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“I’ve hope you’ll share what caused this sadness in your eyes, child. I’ve worried that I’ve seen little of your heart except hate and vengeance, but now I can’t be happy to see this emotion.”

Cara squeezed her mother’s hand. “Go seek out Juston so we might be on our way at once. I need to leave a message before we’re on our way, and then I’m quite ready to see Solonia again.”

Her mother pulled on her riding boots and set off toward the main barracks where Juston had probably spent the night. Cara strapped on her sword and headed to the dining hall where there were sure to be Realm warriors already up and about. She would leave the picture with one of them with direction to deliver it to the Gellots later in the day.

The door stood open to the dining hall. Its lower half was made of gray stone found in the mountain while the upper half was wooden. The warm aroma of honey cakes reminded Cara she hadn’t eaten the night before. Mingled with it was the added scent of roasting meat. The sound of male laughter gave her pause. She recognized one of the voices. Using the same caution and stealth she might have in the wilds, Cara peered around the door frame.

Brady sat at a table with a full, steaming plate in front of him. A lovely dark-haired female soldier of the Realm sat beside him and two male soldiers sat across from him. One of the men regaled the others with a tale of a young soldier’s training mishap.

Brady’s eyes sparkled with amusement as they often did. She watched for a long moment and decided this would be the subject of her next artwork but she would do it with paints so that she might capture the color of his eyes and the shine of his hair.

She back away and then walked to the commander’s house. If Brady was in the dining hall, it would be safe to visit Vilicia and leave the sketch with her.

Cara had never been in Vilicia’s home. It was impressive with its well-fitted stone walls and thick oak door. Vilicia pulled it open to Cara’s knock. Vilicia’s daughter, Teagan, clung to her mother’s neck with her chubby, little arms. The baby gave Cara a wide grin populated by only four tiny teeth.

“Cara, come in. Sky was looking for you to invite you and your mother to lunch with us and the Gellots.”

Relief that she’d already planned her escape swept through Cara. “We’re actually going to be on the trail by then. My mother is anxious to have me home and safe in my own bed. I’ve caused her so much distress, I can’t deny her this.”

Her mother would forgive her the fabrication but her face heated at the lie to her good friend. Vilicia frowned at her and shifted Teagan higher on her hip. The beautiful child woke Cara’s ache again. Not being able to ever give Brady such a gift increased her determination to flee into the mountains.

“Utopia is as secure as Solonia.”

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“Mother isn’t being entirely sensible.” Cara lifted the rolled paper. “I have a gift for Brady’s parents.”

Even saying his name hurt with a sharp jolt to her chest.

Vilicia touched the paper but didn’t take it. “You’ve taken up your art again?”

“This is my first piece.”

“Good morning there. You’re Cara, are you not?” Brady’s mother bustled into the room.

She was a pretty woman despite the lines of care worn in her face around her eyes and mouth. A tall, handsome man followed her, his smile nearly identical to Brady’s. Cara’s throat went dry and tight.

“Simon and Tammy Gellot, meet Cara, the woman your son spoke of so endlessly at dinner last night.” Vilicia pulled Cara further into the room.

Tammy strode up to Cara and wrapped her in a tight hug with the same generous affection her son possessed. “You wonderful girl. My son told me how you dove into that awful river to save him and then took care of his injuries afterward. I owe you more thanks than I can ever convey.”

Cara didn’t know what to say. She put one arm around Tammy and held the sketch clear of their embrace so it wasn’t crushed. Tammy finally let her go, and Simon took her place. For whatever reason, their touching and clinging didn’t raise any alarms in her nerves. How could she fear people who’d raised such a wonderful son?

“Brady will be sorry he missed you, but that boy rises before the sun every day. I swear he’s afraid he’ll miss something by sleeping. I’m not sure where he took himself off to so early.”

Tammy’s affectionate words didn’t hide the mild concern in her eyes. She would want to keep her son close at hand for a little while.

That only made Cara’s excuses more believable. “I must return to my mother. She doesn’t want me out of her sight, but I made this for you. Despite Brady’s version of our adventure, he did much more to save my life than I did for him.”

“I perfectly understand your mother’s feelings.” Tammy took the paper, holding it with care. “But we’ll see you later, you and your mother for dinner.”

Cara grasped Vilicia’s hand for a moment, seeing the confusion in her friend’s eyes. Her exit was close to rude, but she couldn’t give further explanation or embellish her lie. She couldn’t tell Brady’s parents she had to leave because she loved their son.

* * * *

“It’s so perfect. I have never seen such skill.” Brady’s mother reached out and touched the edge of the paper and then looked up at him.

He took her hand and looked closely at the drawing. He didn’t spend much time in front of mirrors, but it did look rather accurate. She’d captured his image with a grin on his face and somehow using shades of black and gray, she’d put a sparkle of happiness in his eyes. She’d created this incredible piece of art and then left. Left him without a word, a kiss or even a wave let alone an explanation.

Conflicting emotions stormed through him. Anger was certainly one. What the hell was she doing? Now that they were safe again, he wasn’t worthy of her attention? That possibility hurt, damn it. Men weren’t supposed to feel hurt. But looking at this image of himself, the way she saw him, saddened him.

Vilicia drew him away from his parents and spoke quietly. “I see your confusion, Brady.

Cara probably doesn’t understand what she’s doing herself. I don’t have any advice for you, but let me tell you something you might not know about her.”

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“Cara told me what happened to her,” he said, more than a little impatient. He was tired of no one believing she’d trusted him with her history.

“I figured as much. So you already know how far she’s come in recovering from that horror. That she could care for you at all amazes me. I never expected she would ever know the joys of a man’s love.”

“Care about me? She left without even say good bye. I thought … I expected we were going to be together and now she leaves me like our time together meant nothing.”

