Midnight Secrets (30 page)

He smiled gently, but in his eyes I saw a stark pain.

“I’ve hurt you,” I said.

“No. They hurt you, but I’m not sorry for the interruption. I can’t marry you, and I wrongly let my desires convince me that I could disregard consequences and feelings and take what I so desperately wanted.”

Considering his place in society and mine, I’d known marriage wasn’t possible, but the heavy weight of that reality still pressed painfully upon my heart. I, too, had wrongly thought that I could abandon what I knew to be right. “I don’t want it to be this way.”

“There is no other way. I live in the shadow of a curse. And it will die with me.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’ve heard the rumors. The Dragon’s Curse. When twins are born into the Killdaren line, one will kill the other.”

“That can’t be real. It’s just…a legend…like that of a vampire.”

“No. It’s not. Eight years ago I would have agreed with you, nothing could have made me believe I’d kill my brother. But during that fight I wanted Alex to die. And he wanted me dead as well. The murderous seed inside us will never be visited upon the next generation.”

“That was just drink and…and grief. He saved your life.”

“The fight was fate. And he should have let me die. Just as it was fate tonight that things between us should end before going too far.”
 

Taking my hand, he urged me to the door. “Go to sleep. There is nothing else to say.”

Tears were blurring my eyes again. I wanted, needed to argue against what he’d said, but I couldn’t put the words together. I needed to think, so I left. He didn’t follow me from the room. Reaching the stairs, I stood there for a few minutes, unable to leave, not until I told him that it was the most beautiful night of my life and that I didn’t believe in curses. Turning back, I went to the door of the laundry to tell him, but my voice died in my throat.

He stood naked in the tub, pouring what had to be ewers of cold water over himself. The flickering light of the candle revealed rivulets of water streaming over his head and broad shoulders, running down through the mat of hair on his chest and following a tapering dark line to his groin, which still burgeoned with arousal. He wasn’t much different from Zeus anywhere. Once I absorbed that, I saw the jagged scar on his left hip and thigh, and winced at the pain he’d suffered, and from the agonized groan he emitted, still suffered.

I left before he saw me. I wanted to go to him, but I wouldn’t again. Not until I knew that, no matter what, I wouldn’t leave him.

Chapter Fifteen

“What’s the matter with ya today, Cassie? Ack, I know the queen’s story is a sad one, but it’s just a story. Nothing we need to upset ourselves over.”

Leaning forward, I let my forehead rest on the cabinet I was polishing, even though I knew I’d have to polish the spot again. “For some reason, I’m extraordinarily fatigued today.”

A result from not having slept a wink all night, I was sure, but I couldn’t tell Bridget that. She’d want to know why, and that was something I could never tell a soul. How could I go back to my life and pretend last night never happened?
 

My whole life before was a lie, and my whole life now was a lie.

I couldn’t go back and I couldn’t walk away. Not from Sean. Not from Rebecca. Not from Bridget. Yet how could I stay and spend my life as a maid and a mistress? I couldn’t do that either.

And how could he believe so strongly in a curse that he’d sacrifice his whole life to thwart it?

Mrs. Frye entered the room. “Bridget! Cassie!” She didn’t inspect the room, looking for fault, but had a worried look on her face. “Have you seen my Jamie today?”

“No, ma’am,” Bridget said.

I shook my head. She nodded then left. Bridget met my gaze and I shrugged. Something wasn’t right.

Mid-swipe I remembered what happened last night while I was at my bath. Good Lord! I dropped my rag, knocking the tin of polish across the floor as I jumped up.

Bridget rose. “What’s wrong?”

“Stay here. I forgot something.” Leaving Bridget, I ran all the way to the stable. Inside I found one of the stable hands.

“Where’s Mr. Frye?” I asked.

“Don’t know. Everyone’s a looking for him. Been missing all day.”

“I mean Stuart. Not Jamie.”

“I’m right here,” a deep voice sounded behind me.

Turning, I found Stuart standing in the doorway. The sun glinted off his hair and shone partly on his unshaven jaw, giving a warm appeal to his rugged looks.

“I need to speak to you alone,” I said.

“I’ll go check on the flowers in the garden to see how fast they’re growing,” the stable hand said with a knowing grin, then ducked out.

