Merry Christmas, Paige (3 page)

“Dr. Weston.” Through the cobwebs in her mind, Paige heard her name, but she refused to wake. She was so exhausted. Sleep. She needed sleep. A gentle shake forced one eyelid open. No more than a foot away from hers, the cheery, round face of Feleti invaded her space. “We have arrived.” He stepped back.

“Arrived?” Disoriented, a queasy sensation rumbled in the pit of her stomach.

“Yes, ma’am.”

She took a little time to gather her thoughts before climbing out of the vehicle. That’s right. The hospital had rented her a room, but as she glanced around she couldn’t believe her eyes. Instead of a touristy hotel, a secluded cottage stood before her. Light shined from its windows as if it was occupied. She took a step, hesitated before taking another. Her eyes rolled heavenward. This couldn’t be happening.

“Fuck.” She didn’t usually drop the F-bomb, but staying here was not an option. This couldn’t be coincidental. Yet there was no way Dr. Waters could have known she and Nathan had stayed here so many years ago. The vegetation was thicker, but she had no doubt as to where she was. The small cottage perched on a cliffside was the same place she and Nathan had fallen in love. A natural stone path led to the white sandy beach below. From where she stood she could hear the breaks crashing against the shore.

Then again, not everything was the same. Five years ago they’d carved a heart and their initials into a large koa tree that stood out front of the bungalow. The tree was gone now, just like their love.

“Is something wrong, Dr. Weston?”

Her stomach churned, twisting into knots. “There’s been a mistake.”

“No. The message I received specified this address.” He dug in his pocket and retrieved a piece of paper with something scribbled upon it. “Yes. This is it. The key should be beneath the mat. Would you like me to carry your bag?”

“Bag?” She had nearly forgotten the only thing she had with her. Suddenly, a weighted breath pushed from her lungs. She truly had not a thing to her name. “I don’t know how to say this, but it appears that everything I brought with me is in Fiji. That includes money. I can’t pay you for the ride.”

As he reached into the car and retrieved her bag, he chuckled. “No worries. The good doctor took care of that too.”

Of course, the good doctor.

How ungrateful would she be to ask Dr. Waters for different arrangements?

There was nothing she could do but say, “Thank you,” as she accepted her bag. No money. No credit cards. Her stomach growled. No food. Tomorrow she would spend the day locating someplace to wire her money. That is, if she could get someone to give her a ride into town.

This sucked. Tired and emotional, she didn’t know how much more she could take.

“Would you like me to escort you to the door?” Feleti asked.

“No thank you.” She knew the way, but couldn’t quite get her feet to move. When he didn’t immediately drive off, she realized he was waiting for her to go inside. So, with as much courage as she could muster, she walked to the door and bent down. Sure enough, there was a key beneath the mat. Her hands shook as she held the doorknob, inserted the key and twisted. Taking a deep breath, she pushed the door open and stepped inside.

Paige covered her mouth with a palm. Emotion rose to a crescendo that threatened to release the tears welling in her eyes. Everything was exactly how she remembered. The spacious living room designed in island décor with bamboo trim on the couch, chair, coffee table and matching wall unit that housed the television. Even the open kitchen hadn’t changed, down to the single naupaka flower adorning the glass tabletop. White with purplish streaks, the petals formed only half a flower. Like a moth to a flame, she was drawn to the blossom. Her hand trembled as she picked it up and pressed it to her chest. She closed her eyes, unable to face what the flower represented. Loneliness.

As if it were only yesterday, she heard Nathan’s sensual voice caress her ears as he told her the story. “The legend says the naupaka flower represents lovers who were tragically separated by the gods.”

A tear rolled down her cheek with the thought of how their lives paralleled that of the legend. Fatefully divided—never to be together.

Why hadn’t she stayed on that airplane? Why couldn’t she forget and move forward?

Instead Nathan’s words continued to haunt her. “One lover banished to the mountains, the other to the ocean’s sandy beaches to live eternity alone.”

The pain in her chest squeezed, the anguish almost too difficult to bear. Night after night, she went to bed alone, hoping that one day he would come and get her, but he never did.

“Please stop.” The cry came out a whimper. Still holding the flower, she cupped her hands over her ears. She willed the thought of him to vanish, but his cruel words continued, slicing through her like a knife opening wound after wound.

“Only when we unite as lovers will the halves be whole again and joined forever.”

