Michael's Discovery (7 page)

“Sorry,” he said, apologizing yet again for his thoughtless behavior.

“Why don’t we quit for the day?” she suggested, her tone neutral. “You’ve been working too hard for the past couple of weeks. You could use a break.”

Michael was smart enough to acknowledge that she was right. He had been overexerting himself and his muscles were complaining. The last thing he needed was a tear or some other injury that would put his rehabilitation on hold. Nor did he need to risk offending Kelly any more than he had already.

“I’ll tell you what,” he said, trying to make amends. “I need to go see someone today. If you have
time to give me a lift over there, I’ll buy you lunch on the way.”

Kelly seemed so taken aback by the suggestion, he couldn’t help chuckling. “I’m not scared to be alone in a car with you,” he teased. “Or in a restaurant. You’ve been on very good behavior lately. I think I can let down my guard for a couple of hours.”

She gave him a rueful smile. “You have no idea how stressful it’s been,” she responded.

Michael had the distinct impression that she wasn’t actually joking. He could understand exactly where she was coming from. Despite his overwhelming relief that they’d been adhering to the ground rules about no intimate contact, the strain of it was telling on him, too. Maybe that was one more reason why he’d suggested lunch. He figured they both deserved a reward for their incredible restraint.

“Probably best not to go down that road,” he told her. “Not when we’ve been doing so well.”

An expression of what might have been disappointment flashed in her eyes, but then she regained her composure.

“So where are you going that you’re willing to risk spending time alone in a car with me? It must be important.”

He nodded slowly. “It is. I’m going to stop by to see the Havilceks.”

“Your family,” she said at once, her expression brightening. “I met your mother a few times when we were kids. I guess she was actually your foster mother, though, right?”

He nodded. “I didn’t think of her that way, not for long, anyway. She wouldn’t allow it. She said that
even if she couldn’t adopt me, she intended to be my mother. No boy could have had a better one.”

“Then why have you waited so long to get in touch with her since you got back to Boston?” she asked. “I still don’t understand that.”

“Self-protection,” he admitted candidly. “She’s the kind of woman who assesses a situation, then takes over. It doesn’t matter to her that I’ve been a grown man for a long time and that I’ve handled extraordinary responsibilities with the Navy, I’m still her baby.”

“Hard to picture anyone thinking of you that way,” Kelly said, surveying him with blatant appreciation. “Then again, that’s exactly how my folks treat Bryan and me. It would probably help if Bryan and I moved into our own places, but it’s been so comfortable living at home, neither of us have bothered. Hovering and worrying is probably just a universal parental trait.”

“That doesn’t make it any less annoying, especially in a situation like this,” Michael said.

“No, it certainly doesn’t.” Kelly regarded him with undisguised curiosity. “Do you remember your real…” She immediately stopped and corrected herself, “I mean, your biological mother at all?”

Michael had thought about that very question a lot over the years, even more so since Ryan and Sean had found him in San Diego. They both had such vivid memories of their mother, but Michael’s were all hazy. When Mother’s Day rolled around, it was Doris Havilcek—with her sweet smile, graying hair, sharp intelligence and steely resolve—whose image filled his head. Kathleen Devaney was a name on his
birth certificate, nothing more. She stirred no sentimental feelings in him at all.

“Not really,” he told Kelly. “I don’t have the same kind of anger about her and my dad that Ryan and Sean feel, either. Maybe if I’d been a little older or if I’d wound up in a different situation the way they did, I’d hate them, too, but basically when it comes to my biological parents, I feel nothing at all.”

Sorrow spread across Kelly’s expressive face. “Aren’t you even the least bit curious about them? I know I would be. I’d want to know what they’re like, why they did what they did, where they are now.”

“Why bother?” he said cynically. “There are no good explanations for any of it. If it were up to me, Ryan would give up searching for them, but he’s determined to finish what he started. Sean has some reservations, but in general, I think he’s backing him up. I think one reason they’re so determined to find our parents is to find out what happened to the twins. For all we know, they were abandoned along the way, too, when it got to be too inconvenient to keep them around.”

