Miles To Go Before I Sleep (37 page)

The father takes an ordinary glove and dances it around, saying, “This is your body.” He holds his other hand up in the air and says, “This is your spirit. When you are up in Heaven, your spirit comes down and goes into a body.”

Then the father puts his hand in the glove.

“It's a little bit restricted,” he continues, “but your body gets you around here on earth. So, here you are, your name is William and now William has AIDS and he has to leave his body.”

The father removes the glove and leaves it on the boy's bed. “Your body goes to the graveyard,” he tells the boy, “but here is your spirit—it goes back up to Heaven.
Your spirit is who you really are.
”

My message to kids, and adults, is that death is not the real tragedy in life. The real tragedy is not living while we can here on earth. It happens when we withhold our gifts and talents from others, and never feel the excitement, peace, and joy that comes from sharing our deepest selves.

The message I give to kids is the same message I give to grown-ups in suits and ties, and business outfits working in major corporations, to teachers, medical personnel, insurance executives, salespeople, secretaries, nurses, and physical therapists: “You can be and do anything that your heart desires—if you believe you can.
Attitude is all.
”

The power of belief, attitude, and expectation always amazes me. With belief, I've seen people accomplish things they never thought possible. I remember one experience from my first year of teaching first grade students that made me begin to appreciate the huge impact teachers can have in shaping a young person's life. I learned that if I truly cared about my students, I'd have to look deeper inside myself and be willing to learn from them. It had to be a two-way street.

As a student of psychology and learning, I was especially interested in how our expectations affect our relationships. I was aware of studies showing that we make our first judgments of people seconds after first meeting them. But that was something
other people
did. I was far too educated to be guilty of that kind of shallowness. I never saw myself as a person who prejudged others.

One student's mother set me straight. Her son John was a shy, skinny little boy. His classmates shunned him and didn't invite him to play in their games. He didn't know his ABCs. John was very quiet and withdrawn, the kind of child who often gets lost in the classroom shuffle. I had to spend more time and attention on kids with more obvious, disruptive behavioral problems. I cared about John, but my concern wasn't translating into action. I mostly saw him as hard to teach.

School had been open for about two weeks when, one day after school, John's mother walked up to my desk.

“John has been coming home every day for these last two weeks saying that he hates school,” she announced. “He doesn't want to be in school anymore. None of my kids hated school. Why does he hate school?”

Something inside me clicked. I knew why John hated school, and I played a part in it. “Let's see what we can do,” I told his mother.

The next day, I spent more time talking and relating to John. I became more aware of his classroom participation. I started giving him pats on the back and hugs. That led to another positive change: I began paying more attention to all my students, including others I had prematurely judged. After a few weeks, my classroom was filled with happy, alive kids.

John's mother noticed a change too. She called to report on John's progress. “Whatever you're doing, keep doing it,” she enthused. “John just loves school. He doesn't want to go to bed at night because he's so excited to start school in the morning!”

When the other kids saw me moving toward John, paying attention to him, caring about him, they caught on. They decided, “John must be okay. Miss Nink likes John, so let's like John too.”

John turned out to be a happy, smiling little boy. He was still a slow learner, but I loved him. And so did the other kids.

We make a tremendous, positive impact on people when we choose to love them just as they are, without judgment, without limiting or labeling them, or expecting them to live up to our vision of who they should be. Thank you, John, for teaching me that!

In my travels, I've had great opportunities to meet people and hear their stories. I'm always impressed that, no matter what one's station in life, people struggle with the same problems.

As a guest speaker at the International Platform Association meeting in August 1993, I flew to Washington, D.C. to speak on the same podium with Gen. Colin Powell, Anita Hill, and Ross Perot. I was especially curious to talk to Anita Hill. Like the rest of the country, I'd seen her testify before the U.S. Senate Judiciary Committee's confirmation hearings on the appointment of Justice Clarence Thomas to the U.S. Supreme Court. I was impressed by her courage and stamina and wanted to know how she had gotten through this difficult time in her life.

