Memory's Edge: Part One (21 page)

Chapter Forty

Icy Serenity

Driving up
La Plata canyon Saturday morning, John and Gretchen had their windows rolled
down as they enjoyed the warm breezes. It was mid-January, but the day was
beautiful, up in the sixties. Desi said this happened almost every year, a
glimpse of spring weather in the dead of winter. Gretchen didn’t know what
caused it, but it was a perfect day to be in the mountains enjoying the snowy
wonderland. She felt at home in the mountains. Coming up to La Plata made her
miss her childhood home a little less.

It was a
slow climb up the canyon. Gretchen’s new SUV had pretty good clearance and snow
chains, but it barely made it up Kennebec Pass. John pulled to the side near a
sign that pointed to the trail leading to the lake. He still didn’t have an
official driver’s license, but driving turned out to be one of those functional
memories that jumped back out as soon as he tried putting it to use. Riding his
bike around town just wasn't going to work, so he took Gretchen’s old car when
she didn’t need it, despite her offer that he us the SUV to haul his supplies.

“I guess we
hike the rest of the way,” John said as he shifted into park.

Despite
John’s weird behavior the night before, Gretchen woke that morning excited to
get out of the house. She wasn't overly athletic as far as organized sports
were concerned, but she had grown up traipsing around the forests of Colorado
with Millie. Their dad loved to hike and camp, and having two little girls to go
with never seemed to bother him at all. He was just as happy to try and teach
Gretchen and her sister how to fish and camp just as he would have done with
two sons. Walking through the pine and aspen was comforting.

Hopping out
of the truck, she dropped her snowshoes on the ground beside her and tried to
get them buckled onto to her feet. Gretchen’s bulky coat and gloves kept
getting in the way so she took her parka and gloves off and set them on the
seat next to her sweater. It wasn’t cold enough to wear either. Gretchen knew
she would need them later, though. It took a few minutes to get her snowshoes
strapped on, but eventually she got all the latches secured.

Gretchen
grabbed her coat and gloves and stuffed them into her backpack. John was still
getting everything he needed into his pack as well. After a few minutes, he
slung his pack onto his shoulder with a smile and grabbed her hand. Walking
with the awkward snowshoes strapped to their feet was a little tricky at first.
Gretchen hadn’t used snow shoes in years, and if John ever had, it certainly
wasn't helping him. They stumbled and kicked each other for a while before they
both got the hang of it.

“I love it
up here,” she said as they walked.

“I do to. I
like how peaceful it is in the mountains. Quiet, too,” he said. “I love
catering, but it gets so loud in the kitchen sometimes with everyone rushing
around. I can barely think when it gets like that.”

“How are
your new servers working out?” Gretchen asked.

John
nodded. “They’re doing well. They make the big jobs a lot better. Neither of
them are as good as Jeremy was, but they’ll learn. Jeremy and I were finally
getting things going pretty well before he left for college. I told him he was
welcome to come back and work for me next summer.”

“Well, I’m
glad Ethan and Melissa are making things easier on you,” Gretchen said. Jeremy
was one of Gretchen’s students who had graduated the previous May. He’d been
John’s shadow all summer. Melissa was one of Melanie’s relatives, and been
excited to replace Jeremy when he left for Lac Cruses. Ethan had responded to
an add John put in the paper. Gretchen had only met them a couple of times, but
they seemed nice. Thinking about Melanie’s relatives reminded Gretchen about
something she had been wanting an answer to since Mel’s wedding.

“How come
you never offered Clara a job?” she asked. “She was obviously the best one on
your crew at Mel’s wedding.” Then she looked up at John to catch his reaction.
It was the same one he’d had the first time Gretchen had mentioned hiring
Clara, embarrassed silence.

“What’s the
deal with Clara? You turned bright red the first time I mentioned her. Did
something happen at the wedding?” Mel had made a comment about having her
brother keep an eye on Clara. Gretchen had passed it off as nothing at the
time, but now she wondered. Was there something wrong with her?

John still
hadn’t said anything.

“John?”

“It was
nothing.”

Gretchen
cocked her head to the side in doubt and waited. John fidgeted under her gaze.

“She tried
to come onto me, but I politely told her I wasn't interested,” John said
quickly.

“What? She
came onto you? She’s just a kid. What was she, fifteen maybe?”