“Twins?” Kelly repeated incredulously. “There were more of you?”

He nodded. “Twin brothers, Patrick and Daniel. They were only two when we were all split up. Ryan seems convinced our parents took them when they left.” He tried to dismiss the little twinge of dismay that stirred in him, but he wasn’t entirely successful. If it was true, it made the whole mess even more despicable.

He met Kelly’s gaze. “If you ask me, Ryan’s going to be opening up a whole lot of emotional garbage by tracking them down. If they did have all those years
with our parents, how the hell are they supposed to react when three older brothers come charging back into their lives? And I doubt if either Ryan or Sean can claim to be entirely indifferent to the fact that our parents chose to keep Patrick and Daniel while dumping the rest of us into foster care.”

“But it could be wonderful to be reunited,” Kelly insisted.

“Maybe in an ideal world,” Michael said. “But something tells me it’s not going to be a picture-perfect moment, not for anyone.”

He shrugged off his dread of that day and forced a smile. “Have you actually agreed to my invitation yet?”

She laughed. “Probably not, but if you think I’d miss the chance to see you reunited with your mom, you’re crazy. Of course I’ll take you, and lunch will be great.”

“You won’t mind pushing me around in this chair?” he asked, even though the real question was how he was going to feel letting her do it. He had a hunch she’d be more comfortable in the situation than he was likely to be.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” she said, confirming his guess. “But you might want to change first. Otherwise the restaurant’s likely to make us eat outside, even though the temperature’s in the teens today.”

Michael glanced at his sweaty workout clothes and feigned indignation. “You think I need to improve on this?”

“Oh, yeah,” she said fervently. “Not that I haven’t always been rather fond of a truly male scent, but everyone’s not like me.”

“Maybe you should come back in a half hour,” he suggested.

She frowned at him. “Make it an hour. I could use a little sprucing up myself. Will that still give us enough time for lunch before you’re due at the Havilceks’?”

“Sure,” he said, unwilling to admit that he hadn’t exactly warned them that he was coming by. He hadn’t wanted to give his mother time to work up a good head of steam about his failure to get in touch the second he hit town. He was hoping the surprise of finding him on her doorstep would take the edge off of her annoyance.

Kelly grinned at him. “You haven’t told them you’re coming, have you?”

“Nope,” he said unrepentantly.

She laughed. “This is going to be fun. I’m not sure which I’m looking forward to more—the joyful reunion or listening to your mother deliver a blistering lecture about the way you’ve been hiding out in Boston the last few months.”

Michael regarded her with chagrin. “Something tells me you’ll get a chance to evaluate both options and decide which has the most entertainment value. The only person I’ve ever met who’s tougher on me than you is my mother. None of my commanding officers in the navy even came close.”

“Then I can definitely hardly wait to meet her,” Kelly said. “Maybe she’ll give me some tips on how to handle you.”

He leveled a look straight into eyes suddenly churning with emotion. “Trust me, that is not a lesson you need to learn.”

Kelly looked incredibly pleased by the backhanded
compliment. “Even an expert can use an occasional pointer from someone with more experience.”

Michael groaned. What had he been thinking? The prospect of having Kelly and his mother ganging up on him was almost more daunting than trying to get out of this damned wheelchair.

K
elly deliberately chose the most wheelchair accessible restaurant she knew for their lunch. Though she wasn’t absolutely certain, she was fairly sure that this was the first time Michael had ventured out to eat anyplace other than his brother’s pub. She didn’t want the experience to be so stressful that he refused to try it again. He was a proud man and he was already chafing enough at letting her assist him with getting in and out of her car.

“Is this okay?” she asked as she walked along beside him as he rolled himself toward the street-level entrance.

“Looks fine,” he said, his expression grim as he contemplated the door. When Kelly started toward it, he grabbed her wrist. “I’ll get the damn door.”