I went up to her hotel room and knocked on her door. Hill opened the door and welcomed me in. We sat on her bed and talked a little.

“How did you get through such a hard time?” I asked her.

“Well, I leaned on my friends a lot,” Hill said. “They gave me a lot of support.”

“How did you discover what your purpose is?” I'm often asked by people who hear me speak.

There isn't anything magical or mysterious about it. The most important thing is to quiet down and slow down enough so that we can listen to our Inner Voice. When I started doing this, I asked my Higher Power what my purpose was. The first answers I received were to share my love with others.
To share my love with others? What did that mean? I could do that with almost anything
, I thought.

In time, my Inner Voice taught me more. I share my love with others through teaching but, even more basically, by just being in every moment. What does that look like in practice?

I might be driving down the highway and someone is in the left lane going only 40 miles per hour in a 55 mile zone. I say to myself, “I'm going to be in this moment. I'm going to learn all I can from this moment. I'm going to be relaxed in this moment. I'm being in the moment.” Instead of screaming and using obscenities, I'll just smile and wave. I don't always do this, but I'm always trying to get to that point.

There's an important difference between our purpose and how we live it out. I believe our purpose is constant and never changes. Hopefully, as we go through life, our purpose becomes clearer and clearer. How we live out our purpose may take many different forms. Earlier in my life, I lived out my purpose by teaching. At this writing, I'm living out my purpose by speaking and doing this book.

When we start meditating and relaxing, and asking what our purpose is, thoughts will come to us. It's good to have a pen and paper handy so we can write down whatever pops up. These are all glimpses of our purpose. For some people, it comes in a grand, shining vision. For most of us, however, it comes in bits and pieces. Don't worry; your Inner Voice will show or tell you your purpose in the way that is best for you.

A few years ago, I saw a film called
City Slickers
, starring Billy Crystal. It's the story of three men from New York City going through a midlife crisis. Inspired to seek the meaning of their own lives and break from their world-weary days, they sign up for a two-week “adventure” vacation on a Wyoming dude ranch.

The film made me laugh, but I also liked its message. Crystal is intrigued by a crusty, old cowboy played by Jack Palance. Palance is the classic cowboy type, completely independent and unfazed by the problems of city dwellers like Crystal and his friends. Hoping for enlightenment, Crystal asks Palance, “What's the meaning of life?”

Palance raises one finger in the air.

“Okay, what is it?” Crystal asks.

“One thing,” Palance answers gruffly.

“What?”

“One thing,” Palance repeats. “It's up to you to find out what it is.”

I believe we're all on a journey to find our way back home, to the deep inner core of who we are. Intuitively, we know that finding the “one thing” is the key to unleashing our personal passion and purpose—the things that make life truly worth living. The “one thing” is the guiding principle that keeps our social, emotional, physical, and spiritual lives in a harmonic balance with others, with the world, and with God as we understand God. Discovering our purpose on earth and then living it out is one of the most exciting experiences we can ever have.

Living a life of integrity, based on personally chosen and internalized values, is, in my opinion, the only way to find the “one thing.” It's never an easy journey. There are many distractions and temptations along the way. It's about living the truth that will set you free.

In my experience, truth can never be boiled down to a single phrase or idea. There aren't any simple formulas. The truth is too vast. The best I can do is to share my sliver of truth with you, the truth of my own experience.

I believe we have everything we need to live a more fulfilling, satisfying life here and now. The kingdom of God has come and lies within each and every one of us. There is greatness inside us all, waiting to be tapped and expressed. The challenge we all face is how to unleash the wonderful gifts we
already
have.

Finding our purpose takes a commitment to growing and changing, expanding our maps of reality, and developing the disciplines needed to support us on our journey. It takes determination and the willingness and ability to focus on what we want. It's hard work, but it yields the treasures of our heart.

I use the following list as a transparency in my speeches when I get to the part about motivation and goal setting. It gives people a chance to see the world as I do, vision damage and all. Not only are letters missing for me—but also the top, left, and bottom part of each letter is missing. After giving people a look through my eyes, I show how the same words appear to someone with normal vision.