Mercy for the Fallen (33 page)

“No?”

“Naw, Eve’ll rebel and run away once she hits the teens, easy.”

“Funny.”

He got up to herd me over to the couch by the shoulders.  “You’re overlooking one major difference between you and Sarah Connor.”

“What’s that?”

“Me.  I’m not about to die in a tragic factory explosion.  I’ll be here for you every step of the way.”

I let him sit me down, but I couldn’t relax, not even when his fingers massaged my shoulders lightly.  “I don’t know if I can trust that,” I replied in all honesty.

“That’s fair,” he allowed.  “But I have no problems trying to prove it to you for the next ten to twenty years if that’s what it takes.”

I didn’t know what to say to that.  I still felt so jumbled inside.  I missed Parker, I missed the life we had together.  Yes, there were feelings for Adam mixed up in there too, but as long as I was still mourning my relationship with Parker, I couldn’t count on myself to make wise decisions where Adam was concerned.  He might pledge to be there for me until the end of days, but every single time I’d counted on him in the past, he’d let me down.  At least, until now.  But how long would this streak last? 

“Let me help you relax.”  His hands continued their slow massaging movements. 

“I’m not doing that,” I murmured, knowing where it was mostly likely headed.

Adam’s chuckle was low and intimate by my ear.  “That’s not what I meant, but I like where your head is at.  I meant, let me give you a burst of Grace.  I know you’ve been burning the candle at both ends lately and your Grace is still…”

“It’s still lower than it should be.”  It was barely there, in fact.  I could still call forth my sword, and I could still see people’s auras, but it was hard to make myself imperceptible without concentrating the whole time.  I could still use my wings, but my stamina was nowhere near where it had been.  And the healing… I couldn’t manage enough Grace to fix a pimple. 

I got aches and pains now, things most people had to endure, but I’d been blissfully immune to since Sam first gifted me with his Grace.  And a headache, a constant headache, from the time I woke up to the time I went to bed.  I’d asked Adam to help me with it a few times, but it always came back. 

“Let me give you a boost.  It’ll make you feel better, I swear.”

“Maybe a little.” 

Adam let go of my shoulders, shifting to lay his hand over my heart.  “Close your eyes.”

“Why?”

“I like to watch your face when it hits you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?  What does my face do?”

“It reminds me of what it looks like when you… you know…” He waggled his eyebrows at me until I clued in.

“Eewh, we are not doing this.”  I shoved his hand away, but he replaced it with a chuckle.

“Relax, I’m just teasing you.  Watching you get all riled up is even better.” 

“Give me your stupid Grace already,” I grumbled.

“God, I love it when you sweet talk me,” he grinned, gathering the Grace beneath his hand.  It hit me in a glorious burst, and I gasped, my cheeks flaming red as I realized he might be right.  It wasn’t a sexual feeling exactly, but I felt warm and tingly and very close to him in that moment.  It wouldn’t take much for it to tip into something more intimate if I wasn’t careful.

The Grace kept flowing, more than he’d given me before and I soaked it up, reveling in the power I’d missed.  “Mmm, that was very nice,” I smiled, falling back against the couch lazily.  I felt strong and whole, better than I had since leaving Midian.  Suddenly, the mark over my heart blazed with heat and I froze, too shocked at the sudden onslaught of pain to do more than make a strangled cough.

“What’s wrong?” Adam demanded, grabbing hold of my shoulders. 

All at once it drained away – all the Grace Adam had given me and more, leaving me panting.  “She took it… Dahlia took the Grace,” I managed to get out after the pain faded to a dull throb. 

“How could she do that?  She’s not even here.”

“We’re linked, remember?” I coughed, my lungs burning like I’d run for miles.  “She can take the Grace whenever she wants.  She must have sensed it somehow when you gave me so much at once.” 

“I am such an idiot…” Adam hopped off the couch, pacing around the room in irritation.  “I should’ve seen this earlier.  That’s why you’ve been weak as a kitten, she’s been sapping your Grace this whole time.  This is fucked up, Mercy.  You can’t live like this.  We need to put an end to it.”

“No,” I insisted, feeling a tad stronger.  “It’s not so bad.  It’s worth it to keep her safe.  I just can’t do some of the things I used to.  I lived this way for twenty-six years before Sam gave me the Grace.” 

