Memory: Volume 1, Lasting Impressions, A Tale of Pride and Prejudice (Memory: A Tale of Pride and Prejudice) (10 page)

“Is she married?”

“No.”

“ah.”  Darcy settled down in his chair and Bingley took one.  “Well, I hope she is successful in finding what she desires.”

“I am as well.” Bingley winked.  “Are you in the market . . .”

“Bingley.”

“I had to ask!”  He laughed and Darcy relaxed.  “You were saying yesterday that you are returning to your estate, which should have answered my marriage question.”

“I am also still in mourning.” 

“Yes.”  Bingley smiled with understanding.  “It is a long year.”

“I feel that it will be a lifetime.  Do you not miss your parents?

“Honestly, no I do not.  We were never particularly close.  Mother was busy climbing society’s ladders, and left us children to the governess.  Then I left for school, Eton, so when she died, I was really only seeing her for a few months of the year.  Father, well, he was determined that I be a gentleman, so he taught me next to nothing of the business.  We rarely spent time together, and when we did, it was to listen eagerly of the experiences I had.   He liked to hear of the people I would meet . . .it sounds cold I suppose, but I do not miss them since I barely knew them.  I guess that what I miss is having a base, a family, even if it is in name only.  I have relatives in the north, and my sisters of course, but that is all.”

“Forgive me Bingley, but that sounds even sadder than me missing my parents who I loved so well.”

“Ah, well, love was not a word that was tossed around in our household.”  He shrugged.  “You cannot miss what you have never known, can you?”

“I suppose not.”  Darcy inexplicably felt great sadness for this young man.  “Well, your sisters, they are both unmarried?”

“No, my eldest sister, Louisa, married Gerald Hurst about two years ago.  He is heir to a small estate near Bath.  My other sister, Caroline, is the one on the hunt.  She is one and twenty.”

“How is she handling the Season?  I suppose that the Hursts are sponsoring her?”

“Yes, but they both hope for greater connections to give them entré to the higher circles.”  He looked at him apologetically.  “They will be very interested in my meeting you.”

“Must they know?” 

“Well, I suppose not.”  He smiled.  “You mentioned a sister?”

“Yes, she will be twelve soon.”  Darcy’s face clouded over.  “Georgiana is a great challenge for me.  I am trying to . . . give her more than simply a governess, but I admit to not being very sure of myself, and greatly employed with the duties of the estate.  At what age did your sister Miss Bingley, come out?”

“Well, unfortunately Father died so she had to wait for last year, this is her second Season.  She has a substantial dowry and attended a fine finishing school, but there are no takers yet.  I am not sure what the problem is.”

“How substantial is the dowry?”

“Twenty thousand.”  Darcy’s brows rose.  “So you understand my concern.”

“Quite.”  Darcy bit his lip, already suspecting that either Miss Bingley possessed no beauty or no personality.  That was quite a dowry to leave untaken after two Seasons.

“Well, I return home to Pemberley in a few days.  You are welcome to visit if you are so inclined before the next term begins.  This will be your senior year?”  Bingley nodded.  “And will you go on your tour?”

“I suppose that depends on Napoleon.”  He smiled and Darcy laughed. 

“Fitzwilliam . . . oh, forgive me, I did not know that you had company.”  Georgiana blushed.

“Come in, dear.”  Darcy and Bingley stood.  “Mr. Bingley, this is my sister, Miss Georgiana Darcy.”

He gave her a dazzling smile and bowed.  “This is an enormous pleasure, Miss Darcy.”

She stared at the dashing man with wide eyes and whispered.  “Oh.”  Darcy fixed his gaze upon her and she caught his look.  “It is a pleasure to meet you, sir.”  She cleared her throat.  “I . . . I only wanted to ask my brother a question about our travel.  It can wait for later.  Please excuse me.”  She fled the room and Bingley turned to see Darcy looking after her. 

“She is charming.”  He smiled and Darcy relaxed.

“Thank you.”

“Well, I have trespassed on your time long enough.  If we do not meet again before you depart, I wish you a safe journey home.  I will write to you and see if I can work in a trip to Derbyshire before I return to school.”

“You will be welcome.  My uncle and cousins will be visiting for the grouse season in August.”  They walked to the door and out to the hallway.  A footman handed Bingley his hat and gloves, and he smiled up at the steps.  Darcy turned and caught Georgiana peering at them.  Bingley shook his head and then Darcy’s hand. 

