Mia's Heart (The Paradise Diaries) (24 page)

“Mia,
that’s not what I meant.  That wasn’t your fault at all.  It was
Nate’s fault.  And if you hadn’t fallen for Vincent, they would have just found
another way into our circle.  I just meant that you aren’t yourself. 
Now isn’t a good time for you to make rash decisions.”

“But
I haven’t made any decisions,” I point out.  “None. And I think that’s
really why you are mad.  You thought I would just fall into your arms and
that would be that.”

“Well,
that would certainly have made things easier,” he says wryly.  “But you’re
far too stubborn for that.”

“No,
I’m not,” I insist. 

“Yes,
you are,” he nods.  But at least he’s smiling now. 

And
then suddenly….something about his smile, or the light hitting his face, or the
way he’s looking at me, or something that I can’t put my finger on…
something
triggers my messed up mind. 

There
is a weird sort of flicker in my thoughts, like a blur. 

Everything
sort of swirls together in a huge chaotic mess of colors and lights and
words. 

And
then everything comes crashing down. 

I
remember everything. 

Everything. 

I
remember diving with Gavin, I remember being friends with him since
preschool.  I remember meeting Reece for the first time. I remember
lashing out at my parents. I remember all of the black gothic clothing I
wore.  I remember my car.  I remember countless charity events at the
Old Palace.  I remember going to school. 

I
remember everything.

“I
remember,” I murmur.  

And
I sink to my knees because the suddenness of it, the enormity of it, is
overwhelming. I actually feel nauseas.   

“You
remember?” Gavin asks and he is concerned now as he bends next to me. 
“How?  Are you alright?”

I
don’t know.  I feel like throwing up.  And I don’t know why.

I
rock back and forth on my heels as I focus on my thoughts, on all of the faces
in my thoughts.  Of Elena- and how she is the world’s biggest bitch and
how could I forget that?  I remember Reecie and Dante and Nate and
Vincent.

Oh
My God.   Vincent.  I remember Vincent. And Gavin is
right.  I used very poor judgment with Vince.  But how in the world
could I have known better?  He was hiding who he was from me.  That
wasn’t my fault.

And
I remember Gavin. 

I
stare at him now.  At his handsome face and his white smile. But now, all
of a sudden, I don’t see him as a heart-stoppingly sexy guy. I see him as my
good friend.  That is immediate and apparent.  He is and always will
be my friend.  It’s like my heart turned a complete one-eighty.  I
can’t help how I feel.  And just like I was afraid of, my memories have
changed everything.

Gavin
stares back. 

“Do
you remember me?” he asks quietly. 

I
nod. 

And
his expression falls.

“Hey,”
Quinn yells from the stable door. “Mia!  Are you okay?”

My
head snaps up and my eyes meet his. 

And
he rushes toward me. 

But
Gavin stands up and all of a sudden, his frustration with the situation has a
target.  A target who doesn’t deserve it, but is a target nonetheless. 

Quinn.

Gavin
rushes at him with an aggression that I’ve never seen in him.  Quinn
startles as he realizes what is going on and then he does the only thing he can
do.

He
defends himself.  He braces himself for impact.

Gavin
plows into him and slams him to the ground.

Quinn’s
head whips back and I hear it crash into the ground with a sickening
thud.  My stomach clenches at the sound.  He hits hard.  And
then Gavin punches him.  Hard.  I can hear his knuckles smash into
Quinn’s cheek. 

And
then Quinn roars like a lion. 

He
throws Gavin off, and Gavin tries to come back for more. Quinn is able to hold
him at bay.

“You
don’t want to do that,” Quinn says.  I think he’s pretty calm, considering
the situation.  His lip is split and it is bleeding.  And I know he’s
holding back.  He’s not thrashing Gavin the way he could. 

“You
don’t know what I want,” Gavin snaps.

“Oh,
I do know,” Quinn says.  “And I’m sorry that you can’t have her.”

And
then Gavin punches at him again. But this time, Quinn catches his fist in his
large hand and squeezes, forcing Gavin away.  But Gavin won’t give
up.  He brings his knee up and slams it into Quinn’s gut.  I hear the
air whoosh out.

And
suddenly, Quinn has had enough.

He
punches Gavin.  Hard.  In the face.

Gavin
flies backward into the dirt.  And he lays there, still. 

I
find my wits now and rush to him.

“Are
you alright?” I shake his shoulder.  He’s dazed, but he opens his
eyes.  “Gavin, are you okay?”

I
am panicked now.  Blood seems to be everywhere.  His hand is
bleeding, his nose. I twist around and see that Quinn’s face is streaming
blood, too. 

This
can’t be happening.

OhMyGod.

“Gavin?”
I say, and my voice is shaky.  “Can you hear me?”

He
actually smiles for a second, but then he turns serious. 

“Of
course I can hear you.  I’m not deaf.”

He
pushes me off of him and he gets to his feet. 

He
stares down at me. 

“This
isn’t the right decision, Mia,” he tells me. And then he walks away before I
can even answer. 

Quinn
takes a step and offers me his hand.

“Are
you okay?” he asks me. And I have to laugh at that.  He’s got blood
streaming everywhere and he’s asking me if I’m okay. 

“I’m
fine,” I tell him. “How about you?”

He
touches his cheek gingerly and I see that his hand is swollen already.  I
start to grab it, but restrain myself.  I don’t want to cause him more
pain.

“Oh
my god, I think your hand might be broken,” I tell him worriedly.  He
nods. 

“I’m
pretty sure it is.  Don’t worry about it.  It won’t be the first
time.”

I
stare at him. 

“Do
you get in fights often?”

He
grins his crooked grin. 

“Did
I forget to mention that’s one of the things Americans like to do?”

“You
like to get into fights?” I’m incredulous.  He smiles, then shakes his
head. 

