Minimalist Living: Decluttering for Joy, Health, and Creativity (6 page)

If you simply can’t get your spouse or other family members on board with your decluttering plan, then pursue minimalism in your own domains within your home. Apply what you're learning to your spaces, your hobbies, your time, and your inner life. Once your loved ones see the benefits you're creating in your life and the new space you're opening up, it’s more likely they will want to join the party. If you’ve been married for a while, you know that you can’t change your mate, but you can change your own behavior. Always value the relationship over minimalist living. If simplifying is causing damage to your relationship,
stop and take a break. Done with patience, love, and a sense of humor, becoming a minimalist improves relationships.

For a beautiful example of a couple working in seemingly perfect harmony, check out MarriedWithLuggage.com. Warren and Betsy Talbot describe themselves as a “Recovering, 40-something, Type-A couple who learned that living large is not necessarily living well.” After some health scares in the family, the Talbots, both 37 at the time, asked themselves, “If we knew we wouldn’t make it to our 40th birthdays, what would we do differently right now?” That was in 2008. By the time their 40th birthdays rolled around, they had sold all of their belongings, saved “a mountain” of money, and begun a world-traveling adventure that continues today. The Talbots are inspiring; you too can get rid of your stuff and travel the world with your partner. Even more to the point, you can work together to create the lifestyle you want through embracing minimalism.

Decision Time

Individually if necessary, but preferably with your spouse or family, make a decision before you move on to the next few chapters, which are the “how-to declutter” portion of the book. Decide to become a minimalist and to define what minimalism means for your life and home. Once you have a definition, fulfill that vision. It’s important that you create your vision before you begin so that you have something to guide you and inspire you in the process, and so you aren’t tempted to change it along the way simply because it’s easier to change your definition than to fulfill your original vision. We’ll call this vision your Minimalist Mission Statement. Hold it as sacred to your home. This technique is also used by famous television organizer Peter Walsh. He begins work by asking his clients, “What’s your vision for the life you want and the home you want?”

Use that question and the questions below to guide you as you think about or write down your answers. If you're looking at this with a significant other, please change each occurrence of “I” to “we” and “my” to “our” for the following questions:

• How do I want my home to look?
  
• How do I want my home to feel?
  
• How do I want my home to smell? (i.e., like freshly baked bread, coffee, candles, fresh air, etc.)
  
• How do I want my home to sound? (i.e., silent, music, a fountain, birds outside, wind chimes, conversation, laughter, etc.)
  
• What hobbies, activities, and creative work am I spending time on now?
  
• What hobbies, activities, and creative work do I desire to be spending my time on?
  
• How can I change my surroundings to reflect these desires?
  
• Is my home set up in a default or conventional way, or in a way that reflects my authentic, unique self?
  
• Do I have items stored away that I haven’t looked at or used in over a year?
  
• Do I have things in plain sight that I haven’t used or enjoyed in over a year?
  
• What is the purpose of my home and how can I change things to make my home fit its purpose as I define it?
  
• Do I have stuff stored at another location that I haven’t accessed for at least one year?
  
• Am I storing things for other people?
  
• If so, do I have a plan for returning those items to people or a set date when they will pick them up?
  
• Am I saving supplies for a project that, honestly, I am never going to get to?
  
• In 1-3 sentences, my Minimalist Mission Statement for my home when this decluttering project is complete is:
  

Think of your hobbies, interests, passions, and perhaps even important relationships when you write your Minimalist Mission Statement. Here are some examples of Minimalist Mission Statements:

Our home is a place where we make our friends and family feel welcome. We always have delicious snacks and drinks on hand, and the kitchen is the center of it all, making our home smell like fresh bread, or just-baked artichoke dip. We love to show hospitality to our friends, making them feel comfortable, safe, and loved.

My home is a haven where I work in front of a window with an inspiring view. The house smells like the fresh air that comes in from the hills when I open all the big windows. I don’t have much furniture because I like to dance in my open living room for exercise. My friends don’t mind my lack of furniture; they come over and casually sit on the kitchen counter, laughing and chatting, maybe even dancing, and then we go out to a coffee shop to get comfortable.