“She is sweet; do not be hard on her.”  He winked and left the house.  Darcy turned to see that Georgiana had disappeared.  He swallowed the chastisement that was on his lips and instead asked for his hat and walking stick, and set off across the street and into the park.   

“LIZZY SLOW DOWN.”  Mrs. Gardiner said quietly.  “Whatever you seek will still be here ten minutes from now.”

“I am sorry Aunt.”  Elizabeth slowed and resumed the stroll that the other visitors to the park seemed to be practicing.  “I am not seeking anything; I guess that I am just anxious to see everything.” 

“That is a very contradictory statement.” 

Elizabeth laughed.  “I suppose it is.  Papa would have enjoyed skewering me with it.” 

“Do you look forward to going home?” 

She sighed and studied her gloves as they walked.  “Would it be wrong to say no?”

“If that is your opinion, it would be dishonest to say otherwise.”  Mrs. Gardiner smiled and looped her arm with her niece’s.  “Tell me what troubles you.”

“It is not one thing alone.  Mama does not like me.  Why?  She seems particularly anxious to see me married and gone.  I cannot for the life of me understand what I ever did wrong?”  She looked up to her aunt who was nodding.

“I had a friend that I knew from childhood.  He was born when his father was away from home on business.  His father never forgave him for that and treated him harshly all his life until he was old enough to become apprenticed to an attorney.  He gladly left home, and his family never saw him again.”

“How ridiculous!  It was not the boy’s fault when he was born!”

“No it was not, and it is not your fault that you were not born a boy as your mother had determined you would be.  And it is not your fault that you are bright and that your father showers what attention he does give upon you instead of his wife and other daughters.  None of it is your fault, but the result is that your mother unreasonably resents you.”

“So I am not pretty, but I must find a husband with my charms and save the family from starvation when father dies because he is . . .”

“Yes.”  Mrs. Gardiner squeezed her arm.  “Although I imagine that your mother would be happy with any of you girls marrying.  She is very anxious to push you all out of the door to find husbands and secure her future.”

“What if our husbands do not care for the way she treats us and do not provide for her.”  Elizabeth said with a hint of bitterness in her voice. 

“Lizzy, that is unkind.”

“Oh please Aunt, do not sound like Jane!”  She saw the raised brows and sighed.  “I am sorry.”

“I understand.”

“She will have nothing good to say of you when I arrive home since I am not engaged.”  She smiled.

Mrs. Gardiner laughed.  “Oh, I expect a letter soon describing how I have failed you and at the same time begging me to invite you girls back for a second chance.  She does not realize that we ask you here, not only for the pleasure of your company and to educate you a bit more, but also to relieve you of her pushing.  You are too young to marry.  However, Jane is now at the proper age to begin looking, and we will not discourage any men who might seem interested.  I do not expect her to meet any when she comes for my confinement, though.  We will be busy.”  She winked.

“Will she be present at the birth?”

“No, of course not, but she will look after the children and perhaps calm your uncle.”  She smiled.  “It is not proper for an unmarried woman to see such things.”

Elizabeth nodded and brought up a delicate subject.  “Aunt . . .will you teach me . . .about being a wife?”  She looked up at her and blushed then looked away.  “I have witnessed the animals . . .but . . .” She spoke nervously.  “I have listened to Mama’s friends . . .it sounds terrible and they wish to avoid it . . .”

“Lizzy, I will gladly be the one to tell you of the duties of a wife, and no it is not terrible or something to fear.  Whatever your mother tells you should be taken with the knowledge that she is unhappy with . . .well, just do not listen with both ears if she speaks of it.”  She patted her arm.  “When you are engaged dear, we will have a good long talk.  Until then, just be assured that it is nothing to worry over and perhaps if you find a good caring man, something you will enjoy with him.” 

“Thank you.”  She whispered.

“Now, your uncle tells me that you smiled at a young man yesterday?”  Mrs. Gardiner saw her blush even brighter and bite her lip.  “And did he smile back?”

“Yes.”

“Do you think that you will see him again before you leave?” 

Elizabeth looked up the path and searched the park.  “I dearly hope so.”

