube that is connected to Dee’s arm. I watch as a yellow liquid moves up the tube and disappears under Dee’s nightgown.

Dee is dying.

I can tell by the look on the doctors’ faces. They are working hard and fast but they are just doing what they are supposed to do. I see the same look on the faces of some of Max’s teachers when Max doesn’t understand something and the teacher doesn’t think he will ever understand it. The teachers work hard but you can tell that they are just doing the lesson. Not teaching the lesson. That’s what the doctors look like now. They are doing the doctoring but they do not believe in the doctoring.

Dee’s eyes close.

I hear her words ringing in my head.

Go. It’s time. Don’t be afraid.

CHAPTER 50

We are standing at the front doors to the hospital. Snow is falling outside. Oswald says that he has never seen snow. I tell him that he will love it.

‘Thank you,’ I say to Teeny.

She smiles. I know she can’t leave Aubrey, but I wish she could come with us.

‘Are you ready, Oswald?’ I ask.

The lobby is busy. It is full of people coming and going. Oswald looks even bigger now that I can compare him to so many other people. He is a giant.

‘No,’ Oswald says. ‘I want to stay here.’

‘But you will go with Budo and help him,’ Teeny says. This is not a question. It is a command.

‘Yes,’ Oswald says.

The word is
yes
but the sound is
no
.

‘Good,’ Teeny says, and then she flies over to Oswald and hugs his neck, too.

He gasps. His muscles tense. His hands ball into fists again. Teeny keeps squeezing until he finally relaxes. It takes a long time.

‘And good luck,’ she adds. ‘I want to see both of you again. Soon.’

‘Okay,’ Oswald says.

‘You will,’ I say.

But I do not believe it. I think this is the last time I will ever see Teeny or this hospital again.

Oswald spends the first five minutes outside trying to avoid the falling snowflakes. He dodges one while ten other flakes pass through him. He doesn’t even notice.

Once he realizes that they will not hurt him, he spends the next five minutes trying to catch snowflakes on his tongue. They pass through his tongue, of course, but it takes him a while to realize this, and he bounces off at least three people and a telephone pole while doing so.

‘We have to go,’ I say to Oswald.

‘Where?’

‘We have to go home. We have to ride the bus to school tomorrow.’

‘I have never been on a bus before,’ Oswald says.

I can see that he is nervous. I decide to tell him as little as possible from now on.

‘It will be fun,’ I say. ‘I promise.’

It is a long walk from the hospital to Max’s house. I usually enjoy the walk, but Oswald asks questions. Lots and lots of questions.

When do they turn the street lights on?

Does each street light have a separate switch?

Where did all the choo-choo trains go?

Why don’t people just draw their own money?

Who decided that red means stop and green means go?

Is there only one moon?

Are all car honks the same?

How do the police stop trees from growing in the middle of the street?

Do people paint their own cars?

What is a fire hydrant?

Why don’t people whistle when they walk?

Where do airplanes live when they are not flying?

The questions never stop, and even though I want them to stop, I keep answering. This giant who was throwing me around a hospital room earlier today needs me now, and as long as he needs me, I hope that he will listen to me and help me.

Ever since we left Teeny behind at the hospital, I have been afraid that Oswald would turn into his old, angry self. That Teeny’s magic would wear off after we got far enough away. Instead he has become more like a preschooler who wants to know everything.

‘This is my house,’ I say to Oswald as we finally turn up the driveway.

It is late. I do not know how late, but the lights in the kitchen and the living room are turned off.

‘Where are we going?’ Oswald asks.

‘Inside. Do you sleep?’

‘When?’ Oswald asks.

‘Do you sleep at all?’

‘Oh. Yes.’

‘This is where we will sleep tonight,’ I say, pointing at the house.

‘How will I get in?’ he asks.

‘Through the door,’ I say.

‘How?’

Then I realize it. Oswald can’t pass through doors. In the hospital, when we took the stairs from the third floor to the first floor, we followed two men in blue uniforms through the door to the stairway. When we left the hospital, we followed a man and a woman.