Paige couldn’t take any more. A river of tears burst beneath her closed eyelids. Her legs buckled and she dropped upon her knees. The desperate gulp of air she sucked in caught in her throat. Shudders raked her body. Her chest hurt so badly she felt like she was dying.

“Please, baby, don’t cry.”

She choked on a sob. The voice couldn’t be real—he couldn’t be real. It had to be just a vivid memory. Yet when she opened her eyes and looked over her shoulder Nathan stood in the doorway of the bedroom like he had that summer, the other half of their naupaka flower nestled in his hand.

She fought her tears, but they continued to race down her cheeks. God. This was humiliating. She didn’t want him to see her like this.

He stepped beyond the door and approached. “Like this flower, we belong together.”

Were those unshed tears in his eyes?

He knelt before her and plucked the other half of the flower from her hand. He pressed them together to form a perfect blossom. “See?”

“Why are you here?” Despair almost crippled her. Did he think this was a game? That her feelings could be played with and then tossed aside once again? Seeing him today didn’t change anything. He was married.

God. She was tired. Her shoulders drooped.

“I had to talk to you,” he said.

When he reached for her, she crawled away on her hands and knees like a wounded animal to get away from him. “Don’t touch me,” she snapped. She couldn’t take losing him again. It would kill her.

Paige’s tears raked at Nathan’s heart, but her rejection stung even more. Slowly, he got to his feet. He didn’t dare approach her. The strong exterior she wore at the hospital had crumbled the second she stepped foot into their cottage. Even the air felt brittle and volatile around them.

“Do you know how many times I have visited this cottage, stood on the balcony overlooking the ocean and wondered where you were? What you were doing? So many times I thought of finding you and bringing you back.”

“But you didn’t.” Her words were followed by an eerie silence. He couldn’t escape the helplessness in her eyes that only wavered when she spoke again. “Tell me, Nathan.” Her tears seemed to dry instantly. She swayed getting to her feet. “What’s your secret in letting go and going on with your life?” The bitterness in her tone was unmistakable. “How did you forget everything between us, walk away like we never loved before, because I didn’t forget—couldn’t.” She clenched her teeth. One tear fell and then another one. “Every night I prayed for you to choose me, come for me, but you didn’t.” She paused. “I would have loved and cared for Cami like she was my daughter, but you never gave me the chance.” She took a deep breath and held it, before releasing it in one long stream. Then she shrugged, almost as if she were dismissing him. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”

“Don’t say that. It does matter.” Nathan’s throat swelled with emotion. He had to get her to understand. “I didn’t forget us. Paige, you have to believe me.”

Skepticism showed in the brow she cocked.

Dammit. This wasn’t going as he’d planned. What a dumbfuck he was. Had he really expected her to welcome him with open arms? The thing that disgusted him the most was that Paige was right. Why hadn’t he considered marrying her? He could have worked out a parenting schedule with Sylvia. Hell, that’s what he had been doing the last two months in court.

God, what had he done?

Nathan had never felt so vulnerable, even scared. Clearly they were teetering on a thin line between love and hate. He loved her. She hated him. He kept his distance and chose to sit upon the couch, hoping the position was less intimidating. “Just hear me out. If you want me to leave afterwards, I will.”

With angry swipes of her hands she wiped away the last of her tears and presented him with her back. She walked to the sliding glass doors and stared out into the darkness. What was she thinking?

He didn’t have to wait long to find out.

“There’s nothing to say.” She paused before pivoting on the balls of her feet. “For God’s sake, Nathan, you’re married.” The loathing in her tone was hard to miss.

He pushed to his feet and took one step toward her. “No, I’m not. I mean, I won’t be soon.”

Her eyes widened. “What?”

“My divorce will be final in two days.” He ventured closer. “I couldn’t continue living a lie. I didn’t love Sylvia. You know I never did.” He stepped near enough to touch Paige, but didn’t. “There’s only one woman I’ve ever loved. You.” He set the intertwined naupaka flowers on the table. “Hell, baby, I have an airline ticket to Denver. I thought after the holidays, after the dust settled, I’d come see you and beg you back.”

He watched for a crack in her resistance, but didn’t detect one until she said, “I can’t think clearly.”

“Do you still love me?”

“Love?” He didn’t miss the emptiness in the word or the chill in her blue eyes. “You loved me when you walked away, chose another woman. Do you have any idea what that did to me? What I’ve been through these last five years? I nearly died when you walked out on me. I can’t go through that pain again.”