Arguing seemed pointless. She waited until he’d maneuvered himself around and could hold it while
she stepped inside. Then he faced the dilemma of how to get in himself without having the door crash into him. His face was a study in concentration as he shouldered the door open, then eased his chair through the entry. She didn’t release her pent-up breath until he was safely inside the restaurant.

There were more obstacles to come. The only vacant table in the busy restaurant was all the way across the room. When the room was empty, Kelly imagined the aisles were wide enough, but now with chairs jutting erratically out, they were all but impassable. Michael’s expression was filled with tension as he tried to make his way between tables without knocking into the backs of other customers, most of whom were completely oblivious to his difficulties. The hostess had long since placed their menus on the table and gone back to her post by the time Michael finally crossed the room.

“You did great,” Kelly said, taking her seat.

“I don’t need a pat on the head for getting across a damned restaurant,” he snapped.

She bit back a sharp retort of her own and turned her attention to the menu. She was still fighting the sting of tears when she felt his hand cover hers.

“Kelly?”

“What?” she responded, still holding her menu up to mask the fact that she was about to cry over something so ridiculous, especially when she could totally understand his level of exasperation. For a man whose work had required a peak level of physical fitness and agility, to adjust to being anything less had to be difficult.

“I seem to spend my life apologizing to you, but I
am sorry. It’s just so damned frustrating to be tied to this chair,” Michael said, his tone full of contrition.

She lifted her gaze then and met his. “It won’t be forever. And even if it were, it wouldn’t be the end of the world.”

“It’s already the end of my world,” he said quietly. “No matter what, I won’t be going back to work as a SEAL. For months, in the back of my mind, I was convinced I could if I just worked hard enough.” He sighed. “But for weeks now I’ve been struggling to face the fact that that’s not going to happen.”

“I know I can’t begin to understand what it’s like to lose something that’s been so important to you, but you will find something else just as challenging,” she told him earnestly. “There are plenty of things a man with your intelligence can do. And a career’s not everything. You can marry, have a family. Your life isn’t over.”

“The only one I ever wanted is over,” he said flatly.

“If that’s going to be your attitude, then I feel sorry for you,” she told him, refusing to back down when a dull, red flush climbed into his cheeks. “There are plenty of people who will never walk again. You
will
get out of that wheelchair. So it’s taking a little longer than you’d like. And you won’t be able to do some of the rigorous things you once did, so what? You’re alive, dammit! Stop feeling so sorry for yourself and concentrate on what you still have, instead of what you’ve lost.”

For what seemed like an eternity she wasn’t sure if he was going to explode with anger or simply turn around and wheel himself right back out of the restaurant. She was still wondering when their waiter ap
peared and, completely oblivious to the tension, announced that he was Henry and he’d be taking care of them today.

“Just what I need,” Michael muttered. “Somebody else who thinks it’s his mission in life to take care of me.”

Henry stared at him in confusion. “What? Did I say something wrong?”

Michael’s smile wasn’t exactly wholehearted, but it was a smile. “No, I’m just having a bad day. How’s your day going, Henry?”

Henry still looked uncertain, but he said gamely, “Fine, sir. Have you two decided on what you’d like to drink?”

Michael glanced questioningly toward Kelly.

“I’ll have a cup of tea,” she said.

Michael nodded. “The lady will have tea, and I’ll have your strongest poison.”

Henry blinked furiously. “Sir?”

Kelly bit back a chuckle. “Don’t mind him, Henry. He thinks he’s being amusing. Bring him a cup of very strong coffee. I want him wide-awake while I finish telling him what I think of him.”

“Yes, ma’am,” the waiter said, backing away from the table with undisguised relief.

“Think he’ll ever come back?” Michael asked.

“He shouldn’t,” Kelly said. “You were awful to him.”

“And to you,” Michael said. “I thought I’d save you the trouble of having to put something lethal in my coffee by asking him to do it.”