“I’m
kidding.  But I do live in a small rural town.  There’s not much to
do, so the majority of us have gotten into a fight or two.  What I really
meant was that I’ve broken a few bones playing football.  It’s okay. 
I’ll heal.”

“You
need ice,” I tell him as I grab his arm and spin him toward the house. 
I’m not sure how I know this, but it seems logical. 

He
stops. 

“Are
you okay?” he asks me quietly.  “I heard you.  Your memories are
back.  Do you need to go see a doctor, or…”

I
stare at him in utter disbelief.  He’s dripping blood and he’s worried
that I’m the one who needs a doctor?  I mention the ridiculousness of this
to him and he smiles. 

“I’m
sorry.  I don’t have any experience with this whole amnesia thing. 
It just makes sense that you would need to see your doctor.”

I
shrug.  “Maybe I do, but not as much as you do right now.”  

“I’m
fine,” he insists.  And as he does, he wipes the blood from his lip. 
I shake my head. 

“You
aren’t fine,” I tell him. 

He
ignores that.  “What was that even about?” he asks.  “What set Gavin
off like that?”

I
pause.  I don’t have a great answer. 

“I…
um.  I think that Gavin has tried a very long time to be everything that
everyone needs—the perfect son, the perfect friend.  He tries very hard to
be laid back and easy going.  And when I lost my memory, I think he saw an
opportunity to be part of a relationship with someone who understands what it
is like to be with someone like him--- we have the same social pressures. 
But tonight, he knew that wasn’t going to happen. And I think that everything
just sort of exploded for him.  All of his pent up frustrations and
whatnot. It didn’t have anything to do with you.  Don’t take it
personally, although I know that’s hard.”

Quinn
nods, but before he can say anything, I hear voices. 

I
turn to find Dante and Reece running toward us.

“What
happened?” Reece breathes as she skids to a stop next to us.  “Oh my gosh,
Quinn! What the hell?  We saw Gavin leave and he was bloody. And you’re
bloody….” She trails off and stares.  “Holy monkeys.  You got into a
fight.”

“Are
you alright?” Dante asks quietly.  He’s glancing over Quinn, at his split
lip and swollen hand.  I see now that Quinn’s eye is a bit swollen
too.  I gulp. 

Quinn
nods.  “I’m fine, guys.  I’ve had worse than this after a game. 
Trust me.”

Reece
narrows her eyes.  “What were you fighting about?”  And then she
looks at me.  I exhale shakily.  I’m still feeling nauseas. 

“I
remember everything,” I tell her.  “Gavin was upset because I was riding
Titan with Quinn and for some reason, something triggered my memories and they
all came back.  And now I think I’m going to throw up.”

And
I do. I barely have time to turn away before I am dropping to my knees and
puking my guts up.

I
hear movement behind me and Reece holding my hair back.  She pats my back.
But it’s Quinn’s voice that murmurs to me that it’s going to be okay. 

I
glance back and find that it is Quinn comforting me.  Reece is standing a
short distance away, looking for all the world like she wants to shove him out
of the way and kneel next to me, but she doesn’t.  She lets Quinn do it.

Another
wave of nausea floods through me and I throw up again.  And then I’m
okay.  I sit still for a second, then I wipe my mouth and turn
around. 

I
try to stand up, but my knees are weak.  I feel shaky. 

And
I grab onto Quinn’s strong arm.

Instead
of helping me up, he just scoops me into his arms. 

He
carries me the entire way to the house, up the stairs, down the hall and into
my bedroom.  My mother’s face is shocked as we pass her in the foyer, and
she follows behind with Reece and Dante.

Quinn
sets me on the bed. 

“You’re
going to be fine,” he tells me.  And I’m not sure if he is comforting me
or giving me a directive.  But I nod.  Either way, he’s right.

I’ll
be fine. 

I
know that now.

Chapter Twenty
One

Reece
sits with me for the entire first twenty-four hours.  My mother takes the
doctor’s order to rest to heart and refuses to let me leave my bed, so my friends
come to me.  Dante comes to play chess. Quinn comes to chat and bring me
coffee.  Reece is always here.  We look at fashion magazines, do our
nails and she flat-irons my hair. 

Gavin
doesn’t come.

I
try not to let this hurt.  Reece texted him and told him that I’m alright,
that my memories have all returned.  She relayed what the doctor told us…
that my brain has now made a full recovery.  She joked with him that I’m
still not right in the head, but I’m as right as I ever was. 

He
replied that he’s glad I’m okay.

That
was it.

And
that really hurts. 

But
I have to try and look at it from his point of view.  And when I do that,
I feel really sad.  Because he was right.  It would have been very
convenient if we’d have gotten together.  And I think his feelings really
did change toward me after the accident.  I think that New Mia was
exciting for him.  It was like meeting someone new, yet someone who was
familiar and safe.  Just like I felt about him. 

Felt. 

Past
tense.

Because
those fluttery feelings that I had for both Quinn and Gavin are gone.  And
they are solely focused on Quinn alone now.  Of that, I am certain. 

Everything
Quinn does sends my heart into a tail spin.  My hormones burst into flame
whenever he is near.  My heart has clearly decided.  But I haven’t
told Quinn yet.  I’m trying not to be impetuous.  New Mia has turned
over a new leaf.

“So,”
Reece says as she hands me a hot pink shirt.  “New Mia is sticking
around?”

She
is trying to hide her surprise, I can tell.  She was amazed when I told
her that I don’t need to go shopping to replace my new wardrobe with another
new wardrobe consisting solely of black.

I
nod.  “New Mia is here to stay, with bits of Old Mia thrown in.  Old
Mia was trying too hard to prove a few points and all she did was piss people
off.  New Mia has had some revelations.”