Men and Wives (15 page)

“Well, Mother Found on second thoughts that we made life worth while for her,” said Jermyn the next morning. “Let us hold on to that.”

“We prove that she does the same for us by being here,” said Griselda. “We can't have anything to complain of, clinging to life as we do. That is the real thing to face.”

“Griselda, don't let your woman's courage do too much for you,” said Jermyn.

“I hope she has not inherited that side of Mother,” said Matthew.

“Things skip a generation,” said Rachel.

“Courage does not take much account of other people,” said Matthew.

“All qualities leave victims in their wake,” said Rachel. “Look at truthfulness and justice.”

“The reaction came sure enough,” said Matthew.

“And truthfulness and justice have no reaction,” said Rachel.

“Courage is the best of them,” said Gregory.

“We are very satisfied with Mother,” said Griselda.

“Are you, my darlings? Well, that is very kind, and I think in some ways fair of you,” said Harriet, her voice revealing her presence. “That is a pleasant message from my children to set me off on my day.”

“And, we hope, to bring you to the end of it,” said Jermyn.

“My darling, your hoping it is what will bring me to it.”

“We have one day secure before us,” said Matthew.

“My boy, I must help you to forget it,” said his mother.

“Harriet, your giving the whole of your attention to
your children amounts to throwing up a guest's disadvantages,” said Rachel. “You know you think childlessness a disadvantage.”

“I should certainly be much the poorer for it.”

“Much poorer is dreadful openness,” said Rachel.

“You don't wish you had children, do you?” said Gregory to Rachel.

“I am not sure. People say you never die when you have descendants.”

“That is true,” said Harriet.

“Well, there wasn't much meaning in what you did then, my dear,” said Rachel.

“There is Father's door. Ring the bell for the servants, Matthew,” said Griselda.

“Does Godfrey have all the attendance?” said Rachel. “I did not know that a natural man existed in these days.”

“We are summoning them to prayers,” said Gregory.

“Our servants don't have that extra summons,” said Rachel. “I don't mean we feel they get tired of being summoned; they must get a contempt for you if you consider them: it is contemptible to do things because you are forced to. And why shouldn't they object to being treated differently? They can see we don't consider each other. But Percy is not at his ease reading prayers, and not to be at ease is known to be such an unspeakable thing. I could not bear the girls to lose their respect for their father. I am equally careful about their feelings to both their parents. Besides, we haven't anyone we need pray for, as you must have to pray for Buttermere.”

Godfrey gained his seat with a glance around that seemed to be reassuring, and set to his office without dissipation of energy.

“O Lord, we are gathered together to greet Thee, thankful to Thee from our inmost soul for Thy mercy in averting from us the great ill, with which Thou wast pleased to threaten us. We have entered the valley of the shadow, with her who is nearest to our hearts, and we
emerge with those same hearts filled with gratitude to Thee. Together with one voice we thank Thee, from the highest to the lowest, from myself to the least in my house, equally in Thy sight insomuch as the last is first; and likewise this our dear friend under our roof, to whom we have extended our hospitality in return for—whom Thou didst send to us, to support our steps from darkness. This is our brief word from all our hearts, brief in proportion to their fullness, to the fullness thereof.”

As the family came to the table, Harriet smiled to herself.

“Harriet, my dear, you are better this morning. You are meaning to get on your feet again. You are plucking up spirit,” cried her husband, beginning loudly and letting his voice die away.

“You did make me look a little ridiculous, Godfrey,” said Rachel.

“My dear Rachel, I meant every word I said.”

“I thought you hardly seemed to,” said Rachel.

“Well, Rachel, you are not leaving us to-day, so I hope you don't think you are,” said her host, doing himself definite justice.

“I would never go if it were not for the claims of my own life. I have never had such a full time. A dinner party generally goes by itself. Godfrey, do you prepare your prayers beforehand?”

“Rachel,” said Godfrey, bringing his fist down on the table, “I give you my word that not a thought on the subject passes my mind until the moment when the words fall from my lips.”