Vilicia smiled in that way women did when they understood something that men would never grasp on their own. He’d seen it before but never about something so important. “What are you grinning about?”

“Brady, before Cara was captured by the Savages, she was a reluctant warrior. She only went out on missions when she had to. It wasn’t her main career.”

“It wasn’t?” Cara was such a dedicated, eager soldier, he’d never thought of her doing something else.

Vilicia gestured toward the sketch his parents continued to admire. “Cara was an artist, the best in all of Solonia. Many of the paintings hanging in the private chambers for the Deomo are her work. Some of them were done when she was little more than a child. If nothing had happened to her, she would have done a wedding portrait of Juston and Katerina. I would have asked her to paint one of Teagan.”

“You didn’t ask her?”

“She hasn’t so much as touched a pen to even write since her capture let alone create a work of art. No drawing, no painting and no inclination to even attempt any. She told me once it had died inside her, her ability to see grace and beauty in the world. You know how much she loves Juston and the rest of us who rescued her, but she still couldn’t waken her gift to draw for him. But she did it for you.”

Brady blinked against a stinging behind his eyes. He spoke around a tight throat. “I don’t know what to do, Vilicia. She started pulling away from me as soon as we thought we had a way home. It’s almost like before … before we were lost together. She puts this wall of ice between us, and I don’t know how to cross it.”

“But you did cross it. And while you were there, you did more than melt the ice. Look at how she drew you, Brady. You are the sunshine in the dark world her existence has been for two years. For two years, we’ve feared we would find her dead one day. Feared she would kill herself and escape her despair. It was one of the reasons Juston kept her so close to him and gave her the heavy responsibility of protecting his family. His trust gave her a reason to live and to not let him down by taking her own life. When we heard she’d jumped in that river after you, we thought she’d finally done it despite all our efforts. We figured she’d found a way to kill herself and still retain her warrior honor and responsibility.”

“Here I was flattering myself that she did it because of her feelings for me.”

“That probably did affect her instant decision, but a rational person who can barely swim would not have dived into a flooded river with no hope of survival. Perhaps she had feelings for you and could not lose that last small bit of warm emotion. She jumped in to die with you.”

Brady ran his hands through his hair. “Cara is so complicated. And so fragile and at the same time, the strongest woman I’ve ever known.”

“But worth it.”

He took a deep breath. “I never know if I’m doing the right thing with her, but I’m going after her.”

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“You better hurry. They left over an hour ago, and they’ll soon be in parts where you can’t track them.”

“She’s not getting away.” The Solonians continued to keep the entrances to their mountain colony a secret, but he would find her if he had to go through hell itself.

“Be careful with her. She’s come a long way, but I don’t know if she can take the final step to love. You do love her, don’t you?”

He didn’t take the time to answer. He said a quick farewell to his parents and then set out to find a good horse. His stubborn little artist wasn’t going to push him away this time. Did she think he would sit here and let her go?

* * * *

“Eat something. That’s an order.” Juston handed Cara a piece of thick, soft Realm bread and a slice of yellow cheese.

He was right, of course. She needed her strength though she wasn’t sure she could ever find enough to get her through the coming years of emptiness. Now that she understood what it was to love, her existence seemed even bleaker. How long could her memories sustain her?

Would she someday hear that Brady had married some pretty young Realm girl? Or worse, might he take up with a Parlanian or a Solonian?

“Are you going to tell me what happened with you and Brady?” Juston said around bites of his own slice of bread and cheese.

“I don’t think so.” It wasn’t like him to press her for her secrets.

“I can guess. Did you have sex with him,” he pushed without mercy.

No one else sat close to them. Her mother sat near the horses with the other women but stole glances toward her and Juston. “I don’t think it’s any concern of yours.”

“I think it is if it interferes with your duties.”

“How would it interfere?” Cara realized she’d never spoken to Juston with such belligerence.

He gestured at the bread held untouched in her hand. “You’re walking around like a ghost. You don’t eat. You don’t sleep. You look like you’re about to fall over. What are we doing here?”

“Going home.” She lifted the bread to her mouth but couldn’t make herself take a bite.

“No we’re not. We’re all helping you run away. I’ve admired you from the moment I met you, Cara, and this is the first time I’ve ever thought you a coward.”

“A coward?” But she couldn’t even put anger in the words. Not even her pride seemed to matter.

“You’re running away because you’re afraid.”

“I’m not afraid of any man.”

Juston smiled. “I know you’re not afraid of Brady Gellot. You’re afraid of loving him.”

“No, I’m not. I love him and admit it freely.” But there was no relief in saying it out loud to someone else.

“Then I ask you again. What are we doing here? Why aren’t you in Utopia having dinner with him and his parents?” Juston stared at her with those eyes that missed nothing and allowed no hiding.

“I love Brady, but how can I expect him to love me? You know me, know my past. It was one thing for him to want me when we were alone with no sure chance of ever getting home again. But now we’re back, and he can have any one he wants. A woman who can give him ONE GOOD WOMAN SUSAN KELLEY 133

children and come to his bed pure and clean. A woman who doesn’t wake up most nights with nightmares.”

“Cara.” Juston shook his head. “You don’t understand Brady. Most people don’t. Did he tell you about his two older brothers?”

“They died on their way to visit you on the day the Savages killed your parents.”

“The only reason Brady wasn’t with them was because they’d locked him in the barn so he couldn’t follow them. We didn’t like having their little brother hanging around with us all the time. He couldn’t keep up and one day he almost drowned when we were playing in a pond we weren’t supposed to be swimming in.”

“Nearly drowned? Brady?”

Juston snorted. “Yeah. Our fathers tore into us, made us do extra chores for an entire summer. We had to take Brady swimming everyday and teach him. But the end of that summer he was better in the water than any of us.”