Merry Humbug Christmas (11 page)

On the seventh day of Christmas,

Murphy’s Law gave to me . . .

seven songs a-shrieking,

six teeth a-breaking,

five cold sardiiiines!

four dirty words,

three French friends,

two hearty shoves,

and a Partridge with the first name Keith.

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7

Joss couldn’t deny it. Patrick had been right.

She’d leaned into it, as he suggested, and she ended up

having the time of her life. She’d dragged him onstage with her, and

“C’mon Get Happy” had just been the appetizer as it turned out.

When the next karaoke crooner announced their intention to belt

out a Christmas carol or two, Patrick had offered them twenty dollars to leave the mic in their hands for a second Partridge Family tribute, “I Think I Love You.” Most of the audience had jumped to their feet and joined in.

And for dessert: Patrick’s choice. “When Irish Eyes Are Smiling.”

“You’re so predictable,” she muttered to him before the music

began.

“Hey,” he mugged for the audience. “I’m Irish. What did you

expect?”

She’d just stood back and let him croon most of the song on his

own before joining him—and the rest of the onlookers—in the final verse.

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Merry

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It had turned out to be a really fun non-Christmasy Christmas

evening. Just the way she liked it. Afterward, they decided to “take the long way home,” as Patrick called it, and they strolled around the outside deck. Balmy Pacific breezes caressed Joss’s face, and she turned into them, closing her eyes as they meandered along.

“What a great night,” she said on a sigh. “Better than I ever

expected when I ended up on this boat alone.”

“Alone?” Patrick challenged. “There are about four thousand

people on this barge. You couldn’t be alone if you tried.”

“Well, not alone,” she said. “Without Reese.”

“You miss her?”

Joss chuckled. “So much. It’s strange spending a holiday without

her.”

Patrick offered her his elbow, and she looped it with hers.

“I was thinking. When we dock in Puerto Vallarta, . . . do you

have any interest in going ashore together?”

Joss nodded. “Yes!”

“Have you ever been zip-lining?”

Her heart thumped. “Like hanging from a thin wire, flying

through the trees?”

“That’s the simplified version, yes.”

“No. I never have,” she admitted. “You?”

“Several times in my travels. It’s exhilarating. Want to give it a try?”

She didn’t want to admit her trepidation, so she nodded tenta-

tively. “I think so.”

“There’s a pamphlet in your cabin. Give it a read and let me

know if you’re—”

When he stopped mid-word, Joss looked up to find his attention

had been diverted. Following his line of sight, she noticed Connie Rudolph up ahead of them, alone and leaning on the railing, staring out at the moonlit water.

“Is she crying?” Patrick asked softly.

Upon closer look, Joss was inclined to agree. “I think she is.”

The two of them stepped it up and came to a stop next to Connie.

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“Connie?” Joss said.

She jumped, and once she’d seen them, she turned away, quickly

dabbing her eyes. Joss couldn’t help grinning at the jingle bell music of the action.

“Well, hi there, you two!” she exclaimed, and she pasted on a

brave happy face as she reeled back toward them. “Where have you

been off to?”

“You would never believe it,” Joss replied.

Patrick moved next to Connie and placed an arm around her

shoulder. “Everything all right, love?”

“Oh, I’m fine,” she insisted in that Southern drawl of hers. “I just got to thinkin’ too much, you know?”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Joss asked, stroking her hand.

“You two don’t want to spend Christmas night coddling an old

fool like me,” she told them. “You just go off and have yourselves a good time. I’m just dandy.”

“Connie. Come on,” Joss encouraged her, and Connie sighed.

“It’s my first Christmas alone without Rayburn. I’m just a little blue, that’s all.”

“Rayburn?”

“My husband. He died in August from a massive coronary.” Joss’s

heart fell to her knees and bounced around for a moment. “I haven’t spent Christmas without him since I was nineteen.”

“I’m so sorry.”

Patrick drew her closer and squeezed her shoulders.

“Rayburn loved him some Christmas celebratin’ too,” she said

with a sniffle. “You could always count on him to keep the party

goin’ straight into the New Year.”

Joss realized she’d never actually noticed Connie had spent the

entire cruise without companions—other than the ones who had no

choice, of course.

“You came on this cruise completely alone?” she asked.

Connie nodded. “Just like you, honey.”

Her heart dropped again. No wonder Connie had insinuated

herself into Joss’s personal space the way she had.
She was lonely!

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“Why don’t you walk with us for a bit,” Patrick suggested.

“Oh, no, honey! You two go ahead and be alone. Anybody with

eyes in their head can see there’s a budding romance gettin’ started here. I don’t want to jam up the works. Besides, I hear they have a scrumptious dessert bar set up in the lobby by the Christmas tree, and they’re going to be carolin’ and all. I’m gonna make my way over there in a few minutes anyway.”

“A dessert bar?” Joss perked up and feigned interest, despite the threat of Christmas caroling. “Patrick, let’s go with her! That sounds like fun.”

“Yeah! I’m game,” he said, catching on immediately. “Do you

mind if we tag along, Connie?”

“Mind?” she exclaimed. “No! Of course not! You really want to?”

Joss nodded. “Apparently, you haven’t known me long enough to

know you had me at
dessert bar
.”

Connie giggled and dabbed under her eyes with the side of her

index finger. Patrick stepped between them, offering an arm to each of the ladies in his company.

