Midnight Dolls (8 page)

F
orty-five minutes later, I head out to the garden to clear my head. I haven't been out there for long when I hear the back door open and close. A moment later, Aunt Bea joins me on the stone bench by my mom's roses.

“Your mother always used to come out here when life was getting difficult,” she says. She looks at me, and I can see that she's been crying.

“You all right?” I ask.

She nods, wiping a tear away.

“Look, if this is about the attack on Thursday, it's under control, okay? My dad's right; we've been coming up with a plan, and—”

“No.” She puts a hand on my leg to stop me and takes a deep breath. “This is about me and the decisions I need to make for myself now. I've spent too long living the life your mom picked out for me.”

“Oh.” Her words and the bitterness in her tone cut into me. “You mean a life raising me.”

“No. I never regretted raising you. When we were in New York and things were normal for a while, being your guardian was the best thing in the world.” She hesitates. “But things are changing. You know that as well as I do. I've never liked zandara, and now it's stealing you away from me just like it stole your mom.”

“I'm not being stolen,” I say, squeezing her hands, “and we'll get things under control soon. Then we can try to go back to normal.”

She surprises me by pulling away. “Eveny, things are never going to be normal here. You know that.” She pauses and adds, “That's why I have to leave.”

I blink at her. “Leave?”

“You know how much I love you, Eveny. But it's time I start looking out for myself. Your father's here now, and although I feel he's not being entirely honest, I do believe him when he says he'll keep you safe.” Her tone is bitter as she adds, “It's in his best interest, after all, and he's always done what's in his best interest. At least we can rely on that.”

“Aunt Bea—” I begin, but she cuts me off.

“Let me finish. Regardless of his motives, his powers will allow him to protect you in ways I never can. I have to trust he'll look out for you. But I can't be here with him. And I can't watch your life be taken over by magic. I don't have powers to save you, Eveny, and I'm not trained to protect you the way
Caleb is. All I have is the power of my heart, and for the last fourteen years, that was enough. But it's not anymore.”

I can feel tears in my eyes. “You're really leaving?”

“I have to, Eveny.”

“But you don't!” I shoot back. “We can figure something out. I can talk to my dad. . . .” My voice trails off, and I look at her sadly, knowing she's already made up her mind. I realize her feelings about my father have been festering for years, and I understand why she can't live under the same roof as him. But the fact that she's so easily abandoning me—after all we've been through together—is crushing.

Her face softens. “I'll stay in Carrefour, but I can't be around the sosyete anymore. I'll be at the bakery if you need me, but I think it's best for now if you and I have some distance.”

“Best for who? You or me?”

She sighs. “Me. It's what's best for
me
. I'm finally doing something for myself. I'll always love you, just as I have since the day you were born, but it's time I find my own path and trust you to find yours. It's clear that you've already made your choice.”

I shake my head vehemently. “But this is who I am. I didn't
have
a choice. Don't you see that?”

“But you
did
have a choice,” she says softly. “You
still
do. You could walk away. If you don't, zandara will destroy you, Eveny, the same way it destroyed your mother.”

“But—” I say, but she interrupts.

“You're making your own decisions now, and decisions always come with consequences. You've chosen your mother's lifestyle over mine, and that's okay. But I'm under no obligation to stay here and watch you destroy your future. I'm already packed. I just wanted to tell you in person.”

“Please don't go,” I say, my throat tightening. “Please. Aunt Bea?”

She stands up and puts a hand on my shoulder. “It's already done, Eveny.” She walks away before I can say another word.

Save yourself
. The whisper comes again as I sit here trying to stop the tears from flowing. I'm not sure if it's in my head or whether there are actually spirits speaking to me through the leaves of the rosebushes.

“What if I don't know how?” I finally say.

The only reply is silence.

The house is dark by the time I walk back inside; my father and Caleb have both gone to bed. Aunt Bea's door is open, and when I peer inside, I see that her room is empty. She's gone.

Tears cloud my vision as I walk into my own bedroom and pull the door closed behind me. The person who raised me, my one constant through everything, has walked out of my life. I've never felt more alone.

I'm sitting on my bed, my knees pulled up to my chest, when my door opens a crack. I look up, thinking it's my dad. Instead, it's Caleb.