“Sixteen,
actually. And that girl was hardly a kid. The way she talked…well her parents
better keep a close eye on her,” John said.

Gretchen
assumed that was why Mel wanted her brother to watch over Clara. He obviously
didn’t do a very good job if Clara felt comfortable enough to try and seduce an
older man in the middle of her aunt’s wedding reception. Gretchen tried to
picture John trying to chase away a determined teenager and couldn’t help but
want to laugh. Although, she also wanted to find Clara and swat the little
twit.

Occasionally,
Gretchen accompanied John on his catering jobs. John was handsome, charming,
and for those who knew his story, mysterious. Gretchen would have been
surprised if women didn’t hit on him. She had seen it happen a couple times,
and watched John always give the same response, polite refusal. He did it with
amazing grace. The spurned woman always walked away smiling. But they were all
adults who wouldn’t dream of embarrassing themselves by making a scene. A
hormonal teenage girl hell-bent on causing trouble wouldn’t have the same
inhibitions.

“Well, I
guess it’s a good thing you didn’t hire her then,” she said.

“Probably,”
John laughed.

They walked
in silence for some time before the trees began to thin. John put his hands on
the straps of the backpack he was carrying and pulled it a little tighter, as
if he were afraid of losing it. They had gone quite a ways already, but John
still looked as excited as when they had first set out.
What on earth is he
up to?
Gretchen wondered.

Glancing
around through the trees, she half expected Desi and Jake to jump out and try
to throw her in the lake. All she saw were the pine boughs dancing in the
breeze with an occasional bird or squirrel disturbing them.

Whatever it
was, John was practically jogging up the trail to get to it. Gretchen had to
step quickly—which wasn't easy in snow shoes—in order to keep up with him. They
reached the end of the trail and turned off onto the path leading to the lake,
and Gretchen hoped that meant getting a break from their fast pace. John
thankfully slowed down some as he took her hand in his, but still obviously
wanted to get to the lake rather than enjoy the scenery. Shaking her head,
Gretchen followed behind and hoped it wasn’t anything too weird. She had no
doubt Desi and Jake were behind this, and they loved weird.

Cresting
the last small hill on the path, the beautiful frozen alpine lake spread out
before them. Its icy serenity was enough to finally slow John to a halt. Huge
drifts of snow gathered around the edges of the valley. The area around the
lake, made to look much smaller by the encroaching snow, was relatively open,
leaving a few places where they could set up their lunch. It was beautiful.

“Wow,” John
said quietly, “this place is amazing.”

They stood
there a while longer before John led Gretchen down the slope to the edge of the
lake. He glanced around the valley and decided on an area that had been
sheltered from a lot of the snowfall by a row of trees. John flattened out the
lumps of snow that had formed and started laying out their lunch. First, an old
blanket he and Gretchen liked to lay on in the backyard, then the dishes and
food. Chicken salad sandwiches on fresh rolls with John’s delicious fruit
salad, which included blueberries, of course. Two of Gretchen’s favorites. She
loved how well he knew her.

John asked
Gretchen about growing up in Colorado as they ate, and whether she ever wanted
to go back, which she still wasn't sure about. That morphed into a conversation
about all the places she’d been hiking as a child and teenager, then settled on
what they wanted to do to the backyard in the spring. They talked about the
future.

It felt
wonderful to Gretchen not to think about school or catering. Even though it had
only been a few short, but grueling months, it felt as though it had been years
since the last time they’d been able to sit down and really relax with each
other. Lying in the pale sun together, Gretchen had no fears. They had already
been through so much, and she was beginning to think that whatever else popped
up, they would be able to survive that, too.

It was a
good feeling.

Rustling
the trees as it came, a cold wind blew across the lake. Gretchen shivered and
huddled closer to John. He wrapped her up in his arms, but she was still cold.
Sitting up, she grabbed her backpack and looked inside for her sweater, but
didn’t see it. She didn’t want to get out her parka yet because its thickness
it got in the way. Sighing, Gretchen put her head back down on John’s chest.

“What’s
wrong?” he asked.

“I think I
left my sweater in the car,” she said.

John’s
muscles tensed, a smile spreading across his lips. Gretchen was cold. How was
that funny? Sometimes she really didn’t get him. That day especially.

