Metanoia (16 page)

Gina wandered through the forest, following
the sound of war cries in the distance. She saw lights from the
torches ahead of her. Suddenly, she was amongst the crowd. It was a
crowd of Übels. Thousands were swarming about her, yet none took
any notice of her presence.

She took in the environment surrounding her,
seeing that she stood in a valley overlooked by a cliff. At the
top, a most horrifying scene played out - her torture. Indeed, Gina
found herself looking at herself tied to the rod on the cliff.
Noquef stood by with a torch. Gina watched herself struggle and for
a second their eyes met, but Gina knew she could do nothing. True
to the real event, the dress was lit. She was watching an event
that had already been acted out. She knew how this particular story
would end, and yet she screamed along with the familiar girl at the
top of the cliff.

The screams quickly woke Gina in a cold
sweat. Leyance still lay asleep next to her, his arm resting upon
her stomach, his heartbeat pulsing against her. Gina looked at him
and sighed. It was just a dream, only a dream.

A sword swung at Gina’s side. Just at the
last minute, she dodged and blocked with her own weapon.

“
Good, nice block,” Gloria
complimented, sword raised. Indeed, Gina was at her training once
again. Kaleb stood not far away, arms crossed, grinning at his
student.

“
Your Majesty,” he began,
“I really do not understand what more we can teach you. You should
be training us.” Gina laughed at this.

“
Yeah, I don’t think so,
but thanks.” She swung at Gloria who in return blocked. Suddenly,
Gina felt her legs gave way. She toppled over, crushing into the
ground. Gloria and Kaleb rushed to her side.

“
Your Highness, are you
alright?” Gloria asked.

“
I’m fine, my knees just
got weak all of the sudden.” She stood shakily. “I’m alright. No
worries.”

“
Well, that is it for
today. Take care,” Kaleb stated.

“
I will, thank you,” Gina
said. She quickly gathered her stuff and headed off.

While meandering down towards the manor, Gina
saw Leyance running up to her. She couldn’t help but smile at him.
She loved him so much.

“
Hello, my love,” he
greeted her, giving her a warm kiss. He then stood back to look at
her. “You know, if it is possible, I believe my wife gets more
beautiful everyday.”

“
You love referring to me
as ‘my wife’ don’t you?” Gina lauged. “I think everyone is getting
tired of hearing ‘my wife’ this and ‘my wife’ that.”

“
Hey, anyone who has been
waiting to marry the one he loves as long as I have would be doing
the same.” He grinned at her, pulled her hair away from her face,
and kissed her lovingly for awhile. Gina pulled away a little to
look at him. She grinned.

“
True, but you think you
would grow out of it or something…”

“
It hasn’t been that long
since we got married,” he laughed.

“
It has been a whole two
months!”

“
Your point?” he asked,
smiling brightly. At this, Fheyrhil could be seen making his way up
to them.

“
Good day, Your Highness,
Leyance,” he greeted them. “Gina, I just received a message from
Kulinai. They helped us during the battle with the Übels all those
many years ago if you remember.”

“
I do. It is one of those
memories I do have.”

“
I thought you remembered
everything,” Leyance said turning to her.

“
I do remember, but a few
memories are still a little hazy,” she replied.

“
And they will be for
awhile,” Fheyrhil put in. “Yet, Kulinai has given word that they
wish to make an official alliance in case of future need. You have
been asked to visit their city.”

“
When are they expecting
me?” Gina wanted to know.

“
In about a week’s time,”
he replied.

“
Alright. Will you make all
the arrangements?”

“
Of course,” Fheyrhil
replied. He turned to leave but called back to them. “Have a nice
day.”

“
Shall we?” Leyance asked,
swinging his arm around for Gina to take.

“
We shall,” she replied
jokingly. With that, they continued to walk down the
path.

