Midnight (21 page)

The first stop was the lake. It was a long, hard walk, though as they followed the path up into the spinney, the birdsong and the pleasant scents wafting from the myriad blooms of every colour, shape and size, made the way less arduous and more of a journey for the soul.
‘Look, Thomas – look there!’

Eileen had spotted two doves. So close you could reach out and touch them, they were settled on a tree-branch, face to face, making loving noises while they inched closer together.

Thomas came to a halt a short distance away. ‘Ssh!’ Putting his finger to his lips, he whispered, ‘We mustn’t frighten them away,’ and she gave a little nod of understanding.

For what seemed an age, Eileen remained mesmerised, her face tilted upwards and her eyes wide with amazement. She kept smiling at Thomas, who was congratulating himself because he’d chosen to go the longest route to the lake. He could so easily have gone straight up the main walkway, but they would have missed all the glorious sights that now surrounded them.

When they arrived at the man-made lake, Thomas slung the picnic bag over his shoulder and, giving Eileen his other arm to hang on to, they walked arm in arm to the bench at the edge of the lake, where he sat her down, before dropping the bag on the grass.

‘Are you hungry?’ he asked.

‘Not yet.’

‘Thirsty?’

‘No, thank you, Thomas.’

Leaning back against the bench, she sat very still, watching the water as the gentle breeze moved it along in gentle ripples. And while she watched the water, Thomas watched her, thinking that he was more content than any man deserved to be.

After a while, Eileen grew restless. ‘Where are the ducks, Thomas?’

‘Oh, I’m sure they’ll be along in a while. I expect they’re hiding under the bushes, having a little kip.’

‘Promise?’

‘I don’t know if I should.’

‘Are you fibbing, then?’

‘I hope not.’

‘So, promise me, then.’

‘What exactly do you want me to promise?’

She looked at him in puzzlement. ‘How should I know?’

‘Well, if
you
don’t know, I’m sure I don’t.’

‘There you go again, Thomas! You’ve no idea what you’re talking about. You’ve got it all mixed up again.’

Thomas pointed to the reeds. ‘OK, then. D’you see them reeds there?’

‘Where?’

He pointed again. ‘There – see?’

‘Yes.’

‘Any minute now them ducks will pop their little heads out, to have a look at you and me.’

And sure enough, when Eileen stretched her neck to see, the mother and her babies swam out, as if to say hello. Eileen laughed and clapped her hands and if Thomas had not stopped her, she would have gone right to the edge of the lake to see them.

‘Not so fast!’ Carefully, Thomas took her by the hand and led her down the path, where the two of them stood on the grass to watch as the little family swam to the far edge and waddled ashore.

Eventually, Thomas laid out the picnic rug and the two of them sat and enjoyed a lunch of ham-and-cress sandwiches, followed by home-made apple pie, all washed down with a measure of orange juice from the little plastic tumblers packed by Libby.

When the meal was over and everything was put away, Thomas took out his pipe and puffed away contentedly, while beside him, Eileen was happy just to sit and throw bread to the ducks and other birds scavenging for crumbs of food.

Now and then, Thomas would steal a private glance at Eileen. He saw how she had her face upturned to the sun, and he thought this was how it should be: him and his darling, side by side, so very much in love as they watched the world go by. Then he thought of her late husband and he was filled with remorse. Ian Harrow should be here, sharing the day with Eileen. He should be here, to hold her and give her a ‘proper’ kiss. But he wasn’t, and that was the shame of it.

When later, all his baccy was burned up, Thomas tapped out his pipe and put it away. ‘Do you fancy a walk along the lakeside and up to the conservatory?’ he asked Eileen.

‘Oh, yes please, Thomas!’ Eileen was excited. ‘I would like that very much.’

He was thrilled that this time Eileen had not mistaken him for her husband, as she often did. This time, she had actually asked for ‘Thomas’ to take her.

Hoisting the empty bag over one shoulder, he linked arms with Eileen, taking great care to keep her away from the water’s edge. ‘You must let me know if you get tired,’ he warned. ‘I don’t want you exhausting yourself.’

To which Eileen promptly replied, ‘I’m stronger than you – that’s what Libby said.’

Amused, he asked, ‘Oh, she did, did she?’

‘Yes.’ Eileen tried to recall what her daughter had said. ‘A man does not . . . have the same . . . he does not . . .’ She stopped, then she blew out her cheeks in frustration. ‘Oh dear! I know she said something. All I know is that I am a woman, and I’m stronger than you, ’cause you’re a man.’