“Your
sweater’s in my pack,” he said. “I’ll get it for it you.”

“Oh,”
Gretchen said, “thanks.”

John grabbed
her sweater out of the pack, but didn’t give it to her right away. Holding it
in his hands, he looked down at the sweater as though its threads were
incredibly thought provoking.

“Do you
remember when you asked me if you could have this?” he asked.

“Yeah,”
Gretchen said, “of course.”

“Do you
remember the deal we made?”

She smiled.
“You said I could have your sweater if you could have something of mine. But
you never told me what you wanted.”

“I know
what I want from you now,” John said seriously.

Was that
what the whole trip was about? It seemed odd, since Gretchen really didn’t have
anything with her John would want, but she wanted to at least hear what the
sweater she treasured had cost her.

“What do
you want then?” she asked.

“Your
hand,” he said.

Gretchen’s
nose wrinkled in confusion. “What?”

John
reached into his pocket and took something out, but closed his first around it,
blocking her view. “Your hand in marriage,” he said. Then he opened his hand
and held up a beautiful diamond engagement ring. Gretchen wasn't cold any more.

“Gretchen,
will you marry me?”

Chapter Forty-One

Blueberries and Desire

Gretchen
always froze when she was surprised, so her silence didn’t bother John. Well,
not too much. His heart was racing as he held the ring out to her, waiting for
her to take it. Barely enough time passed for her to take one breath before she
reached out for the ring. It was just a slight touch at first, as if she had to
make sure it was real, but then she took it carefully and slipped it onto her
finger. All without saying a word.

“So, is
that a yes?” John whispered.

Gretchen
snapped out of her trance and looked up at him. “Yes,” she whispered, “of
course it’s a yes. Yes!”

Letting out
a huge sigh of relief, John grabbed Gretchen’s face and kissed her fiercely.
She responded, pulling herself into his lap and kissing him like she had never
done before. The world around John seemed to explode with sounds as every one
of his senses intensified at Gretchen’s touch. His fingers touched her bare
skin, feeling her pulse racing beneath the surface. Her lips tasted like
blueberries and desire. John felt as if he had never truly met Gretchen before
that moment.

When she
pulled away, it was only to smother him in a hug that pushed John back onto the
blanket. He held onto her. He didn’t think he could have let her go even if she
had asked him to. Time swirled around them, but couldn’t actually touch them as
they held each other in the snow.

Rolling so
Gretchen was lying on the blanket beneath him, John stared into her tear-filled
eyes. The edges of his vision tried to blur on him, signaling another memory,
but he pressed his eyes shut and desperately forced it away. Squeezing Gretchen
tightly, John hid his panic from her, hoping she would think his thudding heart
and quick breathing were due purely to her. John’s eyes clouded as the memory
tried to press through his mind. He did
not
want to see that memory.
When one popped up, it was always eerily similar to whatever he was doing at
the moment. Pain sprung up behind his eyes as he held off the memory. That one
had to stay hidden.

Part of
John was dying to see it, but he wouldn’t let the memory woman ruin this moment
for him. Slowly, the pain and blurriness faded. Opening his eyes in relief,
John imprinted Gretchen’s beauty on his mind. Her golden hair, fanned out on
the blanket, created a halo around her angelic face. She was laughing and
crying at the same time, but she didn’t bother to wipe away her tears. So John
did it for her. Brushing his finger against her cheeks, he kissed each of her
eyelids as her tears vanished.

“I love you
so much,” John whispered. “I owe you my life and I promise to spend every
minute of it loving you and making you happy.”

“You
already have,” Gretchen said.

Slowly,
they sat up on the blanket and Gretchen held her ring up to really look at it
in the warm mountain sunlight.

“It’s
beautiful,” she said.

“Desi
helped me pick it out,” John admitted. “I hope you don’t mind.”

“I love
it.”

He had
tried to pick one out on his own, but staring at rows of jewelry had frozen him
like he hadn’t expected. Gretchen didn’t wear a lot of jewelry, the few pieces
she did have were family heirlooms she wore only for special occasions, so
trying to decide between cuts and carats, sets or singles, had quickly
overwhelmed him.