We love to be out, giving to our community. Outside, our home is surrounded by a well-tended garden, making our neighborhood look more beautiful. Inside, our home is one big workshop where we make crafts to give away and sell, and where we fix things for people who are not as ready with the drill and glue gun as we are.

And this is my Minimalist Mission statement:

             
My home is a heart-centered place where my family and friends feel welcome and loved. For me, minimalist living means keeping only what I actually use and enjoy on a regular or seasonal basis. Things I don't use and enjoy can go on to enrich someone else's life. I keep few things out of sentiment with the exception of the photos and words I treasure. The things that are important to my heart are people, not things. The things I like to use and enjoy are easily accessible. My surroundings help me grow into a more joyful, heart-centered person.

Make your Minimalist Mission Statement a reflection of your uniqueness. It can be whatever you want it to be. Write it down and post it on a wall that you see all the time. Your Minimalist Mission Statement will be your guide going forward.

CHAPTER SIX

Begin Today

“Enough words have been exchanged; now at last let me see some deeds!”
—
Goethe (
Faust I
)

The best way to start simplifying is to get rid of one item right now. Even though you haven’t finished this book or finished reading the advice and guidelines that will help with the process later, begin now.

Go ahead. I’ll wait. Take five minutes or less and put something out by the curb or create a “give away” box and place one item in it.

Did you do that? Good.

What’s that? You didn’t? It’s easy. I promise. And you’ll feel really good once you come back to the book.

Come back once you’ve gotten rid of one thing that is taking up too much space in your life. Did you do it?

Great job!

Okay, now you’ve begun. You’ve done the hardest part. You acted boldly. Well done. Now we can move forward together. We’ve defined minimalism for ourselves, and considered all the wonderful things that living this way can bring to our lives. We faced the resistance, made a choice to become minimalists, created our own Minimalist Mission Statements, and have already begun. That wasn’t too hard. Now let’s get into
the practical how-to part of this book and learn some great ways to make the next step – implementing our vision – a fun one.

Blazing and Gazing

We are out to kill stress by decluttering and simplifying in a careful, intentional way that honors our belongings and our homes.

There are a lot of ways to do this, but let’s keep it simple. There are really only two main methods for creating new space in your home: the blaze method and the gaze method. Whether you blaze or gaze will depend on your personality and the specifics of your relationship to your stuff.

The Blaze Method

I named it the blaze method because at its most expedient, you simply imagine that a blazing fire nearby is going to burn down the home, room, drawer, or closet you're decluttering and you have only minutes to select the essential items. You keep those essentials, and dispose of the remainder without a second thought. It’s “ripping the band-aid off” and can be rather painful in the short term, but blessedly quick. For some, blazing can be very appealing, but they are worried that this method is somehow irresponsible. I’m here to give you permission to blaze merrily along, if that’s what you need. There’s no rule that says you have to have an intimate knowledge of what you're getting rid of.

A variation on the blaze method is to select essential items from the area you're editing, and, instead of disposing of the rest immediately, putting it out of sight in boxes or closets for six months to a year. Within that time, you can fetch anything you wish you hadn’t gotten rid of. After a few seasons have passed, you can get rid of the stuff, comfortable in the knowledge that you don’t need anything in the boxes. However, the danger in the out of sight method is re-cluttering by regret and retrieval. If you sneak into the closet and select too many things to return to your home over time, you’ll undo your work. Sometimes it’s best to just get it out of the house, or make it truly unavailable, as soon as possible.

Leo Babauta of
ZenHabits.net
is a proponent of a type of blazing, which he refers to as the “Four Laws of Simplicity.” Here they are in his words
:

1. Collect everything in one place.

2. Choose the essential.

3. Eliminate the rest.

4. Organize the remaining stuff neatly and nicely.

The Gaze Method

So named because of the method’s potential to allow us to gaze upon our treasures, letting each take us down memory lane, gazing can be a bit more agonizing and prolonged than blazing. However, it’s more thorough, and arguably, less financially risky since blazing could lead to something valuable being thrown out without our noticing. Gazing takes discipline and certainly more time than blazing. Gazing can also be more emotionally painful, or troubling, for people who labor over the decision to keep or discard each little item. Sometimes it’s better to decide quickly, as in the blaze method.