“I heard you crying,” he says. I just stare at him as he clears
his throat. “I knocked, but you didn't answer. What's wrong?”

“Nothing,” I mumble, picking at my comforter.

“It's not nothing, Eveny,” he says. “You're upset.”

“Why would you care?” I know I'm misdirecting my frustration, but he's let me down too. I'm sick of people hurting me.

“You know why.”

I look up at him uncertainly, expecting to see his stony expression, the one that says everything about him is closed off to me. But instead, there's warmth in his eyes. “What is it?” he asks.

I hesitate. “How can I be this strong zandara queen,” I say after a moment, “but also this needy little girl who doesn't want people to leave her?”

“You're not needy,” Caleb says. “Who left you?”

I recap my conversation with Aunt Bea. “She was the one person I could always believe in, Caleb,” I say. “How could she have walked out on me so easily?”

Caleb sits down on the bed next to me. Right away, I can feel the heat rising to my cheeks. There's something about being with him that always creates an electric charge in the room, and I can't figure out if it's the magic that binds him to me as my protector, or simple attraction.

He begins to rub my back, and my whole body suddenly feels warm. I know I'm blushing, and I hope he doesn't notice. “It's not like she's walking away forever,” he says.

I shake my head. “You don't know that.”

“Eveny, she's just moving out. It sounds like she wants her own life.”

I wipe my tears away and sniffle. “How come I'm not worth staying for?” I ask in a voice so small I can barely hear it. My father left. My mother left. Now Aunt Bea. Maybe I'm feeling sorry for myself, but it's true: the people who mean the most to me all disappear when I need them. “Everyone leaves, Caleb.”

Caleb stops rubbing my back and waits for me to look up at him. “I won't leave.”

“Yeah, well, that doesn't count. You have to be here.”

“No, I have to protect you,” he corrects me. “I don't have to be here in your life. I could choose to be like Oscar and Patrick.”

I laugh a little, despite myself, and wipe my tears away. “You don't seem like you'd be very good at chewing tobacco and lurking in the shadows.”

“It's true. I'm partial to Trident and daylight,” he says with a straight face.

I crack a small smile, and Caleb begins gently stroking my back again. His fingers are so warm I can feel them through the thin cotton of my sundress. It's like his heat is radiating through me.

I draw a deep breath. “The thing is, I don't know who to trust anymore.” I can feel the tears running down my cheeks again, but this time, I don't try to stop them. “Maybe my dad has my best interests at heart, but the way my aunt Bea hates
him, it makes me feel so confused. I mean, she's right to be wary, isn't she? Why has he suddenly come back? If it was just about protecting me, wouldn't he have been here sooner? I feel like there's so much more to the situation that I'm not understanding.”

“But maybe there's not,” Caleb says. “He changed everything when he came into your mom's life. I think that all your aunt can see is that he created problems. She's reacting to that.”

“Maybe.”

He pauses. “But sometimes, the people who bring the biggest complications into our lives are also the ones who make our lives complete.” He pulls me toward him, and after my head is against his chest and I can hear his heartbeat, he adds, “Sometimes, they're the ones who make you feel whole.”

I tilt my chin to look up at him, and for a long moment, we just stare at each other.

I know he's going to kiss me a millisecond before he does, but I'm still not prepared for how right it will feel. As his lips touch mine and his arms snake around me, pulling us together like a jigsaw puzzle, it feels like finally coming home after a long journey.

I kiss back, and then, it's something more.

“We shouldn't be doing this,” Caleb murmurs between kisses, but his words are lost in our heavy breathing as the sheets wind around us, tangling us closer together. I kiss back hungrily.

“Eveny,” he whispers, and then my hands are under his
T-shirt, on the flat plane of his abs, the bulge of his muscles, the smoothness of his skin. My own body takes over, and before I can think about it, I'm pulling his shirt over his head and falling back into his arms. He makes a low, guttural noise as he pulls my dress over my head too, and then he fumbles with my bra and pulls me to him, so that we're pressed together, skin to skin.

I try to remember to breathe as he moves his weight on top of me. His lips break from mine long enough for him to stare into my eyes for a moment. Then, he's kissing me again, and his hands are on my body, touching me everywhere.

Suddenly, he pulls away, his breath coming in ragged gasps. “We can't.”