“You are not one of those people whose whole life is a prayer then?” said Rachel. “It is not nearly the whole of it.”

“Well, it happens to be one of the things I do,” said Godfrey modestly. “Harriet, try to manage a little more. Make an effort, my dear. You have been under a heavy strain, heavier than you can realise, as great as could befall a mortal woman.”

“Her being mortal was the whole point of it,” said Rachel. “Gregory, you are looking at me with eyes of real affection. I believe I am your favourite of all your old ladies.”

“I declare, Rachel, you are younger than any one of them,” said Godfrey. “Younger in spirit, I mean.”

“I know that was your terrible meaning,” said Rachel. “Here are the two eldest of the others coming up the drive! It must be to inquire for Harriet. How can we make her look as little foolish as possible?”

“I will tell the truth,” said Harriet.

“Oh, no, my dear, I must protest against that,” said her husband.

“I mean, I will say I took something I thought afterwards was harmful.”

“That will do,” said Rachel. “We thought you meant you could not tell a lie. That would be absurd after what you could do yesterday.”

“Show the ladies in, show them in,” said Godfrey to Buttermere, without waiting to be asked. “We have nothing to prevent us from seeing our friends this morning.”

“Now, we already have a reply to our question!” said Agatha, advancing with her hand raised towards Harriet. “We have been in such anxiety about you, that we felt we must come to inquire. And here you are, an answer in yourself!”

“She sounds quite reproachful!” said Geraldine.

“It is providential that Mother is an answer in herself,” said Griselda to Jermyn. “Now perhaps they won't want any other answer.”

“I feel so ashamed of giving everyone such a fright,” said Harriet. “I swallowed something that I thought a moment later was something else, and got a shock, and I am afraid made a fuss. But it turned out that it was nothing.”

“I am sure I should make a fuss in such circumstances,”
said Geraldine. “It seems to me that every quivering string within one would threaten to snap.”

“You must have had some terrible moments,” said Agatha to Godfrey.

“Terrible! That is the word, Mrs. Calkin, terrible. We thought for some moments—well, I won't tell you what we thought. But we had those moments. We lived through them. We have that behind us.”

He put his hand on Harriet's shoulder, and she raised her hand to his.

“You have all had a sad experience for your ages,” said Agatha, looking round.

“Yes, do give us some sympathy,” said Jermyn. “Mother has nearly all of it, and Father any that is left.”

“What was it that she took?” said Geraldine.

“Something marked poisonous, that was happily not poisonous at all,” said Jermyn.

“Oh, what kind of thing?” said Geraldine.

“The sleeping tablet she was right to take, that had got into the wrong bottle,” said Matthew. “She dispenses medicine to the maids. It is quite unnecessary to have such things about again.”

“Quite, in that case,” said Rachel. “Why did you have them, Harriet?”

“The servants can keep anything like that for themselves in future,” said Godfrey.

“Then we shall be quite free from anxiety,” said Rachel. “Nothing marked ‘poisonous' within reach of the family.”

“I admit I am in sympathy with your attitude,” said Geraldine, chuckling in guilty fellow-feeling. “I fear I am a thorough-going conservative at heart.”

“Well, we will not stay,” said Agatha. “We shall carry away much easier minds than we brought with us.”

“It is too kind of you, Mrs. Calkin,” said Godfrey. “We appreciate it from the bottom of our hearts. We are unlike ourselves this morning, but we shall not forget it.”

“I am sure you must be,” said Agatha kindly, as she shook hands.

“You should protest that they are not. That is not at all the way to respond,” said her sister.

Agatha stood with an aspect of practised patience.

“Are you coming in to see us this afternoon?” she said to Gregory.

“Yes, do, my dear,” said Harriet, as Gregory glanced in her direction. “I shall be glad for you to have a change from me.”

“Then I will come to tea, if I may,” said Gregory.