When I was a kid, I adored gazing. I’d clear off a shelf in my room and spend time looking at each item, remembering where I found it, or the person who gave it to me. Sometimes I’d even imagine giving the item to my future children, or I’d daydream and make up a story that the item played a central role in. This daydreaming was no doubt good for the development of my imagination and creativity, but I didn’t need the
mementos to do it. In fact, daydreaming while looking at the shapes of clouds was even more fun and it got me outside.

If you choose the gazing method, have a defined plan and timeline that you stick to, because otherwise this method can steal truckloads of tim
e out of your life. Also, while the blaze method can be undertaken more or less alone (although I don’t recommend it), it is vital that you seek support if you decide on gazing. Without people to help keep you on track, it’s more likely you’ll get stuck somewhere in the quagmire of old memories and this could keep you from finishing.

Combining Methods

Do you remember from the last chapter if you're a purger or a collector? Purgers will be much more likely to blaze, while collectors will enjoy the gazing process. If a purger and a collector are working together, it is also possible to combine the two methods in one home, perhaps blazing certain junk drawers and gazing the treasure box under your bed. You may also find yourself feeling like employing a different method on a different day depending on your mood and how busy you're that day. Sometimes, when we find a drawer that is stuffed full of forgotten items, my husband says “We need to do a blaze-and-gaze.” Combining methods is most realistic for couples who need to make sure they aren’t throwing away each other’s stuff.

Even if you’ll be using a little of both methods, pick your favorite so you know which one you’ll
mainly
be using. Go with the one that most excites you and gives you a sense of energy and openness, not the one that makes you feel dread or makes you want to procrastinate. Whatever method you choose, have fun with it. This whole process can be fun if you give yourself plenty of time and support.

Decluttering Area by Area

Now we’ll go through each room in the house, each outdoor space, and any storage spaces. As we look at each area, we’ll subdivide it into the smallest portions we need to in order for it to seem manageable. Some people will take bigger bites, and some will be more comfortable with nibbles. I find that doing a room per day seems doable but not overwhelming. You may want to go faster or slower. It will depend on the room and how much stuff is in it, and the nature of the belongings in the room. For example,
to whom does the stuff belong? Is it extremely dusty, dirty, or dangerous to handle? It is valuable or will it all be trashed? Does any of it require special treatment such as old pharmaceuticals or electronics? Don’t feel bad if you can do only one small area each day. My mom finds that she prefers to do one shelf or drawer per day, and she’s a blazer. Go at your own pace.

As you approach each room, keep in mind your Minimalist Mission Statement. This will allow you to be discerning with what you keep and what you get rid of. For example, let’s say you have a kitchen loaded with tools and gadgets, a closet stuffed with clothes and shoes, a
sewing room filled with fabric scraps and notions, and a garage filled with seeds, soil, and gardening tools. Let’s say that the exercise we did at the end of Chapter Three helped you realize that you haven’t used the sewing supplies in a long time, and you don’t really enjoy spending a long time selecting your outfit for the day each morning. In fact, you could care less about fashion. However, you’ve been enjoying gourmet cooking more and more, and you’ve taken a greater interest in growing your own vegetable garden in the back yard. In this case, while you’ll still want to sort through your kitchen and gardening supplies for things you no longer need or use, it’s likely that you’ll keep most of those supplies. However, your realizations about sewing and fashion can free you to sell or give those supplies away as a set.

To save more space, consider replacing your hobbyist supplies with multi-purpose things. Multi-purpose and space-saving items exist in almost every category of household goods. From nesting bowls to nesting tables, it’s easy to find minimalist substitutes for things you use infrequently. One creative strategy for space-saving items is to look f
or goods marketed for use in RVs, boats, or airplanes. Employ your favorite space-saving items and strategies for infrequently used things – after you’ve edited out the bulk of the things in that category.