“I know,” I whisper. “I know.”

He reaches over me to grab my dress from the floor, hands it to me, and rolls away to pull his own shirt back on. Then he flops onto his back, his jaw glistening with sweat, his eyes wild. I shimmy my dress over my head and lie down beside him.

“Don't leave,” I say after a minute. “Please.”

“I won't.” We lie there in silence, and after a while, I turn onto my side, facing away from him so he can't see my tears. He rubs my back again, his hands moving in slow, gentle circles, until I finally drift off to sleep.

When I awaken several hours later, it's pitch-black in my room, and at first, I think I've imagined everything. But then I realize I'm still in Caleb's arms. We're lying on top of the
covers, and he's curled around me, his chest rising and falling slowly, creating a rhythm for my own heartbeat to follow. I'm careful not to move, because I don't want to wake him and ruin this moment.

I lie there in the darkness and let myself imagine what it would be like to have a life like this, a life where Caleb and I could be together. “I love you, you know,” I whisper, and he stirs, but only a little. I finally drift back into a peaceful sleep.

When I wake up the next morning, he's gone, and the space he's left behind is cold and empty, almost like he was never there at all.

B
reakfast the next morning is awkward and mostly silent. I'm worried that my father is being so quiet because he knows what happened last night with Caleb, but if he does, he gives no sign of it. The only thing he says is, “I'm sorry to hear about your aunt Bea moving out.”

I just nod stiffly. I'm annoyed at my father, although I know that's not fair. He didn't make Aunt Bea leave. But then again, if he hadn't come back, she'd still be here.

All my nerves are on edge as I wait for Caleb to appear, but he never does. Instead, I hear footsteps on the stairs and then the front door opening and closing. My father stands and says, “Caleb will be driving you to school from now on. You should go join him.”

On cue, I hear a car horn honk outside, and I jump. My father raises an eyebrow at me as I grab my backpack and head
out the front door. Caleb is behind the wheel of his Jeep, staring at me, but as soon as our eyes lock, he looks away. He starts the engine without a word once I've climbed in.

“So,” I say after we've made our way down the driveway in silence.

He glances at me but doesn't say anything.

“About last night . . . ,” I begin, trailing off as the image of Caleb curled around me in my bed flashes through my mind.

“I shouldn't have done that,” he says. “I'm sorry.”

“But . . . it was wonderful.”

“Don't you understand? That's why it can't happen. This, all of this, is wrong.” He gestures back and forth between himself and me. “It's against the rules, and it's just not smart.”

I blink a few times, pushing back the tears I can feel pressing at the back of my eyes. So we're here again. “The rules are stupid, Caleb,” I say, unable to keep the weary sadness out of my tone. “They were written more than a hundred years ago. Maybe it's time we make some changes.”

“Eveny, we can't!”

“But—”

“I'm done,” he cuts me off. “We've talked about this a million times, Eveny. And I'm really sorry for my lapse in judgment. But you need to move on. I do too.”

The words cut deep. I'm silent for the rest of the drive to school, and when Caleb parks, we look at each other for another moment. “I know you don't understand,” he says. “But I don't have a choice.”

“Of course you do,” I say. “You always do. But I see you've already chosen.” I get out of the Jeep, slamming the door behind me, and walk away before he can say another word.

I'm at my locker pulling books for first and second period when Liv appears out of nowhere. “Can we talk?” she asks, putting a hand on my arm.

My heart sinks; she has refused to speak to me since Drew's funeral, because she thinks I know more than I'm telling her about his death. The last thing he'd told her that night was that he was going to New Orleans to find me. I've lied and said I never saw him, but she doesn't seem to believe me. I miss her friendship, but I just can't handle any more heartache today.

“Look, I'm sorry that you're hurting,” I say, “and I know you think I'm an awful person, but I'm having a really crappy morning, and I have the worst headache in the entire world, so can we just not argue today?”

“Please, listen to me,” Liv says quickly as I start to turn away. “I want to apologize.”

I stop and look at her. “You do?”

“I . . . I made a mistake, okay?” she goes on. “It's what I do. When I get hurt, I push everyone away.”

“But you didn't just push me away,” I say. “You blamed me for Drew's death. And you acted like I'd betrayed you.”

The class bell rings, and around us, other students stream down the halls, disappearing into their first period classrooms. But neither of us moves.