Shame and regret pounded on Nathan as hard as any man’s fist. “I don’t know what else to say except I’m sorry. I made a mistake.”

She pinned him with a steely glare. “I don’t know if it hurts more that you don’t know what to say or that it took you five years to come to that realization.”

Lord, the woman was relentless and who could blame her. “Give me a chance to make it up to you. Please.”

“I can’t.” Without another word she pulled the sliding glass doors wide and stepped into the darkness.

Sounds of the ocean and the scent of rain filled the room as he stared at her silhouette. She couldn’t be lost to him.

If it was the last thing he did, he would find a way to break through her barrier. He would never stop pursuing her—never.

Chapter Three

Cross-legged, Paige sat on the bed, the telephone in her lap. “Mom, I don’t know what to do.” Her eyes were swollen, her voice nasally from crying. “All flights out of Kauai are cancelled. I’m stuck here.” For how long, she had no idea. “I need to get off this island now.”

“Calm down, honey.”

“Calm down? Mom, that’s not much help,” Susan chimed in on the extension. “Paige, I say kick his ass.” Her feisty younger sister would have an offhanded comment like that.

“Now that won’t solve anything. Hang up the telephone, Susan,” their mother said. “Sweetheart, you’ve been down this road before. You don’t want to go down it again.”

“Do you?” Her sister’s tone softened.

That was the problem. Everything Paige had ever wanted was there for the taking, but what would the cost be? Nathan had betrayed her once. He chose another woman over her. Could she ever trust him?

“Maybe he’s changed. Maybe this time everything will work out for the two of you.”

“Susan, I can’t believe you’re saying that. One minute you want Paige to kick his butt, the next give him a chance.”

“But, Mom, she loves him.”

Her mother released a heavy sigh into the telephone. “I know.”

Holding the receiver with one hand, Paige buried her face in her free palm, more confused now than before. “I’m tired.” She hadn’t slept a wink last night. The cottage haunted her with the ghosts of their time together. Every room held a memory, every memory a reminder of what she had lost. “I think I’ll call the airlines again.” She raised her head and looked around the room. She used to love it here, but now all she could think about was leaving.

“Sweetheart, I’m worried about you.”

“Mom, I’ll be okay. I need a nap, and then maybe I’ll go to the hospital.” At least she would be busy and closer to the airport just in case something opened up. Hell. She’d go to Timbuktu if she had to.

“Do you want me to wire you money?”

“No.” She had made a telephone call to her bank. They were arranging everything through one of the banks here. During one of her night excursions through the cottage she had discovered the refrigerator had been stocked with food, but who could eat? Maybe it would be better if she just hid out in the cottage until the weather cleared.

A knock on the door made her heart skip a beat. She cupped the telephone. “Oh God,” she whispered into the receiver. “I think he’s here. What do I do?”

“Honey, what do you want to do?” her mother asked, while Susan remained unusually quiet.

From out of nowhere, a dam of tears burst. The sudden pain in her chest felt like her heart had been torn asunder. “I want—” Sorrow and grief rose so quickly it stole Paige’s breath. “I want to quit hurting.” Her anguish was so gut-wrenching it bled from the very depths of her soul. She couldn’t speak. When she did, the mask of anger she’d used to cover the truth dissolved. “I want to run into his arms.” She covered her mouth as if she could restrain the flood of emotion spilling out. “I want to forget these last five years.” She sobbed uncontrollably. She pressed a hand to her chest, which heaved with each ragged inhale/exhale. “I-I don’t want to be alone anymore. Mom,” she choked, “I love him. I love him so much that it feels like I’m dying.” Paige’s confession was followed by an unladylike snort.

“Oh, Paige. Sweetheart. Please stop crying,” her mother begged, as she wept right alongside Paige. Even Susan participated in their cry-fest, her sniffles coming over the telephone loud and clear. “Dammit. You should have never gotten off that airplane.”

But she had and for whatever reason fate was taking another shot at her. A tremor raced through her. She struggled to rein in her emotion, to squelch the tears that refused to stop.

“Don’t answer the door.” Susan’s voice quivered. “Pretend you’re not there.”

Like that would work. Paige had no transportation—no money. By now Nathan would know she was stranded. Besides, it was midmorning. Where else would she be?

Another knock, but this time it was harder, louder. “Paige, I know you’re in there.”