“Don’t think I wouldn’t, if I had any murderous tendencies,” Kelly told him. “Unfortunately, I still think you’re worth salvaging.”

He studied her intently. “Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why do you think I’m worth saving?”

She got the impression that he sincerely wanted to know, maybe even needed to know. “Because underneath all that exasperating self-pity, you’re a good guy. You’ve spent your life being a hero for your country. You’re smart, occasionally funny and breathtakingly handsome, though I wouldn’t let that go to your head. Good looks rarely make up for a lousy disposition.”

A smile tugged at his lips. “I’ll try to remember that from now on.”

Kelly regarded him seriously. “Michael, there really are a lot of blessings in your life. You should try counting them, instead of focusing on what you’ve lost.”

“I will,” he promised, his own expression suddenly serious. “I hope you won’t mind if I put you at the top of the list.”

Kelly’s breath caught in her throat and the tears she’d fought off returned with a vengeance. “Dammit, why did you have to go and say something so blasted sweet?” she asked, swiping impatiently at her cheeks. “I was just getting comfortable being furious with you.”

He reached over and caught a tear streaking down her face, then brushed it gently away. “Well, now, I couldn’t have that, could I?”

She sniffed and tried not to notice the way his fingers felt against her skin. “Why not?”

“You were liable to go off and leave me stranded in here,” he told her with a perfectly straight face.

Kelly choked back the laughter that bubbled up. “I
should have known your reason would be totally self-serving.”

He grinned. “That’s the kind of guy I am,” he said unrepentantly.

“No,” she said emphatically. “That’s the kind of guy you want me to
think
you are.” She leveled a look deep into his eyes. “Which makes me wonder why you feel it’s necessary. Are you deliberately trying to scare me off, Michael? Is this part of your tactic to keep some distance between us?”

He seemed to consider the question for an eternity before finally shrugging. “I honestly don’t know.”

“Then you should know that it takes a lot more than a bad temper to scare me away.”

He sighed heavily. “Yeah, I think I’d already figured that out.”

The entire scene at the restaurant had been totally draining. Given a choice, Michael would have gone back to his own apartment and hidden out for the rest of the day, but he wasn’t about to admit to Kelly just how shaken he was, both by the struggles he’d had adjusting to a world in which he wasn’t agile as a cat and to the discovery that her opinion of him mattered. It mattered far more than it should.

Which was also why he wasn’t going to back out on this visit to see his folks. He wasn’t going to give Kelly one more reason to think of him as a coward.

Given his state of emotional turmoil, he shouldn’t have been surprised by his reaction to seeing the home in which he’d grown up, but he was. It was as if a hard knot he hadn’t even known was there, deep inside, finally eased.

The house, an unimpressive, two-story brick Co
lonial on a quiet street, looked exactly the way it had since the first day he’d walked through the door. There was ivy climbing up one side, despite his father’s frequent attempts to destroy it. The shutters, despite his mother’s avowed intention to paint them red, were still the glossy black his father preferred, as was the front door with its gleaming brass knocker. His gaze drifted along the front walk, then froze at the sight of the steps. There were so blasted many of them. How had he forgotten?

Apparently Kelly saw his dilemma at the same instant, but she was quicker to adjust. “You can go in through the garage,” she said swiftly. “It opens directly into the kitchen, doesn’t it?”

Michael didn’t bother asking how she knew that. She had been in the house from time to time. If the visits hadn’t been especially memorable to him, apparently they had been to her. He was grateful for that at the moment.

“That’ll work,” he said at once. “The garage door’s not locked and it’s not automatic. Think you can lift it?”

She grinned and feigned flexing a muscle. “I may be little, but I’m mighty.”

She went on ahead as Michael tried to navigate the driveway. It seemed to take forever. He was surprised that no one glanced outside and caught a glimpse of him struggling up the slight incline. What if no one was home? Granted it was Saturday afternoon and his mother had always baked on Saturdays, but maybe things had changed.