“Harriet, I cannot understand why you feel that Matthew and Jermyn should not give themselves to creative work,” said Rachel. “Think what they will accomplish in their lives, when they can do so much in a few minutes!”

“I am not going to feel it any longer. I will be simply thankful for them and for their gifts.”

“You must have been thankful for those just now,” said Rachel. “I should have been, in your place. I was in my own. But they must not stay and see you losing your personality before their eyes. And, Godfrey, don't stand there, brooding over Geraldine. You should keep your mind on wholesome things. And here is another inquirer coming to probe for the truth! Of course it is well worth probing for. I wonder if people would inquire for me, if I took a tablet from the wrong bottle—do remember it was that—or if they would think it natural to pass away at my age, or a mercy, or a happy release, or all for the best, or anything else that excuses survivors from grief. It is Ernest Bellamy! I should love to have him inquire for me, if any illness now might not be my last. I hope he did not see me looking out of the window, and being reminded of the dream of my youth. He must get so apt at recognising that expression.”

“Now this is the sight of all sights I would choose to see!” said Bellamy in a grave, vibrating tone. “Fate deals with me this morning as I would choose.”

“We are indebted to you, Rector,” said Godfrey. “My poor wife gave us a terrible fright, and herself into the bargain. She didn't get out of it herself. She took what was really a sleeping tablet, that had got into a bottle marked ‘dangerous', and we had some minutes before Dufferin arrived to put us out of our misery. Every moment of that time is imprinted on my brain, and will go down to the grave with me.”

“I hope you are as ashamed of yourself as you ought to be,” said Bellamy to Harriet.

“Yes, I am. I caused great suffering.”

“To yourself as well as to others.”

“Yes. She can feel that nobody went through what she did,” said Rachel.

“Oh, I don't know about that, Rachel,” said Godfrey.

“This is not a case where two people can be one flesh,” said Matthew. “Mother has earned the doubtful distinction of suffering in utter loneliness.”

“Matthew, would you rather have your mother harmed than yourself?” said his father in a tone high from incredulity.

“Of course he would,” said Rachel. “That is the weak point about suicide, that no one feels the worst has happened.”

“Well, well, we are not given the choice,” said Godfrey.

“There would be very little gained by it,” said Matthew.

“I wonder what we should think of anyone who rated himself below anyone else. Just as a matter of theory, I mean,” said Godfrey, having disposed of the subject otherwise with advantage.

“It could never be a matter of anything else,” said Matthew.

“Well, well, I have seen some fine things in my life,” said Godfrey, his eyelids flickering.

“Can you tell us of a single one?” said Rachel.

“Oh, well, they are hardly things one speaks about.”

“If they happened, you would never speak of anything else,” said Griselda.

“Feelings can be too deep for words,” said Godfrey.

“We must never talk again about those we had when Mother's moment came,” said Jermyn.

“I think I have said least about mine,” said Rachel. “Take Mr. Bellamy out to see the horses, Godfrey. There is no need to show any more solicitude for Harriet. Nothing really happened to her at all. A hostess always has a parting gossip with a guest, and she can simply do her duty. Now, Harriet, this is not a thing you can really be apathetic about.”

“It is not much of a matter,” said Harriet.

“It was a matter of life and death.”

“Only my life or death. I made too much of it.”

“You did, if that was your view. We got the impression that you felt quite definitely.”

“I did at the moment, just at the moment,” said Harriet in a dreamy tone.

“My dear, had you any excuse for putting yourself in the limelight, when you should have been throwing up your guests? You owe it to me to explain.”

“I will perhaps tell Gregory some time,” said Harriet, “but perhaps I shall not tell him.”

Rachel looked at her in silence.

“Do you like the idea of Griselda's marrying Ernest Bellamy?”

“I must not dislike what my dear ones do. I have found I must not.”

“No, that is true love,” said Rachel.

“I am not sure,” said Harriet, raising melancholy eyes.

“I am,” said Rachel. “It is so untrue that we can love the sinner and hate the sin.”

Harriet smiled.