Mia's Heart (The Paradise Diaries) (8 page)

“Jail,”
Gavin confirms.  “He’s eighteen, so he is being tried as an adult. 
The whole thing isn’t over…these court cases usually go on forever.  But
he’s in jail for the duration and I can guess that he will be there forever. 
You can’t try to assassinate the prime minister and not pay the consequences.”

“And
I brought that guy into our lives?  So it was my fault?”

I
am horrified at this notion, even though I don’t remember Dante or his father
or our lives right now.  Gavin shakes his head.

“No. 
You didn’t bring him into our lives.  Another one of our friends, Nate
Gerraris, did.  His father used to be Dante’s father’s Deputy Prime
Minister.  It was all a plot by Nate to try and get his father promoted to
Dimitri’s job.  You were collateral damage.  They used you to get
close to Dante.”  He stares at me.  “Are you okay?”

I’m
not sure.

“Does
Dante hate me?” I whisper.  I don’t remember Dante, but I certainly don’t
want one of my good friends to hate me.  And my freaking emotions are
going to be the death of me today.  Only a lunatic would be paranoid that
a friend that she can’t even remember hates her.  I’m not in love with
myself right now. That much is true.

Gavin
grabs my arm and guides me to a bench nearby. 

“Of
course he doesn’t hate you,” he says firmly as we sit.  The wood is hard
beneath my thighs, but I welcome it.  It’s a nice distraction from the
confused mess that my brain has become.  

“I
know you don’t remember him right now. Or me, either,” Gavin continues. “But I
know that you will.  One of these days.  And until then, just take my
word for it when I say that we are your real friends.  We have been
friends since we were toddlers.  No one understands us like we understand
each other.  Dante would never be mad at you for getting taken advantage
of.  He was more pissed than anyone that you were used.”

Gavin
is fierce now and it seems out of his character.  I tug on his arm to get
his attention.

“Calm
down,” I tell him. “It’s okay.  I believe you.”

His
face relaxes and he smiles down at me.

“Sorry,”
he says.  “I get worked up sometimes.”

“I
can see that,” I answer.  “But that’s good.  It means you’re
passionate.”

“Oh,
baby, you have no idea,” he replies, cocky once again.  I pick up his hand
and study it, noting his smooth fingers.  He doesn’t do manual labor, that
much is apparent.

“You
don’t stay serious for long, do you?” I ask, glancing back up at his
face. 

His
eyes are serious now, even though he grins.  “What is the point in that?”
he answers.  “There is enough serious shit in the world.  I don’t
need to be a party to it. We see it around us all of the time.  There is
no need to take ourselves seriously, too.”

And
in this moment, I see something in Gavin that I wonder if I ever saw before,
pre-head-injury.

He’s
not as cocky or as happy-go-lucky on the inside as he pretends to be.  He
wants to be, but he isn’t.  So he chooses to act like it instead. 

Interesting. 

“Do
we have hard lives?” I ask, instead of pointing out my new revelation. 
Gavin laughs. 

“Seriously? 
Our fathers are both in the parliamentary cabinet of the prime minister. 
We want for nothing.”

“That’s
not what I asked,” I point out.  “Our lives… are they hard?”

Gavin
stares at me for just a moment before he shrugs, then looks away.

“It
isn’t always easy.  But we make it work.  We’ve been brought up this
way and it is what we know.”

His
answer is very telling, as is the very diplomatic way he delivers it. 

We’re
the children of politicians.  It’s can’t be fun but Gavin is so stoic
about it, so matter of fact.  It’s impressive.  So I tell him that.

He
shakes his head and helps me to my feet. 

“It’s
not impressive,” he tells me.  “It’s just the way it is, Mi.  You’re
the same way.  Well, you used to be.  Although, you’re more of a
rebel than I am.”

“So,
I’m a bad ass rebel now?” I tease.  He nods. 

“You
always have been.  Your latest thing was hilarious.”

We
step back into the hospital and immediately I breathe in the sterile air, which
makes me want to gag. 

“My
latest thing?” I repeat as Gavin punches at the elevator button. 

He
nods.  “Yep.  You were into wearing black all the time and dying your
hair crazy colors. You even had your nose pierced—right before your accident. 
It was driving your mom insane.”

I
subconsciously pull at a tendril of my dark hair.  “My hair isn’t dyed now
and I don’t have a nose ring.”

“I
know,” Gavin answers as he puts a hand on the door to make sure it stays open
while everyone steps on.  “When I came to visit you for the first time
after the accident, your hair color had been changed and the stud in your nose
had been taken out.  You weren’t even awake yet.”

I
stare at him.  So that meant that my parents had dyed my hair while I was
still in a coma?  What the eff?  Changing my hair color was a
priority for them while the state of my health was still in the air?

Gavin
sees my expression and shrugs. 

“Political
family,” he reminds me.

I
think it’s possible that I’m going to hate my new life. 

And
my old life. 

As
we get off on my floor, Gavin turns to me.

“Mia,
everything is what we make it.  You hated all of the pressure placed on
you by your father’s job.  You railed against it all of the time- but that
only put more stress on you than necessary.  The hole in your nose has
grown closed because it was such a new piercing. It’s like it never
happened.  So, why not use that to your advantage?  If you just go
with the flow like I do, everything is so much easier.  You don’t need
stress right now. You need to relax so that your brain can recover from your
injury.  Seriously.”

I
stare at him.  “Are you telling me to fall into the whole rank and file
thing and do what everyone tells me?”

He
grimaces.

“It
sounds bad when you put it that way.” He pulls me to the side, out of the way
of the scurrying nurses and orderlies.  “All I’m saying is… relax and go
with the flow.  I want you to get better and your doctor says that you
need to relax to do it.  My phone number is in your phone.  Call me
whenever you need to.”

