Mia Found (Starting Fires Book 3) (39 page)

“
Oregon.”

I dropped the papers. “Oregon?”

“
I know,” Paul said, sitting down beside me. “It’s a long way away.”

“
Yeah. It’s Oregon. As in the Pacific Northwest Oregon. We’d never see each other.”

Paul took my hand. “It would be hard. Much harder than it is now, but this job could be perfect for you. Think about it. Look at it. You’ve dreamed about this. Take me out of the picture.”

How was I supposed to do that?

“
Yeah, all right,” I said.

But as Paul loaded all of my suitcases into the rental car, I stared at the application. The paper felt like it was burning my hands.

Instead of stuffing it into my purse, I walked over to his trashcan and tossed it in.

CHAPTER FORTY-NINE

I’D BEEN HOME FOR little more than a day when my phone rang. The call came from the hospital. Gladys had been brought in via ambulance and I was her emergency contact.

Me.

As I drove, I tried to remember if Gladys had ever mentioned anyone in her life. There’d never been men or women. She’d never said anything about children. It was like a light bulb went off. Gladys was all alone. I’d never known. How sure and comfortable she must have been in her own skin. She’d never acted lonely. She’d never begged for companionship. She was just Gladys. And suddenly what that meant was a great mystery.

The nurse told me to sit in the waiting room and fill out paperwork. I was a complete waste, knowing only the basics about her personal life. I learned that Gladys had been in a car accident, but they didn’t anticipate any serious problems and she would be out of surgery within the hour.

While I waited, I texted Paul.
Gladys was in a car accident. At the hospital now.

Oh, no!
he said.
Let me know if I can help in anyway.

I smiled down at my phone, but knew there wasn’t much he could do—not from where he was—but it was nice to see his words.

Hospitals reminded me of death. Of tears and weak hugs. My grandmother had passed in this exact hospital after a long battle with lung cancer. If I closed my eyes, I could still remember the path to her room from where I was. Turning corners, a ride in an elevator. The white desk with the red flowers. Her room back in the corner. Antiseptic and gardenias.

Feeling the tears well, I shook out of the memory and focused on Paul instead.

Our goodbye had been bittersweet. We made promises to see each other soon, and he’d kissed me long and hard, waiting with me as long as he could. He stood where I could see him until I cleared security and was forced to move on.

“
Miss Burns?” a nurse asked.

“
Yes, ma’am. That’s me.”

“
Gladys is back in her room if you’d like to see her.”

“
Thank you.” I gathered my things and followed her.

A white bandage was wrapped around Gladys’s head, covering one eye. Her arms looked bruised and her leg was in a cast, but the soft rise and fall of her chest was hopeful.

Feeling a little uncomfortable, I sat at her bed and held her hand. I’d never considered Gladys and I close. She was my boss and had been for years. While I watched her sleep, I thought about the times she’d called me into her office and given advice. She’d always let me leave early, come in late, or take days off. Gladys always knew when I was sad or needed uplifting. And in my head, I’d called her a wacko or crazy. Squeezing her hand, I leaned in and whispered, “I’m here, Gladys. Your Mia is here.”

The doctor told me that she would be fine. After a few weeks of recovery and physical therapy, she’d be free to leave. She’d be in a cast for a while, but he didn’t anticipate any permanent damage.

I stayed in the room until she woke and her uncovered eye smiled up at me. “Your aura is muted, darling,” was the first thing she said. “Have you been worried about me?”

“
No,” I smiled. “I knew you’d be fine.”

“
Thank goodness for you. My brother lives somewhere in Memphis. I don’t even know how to reach him.”

“
It’s no problem. Is there something I can get for you? Clothes? Things from your house?”

Her eye welled and she looked away from me. “Yes, that would be great. Thank you.”

I retrieved her house key and went to leave. “I don’t know what I’d do without you, Mia,” she whispered and I knew. Telling Gladys that I was quitting wouldn’t be happening until she recovered.

The next few days were spent helping Gladys the best I could. With her in the hospital, I opened and closed Faeries and Moonbeams every day. At night, I went to Savage Noble and helped the stressed, over-worked bartenders. Hank had become a staple of sorts and it had done the trick. Most of the riff-raff associated with Cowboy’s didn’t hang around to listen to his soulful music.

Only a few days had passed since I’d been home. With Paul’s vacation the workload on his return was immense and every night he called me barely able to stifle his yawns.

He asked the same question every time we spoke. “Did you look into Oregon?”

I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I hadn’t and never had any intention of looking into Oregon. Instead I’d say, “I’m still thinking it over.”

“
Try not to take too long,” he’d say. “A position like that will fill quickly.”

I wished it would go ahead and be filled so the option was off the table. I saw the appeal to it. I knew that it was a dream come true, but my heart was with Paul. I couldn’t stand the idea of living across the country and seeing him only every few months. It was hard enough now. What would two thousand more miles do to me?

On Thursday night he didn’t call. He didn’t call on Friday either. My attempts went to voicemail and he didn’t respond to any of my messages. I was beginning to worry and considered calling him at the office, but pushed that neediness aside.