“I’m so happy I met y’all, I tell ya! Hey, what are y’all doing

when we get to Puerto Vallarta? Do you think you’ll go shoppin’?”

“Oh, get this,” Joss cried. “This nut case wants to go zip-lining!”

“Zip—! You’ve got to be joshin’ me,” she said to Patrick. “Boy,

it’s a good thing you’re pretty because you sure aren’t too smart.”

Patrick and Joss exchanged smiles over Connie’s shoulder.

“You wouldn’t catch me with my feet that far off the ground for

all the tea in Chinatown! Joss, you’re not actually going, are you?”

“I don’t know. I thought I might give it a try.”

“Well, I’ll just hit the shops in town while you do then. You can tell me all about it when I come to visit you in your hospital room.”

“Do you know what he had me doing tonight?” Joss exclaimed.

“Karaoke.”

“Karaoke!” she cried, and then she began to laugh. “Patrick, can

she sing?”

“Weeeeell . . .”

“Hey!”

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AFTER DOCKING, YOU WILL drive approximately forty minutes to a zip-line
circuit consisting of eight different lines. Enjoy breathtaking views from the
interim platforms, and then soar like a bird over canopies of trees, rock formations, and moving water.

The description sounded friendly and peaceful, almost relaxing;

however, once Joss took on all of the gear and stood on that first platform, her pumping heart seemed anything but relaxed.

“You two will go in tandem,” the instructor told them. “Just like we showed you.”

Joss locked on to Patrick’s eyes in the hope of something reassuring. Instead, she found herself engulfed in flames of utter excitement for whatever the adventure held for them.

“Joss, you go first. And Patrick, we’ll latch you in behind her.

The first one is easy, just a warm-up.”

Easy.

“Easy?!” she cried as they barreled across the canyon below, a

hundred feet away from solid ground of any kind.

“Don’t look down,” Patrick called out from behind her. “Keep

your eyes forward for the first few runs.”

Few runs.
Joss had hoped that, after one unnatural, out-of-control flight through the air, they might call it a day.

“Wasn’t it fantastic?” he bellowed once they reached the platform and the guide steered them to a full stop. “Admit it. You loved it!”

“You did great,” the muscular guide reassured her as she tried

to find her land legs again. “The next one is just a little longer and steeper. About eight hundred feet, about a hundred feet high.”

“Oh. Dear.”

“C’mon,” Patrick encouraged her with a beaming smile. “It’s

exhilarating.”

Joss had to admit Patrick’s assessment had been correct; the

runs became more fun and less terrifying as they progressed. With harness, belay gloves, and protective helmet in place, she became a more willing participant with each glide, clutching the steel handle with less desperation each time they soared. By the final glide of Merry Humbug Christmas.indd 85

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Merry

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twenty-seven hundred feet—three hundred feet off the ground—

she hooted and howled right along with Patrick.

Afterward, the two of them trekked to the top of the canyon and

rewarded themselves with a Mexican feast at the restaurant there.

When the shuttle got them back to the pier, they had to run in order to board the ship on time.

“You two look like you had a good time!” Marla Jenkins called

out to them as they passed, and Joss noticed she and the four children with her had taken quite a bit of sun.

“You guys, too! I hope you packed some aloe.”

“We swam with dolphins!” one of the youngest spoke up, and

Joss immediately identified him as one of the jawbreaker victims.

“Did you? I’ve always wanted to do that.”

“You shoulda come,” the boy said as he fell into step beside Joss and Patrick. “We had fun! Did you go someplace fun, too?”

“We did!” she exclaimed. “Do you know what zip-lining means?”

“Uh-uh,” he said, shaking his little blond head.

“It’s where you strap on a harness and wear a helmet,” Patrick

told him, “and they hook you to a cable and send you barreling

through the air over the tops of the trees.”

The boy gasped, wide-eyed, and Patrick grabbed him at the waist

and hurled him into the air over his shoulder. The child descended into a fit of laughing hysterics as Patrick demonstrated to him how it felt to fly.

“That sounds like fun,” he said when Patrick put him onto his feet again. “Can we do that, Mama?”

“Yes, you may,” Marla said from behind them. “When you’re

thirty.”

The boy’s sister stepped up between them and tugged on

Patrick’s hand. “Mister, can I fly now?”

“Becky!” Marla reprimanded. “Don’t bother them.”

Patrick stopped in his tracks and looked down at the girl. “Are

you brave enough to fly, Rebecca?”

She nodded emphatically.

“Are you sure?”

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“I’m sure.”

Without a moment’s hesitation, Patrick whipped the girl over

his shoulder and mimicked the sound of the zip-line as they flew

ahead of the pack. Marla seized the opportunity and nudged Joss.

“He’s adorable, isn’t he?”

“I’m afraid so,” she replied.

“Do you have plans with him tonight?” Marla asked. “We’re all

going to the stocking-making class on the mezzanine. Would you like to join us?”

Even less than I’d like to intern for Santa himself.

“If you can stand that many Jenkins family members in one place,

that is.”

“You’re all going then?”

“From Rod to Ashley, and everyone in between.”

Joss’s pulse quickened. She’d been looking for an opportunity

to socialize a bit with Rodney Jenkins. This might be just the chance she’d need to butter him up before their meeting back in L.A.

“What time?”

“Seven-thirty.”

“What’s at seven-thirty?” Patrick asked as he and Becky made

their way back toward them.