Darkness crept over Nythagié. Everyone slept
as night rested like a cool blanket over the city. Suddenly,
flashes from the dream of the night before crossed Gina’s mind. Her
eyes flashed open. Robotically, she sat up. Her entire expression
had changed. Now a stern look presented itself on Gina’s face.
Silently, she looked down at Leyance who slept peacefully next to
her. Without taking her eyes off of him, she reached for her
pillow. Holding it above his head, a malicious smile escaped her
lips. She was going to suffocate him. She was going to kill
Leyance. With plundering force, she drove it down. Everything
occurred in slow motion in her eyes. Picking the pillow up, glaring
at Leyance, pushing it down, and waking up just before it would
have been too late. It was as if she awoke from a trance. She had
been awake before but it hadn’t been her. She looked down at the
still slumbering Leyance, vulnerable and unaware of the danger he
had been in.

What was going on? Why did
I…
but she couldn’t even think about what
she knew she had tried to do. What she knew she had wanted to do.
Tears began to stream down her face. She threw her pillow harshly
in its place and pulled Leyance’s arm off her as if it were simply
part of the sheets. She grabbed the top blanket and wrapped it
around herself. Falling out of bed, Gina began to make her way to
the terrace. As she approached the railing, her legs gave way.
Lying on the ground, Gina gripped the bars as if they were the bars
of a prison cell.

Gina did not go back to bed. Her thoughts
drifted to what she had almost done. Instead, she dressed and went
out to the training field for an early solo exercise session. Gina
trained hard and roughly as if to punish herself. Her trainers were
just in time to see her fall to the ground.

“
Regina!” they shouted,
running over to her. Kaleb lifted her up.

“
I’m fine, I’m fine! Get
off of me!” Gina hollered. Kaleb let go, but, once again, she fell.
Both Kaleb and Gloria lifted her up.

“
Are you having pains in
your legs?” Gloria asked, concerned.

“
No, they don’t hurt. They
just won’t hold me up. I’m fine, really. I just worked too hard. I
probably pulled a muscle,” Gina stated.

“
I do not think it wise to
push further,” Kaleb declared.

“
I’m fine,” she affirmed.
She pulled away and sunk once more to the ground. “Okay, maybe
not.”

“
I agree with Kaleb. No
training today,” Gloria agreed. They helped her up and walked her
over to the path. By then, she was able to walk on her own. She
hurried down the path.

“
Get those legs looked at!”
Kaleb yelled after her, but she did not show any signs of hearing
him. Gina hurried off to the council room. There she found Fheyrhil
and Leyance who were engrossed in conversation.

“
I am very thrilled about
this new alliance with Kulinai. With this, we can be twice as
strong a force against the Übels,” Fheyrhil was saying.

“
And with Gina we will be
undefeatable,” Leyance responded, smiling at her as she walked in.
Almost timidly, she approached Leyance. She just reached him when
her legs gave out yet again causing her to fall into her husband’s
arms. Leyance laughed as he caught her, not worried.

“
No time to become weak in
the knees over me, Gina,” he laughed. “You need to be composed for
visiting Kulinai.” Yet, Fheyrhil took this more
seriously.

“
Regina, are you alright?”
he asked.

“
I’m fine,” she responded,
standing back up. “I need to go get something in my room. I have
got to go, but I’ll see you soon.” With that she ran off. Leyance
shrugged it off, but Fheyrhil watched her go, worried thoughts
racing through his head.

The next day, Gina found herself walking down
the familiar path to her and Leyance’s secret spot. She was still
armed from training. Her sword bounced at her side as she enjoyed
her walk. Her legs had only given out once today. A little way
before her, Gina saw a wild white horse getting a drink of water
from the pond. At this sight, darkness crept over Gina’s eyes. She
stared at the horse with so much malice in her eyes that chills ran
up her spine. Without thinking, she reached for her bow, strung an
arrow and fired. The horse reared up as the searing pain dove into
its body, causing it to crash to the ground. Its snow white body
was now forever stained with red. At this instant, the darkness
faded from Gina, and she realized what she had just done. She knew
she had been in the same trance she had been in before. Fear swept
over her as she ran to the horse. Tears were streaming down her
face as she tried to help the dying animal. It looked at her with
pure terror in its eyes and struggled to get out of her grasp.