“I know,” Liv says, looking down. “I was really upset, and I took it out on you. I'm sorry. Can you forgive me?”

A wave of guilt washes over me, because at the end of the day, Liv isn't exactly wrong: I was involved in Drew's death, although I know she'd never be able to understand it. “Of course I forgive you, Liv,” I say. “And I'm sorry. About Drew, I mean. It's horrible to lose someone.”

She nods and looks away. “I miss him.”

“I do too.” It's not a lie. He wasn't all evil; he just bought into what Main de Lumière told him—that everything wrong in Carrefour was the fault of magic, and that my sister queens and I had to die for balance to be restored. I think it was easier for him to blame me and the Dolls for his parents' divorce and financial situation than it would have been to admit that he and his family weren't perfect to start with.

“So you've been spending a lot of time lately with Peregrine and Chloe and the other Dolls,” she says softly. The second bell rings, and we're alone in the hallway.

“Yeah,” I say. “They're my friends.”

“I still don't get that,” she says. “You're so different from them.”

I shrug. “Maybe not as much as you think.” After all, even though my priorities might not always match theirs, all three of us are queens who want the best for this town. But there's no way to explain that to Liv either. “Anyway, you can join us whenever you want. In the Hickories, I mean. You guys have a standing invitation to eat with us.”

She looks away. “I don't think Max wants to. After what happened with Justin and Chloe, it's just awkward.”

“Right.” If only she knew just how complicated it all was. Last year, Chloe cast a love charm on Justin without realizing that he was gay, so for months, he trailed around after her like a lost puppy, despite the fact that he was really in love with Liv's best friend, Max. Now that Chloe has reversed the charm, Max and Justin are inseparable and Justin—who is technically a member of our sosyete—wants nothing to do with the Dolls anymore.

“But maybe we could hang out sometime after school or something?” she asks.

“I'd like that.”

She looks relieved as she begins to walk away. A second later, she turns back. “Hey, I didn't even ask. How are things going with Caleb?”

For an instant, I can almost feel his lips on mine, his body pressed against me. But just as quickly, I see his cold, distant expression this morning. I swallow hard. “Not so great.”

She seems genuinely sad for me. “Don't give up. I know he loves you. You can see it in the way he looks at you.”

As she hurries down the hall toward her first period, I stare after her. “I'm not sure that's enough.”

That day Bram joins us in the Hickories for the first time, settling down beside me on the cashmere blanket and smiling at the others. I'm surprised to see him here, considering
his feelings about the other Dolls.

“Hey, y'all,” he says. “Sorry I didn't eat with you yesterday. Anyone want to join me in the cafeteria line? Looks like they've got soggy mac and cheese on the menu.”

Margaux and Arelia exchange looks. Pascal laughs.

“We don't eat down there,” Chloe says. “Margaux and Arelia bring lunch for us.”

Bram looks confused as the girls begin pulling food out of a huge insulated picnic basket. “Really?” he asks, glancing at me, then at Margaux and Arelia. “Y'all bring lunch for everyone? Every day?”

“It's their job.” Peregrine looks at me and then back at Bram. “But what are you doing sitting all the way over there?” Her tone has dropped to a low purr. “Why don't you come sit by me?”

I'm surprised by the tinge of jealousy I feel when Bram shrugs and scoots over to Peregrine's side, even though I know fully well that she's just trying to get under my skin. It's exactly what she did with Caleb the second she realized I was attracted to him. But it's not like I've said I like Bram. She begins rubbing his shoulders, and he turns a little pink.

“Where's Caleb, Eveny?” she asks, and from the smug expression on her face, I guess that she already knows he's deliberately avoiding me.

I just shrug and try to sound nonchalant. “Not my day to watch him.”

Peregrine laughs while Chloe looks at me with concern.

“But I hear he moved into your house,” Peregrine says. Bram looks up sharply, his eyes meeting mine.

I grit my teeth. “It's just like Patrick and his dad moving into your house and Oscar and his dad moving into Chloe's. Just a protector-protectee thing. You know that.”

“Still, how cozy that must be for you two,” she says. Bram is still staring at me.

“So, Bram,” Chloe says quickly, before Peregrine can continue her torture. “How are you liking Carrefour so far?”