“But… this isn’t how you were before, is it?  When you were human?”

I honestly couldn’t remember.  I didn’t used to get headaches all the time, but I’d always had the odd twinge of low back pain from working on my feet for too long, or a hangover from too much rum.  Plenty of people lived with chronic health problems worse than my minor complaints.  “It’s not that big of a deal.  Like I said, it’s a small price to pay to keep her safe.  And you can’t ignore the fact that it’s working, right?  She looks like a normal little girl.”

“I liked her better the old way,” Adam grumbled. 

“She’s still the same girl.”

“She talks more now.”

I suppressed a laugh at that.  “She’s older now.  Besides, I thought you liked girls who talk too much,” I teased.

“I like a girl who
happens
to talk too much, there’s a difference.  I’d like her even better if she let me do something else with that mouth of hers,” he said with a wolfish grin. 

“And on that note, I think I’ll go back to bed.” 

“Want some company?”

“You don’t need to sleep.”

“Exactly.”  He flashed those baby blues at me, and for a split second, I wondered what he’d do if I said yes.  Instead, I took the safer route.

“Goodnight, Adam.” 

“Night, Merce.”

I held it together until I got to the bedroom, my shoulders sagging with fatigue.  Everything hurt, and all I wanted to do was crawl into bed for another two days.  The next morning I didn’t feel much better, but I put on a happy face.  The truth was, I felt even more rundown than I had after Dahlia’s first theft of my Grace. 

It wasn’t only that I couldn’t heal as well, or I couldn’t zip across the room at super speed, I didn’t have the normal resilience of a human my age.  Despite my words the night before, I knew I shouldn’t feel so many aches and pain without doing anything more strenuous than ordering a peanut butter and banana sandwich from room service for Eve. 

Deep inside I felt… wrong.  As though the Grace had changed me, and now I needed it to survive.  The first time she’d stolen it, I’d made a slow but steady recovery thanks to Adam’s Grace, but this time, Dahlia had to have taken more.  Now, each day I felt a smidge worse than the day before. 

I didn’t say a word to Adam or anyone else about it.  What could I do?  So I had less spring in my step, so I popped over the counter painkillers like they were TicTacs – it was a small price to pay.  I kept telling myself that over and over again while we searched for a house, until I stopped being so picky and I agreed with the next one Adam championed.  An eighty year old white farmhouse behind a curtain of trees with four bedrooms and a low basement for Nelo. 

Maybe it was a tad old fashioned, but I didn’t care.  I’d lived for years without stainless steel appliances and central heating; those things seemed more like extravagances than necessities.  The high ceilings and claw foot tub more than made up for the lack of closet space.  I had to admit it surprised me to see Adam pick it out though.  He had such a thing for luxury accommodations, but he promised we could upgrade anything we wanted to, money was no object. 

The best thing about it was the privacy.  Set on a full acre, we were well shielded from the road as well as the neighbors by the trees lining the property. 

With the house vacant and plenty of money to grease the wheels, we had the keys in hand within two weeks, the deed in my fake name, and suddenly there was a whole lot of shopping to do to fill the household. But even the lure of diving into that stack of cash Adam offered wasn’t enough to inspire much enthusiasm for the idea.  Mostly it made me feel tired just thinking about everything that needed doing. 

Eve kept me going, her boundless enthusiasm for everything carrying me through the roughest of days.  She loved her new room with its built in shelves and secret cubbies in the closet and it did make me smile to hear Adam try to talk her out of painting it lime green and purple. 

Nelo settled into the basement, the low ceiling not bothering him at all.  Adam promised him a pimped out crib since he’d been spoiled living with him for so long, and was even talking about putting in a pool out back.  I tried to explain to him that a swimming pool in the Pacific Northwest was a useless extravagance for about five minutes before I gave up and let him do whatever he wanted.  It was easier that way.

One night, about a month after we moved into the place, Adam cornered me in the kitchen.  “You know, one of these days we’re going to have to make some real decisions here,” he said, after I’d tucked Eve into bed. 

“What do you mean?  I told you the kitchen’s fine.  I’m starting to like the yellow now.” 

“About what we are to each other.”