My
phone.  I had forgotten that I had one.  And my mother certainly
hadn’t given it to me over the course of the last week.  I wonder if it
was destroyed in the earthquake?

But
instead of saying anything, I just nod. 

“Okay. 
Thank you, Gavin.  I feel more normal today than I have since I woke up
and I know that it is because of you.  Thank you.”

Gavin
smiles beatifically and my knees momentarily weaken.  He truly is
gorgeous.  He leans forward and kisses my cheek. 

“Anything
for you, Mi,” he says.  “Seriously.”

And
then he’s gone.  I’m standing in the middle of the hall by myself,
watching his cocky back retreat to the elevators.  Yes, even his back is
cocky.  And strong.  I gulp. 

He
turns before he gets on the elevator and grins one last time.  I gulp
again before I smile back. 

After
the elevator doors swallow him up, I truly do feel alone.  He knew
me.  The real me.  Not the me that my mother is trying to make me
believe that I am.  Suddenly, all I want is for him to come back, to sit
by my bed and hold my hand and make everything okay.

But
that’s impossible, because everything isn’t okay. 

So
with a sigh, I return to my room and find my mother doing a crossword puzzle in
her chair.  When I enter, she smiles. 

“How
was your walk, sweetheart?” she asks.  “Are you tired now?  Would you
like to lie down?”

I
shake my head.  “No, I feel good.  The fresh air was nice and it was
good to talk with Gavin.  Mom, do you have my phone?”

She
freezes for a second and I don’t know why.  But then she relaxes. 

“Of
course, sweetie.  I’ve kept it in my purse.  I didn’t know if you’d
be up to looking at your old pictures or whatnot.”

She’s
acting strange, but I put it out of my mind.  Who am I to say if she’s
acting strange? I don’t remember her prior to this week. 

She
hands me my phone.  It’s in a hot pink case with a black and white skull
on the back. The skull has a pink bow on its head.  That makes me
smile. 

I
power it on, but then am startled by a password screen. 

I
don’t remember the password, because I don’t remember anything.  I look at
my mom and she’s already shaking her head. 

“I
don’t know it, sweetheart.  You were always very protective of it. You’re
a pretty private person.”

Eff.

I
am utterly dejected.  Until I remember something.  Gavin knows
everything about me.  Maybe he would know this.  So I ask my mother
for his number and I use her phone to call him.

“Hello?”
he answers. 

“Gav,”
I reply.  “Do you know the password to my cell phone?”

There
is a pause. 

“Not
for sure,” he finally says.  “But you usually use your birthdate for
everything.  I think it’s your debit card pin number and your combination
to your locker at school. So you might want to try that.”

“Great,”
I mutter.  “That would be helpful if I knew my birthday.”

I
sigh and Gavin chuckles.

“It’s
May 17th, so try 1705,” he tells me.  “And you’re seventeen years old.”

I
roll my eyes. “I already knew that part.” 

Because
they’d already told me. 

“How
much do you actually know about me?” I ask him.  I can’t help but
smile.  It really does feel good to know that at least someone remembers
important things about my life.  He laughs. 

“I
pretty much know everything,” he confirms.  “And if I don’t know it, then
Reece does.”

Reece. 
The best friend that I can’t remember.

I
sigh again, trying to place her face in my head, but failing.  I thank
Gavin and hang up, picking up my phone once again.  I punch in my birthday
and Gavin was right.  It opens right up.

A
picture of me and a blonde girl stares back at me from my screensaver.
 Her slender arm is wrapped around my shoulders.  My hair is two
shades darker than it is right now and there are bright pink stripes threaded
through it.  The blonde girl is gorgeous with white blonde high-lights and
sparkling blue eyes.  We’re both holding up the “rock on” signal with our
hands and grinning into the camera.  I don’t know who took the picture and
in fact, I don’t remember taking the picture at all.

Because
this is the story of my life now.

I’m
perpetually clueless.

I
turn the phone towards my mom.

“Is
this Reece?”

My
mother almost flinches before she nods. 

“You
don’t like Reece?” I ask curiously.  My mother shakes her head.

“It’s
not that. Reece is a charming girl.  I just don’t think that she
understands what it’s like to be you.  I worry about the influence she has
on you.  You should be around kids who understand.”

I
am confused. 

“Kids
who understand what?”

“Kids
who understand what it is like to be you,” she says firmly but still
vaguely.  “An important member of Caberran society.”

My
mom sure does think a lot of herself and our family.  Important members of
society?  I sigh. 

“So
it’s not okay to have friends that aren’t from here?”

My
mother practically grits her teeth. 

“That’s
not what I said, Mia.  I just said that I prefer it when you hang around
with kids who understand you.  Like Dante or Gavin.”

“Dante’s
not here,” I remind her.  “Are you saying that you only want me to hang
around with Gavin?”

It’s
my mother’s turn to sigh.

“No. 
Stop putting words in my mouth.  I’d like it if you hung around with Elena
Kontou, also, but you don’t seem to want to.  I don’t know why. 
She’s a lovely girl who knows what it’s like to be a girl in your
position.  Plus, you really should mend fences with her.”

I
stare at her.  “Mend fences?”

“Vincent
Dranias, that boy who you snuck around with and dated, is the reason her face
was scarred.  You’ve never apologized for that.”

I
suck in a breath. 

“Gavin
told me that it wasn’t my fault. That Vincent completely deceived me.  Why
then, would I need to apologize?  I’m honestly asking—because I don’t
remember anything.  And was she badly hurt in that explosion?”

My
mother pats my hand.