Quietly amused, Thomas gave her no argument, except to suggest, ‘If it gets too hot, we’ll go and sit under the trees, shall we?’

Eileen had a great passion for trees. ‘Oh yes, I’d like that.’

Seeing that she looked tired, he slowed the pace as they headed off towards the tropical plant-houses. When they got within sight of the towering glass buildings, Eileen grew nervous. ‘I don’t want to go inside there. I don’t like them big plant-things. They might gobble you up if you’re not careful.’

Because of her fears and the fact that she was tiring now, Thomas took a different, much slower, route. Soon, they had passed the flower-beds, and now they had the old trees in their sights. It was rumoured that these ancient fields, and the timeless woods held many secrets. During the day the park was a bright, open space filled with families and echoing to the laughter of children, but when everyone had gone and darkness fell, it was a brooding, forbidding place. Maybe that was why, from midnight to sunrise, the park was deserted – even though the gates remained open.

Eileen was fascinated by the trees. ‘They hide the sky and you can’t see the sunshine.’ Seated on a wooden bench beside the lion fountain, she pointed to the tallest of them. ‘Look! I can’t see the sun any more.’

‘That’s because the branches and leaves create a massive canopy, shutting out the daylight.’ It saddened him to realize how Eileen’s dementia would suddenly cut into her mind make her a small child again, even if only for a few moments.It was cruel thing.

‘Thomas?’

‘Yes?’

‘Are the trees taller than the houses?’

‘Much, much taller.’

‘Look at that one.’ She pointed to a particularly magnificent spruce. ‘How did it get to be that big?’

‘It’s very old, sweetheart.’

‘Yes, but how did it get so big?’

Not being an expert on trees, Thomas tried to explain in simple terms. ‘Let me see. Well, first of all, they’ve got roots, y’see. The roots are deep under the ground. They’re long and winding, a bit like arms. They can reach out, searching and feeling. Looking for any food or goodness in the soil. Then they suck it up, and it goes into the branches and the leaves, and that’s how the tree grows so big.’

‘Oh, now I see . . . I think.’ When Eileen fell silent again, Thomas thought she might be getting tired. ‘I reckon it’s time we headed for home,’ he said.

Eileen gave a little nod. She stared into the distance, her mind elsewhere.

‘Is anything wrong?’ he asked worriedly. She had grown unusually quiet.

In a soft, anxious voice, she asked, ‘Can we go home, please, Thomas?’

‘Course we can, my darling.’

‘Thank you, Thomas.’

‘It’s my fault,’ he chatted on. ‘I ought never to have kept you out so long.’ He had been enjoying himself so much, he’d simply lost track of time. ‘I’m sorry I tired you out. But we’ll be home soon. After you’ve had a little sleep, you’ll feel right as rain.’

In the car, Eileen remained deep in thought. But when they approached Peter Street, she cried out,
‘Stop the car, Thomas!’

Alarmed, he did an emergency stop. ‘Good grief, Eileen!’ He felt shaken. ‘Whatever made you scream out like that? Whatever’s wrong?’

Leaning over, he checked her seat-belt and found it still fastened. ‘You mustn’t yell out like that when I’m driving along – unless there’s an emergency.’ A thought occurred to him. ‘Do you want to spend a penny, is that it?’

‘No.’ She pointed down Peter Street, to the old church. ‘I need to go in there.’

Thomas was puzzled, ‘Why would you need to go into the church? We should be getting back, sweetheart. What if I bring you here on Sunday?’

‘I need to go now.’

Thomas had little choice but to do as she asked. So he parked outside and walked her to the church doors. He was about to go in with her, when she told him emphatically, ‘No. I need to go in on my own.’ So he watched her go in, then returned to wait in the car.

A few moments later, unable to relax, he was out again, peering in through the big doors to see her kneeling up at the front, before the altar, head bent forward and hands together as though in prayer. Whatever was she thinking? He had never known her be like this before. A niggling thought came into his mind.

Braving her displeasure, he went softly to her side and knelt down, only to receive a scolding. ‘You must go away from here!’ she hissed. ‘Please, Thomas, leave me be.’

Concerned, he returned to his car, from where he anxiously watched the door, waiting for her to emerge.

Inside the church, Eileen knelt before the altar, her head bowed and her heart heavy. She knew He was there, bleeding on the cross, punished for the sins of others. The tears trickled down her face. He was being punished for her sins too. He was suffering because of her, and the bad things she had done.