She stared out the window at the gray sky and the falling rain. The ocean churned with the same ferocity as the acid in her stomach. “It’s him. He knows I’m here.” Her tears slowed, but not the shudders raking her body. “I need to go.”

“Will you be okay?” Concern raised her mother’s voice.

No, but she said, “Yes.”

“Will you call us?” Susan asked.

“When I can. Bye.” Slowly Paige hung up the telephone and set it aside. Her legs felt leaden as she uncurled them. Wiping at her remaining tears, she got out of bed, catching her reflection in the mirror. Dark circles, swollen eyes. She looked like hell, and there was nothing she could do to hide the fact she’d been crying.

Another knock made her tighten the sash around the soft cotton robe she wore. Ready or not, she had to face the music. Tell Nathan goodbye for the last time.

The floor was cool beneath her bare feet as she made her way through the bedroom into the living room. The naupaka flower lying on the table caught her eye and she paused to look at it. Amazingly, the two parts were still joined.

“Paige, open up. Please. I need to talk to you.”

She briefly closed her eyes and prayed she could get through their encounter and remain whole in the process. It had taken her too many years just to accept that they would never be together. She pressed her hand to the door and knew this was the closest she could ever be to Nathan.

He knocked harder, the door shaking.

Her trembling fingers folded around the doorknob and she twisted.

The minute Nathan saw Paige’s tearstained face, guilt rode him hard. For a moment he didn’t know what to say. “Are you okay?”

The small chuckle she released held no humor. “What do you think?” She held the door only slightly ajar, as though trying to stop him from entering.

Without hesitation, he pushed the door wide, forcing her to step aside so he could enter. “That I’ve betrayed you and hurt you so badly you don’t ever want to see me again.”

“Then why are you here?” She sounded so lost. She pulled the robe around her like a shield.

“Because I love you.” He resisted the urge to reach for her. “You may not believe me, but I dreamt of holding you every night. The last five years have been hell.”

“Nathan, I don’t want to hear this. You have no idea what hell is.” She walked away from him to the sliding glass doors and gazed across the panorama. “What we had is over.”

Please God, don’t let her believe that.

He eased up behind her. He flexed his fingers before placing them on her arms. Carefully, he guided her around so that their eyes met. “No. It isn’t. You know it and I know it.” The anguish in her expression made it difficult for him to continue, but he did. “I’ve wronged you. But, baby, I never stopped loving you.” Every nerve in his body sizzled like they were ready to ignite. He had to make her understand. “Paige, I was torn with the news that I was going to be a father. I should have held my ground. I should have married you.” The tears in her eyes made his mist. “You’re right. We could have had a life together and worked something out with Sylvia, but I didn’t think.” He looked away briefly, ashamed that he hadn’t thought of all the options available. Why hadn’t he seen a way out? “I’ve paid every day for the choice I made. Please don’t make me continue to pay.”

Pain like he had never witnessed hardened her features as she shook out of his hold. “You hurt me.” Her voice cracked. “I don’t know if I can ever trust you again.”

The truth pierced his heart. The foundation of their relationship had been built on trust. Now it was gone. “Do you still love me?” he whispered.

“It’s not that easy.”

A sliver of hope burst through the gray clouds in his mind. She didn’t say no. There was a chance, maybe a thin one, but a chance if he could get her to lower her guard. Then he would love her with every ounce of his being and show her she could trust him.

“It could be,” he said softly. He retrieved the naupaka flower from the table. Returning, he caressed her hand with the blossom. “We can give the legend a happy ending. Take the flower, Paige. Tell me you love me and that you’ll give me the opportunity to prove my love for you.”

Licking her lips, she stared at the flower before turning away. “It doesn’t matter if I love you.”

“Then you do love me?”

She sniffled. Her fists clenched. “Don’t do this to me, Nathan.”

“Paige, all I want is for us to be together. Do you love me?” he repeated firmly.

She nibbled on her lower lip, silent tears racing down her cheeks. “I shouldn’t. God knows I shouldn’t, but I do.”

Inside of Nathan a light of hope illuminated the darkness that he had lived with for five years. His chest tightened to the point it felt like he would burst. He tried to hide the joy that filled him, but it was useless. He opened his arms. “Come here, baby.”

She stared at his arms as if he was inviting her into a trap. It stung to know he had pushed her to this extent, hurt her so badly she hadn’t been able to go on with her life. He was a selfish bastard. She had remained his all these years, while he had attempted to make a life for Cami.

