Midnight All Day (18 page)

‘Bring me the money tonight,’ ordered the surgeon, ‘otherwise it will be too late – your penis will become used to its freedom and will never serve you again.’

The only person Doug knew with such a large sum of cash was the producer of
Huge
Big
Women
who was, that night, entertaining a few hookers in his suite. The women knew Doug and soon made him aware that news of his misfortune had got round. He blushed and smarted now when the women called him ‘big boy’.

To Doug’s relief, the producer agreed to give him the cash. Handing it over, he mentioned the interest. It was a massive sum, which would rise daily, as Doug’s penis would have to. The man made Doug sign a contract, pledging to make films for what seemed like the rest of his life.

Travelling back to the surgeon, Doug considered what life might be like without his penis. Perhaps he had been mercifully untied from an idiot and they could go their separate ways. But without his penis how could he earn his living? He was too old to start a new career.

The surgeon worked all night.

Next morning, when Doug woke up, the first thing he did was look down. Like a nervous snake charmer, he whistled an aria from
Don
Giovanni.
At last, his penis started to stir, enlarge and grow. Soon it was pointing towards the sun. It was up, but not running. He and his love were rejoined.

A few hours later Doug was on the set. His penis swung between his legs, slapping against each thigh with a satisfying smack.

Doug was glad to be reunited with the most important part of himself; but, when he thought of the numerous exertions ahead, he felt weary.

Hanif Kureishi was born and brought up in Kent. He read philosophy at King’s College, London. In 1981 he won the George Devine Award for his plays
Outskirts
and
Borderline
, and in 1982 he was appointed Writer-in-Residence at the Royal Court Theatre. In 1984 he wrote
My Beautiful Laundrette
, which received an Oscar nomination for Best Screenplay. His second screenplay
Sammy
and Rosie Get Laid
(1987) was followed by
London Kills Me
(1991) which he also directed.
The Buddha of Suburbia
won the Whitbread Prize for Best First Novel in 1990 and was made into a four-part drama series by the BBC in 1993. His version of Brecht’s
Mother Courage
has been produced by the Royal Shakespeare Company and the Royal National Theatre. His second novel,
The Black Album
, was published in 1995. With Jon Savage he edited
The Faber Book of
Pop
(1995).

His first collection of short stories,
Love in a
Blue Time
, was published in 1997. His story
My Son the Fanatic
, from that collection, was adapted for film and released in 1998.
Intimacy
, his third novel, was published in 1998, and a film of the same title, based on the novel and other stories by the author, was released in 2001 and won the Golden Bear award at the Berlin Film Festival. His play
Sleep With Me
premièred at the Royal National Theatre in 1999. His second collection of stories,
Midnight All Day
, was published in 2000.
Gabriel’s Gift
, his fourth novel, was published in 2001.
The Body and
Seven Stories
and
Dreaming and Schemi
ng, a collection of essays, were published in 2002.

His screenplay
The Mother
was directed by Roger Michell and released in 2003. In 2004 he published his play
When The Night
Begins
and a memoir,
My Ear At His Heart
. A second collection of essays,
The Word and
the Bomb
, followed in 2005. His screenplay
Venus
was directed by Roger Michell in 2006. His novel
Something to Tell You
was published in 2008.
In July 2009 his adaptation of his novel,
The Black Album
, opened at the National Theatre, prior to a nation-wide tour. In 2010 his
Collected Stories
were published.

He has been awarded the Chevalier de l’Ordre des Arts et des Lettres.