‘I’m sorry,’ she murmured over and over. ‘I didn’t mean for it to happen, and I’m truly sorry.’

She knew there was something terrible, but she couldn’t remember what it was. Blinded by the tears, she looked up into that beautiful, loving face, and her heart was calmer.

There was so much she needed to tell Him. Secret things, that frightened her. A heavy burden which she was finding increasingly hard to carry. Time and again she had tried so hard to remember, but she couldn’t. All she knew was that she had been bad, and that she needed to be punished.

She tried to remember but it was all muddled in her memory; it was midnight and the moon was low. Something bad was happening and the shocking things she had witnessed. ‘Help me, Lord,’ she murmured. ‘Please help me.’

She began rocking back and forth, increasingly agitated. ‘Oh dear! Oh, dearie me!’ Her quiet sobs echoed through the emptiness. The darkness and the shocking images would never leave her. It was a terrifying burden.

Exhausted and unsure, she made the sign of the cross on herself, stood up, and out loud, she implored Him: ‘Please, Lord, watch over me. Make me good. And please, I need You to love me.’

And then she stumbled down the aisle and out of the door, as though the devil himself was chasing her.

Shocked to see her hurrying towards him, sobbing and calling out his name, Thomas scrambled out of the car and brought her safely back. ‘It’s all right,’ he soothed her. ‘I’ve got you now.’ He was unsettled. What could have happened inside the church to upset her like that? Yet, she had been unsettled since they left the park, ‘Eileen?’

‘I don’t want to talk to you.’ She was frantic. ‘I don’t want you to kiss me again!’

When she began sobbing, there was nothing he could do except start the car and drive her home. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said sincerely. ‘You’re right. I should never have kissed you like that.’ Now he felt as though he’d betrayed her. He should have realised that when she asked him for a ‘proper’ kiss, she really had no idea of what she was asking. But it was not her fault. It was his! He should have been the responsible one.

They covered most of the journey home in absolute silence. But by the time they reached Bower Street, Eileen was chatting away as normal, as though nothing had transpired. Thomas was still in a state of anxiety, but Eileen was incredibly calm, even relaxed.

‘Thank you for taking me to see the ducks, Thomas.’ She patted his hand. ‘When we go again, the little babies will be all grown up, won’t they?’ Her smile was wonderful.

Amazed and shaken by the complete change in her manner, Thomas answered softly, ‘Yes, I believe they will.’ The episode with the kiss, and then the need to visit the church, all appeared to have been forgotten. He was thankful for that much at least.

‘Thomas?’

‘Yes, m’dear?’

‘I’ve been bad, haven’t I?’

‘How do you mean?’

‘Tell me if I’ve been bad. I need to know.’

‘Of course you haven’t.’ He was troubled by her question.

She gave a huge sigh. ‘I love you, Thomas.’

In view of her upset today, he wisely decided not to respond to her declaration of love. Outside the house just as he was getting her out of the car, Libby walked along the street. ‘Well, that was good timing,’ said Thomas. ‘Your Libby’s here. Look!’

Libby ran to hug her mother. ‘Did you have a good time today, Mum?’

Eileen nodded. ‘We went everywhere. We saw the ducks and the big old trees, and it was sunny, then it was raining, and then it was sunny again.’ She laughed out loud. ‘Thomas got it all mixed up!’

Thomas explained, ‘We did have a lovely time.’ Handing Libby the picnic bag, he wisely made no mention of Eileen’s disturbing mood, and how she had gone into the church, only to come out in a blind panic.

‘She’s tired,’ he said. ‘I really should have brought her back earlier.’

Eileen swiftly corrected him. ‘My legs are tired, Thomas, but
I’m
not tired!’ She gave a long yawn.

‘Aw, she’ll be fine.’ Libby thanked Thomas. ‘I’ll get her a hot drink, then put her to bed for an hour. I imagine you’re ready for a rest yourself. I can’t thank you enough. You’re a dear friend to both of us.’

‘You get some rest,’ he told Eileen. ‘I’ll see you later.’

Pursing her lips, she kissed him on the cheek. ‘Thank you, Thomas.’

Feeling a little easier, Thomas said, ‘It’s me that should be thanking you. I’ve had a wonderful day.’ Apart from the church episode, he thought worriedly. He was momentarily taken aback when Eileen said, ‘You mustn’t worry about me, Thomas.’ He had an odd feeling, almost as though she was reading his mind.