Chapter Thirty-Two

I met his eyes across the room, sucking in a deep breath.  Adam hadn’t pushed me for anything since we’d moved in together.  In the back of my mind I always thought he’d be moving on once we got settled.  Was this going to be the conversation that sent him packing?

“What are we?” I asked, waiting to hear what he had to say before I volunteered anything. 

“You tell me.” 

So, he was pushing me to make a decision.  “Adam…” I began, searching for the right way to explain my frame of mind.

“Fine.”  He waved my words away, drawing his own conclusions from the tone of my voice.  “I’ll keep playing the Uncle Adam role for now, but sooner or later she’s going to figure it out, Merce.”

“I don’t see how.  Adam, I’m trying to minimize the weird in her life right now.  She’ll be starting school soon.  We already have to downplay the fact that we have a demon living with us. I don’t want her to go around telling people her father is an angel.”

“So we’ll talk to her about boundaries.  She’s a smart kid, I’m sure she’ll figure it out.” 

“What exactly do you think we should tell her?”  I couldn’t wait to hear this.

“The truth.  That I’m her father and I’m crazy insane in love with her mother.”

“I’m trying to minimize the crazy insane right now, remember?”

“I’m not joking, Mercy.”

“Neither am I,” I fired back, starting to head for the stairs.  “I’m not in a place to start something with you right now, Adam.”

Adam’s hand shot out to catch mine.  “I think we both know it’s already started.” 

He was right, but I didn’t have the strength to get into it with him.  Maybe someday, but not now.   I took a deep breath, my eyes pleading with him to understand.  “It’s all I can to do get through one day at a time right now.  Even with her Grace suppressed, I can’t help looking over my shoulder, wondering when Luce is going to strike again.  Do you know what that’s doing to my nerves?” 

“Relax.  There’s no way he can find us, and I’m here to take care of it if he does.”

“For how long?  How long until you find some excuse to leave us, like you always do?”

He dropped my hand.  “That’s not fair,” he said, a furrow appearing on his brow.  Maybe it hurt him for me to call him out like that, but it needed to be said. 

“Isn’t it?” 

“I know I made some mistakes.  I can’t go back and change the past, all I can do is say I’m sorry and try to do better in the future.”

“I can’t take that chance.  Not where Eve’s concerned.  It’s okay to have an uncle that comes and goes, it’s not okay for a father to do the same.”

“When are you going to stop making me pay for this?  Jesus, Mercy, what else do I have to do to prove myself to you?  Die?”

“I don’t see why you’re being so melodramatic about this all of a sudden.  Why do we have to decide anything right this minute?  Why can’t we focus on getting her settled in here and see what happens?  Why can’t we keep going the way we are?”

“Because it’s not enough.”

“You said you’d wait as long as it takes.  Did you change your mind already?”  He was proving my point for me. 

“I said it and I meant it.  I just think you’re being stupid about this. For once, can’t you stop overthinking it?  Do you love me?”

I shook my head.  “It’s never been about love, it’s been about commitment.  I’m sorry if my being once bitten twice shy is hard on you.  You have to remember, you’ve had a lot more time to process everything.  I’m still getting used to the idea of being a single parent.”

I could feel the frustration coming off of him in waves.  It was enough to tie my already wobbly stomach in knots.  “Dammit, Mercy, you’re not a single parent,” he said through clenched teeth.  “That’s what I’m trying to tell you.  I want to be with you.  It’s all I’ve wanted since I first met you, for chrissakes.”  He took a step closer, his voice dropping as he regained control of his temper.  “I’ll back off if you tell me to because I’m so crazy about you I’ll go with whatever ridiculous plan you come up with.  But I’m asking you again.  Do you love me?”  His blue eyes blazed, demanding an answer. 

“Yes!  Okay?  I love you.  I have always loved you, even when you’re being the biggest pain in my ass like you are right now.  I…” I didn’t get any further as his mouth closed over mine.  Adam’s kiss was hot and demanding, as if he dared me to deny what was between us.  I’d never doubted the physical connection between us, it touched me on the deepest level; he touched my soul.  But a tiny flare of something else sparked within me, something I’d thought crushed a long time ago.  Hope. 

We were breathing hard as the kiss drew to a close, both of us shaken at the intensity.  The pad of his thumb traced a path along my jaw as he held me close.  “See, it’s as simple as that.”