I glared at his back, then at Stuart for not disabusing the man of his assumptions.

Stuart leaned against a stall. “What can I do for you, Miss Cassie?”

“I may know something about Jamie.”

“What?”

“Last night, during my bath he walked in. I think he was returning a mopping pail. He saw me and started crying ‘Mary’ and ‘hurt’ again. He moved toward me, frightening me, and I screamed at him to leave and that Mary was dead.”

Stuart winced. “And you’re just now thinking to tell someone?”

“I’m sorry. So many things happened. Bridget came with the roses, all excited, and fell and cried, and I honestly didn’t think he would go anywhere but to bed. I had no idea he would be upset enough to leave.”
 

Stuart sighed. “I understand.” Then he frowned as if just hearing what I’d said. “What roses are you talking about?”

I swallowed hard, meeting his puzzled gaze dead on. “The big bouquet of pink roses you will swear until the day you die that you left in our room for her.”

His brows lifted. “And who would have put those roses in your room for me?”

A hot flush covered my face. “Mr. Killdaren.”

Stuart’s gaze bore into mine. “If the Killdaren is sending you roses, you’re in serious trouble. More trouble than Mary ever thought of being in.”

“What do you mean?” I asked. He started to turn away as if he’d said too much. I grabbed his arm. “You have to tell me!”

“There’s nothing to it really. As I told you before, Mary wasn’t one to leave others in their misery. She came here and she changed things. From what I can piece together from our conversations, her friendship with the Killdaren helped bring about his ability to be in the sun now. She told him that after his injuries, he’d needed time to heal. But over the years he’d grown so accustomed to the dark that full light would bring nothing but pain. She told him he had to take his exposure to full sunlight a minute at a time, adding a minute each day until he could see in the sun. She said she was learning that about her own fear and the water. She painted pictures of the sea for him, pictures with lots of light, because he couldn’t see the sea during the day.”

My throat squeezed tight, for that was so like Mary, and another choking thought slipped into my heart, filling me with dread. I reeled on my feet, and fell back against a stall door with a thump. Pieces of loose hay showered down on me. “Was he…was he in love with her?”

He caught my shoulders. “I don’t know. She may have had feelings for him. She didn’t say. But it is obvious you are entangled with him. And it’s obvious the Killdaren is following in his father’s footsteps. Just be careful he doesn’t force you to marry a stable hand when you get pregnant with his bastard.”

“I’d heard the earl married your mother to his top groomsman.”

“Nothing so mild. The earl forced her to marry Frye, and after I was born, Frye beat my mother where nobody could see his handiwork. She wouldn’t leave because staying here bought me privileges I wouldn’t have anywhere else. Frye beat her when she was pregnant with Jamie. That is why he is the way he is. Is that the road you want to take, Cassie?”

The horror of such a thing wrenched my heart. No wonder Mrs. Frye was such a harsh woman. No wonder she resented Rebecca and Miss Prudence.

“Then, the hunting accident that killed Frye…”

“Wasn’t an accident. The earl found out what Frye had done and killed Frye without a trial. When you live in the wilds, men take justice into their own hands rather than wait for the law.”

I turned away, suddenly desperate to leave. I couldn’t stay here and hear more.

I couldn’t face the questions Stuart asked.

“Wait, Cassie. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

I didn’t stop. I hurried blindly from the stable and ran right into Sean.

“What?” He righted me then pulled hay from my hair, looking at me with a cloud of confusion in his green eyes that darkened with anger.

“It’s not what you think,” I said softly.

His glare over my shoulder at Stuart was icy.

Sean turned his back on me, his fists were clenched as he moved toward a waiting saddled horse. “It doesn’t matter, lass. Your favors are yours to give.” His voice was tight with pain.

Tears flooded my eyes.

“The hell it doesn’t matter,” Stuart yelled. He grabbed Sean’s shoulder, shoving him about to face me. “Look at her. But before you walk off another cliff, why don’t you open your eyes and really look. Do you see a woman who just tumbled in a haystack, or a woman haunted because you’re no better than our father?”

In one swift, violent move, Sean grabbed Stuart’s shirt and pinned him to the stable door. “Were you any other man, I’d kill you for that.”

Stuart didn’t fight back, but just stared Sean in the eye. “Were I any other man, I wouldn’t be here.”