That was
when John called Desi. It took her all of ten minutes to pick out the perfect
ring. The perfect half carat, round diamond in a solitaire setting looked
amazing on Gretchen’s finger. More beautiful, though, was Gretchen’s smile. For
the first time since John had known her, he couldn’t see the lingering pain in
her eyes leftover from Steve’s betrayal.

For the
first time, he really felt as though Gretchen were his to love wholeheartedly.

He had been
planning his proposal since their trip to Albuquerque. That night after they
went swimming, they had walked back to their room together, and the whole time
John had been wondering what she would do. Would she find another reason to
keep them separated, or would she finally trust him enough to give him the
chance to show her how much he loved and respected her? Even as they got ready
for bed, John kept expecting her say she needed to talk to Desi or get
something out of the car.

But she
didn’t. John could still feel his heart beating every time he thought about the
moment he nestled against her and she didn’t pull away from him. That moment
was one John knew he would never forget, but
this
moment dwarfed the
other by miles.

“I can’t
wait to tell my parents,” Gretchen said. “My mom’s going to want to know every
detail. She’s going to want to help plan.” Gretchen groaned. “Maybe I shouldn’t
tell my mom. I could always just call her a couple days before and have her fly
down at the last minute. Then we wouldn’t have to deal with her.”

“What’s so
bad about your mom wanting to help?”

“Ask Millie
about that. Or dad. Or anyone involved in Millie’s wedding,” Gretchen said. “We
were all pretty sure Millie was going to strangle Mom before she actually
walked down the aisle. Mom likes to take over everything and do it her way. If
we don’t start out having any plans, she’ll try to make them all herself.”

Lying down
on his side, John pulled Gretchen down next to him, tangling their legs
together on the blanket. “Then we’ll just have to make some plans, then, won’t
we?” Kissing her gently, John stroked her hair slowly. “When do you want to get
married, Gretchen? I’d vote for tomorrow, but that might just be me.”

Gretchen
ignored his teasing and stared at her ring. “We’re really going to do this,
aren’t we? We’re going to get married,” she whispered. Looking up at him,
Gretchen studied John’s face. “Did you have any idea we would end up here when
you woke up in the hospital?”

“When I
woke up, I had no idea what was going to happen to me, but I knew I wanted to
be with you. Whatever else happened, if you were with me, I was sure things
would turn out all right,” John said.

“I was
scared to death when I first brought you home,” Gretchen said.

John
laughed. She had been the one to talk him into moving in with her. “Why were
you scared? I could barely even move around on my own. Did you think I was
going to hurt you?”

Shaking her
head, she looked down at her hands. She was still touching her ring almost
reverently. “I was afraid of falling in love with you.”

“Really?”
John asked.

“I told
myself over and over again that I was only taking you in because you needed
someone to help you, but I knew it wasn't true. I felt something when I was
with you in the hospital and I wanted to find out what it was,” she said. “I
knew I was just setting myself up to be hurt again, but I couldn’t stop myself
from taking the risk.”

“Well, I’m
glad you did,” John said as he kissed her lips.

She smiled,
and said, “Well,
I’m
just glad you didn’t turn out to be a psychotic
killer. Carl never would have let me live it down if you had been.”

“If I had
been, I don’t think you would have been around to have Carl make fun of you,”
he pointed out.

Gretchen
laughed as she touched her ring. John loved how she couldn’t seem to stop
touching it. It was as if she had to keep reminding herself it was still there.
Didn’t she realize he was the one getting the best end of the deal? All she got
was a sweater, but John got her. And he would never let her go.

“The
beginning of April,” Gretchen said suddenly, “that’s when I want to get
married.”

“April? Why
April?” John asked. He would marry her whenever she wanted him to, but he was
curious about her choice.

“Because it
will be one year after your accident then,” she said. “Dr. Sanchez said that if
you didn’t recover your memory within a year, then you never would. I think we
should wait until the
year’s
up, just to be sure.”

John’s
breath seemed to fail him then. His heart and lungs seized and held him in
their grasp. It took a few seconds to recover, but eventually he managed to
say, “April sounds perfect.”

April. It
was only two and a half months away. If John could stall any more memories from
popping up until April, then there would be no going back. Whatever he
remembered later, he would already be married to Gretchen. She still didn’t
know about the memories. He had considered telling her about them a dozen
times, but now he never would.

If Gretchen
found out he was remembering things about his past, she would never agree to
marry him.