“
NO!” she cried. “Oh my
God! No! No…I…oh God, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry – I didn’t mean to –
what’s happening to me?! Oh my God – what have I done? No, please,
forgive me!!! Don’t die, please, you have to live – I can’t be a… I
just can’t!” But she knew it was no use. As she held the bloody
animal in her arms, its fitful spasms ceased. It was dead. She
screamed and held the animal close to her. The arrow still
protruded from its heart. She ripped it out violently and broke the
arrow in half in her rage. Ferociously, she threw the arrow’s
pieces in a brush while crawling over to the water. She saw her
reflection in the crystal surface. It was the reflection of a
murderer, a heartless killer. The tears had stopped flowing, but
now Gina shook violently. As calmly as she could, she tried to wash
off the blood that now was all over her. Yet the sight of her
reflection was too much, and she hit the water’s surface so the
image was lost to the ripples. She couldn’t look at her face
anymore. She didn’t know if she would ever be able to
again.

Suddenly, Gina heard a familiar voice.

“
Gina! Are you over here?”
It was Leyance. Quickly, Gina grabbed her belongings and ran into
the brush just as Leyance entered the clearing. He spotted the
horse and ran over to it, knowing he was too late.

“
Oh, God.” He bowed his
head and when it was lifted again, a surge of urgency could be
clearly seen in it. Leyance rose and ran off down the path. He was
no doubt in search of Fheyrhil, but Gina did not move. Her body no
longer obeyed her.

A few nights later, Gina sat on her bed,
knees pulled tightly to her chest. The shock of that afternoon was
definitely paying its toll. Leyance came up to the bed and crawled
over it until he sat right behind Gina. He started to rub her
shoulders lovingly as he talked.

“
Are you sure you are
alright, Gina?”

“
I’m fine.”

“
It’s just that you’ve been
acting so strange lately. I’ve heard you crying at night, too.
Look, whatever it is I can help you through it. That’s why I’m
here. I’ll love you no matter what.” With this, she spun around and
grabbed his wrists.

“
Nothing is wrong with me!”
she snapped.

“
I’m sorry. I didn’t mean
to get you upset.” Leyance seemed frightened by this new
aggression, but it was Gina who quickly pulled away.

“
No, I’m sorry. I don’t
know why I acted like that.” She turned to hug Leyance but was
interrupted by a knock at the door.

“
Come in,” Leyance called.
Fheyrhil entered the room. He looked most aggrieved.

“
I am sorry to disturb you
both,” he began, “but I carry distressing news.”

“
What’s wrong?” Gina
asked.

“
I have been receiving many
messages that animals have been found all over the city –
slaughtered.” With the last word, Gina screamed in her heart. It
shook her soul to hear that one word.

“
Slaughtered?” Leyance
asked, making Gina jump again. “Like the horse I found the other
day? I just don’t understand. No one would do this!”

“
It does seem to be a
complete mystery,” Fheyrhil agreed. “Gina.” She jumped at the sound
of her name. “Do you have any light to shed on the
subject?”

“
No,” she replied, shakily.
Fheyrhil eyed her strangely, but then turned to leave.

“
Alright. Look into it and
let me know if any vital information surfaces.” He walked out. Gina
watched him go and looked to Leyance. He started to walk over to
her but she dodged his reach and ran out the door.

“
Gina? Where are you going?
Gina!” he called, but it was no use. She was gone.

Gina ran through the halls of the manor, down
the steps, and out to the meadow next to where she trained every
morning. Once in the grass, her legs gave out, and she fell, tears
streaming down her face.

“
Please…it couldn’t have
been me! I’m not…Oh, God, please!” She buried her face in her arms
and sobbed.

The next day, Gina returned to the room only
to pack for her trip to Kulinai. She spoke to no one. Once she and
her escorts were ready to leave, Leyance came down to wish her
luck. He hoped that she was alright.