As he considered that, he realized that Kelly had the garage door open. His mother’s car, the same dull gray sedan she’d driven for far too many years now,
was right where it had always been. He bit back a sigh as he thought of how many times he’d offered her money to buy herself something newer, and how many times she’d told him to save his money for a rainy day.

Just then the door from the kitchen was flung open and there she was, her cheeks rosy from the heat of the oven, wisps of graying curls framing her face and an expression of pure delight on her face.

“Oh, my,” his mother whispered. “I heard the garage door, but I never imagined…Oh, my.” She was down the driveway, her arms around him before Michael could even blink away the tears that threatened.

“Mom, you have to stop crying,” he said as he held her tightly. “I’m okay, and any second now you’re going to have me blubbering. How will that look?”

“I don’t care how it looks,” she said, still not releasing him. She shook him just a little. “There’s nothing wrong with a man showing emotion. I thought I’d taught you that.”

Michael laughed. “You certainly tried.”

His mother stood up at last, then surveyed him thoroughly. “Oh, Michael, you look wonderful. Why didn’t you let us know you were coming?”

“I didn’t want you to make a fuss,” he said, knowing now how futile that had been. Surprise or no surprise, there would eventually be a fuss. He took her hand and gestured toward the garage. “There’s someone here you’ve been ignoring. Do you remember Kelly Andrews?”

His mother spun around, and her eyes lit up. “Bryan’s little sister,” she said at once, then grinned. “The one who always had a crush on you.”

Michael winced. “Mom, don’t embarrass her.”

But Kelly was laughing. “And I thought I’d hidden it so well.”

“A mother always knows,” his mother told her. “It’s wonderful to see you again. But how…?” Understanding obviously dawned, and she whirled on him. “Michael Devaney, how long have you been back in Boston?”

“Not long,” he said evasively.

She turned to Kelly. “How long?”

Kelly looked straight at him and didn’t even hesitate. “I believe it’s been about six weeks now, hasn’t it, Michael?”

“Traitor,” he said.

“Honesty should be prized,” his mother scolded. “What on earth am I thinking keeping the two of you out here when it’s bitter cold? Come inside where it’s warm, so I won’t feel guilty making you listen to me tell you just how annoyed I am with you, Michael Devaney.”

He felt a little like saying, “Aw, Ma, do I have to?” Unfortunately he knew exactly the sort of reaction that would get. He might as well go in and get the deserved lecture over with.

Looking up, he gave his mother his most appealing smile. “I don’t suppose you’ve been baking today, have you?”

She frowned at him, though there was a twinkle in her eyes. “I’ve just finished baking for the social hour after church tomorrow, as you perfectly well know, since I’ve been doing it every Saturday for the past thirty or more years. I don’t imagine anyone there will object if I cut one of the apple pies for you and
Kelly.” She gave him a knowing look. “And I imagine you’ll be wanting ice cream on top.”

“Is there any other way?” he asked as his mother stepped behind the chair and briskly wheeled it inside as if she’d been doing exactly that forever.

The kitchen smelled of cinnamon and sugar and apples. While he and Kelly took off their coats, his mother bustled around cutting the pie, putting ice cream on top and setting it on the table. Only after he’d taken the first bite and made all the appropriate comments about her incredible baking did she pull out a chair and glower at him.

“Now, then,” she said in a tone with which he was all too familiar, “we’ll talk about why in heaven’s name you thought you had to keep your presence here in Boston a secret from me.”

Kelly grinned and settled back more comfortably in her chair. “I think I’m going to enjoy seeing you try to wriggle off the hook.”

His mother frowned at her. “You’re not off the hook, either, young lady. You know the phone number here. You could have tipped me off.”

Kelly instantly looked so incredibly guilty that Michael took pity on her. “Don’t blame her. I swore her to secrecy.”

It was a slight overstatement of the truth, but Kelly didn’t deserve to get one of his mother’s blistering lectures on his account. Hiding out had been his choice, though for the life of him, he couldn’t think now why he had thought it was necessary.