Darcy slowed from his brisk stroll and stood near the Serpentine, staring out over the water. 
Of course she is not here, it is not as if she lives in Grosvenor Square, is it?
  He picked up a rock from the ground, studied its shape and with skill learned from childhood, skipped it across the surface, and stared in surprise when after one hop, it sank.  He heard feminine laughter and looked up only to be disappointed, but not before the ladies stopped and smiled at him expectantly.  He nodded stiffly and looked back to the water, hearing the giggles and discussion of his look as they strolled away. 
I suppose that I should simply become used to this.  There will be no excuse next Season.  I may cling to the sight of Lizzy, but she is not the one I will marry someday. That would not be fulfilling my duty.
  He picked up another stone and attempted to skip it across the water, and again failed. 
I need to stop thinking of her.  I must put her out of my mind.  I cannot let the ghost of her memory prevent me from looking honestly at all of the women who are suitable for me and Georgiana.

Elizabeth and her aunt approached the Serpentine, and stopped to gaze upon the water.  She looked up to see the back of a tall man standing by the edge, his dark hair touching the collar of his fine coat.  She drew in a sharp breath and stepping forward purposefully, decided that this time, no matter how improper, she was going to speak to him. 

“Lizzy, what are you doing?”  Mrs. Gardiner asked.

Ignoring her, Elizabeth moved quickly and approached the man. “Pardon me . . .”

He turned and looked at her face, then took in her clothes from head to toe, his face wrinkling in a look of disdain.  Elizabeth gasped and blushed.  “Forgive me, sir, I mistook you for someone else!”  She turned and fled.  Mrs. Gardiner met the man’s eye who was regarding her with equal disgust for the display of impertinence.  She curtseyed and followed Elizabeth who had rounded a corner and was sobbing into her handkerchief.

“I . . .I thought it was him!”  She gasped.  “Oh what a fool I am!  Wanting to come here and perhaps see him, and instead I behave so badly.  I am so sorry for embarrassing you!”  She cried and covered her mouth.  “He looked at me as if I were lint!” 

“Yes dear, he is rich and clearly we are not.”

“You are not poor, Aunt.”  She drew her shoulders back.  “I will go tell him that!”

“Lizzy you will do no such thing!  The incident is over!  Keep your opinion to yourself!”  Mrs. Gardiner whispered.  “He had every right to feel offended.”

“And I have no right to be here.”  She sniffed again.  “I belong back at home with the mud and the sheep.”

Darcy walked back along the banks of the water and came upon Lord Reginald Creary.  He nodded at him and saw his expression.  “Is something amiss, Creary?”

“Indeed Darcy, some little guttersnipe just walked up to me and had the impertinence to presume we were acquainted.  Well, one look from me and she and her companion scurried away.  I looked at her dress; it was not what the Queen would call fashionable.  Women of that sort should not be allowed to walk here.  They should have been stopped at the gate!”  He sniffed and noticed the black armband.  “Sorry to hear of your father, good man.”

Darcy’s brow furrowed as he listened.  “Thank you.  This woman you described, what was her age?”

“How should I know, seventeen perhaps?”

“Dark hair?”

“Yes, has she tried to talk you up, as well?  Not that I am averse to a bit of fluff now and again, it does not belong here in the daylight!”  He tilted his head, “but if you would care to meet up with her, she went up around the bend.”

Darcy glared at him.  “I am not interested, but thank you for the concern.”  He walked away and up the path.  Far off in the distance he could see a small young woman walking with another and his pace picked up.  He instinctively knew it was Lizzy, then the words of Creary returned to his mind and he slowed.  “If someone like he thinks that she does not belong in our circles, without even knowing her, how could I ever subject her to them by pursuing her?  It would be unfair to her . . . and disappointing to my father.”  He stopped and watched the women disappear.  His voice caught and he felt his heart clench, but still he murmured.  “Goodbye, Lizzy.”

Chapter 5

11 August 1808

Uncle Henry wrote to me and has confirmed our fears, Richard is on his way to Portugal, and may even be there now.  This will be a real battle, not the little skirmishes he experienced in Norway.  He once said that my taking over Pemberley would be the making of me.  I fear that it is nothing to the man my cousin will be when he returns.  He must return!  Uncle says that Aunt Helen is beside herself with worry, and his guilt for not convincing him to study law instead of joining the army is weighing him down.  I pray that Richard survives; I fear that his would not be the only life that would be forfeited
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