Items for Use, Pleasure, or Meaning

Decide on your first room or section of a room. Make it small and easy, perhaps a drawer or one shelf. If you have selected the blaze method for this section, then blaze on through. Select the essentials and put the rest in a bag or box for sorting, which we’ll discuss in just a moment.

If you have chosen the gaze method, you're going to ask yourself a set of questions about each item:

• Is this something that adds pleasure in the form of beauty or sensual enjoyment to my life?
  
• Is this useful to me in my daily life? My weekly life? My monthly or yearly life?
  
• Is this something that adds meaning to my life?
  

If the answer to all three questions is “yes,” then it’s probably an essential item.

Everything in our homes should be either useful, meaningful, or pleasurable, and preferably all three. Some organizing
experts use the term “beautiful” instead of pleasurable, but I wanted to widen the concept. Beauty brings pleasure, but connotes only pleasure to sight – just one of many senses. The word “pleasurable” can describe something that pleases the sense of smell, touch, or hearing. Asking “does this item bring me pleasure?” can keep us from getting rid of something that isn’t necessarily an aesthetic marvel, but still adds a great deal to our daily life.

“
Useful” refers to the item’s functionality in our life. Does it serve a utilitarian purpose? Useful items are the most likely to be those that we use daily or weekly. Examples of these items are a computer, a laundry machine, and a can opener. It’s unlikely that these are your most beautiful items, but if you're lucky and selective, form and function sometimes find their way together in useful items.

Meaningful it
ems are the trickiest territory because “meaning” is different for everyone. The kind of items we are referring to when we say “meaningful” are cherished family heirlooms, beloved gifts, and anything else that contributes to a sense of heritage, memory, connection, or continuity with the past. Meaningful items are more than just sentimental items. Some people can get sentimental about anything: the wine cork from dinner last night; the heart-shaped box that came with the Valentine’s Day chocolates; every item previously owned by a deceased relative; the fuzzy green sock that lost its mate; and the list goes on. If I’ve just described you, know that I can relate. I don’t mean to undervalue our tender emotions and nostalgia. Having strong emotional associations makes life richer and makes relationships deeper and more meaningful. Simply acknowledge that just because something brings up strong emotions or memories doesn’t mean you have to keep it.

There are ways to
keep the emotional heart of an object as well as its connection to the past without having to keep the thing itself. Instead of keeping everything that has sentimental value, keep only the things – often they will be symbols of certain time periods or accomplishments – that truly have the deepest meaning to you and provide you with joy when you see them. Why keep things around that make you feel sad, guilty, stressed, resentful, bitter, or inadequate? Take control of the emotional energy around you by carefully selecting meaningful items to have on display.

Analyze exactly how your meaningful items make you feel. If there are strains of negative emotions within an item, get rid of it. For some reason I kept a letter from an old romantic interest for a long time. Things didn’t work out, and he poured out his broken heart into the letter. Reading it made me feel guilty and sad. Yet I kept it for years, out of guilt for unintentionally hurting him and to remind myself how important it was to be careful with peoples’ hearts. I would re-read it, want to throw it away, and keep it for some reason, unable to let go and forgive myself. Finally, I realized that I was only torturing myself, and got rid of it. Don’t hold onto things to feel guilty, teach yourself a lesson, or remember past pain. If you felt the pain, the lesson got in – don’t worry about that. If you hurt someone, ask forgiveness, try to make things right, forgive yourself, and move on.

Life is too short to spend time agonizing over regrets. The space you spend doing that is waiting to be free. Let go of the emotional and spiritual clutter along with the physical clutter. Have the courage to be self-serving with your possessions. They are yours, so allow them to serve up warm, nourishing, soothing, energetic, or positive feelings like love, joy, peace, respect, excitement, and pride. It takes courage to let go before you're assured of positive feelings to replace the negative ones. But you will be the one to design your home so that it reminds you of the positive in your life and what makes you feel good. Have faith in your ability to do so.