Sean sighed and released Stuart. “Let’s go find Jamie.” Sean turned to me. “It was the realization that you’ll belong to another someday, not that you were with Stuart. I meant what I said last night about destiny. That’s why it doesn’t matter.”

Stuart gave me a puzzled look, but I couldn’t answer his silent question. Emotion choking me, I turned to the castle, feeling as if my heart was being trampled under the hooves of Sean’s horse. Inside, I went back to Bridget.

“Blimey, Cassie. What’s happened to you? Are you ill?” She gently checked my forehead with her fingers then put a comforting hand to my shoulder.
 

I burst into tears and she wrapped her arms around me. “There now, it can’t be as bad as all that. You’ve shown me there’s an answer to almost everything.” She gave me a clean rag to mop my tears and held me comfortingly.

Gulping, I rested my head on Bridget’s shoulder, thinking that for the first time since I was little, somebody was bolstering me. And perhaps, I’d gained my first true friend ever, other than my sisters. When my tears had spent themselves, Bridget eased back.

“Now what has you so upset?”

“I…” My voice died. I’d either told too many lies, or kept too many secrets to tell anyone the whole truth. I sighed.

Turning away, Bridget shrugged and picked up the lemon polish and a rag. “Well, ya can tell me later if you can’t now.”

I’d hurt her feelings. It occurred to me then that no matter what my good intentions, I was living a lie that, when revealed, would hurt all who had become dear to me at Killdaren’s Castle.

Thoughts of Sean, my desire to go to him, Jamie’s disappearance, and the growing cloud of my lies shadowed my day. But I forced myself to put on a front of lightness. Rebecca already had too much darkness in her life.

“Ring around the rosie, A pocket full of posies. Ashes, ashes, we all fall down.” Rebecca tumbled to the ground before I could even bend my knees. Bridget just shook her head and smiled.

“You win, poppet.” I laughed. After teaching Rebecca the rest of the song on the piano this afternoon, I decided to take her outside, and had brought Bridget with us. No one had told me I couldn’t, though I don’t think Mrs. Frye would see that frolicking on the hillside was teaching music to Rebecca.
 

“I d-d-did? N-n-never won be-f-f-fore.” Her smile brought a deeper glow to her flushed cheeks. Sunshine glinted brightly on her dark locks and turned her eyes to emerald jewels so bright they had to be the most precious in the world. Even if I had to bear Mrs. Frye’s disapproval, seeing Rebecca happy in the sun was worth the price. Though, with Jamie still missing, Mrs. Frye wasn’t exactly keeping close tabs on what we did today.

“You’re faster than my little brother, you are,” Bridget said.

That really impressed Rebecca, making her smile bigger.

I wanted to ask her about Mary and what happened the day Mary disappeared, but I couldn’t. Not yet. And I had little hope that Rebecca would be able to tell me or anyone anytime soon.
 

“P-p-play again?”

“Absolutely.”

“Blimey, but I’d forgotten how much fun this was. Makes me wish my brother was here.”

“I wish he were here to play too.” I stood and squeezed Bridget’s hand. Had I been in charge of Rebecca’s care, proper or not, I’d have all the village children over to play with her.

We took Rebecca’s hands in ours and helped her to her feet. “Now hold on tight and let’s spin around as fast as we can.”

She giggled and then burst into song. “Roses we all fall down.”

“No! Not fair. It doesn’t count unless you sing it all.”

“Roses,” she sang, but before she could finish the verse, I tripped and sent us both tumbling over. I hit the ground and she fell on top of me.

Bridget caught her balance and stayed standing. “You two look very silly.”

“I won.” I laughed and tried to catch my breath.

“No. D-d-didn’t sing all.”

“You’re right, poppet.”

“P-p-play again.”

“Let me rest a minute.”

“Are you sure you’re not ill?” Bridget asked.

Ill at heart. “No, I’m fine. Can you hear the wind and the sea talking to each other, poppet?”

Rebecca laughed. “Don’t talk.”

My heart hammered. She’d spoken without stuttering for the first time since she started singing without stuttering. “Yes, they do. You just have to listen. They’re arguing over who has more power.”

“Listen to me break upon the shore. Wind, you have no might,” says the sea.

“Watch me whip away the sand. Wave, you have no flight,” says the wind.