That was why on Saturday afternoon, after I’d close shop at Faeries and Moonbeams and raced home to change before heading to the bar, my heart leapt clear out of my chest when I saw Paul sitting on the stairs in front of my apartment.

His smile was soft and I raced towards him, jumping into his arms. “Paul! Oh my goodness. What are you doing here? I didn’t expect to see you for at least another few weeks. This is amazing.”

Paul gave me a tight squeeze. “There’s something we need to talk about,” he said and it was then that I noticed he didn’t have any bags.

“
Are you just here for the day? Where are your things?”

“
Let’s go inside,” he said, taking my hand.

I led him to my second floor apartment, feeling a little embarrassed by its size and clutter. “If I’d known you were coming, I would have tidied up a bit,” I said, grabbing clothes from the floor as I went.

“
It’s all right, Mia,” he said, hovering by the doorway.

I turned towards him and smiled. “I can’t believe you’re here,” I said. “How did this happen?”

Paul walked over to me and brushed his fingers through my hair, tucking it behind my ear. He smiled softly and gave me a gentle kiss on the mouth. “Did you contact Oregon?”

“
Wh–what?
That’s
why you’re here?”

“
Did you?”

“
No, Paul,” I said, jerking away from him. “Why are you so obsessed with me moving to Oregon? Why do you want that for us?”

I retreated to my bedroom, not having any reason to go there, but needing to be away from this stupid conversation. Paul was in my apartment for the first time and we were talking about Oregon.

“
I don’t want
that for
us
, Mia,” he said, following after me. “I want that for
you
.”

“
What do you mean?”

“
You’ve been searching for a job for months. You’re working long hours at two places that make you miserable. Admit it, they do.”

Instead of agreeing with him, I crossed my arms over my chest, narrowing my eyes.

“
Why don’t you want to take this chance? I found the application in my trashcan. I knew you weren’t going to apply. But Mia…why? This job could be wonderful. You have so much ahead of you and you’re wasting it here. For what?”

“
For you! Because I want to be near you! Because you up and left and flew off to Florida without even considering me. So now
I’m
the one who has to find some way to get us back together again. Because you’re stupid and insensitive and don’t care about anyone but yourself!”

“
That’s not how it is! You know that. I fucked up with Florida and every day I regret it, but I can’t sit by and let you waste this time for me. It could still work in Oregon. I could still see you. We could still be together.”

“
No, we can’t,” I said, tears beginning to form. “I hardly see you now. There are days, Paul,
whole days
, that I don’t even speak to you. It’s because you’re over there and you have this whole life that has nothing to do with me. It has to do with Liza and God knows who else. What will happen when I have a whole other life too? When there is nothing to remind me of you? I love you and there is
no way
I’m going to Oregon.”

Paul’s face went slack as though he was disappointed maybe even heartbroken by my response. He took a breath and looked down to his feet. “I love you, too, but I can’t let you squander this for me. You have so much potential but I’m chaining you here. Forcing you to narrow your horizons to one tiny, little place on this Earth. You’re settling. I can’t let you do that. You aren’t meant to stay here, Mia, and if me being in your life is what’s keeping you from moving on, then I need to go.”

It was like someone just smacked my head into a wall. My brain suddenly felt fuzzy and rattled. “Wh–what are you saying?”

“
I’m saying…” Paul took another breath and clinched his fist. When he looked up, his eyes were watering. “I’m saying that we need to break up. That you need to make the best decision for you and take me out of the picture.”

A sob tore out of my chest. “You don’t mean that,” I said. “You don’t mean that!”

“
Mia…I–” He paused, searching for something to say.
Take it back, Paul.

“
Mia. I’m sorry.”

And just like that, Paul left me standing in my room watching him go.

CHAPTER FIFTY

I HATED LOVE, I decided. I hated it. What had love done to me? It had ignored me, made me fall in love with it, left me to move states away, made me miss its absence, and then left me all over again.

Paul, my Paul, had left me. He’d looked me in the eye and told me that we couldn’t be together anymore. I don’t care what his reasons were. I don’t care if he was doing me a favor. I don’t care if he thought it was for my betterment. Paul left me.

I don’t know how many days I cried, only that after a while I stopped counting. I don’t know how many people called to see if I was all right, only that I stopped answering the phone. I don’t know how I functioned from day to day, only that now I had one job instead of two. Tanya had told me a few days ago that my depressing mood was bad for the atmosphere and she was looking to go in a different direction.

Hank had noticed my sullenness and attempted to lighten my spirits by taking me to a 24 hour diner after my last shift. All I remember about the experience was that I cried uncontrollably and spilled my heart out to him. I’d found myself wanting Hank to console me, but instead he dropped some money on the table, said, “Sorry…this might be a little more than I can handle,” and left. I’d cried some more, not even caring that the wait staff and customers eyed me.

Marlowe attempted to get me out of my funk but I wasn’t letting her. I wanted to feel the pain. I wanted to let it wash over me. If the pain left what if my love for Paul left with it?