“Come here, baby,” he repeated.

“I can’t.” Yet she took a step toward him.

“I’m so sorry. Give me the opportunity to make things right. Let me make up for the time I have stolen from us. Let me love you, Paige.”

When the breath she held audibly released, her resistance melted too. She nearly flew into his arms, clinging to his neck like she would never let him go. She wept heart-wrenching sobs.

“Please, Paige.” His voice trembled. “Don’t cry.” His eyes stung, his tears joining hers.

She felt so right in his arms, even better than he had remembered. He buried his face into her hair and inhaled the familiar scent of her perfume. Sultry jasmine and something fruity surrounded him like a blanket. “I’ve missed you so much,” he admitted shamelessly. “Every night—every day.”

The need to kiss her was overwhelming. He captured her lips with a hunger that scared him. His lips opened hers and his tongue plunged deep, searching and pushing against hers. She whimpered, the soft sound more of a cry than a moan. She tasted so fucking hot, a fire inside his soul that a mere caress could not extinguish.

“Love you,” he murmured against her lips. Would he ever be able to convince her of the depth of his love? He kissed her frantically. A rough growl left his throat as his mouth slanted across hers again.

His unsteady steps drove her backward, pinning her against the cool glass door. Their bodies pressed together felt amazing.

She mewled, and he captured her mouth with another kiss.

The urge to strip her naked and take her now like he had dreamt of for so many nights was strong. Blood rushed to his groin, the heat shooting all the way to his head. His thoughts whirled. Over and over, he stabbed his tongue in and out of her mouth, while he mimicked the actions with his hips, seeking relief that didn’t come. Instead he grew impossibly harder, his cock pressed angrily against his zipper. The only way to ease the ache would be to make love to her right here, right now.

She gasped, but her cry was muffled by his starving mouth. His lips moved over hers, his tongue skimming her soft palate. When she tugged at his T-shirt, a shiver raced up his back.

She jerked away, breaking their embrace. Her eyes were dark with desire. “I need you, Nathan. Make love to me.”

Briefly, he closed his eyes and tried to hold on to what was left of his control. “I’ve waited a lifetime to hear you say that.”

He took the flower from her hand and placed it on the glass table. When he returned he undid the sash of her robe. Skin like silk met his palms as he smoothed the garment off her shoulders. The air in his lungs caught at the sight of her. To his delight she wore nothing beneath the cover-up.

Firm breasts. Sensuous curves. She was perfection.

Dammit. His hands shook as he reached for her. She came willingly, even eagerly, into his embrace, which made him quiver with excitement. He trailed a path of kisses down her neck into the valley of her breasts. The feminine scent of her skin made him drunk with desire. His arousal intensified as small bumps formed on her areolas. Rapid breathing forced her voluminous breasts to rise and fall, again and again.

“You’re beautiful.” There wasn’t much more to say, but he found himself continuing. “Do you have any idea how much I want you?” His fingertips danced across a nipple that grew taut. He squeezed it between his thumb and forefinger. She trembled in response and arched into his caress.

“Nathan. Please.”

“What do you want, baby?”

“Shirt. Take it off.”

Even if he had wanted to he couldn’t refuse her. He needed her as badly as she appeared to hunger for him. In one swift move he pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it aside to join her robe on the marble floor.

The second he leaned in and their chests touched it felt like fire surged through his veins. She was a living flame lighting the lonely corners of his life these past five years had darkened.

Caressing her neck with his mouth, teeth and tongue, he moved his hands down her back. “You feel so good.” A raspy groan pushed from her lips as his hands glided lower to feel the soft mounds of her ass. “I’ve missed you so much.”

“I need you inside me,” she whispered in his ear. The seduction in her voice made his balls pull tight against his body. “Love me, Nathan.” Desire burned like a candle in her smoky blue eyes. Her heated expression made his cock jerk.

His fingers intertwined with hers. Without a word, he led her toward the bedroom and the bed where they had made love so many times that summer. Rain sliced sideways, driving past the balcony cover to pound against the window. The small gate of the spiral staircase banged back and forth as the wind blew.

With a feather-light touch, he kissed her, before laying her back on the bed and following her down. “I can’t believe you’re here.” When he lowered his head, their gazes locked and her breath caught. The chemistry between them zinged clear to the soles of his feet. “Like the two parts of the naupaka flower we belong together—forever. I’ll never let you go.”