He holds my gaze for a long time before turning to Chloe. “I admit, it takes a bit of getting used to. I lived my whole life on the water, so it's pretty different being landlocked, you know? I like it here, though. The people seem real nice.” He turns to me again, his eyes fixed on mine.

When I look back at Peregrine, she's staring right at me too. Finally, she shifts her attention to Bram. “We're very welcoming in Carrefour, Bram,” she says. “I'd be happy to spend some time showing you around town. In fact, it would be a pleasure.” As she emphasizes the last word, she raises an eyebrow at me like a challenge, and I'm surprised to realize that I actually feel a little defensive. “Interested?” she adds, batting her eyes at him.

“Sure, I guess,” Bram says with a shrug. He glances back at me. “Maybe Eveny can come along too.”

Peregrine makes a face. “Oh, I think Eveny has more than enough on her plate, what with the love of her life moving in with her. I'm sure they'll be spending lots of quality time
together from now on. Isn't that right, Eveny?”

I glare at her, but she keeps right on stroking Bram's back, her hand getting lower and lower as she presses herself into him, leaving him no choice but to pay attention to her.

In sixth period, Liv is telling me a story about her trip to the mall in Baton Rouge with Max, but my mind can't stay focused.

I'm thinking about Bram, which is strange, because after last night, I should only be thinking of Caleb. But being on the love-hate merry-go-round with him again is making me dizzy. Bram, on the other hand, seems uncomplicated, like a fresh start. And even with Peregrine throwing herself at him, he was still staring my way. I can't explain it, but my insides feel like Jell-O each time he looks at me.

Then there's Peregrine's behavior, which is weirder than usual. Sure, she seems to get a lot of pleasure from being bitchy. But I thought that she and I were okay; she'd actually been pleasant to me until the last few days. I suspect she's worrying that now that I know I'm an andaba queen, I'll leave Carrefour behind, but I can't imagine she'd believe that after all we've been through.

“Don't you think?” Liv asks, nudging me and disrupting my train of thought.

“Um,” I reply, buying time since I have absolutely no idea what she was talking about while my mind wandered.

Mr. Cronin, our teacher, saves me from answering by
interrupting us. “Think we could focus on the work here, ladies?” he asks, looking at me pointedly. “I know you don't feel that what we're doing here in class is especially important, but perhaps you could humor me.”

“Sorry,” Liv and I say.

Caleb's Jeep is gone by the time I head outside after school, making my heart sink with a feeling of finality. Even if he's trying to distance himself from me, it would just be common courtesy to offer a ride to the person you're living with. Especially when that person doesn't have her driver's license yet and has no other way home. Of course as my protector, he has to stick by me anyhow, which can only mean that he's out there somewhere, keeping an eye on me from afar, but that he doesn't want to be trapped in a car with me.

Great. Rejected again. I sigh and head back toward school to look for Chloe, who usually doesn't mind driving me, but I run into Bram first.

“Whoa, girl, you're headed in the wrong direction,” he says, intercepting me at the front entrance. “School day's over.”

I smile. “I was just looking for Chloe.”

“She and Peregrine drove off a while ago.” He pauses and scratches his head. “Boy, that Peregrine is a piece of work, isn't she?”

“Understatement of the year. Just be careful, okay? She tends to chew guys up and spit them out. I wouldn't get too involved.”

He raises an eyebrow. “Who says I plan to get involved?”

I shrug, thinking of the way he turned red at lunch as she pressed herself into him. “You're a straight guy. You'll fall for her. Everyone does.”

“But I'm not everyone, Eveny.” He holds my gaze the way he did at lunch, and suddenly, I'm finding it hard to breathe.

He smiles and changes the subject. “So why were you looking for Chloe anyway?”

I'm about to respond when my cell starts ringing. It's the tone I've set for Chloe—the “Barbie Girl” song. “Speak of the devil,” I say before answering.

“Eveny?” Her voice sounds hysterical.

“Chloe? What's wrong?”

Bram looks at me, concerned.

“It's my mom,” she says quickly. “Something's happened. I need you to get here as soon as possible.”

“You okay?” I ask.

“No.” I can hear her choking back a sob. “Eveny, she's been attacked. It's . . . it's bad. We need to heal her. Please get here as fast as you can.”